|
03-08-2013, 09:07 PM
|
#1 |
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: I live in Florida
Posts: 4,705
Battle Record: 3-8
Rep Power: 55521416     |
Birthday sex ( my own version)
Its your birthday,
I know you ready to have fun. You not the only one, I got what you looking for. When you give it to me I beg for more, I'm loving your reaction. You got passion I knew from day one, I know you love when I kiss on your neck. I been thinking about you, I wanna love you. I could be your Juliet & you can be me Romeo I just wanna make it last forever. |
|
|
|
03-14-2013, 03:33 PM
|
#2 |
|
loose leaf bruce lee
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,079
Battle Record: 7-6
Rep Power: 1853212 |
lacking a whole lot of complexity which is why you're probably not getting any feed on this. try adding some mechanics to this piece beyond the elemetary writing style.
my 2 c
__________________
|
|
|
|
|
03-14-2013, 05:50 PM
|
#3 |
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: I live in Florida
Posts: 4,705
Battle Record: 3-8
Rep Power: 55521416 |
well I did redo this, thanks away.
|
|
|
|
|
03-14-2013, 06:05 PM
|
#4 |
|
loose leaf bruce lee
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,079
Battle Record: 7-6
Rep Power: 1853212 |
Wasnt trying to be mean. It was just simple. Id like to peep tge rewrite
|
|
|
|
|
03-14-2013, 06:07 PM
|
#5 |
|
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: I live in Florida
Posts: 4,705
Battle Record: 3-8
Rep Power: 55521416 |
nope, I understand. Its up coming up soon.
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
Linear Mode
