07-06-2015, 11:29 PM | #1 |
living
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weathervane
left to my devices. my debacle, debauchery
staring at the ground. what did you want from me? honestly i found myself on Webster walking past the ravine threw a pebble in the stream. plus a penny for your dreams Egyptian cotton candy near the juniper trees brassy fountainhead gleam. tar-stained glass mezzanine translucent as cream, milky cheekbone skeletal snap caged like a rat. another specimen you happened to trap dusty crack the whip on wormwood if they've got it on tap i'm the genuine draft. riding high life towards eventual collapse suffer like succotash. puff tobacco winds the color of ash hangnail bleed the draining sinkhole that we started from scratch artistry lacking but all creators the same cemetery weathervane exhaling life into a dead man's grave thanks
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Zack Wicks for president |
07-06-2015, 11:53 PM | #2 |
NJ Devil
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brassy fountainhead gleam. tar-stained glass mezzanine
translucent as cream, milky cheekbone skeletal snap caged like a rat. another specimen you happened to trap dusty crack the whip on wormwood if they've got it on tap could of quoted the last 5 or 6 too nice I really liked that it was short too, cuz it left me wanting instead of trudging thru
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Bed stuy fly Bushwick sick East ny walk |
07-06-2015, 11:58 PM | #3 |
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very impressive word choice and flow
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07-07-2015, 06:50 AM | #4 |
Lime Life
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Hey one of these days you are going to let me pick your brain, I would like to know how your writing process goes.
Ok? Ok. This was dope, a little toned down from what I usually expect, but it worked, you seemed to keep it more simple than most pieces you write, but it didn't bring down the quality, which was there by the bucketful. The words you use are incredible, and they MAKE SENSE, which is what I think some people don't get...no point using these big impressive words if you are only using them because they are big and impressive lol you fit them in to the piece in a way that makes it so any other word just wouldn't have been sufficient. The last line was my favourite because I was wondering when the weather vane was going to make an appearance, leaving it until the last line really summed things up well and rounded the piece off perfectly. You're good at judging the length a piece should be, and you judged this perfectly again. Good job.
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He listens to voices inside of his mind
Explicit and poisonous violent crime. |
07-07-2015, 06:53 AM | #5 |
Lime Life
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He listens to voices inside of his mind
Explicit and poisonous violent crime. |
07-07-2015, 11:02 AM | #6 |
Ad mini tator
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07-09-2015, 10:52 AM | #7 |
The Clown Prince
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I thought this was cute, the rhymes flowed together nicely
I always liked using 'mezzanine' it's just an interesting word other then that, it sounds like trouble in paradise to me... artistry lacking but all creators the same ^^^ that's the stand out for me, although it needs something. the way it was written and just flowed to the end was nice though I just felt thrown off by this line..but it works
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07-09-2015, 08:05 PM | #9 |
Razor-thin derision
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Very animated-like, demonstrative... like Del the Funky Homosapien's cadence, with dead man's style of sensory (yet not overbearing) overload. Pleasurable to the senses, rhyming well. Not sure what a weathervane is.
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07-09-2015, 08:36 PM | #10 |
Lime Life
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He listens to voices inside of his mind
Explicit and poisonous violent crime. |
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