Genocide vs MMLP[MMLP WINS]

[sral]

Word, Inno says I have to vote on this ish, even though I didn't want to:


Genocide: This was pretty much you in your bag throughout here, fluid from the jump, it read like you straight keyed that ish with how effortless it all was. Buttersmooth flow out the gate. Cheaper the smoke, deeper the choke was dope to me. Awesome turn of phrasing. Wu-tanging the butts was cool too, I thought. I enjoyed the more kind of comedic lines and punchliney style from you this time round, even though I must say I kind of prefer your usual melancholy self-deprecating self to this version of you. I mean, sure, this one is kind of in the same ischemic clogged vein.. but it has a more dark humor to it that stood out from last rounds verse IMO. I liked it in some respects, and largely it worked, but towards the middle it just felt like it lacked a direction and you were repeating the same scenario almost without pushing it forward. There was a definite "lull" in the story that then culminated a bit too quickly at the end with a sort of twist. I think what you needed was a grander idea of how to round things up, maybe bring it full circle, maybe have the lead coming to some philosophical resolution or maybe even have wrote something from the cigarettes perspective about how he hated being in the guys mouth. Just a few ideas for another time, really, something to think about that's a little more out of the box.

MMLP: I liked the opening line, I know it's from a quote, but it's definitely a quote you would enjoy. I can tell that from the jump. I've wrote a Mario verse before a few years ago and it was better than this one.

LOL

Just kidding. What I felt you did well this week is your kind of trademark subtle hints throughout building to a bigger picture switcheroo where you pull the rug out from under the reader at the end and leave them in the realisation of what you've just done. It seems to work for you, as I've seen you do it a few times, but I don't think you did a fantastic job of executing it this week tbreal. I mean, sure, the clues were there and on second read you may even pick up a lot more than you do on first read but you need to ensure people are getting allllllllllll of those clues and hints and references on the first run, or at least the majority so they start thinking "Is this about Mario?" rather than just reading to find out where it's going. Plant more seeds in their minds. get them reading to see if they're correct. I'm not saying dumb it down, I'm saying play a smarter game by giving the reader enough rope to hang themselves off how dope it is. You know? You don't want to exclude the reader, you want to have them on your side, willing you on. This is largely a fault of you as the writer and not the reader, if you clarified what was happening that bit cleaner it would really help you out IMO.

THAT SAID this came from left-field and was creative on your part, scheme wise it was largely one I favour myself so I'm gonna lean that way from a technical standpoint. I agree with Inno, you've upped your game since those early AOWL days. Geno is no slouch, I don't even think you caught him slipping here either because his verse was solid enough to give anyone a good run but you maybe edged it with the creative take with a twist over the more comedic angle.

I'll give MMLP the win by the skin of his yellow teeth.