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#1 |
Upstart
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Derby, UK
Posts: 9
Rep Power: 56 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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check me on the beat i spit the deepest penmanship
while others got degrees i took a street apprenticeship ill be the evangelion of this neon genesis where the dealers empty clips at what they deem as threatening its time to leave my premises because i need my medicine ill probably reach for wannabe gs that constantly speak of peng and piff reminiscent of a scene in an unscripted dreamscape were we create the themes in a convincing screenplay im drunk and i seem blazed my lungs gotta mean ache my brains freaking out about how funky this weed tastes and still i cant seem to grasp the good things in each day such an extreme pain adjusting to these states of mind that i suffer in weak frames its cliched how everything is relative but nothing is premade ive had enough im sick of stressing stuck in this heat wave ill lather up a spinning record just for a clean break Last edited by Abakus; 03-11-2014 at 09:23 PM. |
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#2 |
Upstart
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Derby, UK
Posts: 9
Rep Power: 56 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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fuck this for petes sake
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#3 |
The COAT...
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 1,723
Battle Record: 28-20
Champed - Art of Writing League (x3)
Rep Power: 4595813 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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yoooo if you're still around I was feeling your scheming. strict with the syllables, intelligent multi timing, very techincally sound. next step in elevation is using literary devices enhance your content, or else go deep in on a concept and say some real shit. for extra points do both and the people will love you. needs something extra here though in any case, and im sure you're capable of it. this drop probs not a good indication of your potential so hope to see some more from you @Abakus
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#4 |
Om
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 6,461
Battle Record: 8-16
Rep Power: 84181562 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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Clean. You realy were on beat. what's most impressive here really is the wording, being that it's clean and seemed sorta effortless. Listen to nigma. keep dropping.
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BIRDHORSE 8-15 |
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#5 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 160
Rep Power: 2208351 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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Nice, Very clean. Sounds like a white Phife.
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Soundcloud.com/TheDirtySerpent |
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#6 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,709
Battle Record: 9-12
Rep Power: 4997616 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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This was dope.. enjoyed the dreamscape line. Keep postin
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#7 |
rhyme capsule.
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 2,150
Rep Power: 0 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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good energy. some nice ideas. maybe a bit forced (peng and piff) but i liked the lack of of direction. cool schemes. it had a rhythm... maybe allow yourself to not rhyme lines in succession? and just rhyme a bit more freely. write more.
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