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Old 05-28-2019, 02:13 AM   #1
dead man
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the

antisocialite - leave me to my own devices, floating ice
cubes. open microphony, type to never take his own advice
moldarama prototypist, passe en prose ebola virus
cola/rye, the polarizing. torn between his low and highest
slow to rise, the overnighter, dreary-eyes and swollen sinus
mocha latte journal writer, thumbing through these old recitals
music metal, melty petals, molten magma met Geppetto
pulling on my puppet strings at every level
mirror plate my amaretto. china case my fragile devil
shatterproof his shadow, still i cast it any chance i get to
brain tissue, splattered on his past credentials. blacken pencils
sobbing at his master's headstone
bronze statuette guard pharaoh's temple
iridescence accidental born to be a fucking ghost
most nights i sit and wonder if i'm swimming in a sunken boat
fist around a thunderbolt our skin is electric
maximalist, lost within his possessions
minimal messages make a lasting impression
yet retain her every spoken word to fashion a weapon
pen encephalitis mental vat of potential
here i stand at attention. marveling the labyrinth i crept through
Atticus Finch, plaintiff and a defendant
too busy setting a watch to live his sentences





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Old 06-02-2019, 06:47 AM   #2
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This was dope.
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Old 06-03-2019, 07:43 PM   #3
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pretty tired of giving the only
viable feedback smfh
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If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
Then again hes had this schtick so long he like bb da bb da bb thats all folks
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Old 06-04-2019, 03:10 AM   #4
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our skin is electric

sounds like you're trying to sound like a deep fancy writer
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Old 06-04-2019, 09:58 AM   #5
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pretty tired of giving the only
viable feedback smfh
Sorry
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Old 06-05-2019, 03:41 AM   #6
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I'll give you feed-back.

I thought this was a excellent piece. Full of eclectic good writing; with nice prose and harmony. Good rhyme scheme and rhyme meter here. You're quite the gifted writer, and I enjoy reading your writtens. Good work on this piece.

The 'Swimming in a sunken boat' line was pretty nice. Good work, Dead Man.

Keep writing!
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Old Yesterday, 11:35 AM   #7
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Quote:
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our skin is electric

sounds like you're trying to sound like a deep fancy writer
sounds like ur stoop af stfu idiyote
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Originally Posted by greed View Post
If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
Then again hes had this schtick so long he like bb da bb da bb thats all folks
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Old Yesterday, 06:44 PM   #8
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Can u do a dumbed down version one day


When u rap simple it seems deeper


Maybe it’s cuz I’m dumb
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Old Yesterday, 10:10 PM   #9
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Gepetto molten magma line could be GOAT... I see papp smeari viewing this and I'd eagerly like to get his perspective on this open Mic piece...

i think you're a natural psychologist tbh.I'm thinking of doing that on some veritas shit just to heal mother fuckers psyches and shit, help them to individuate and what not. I'd be nice with it. You'd be nice with it too. That doctorate would be at the egress of my estranged grandfather's inherited fortune. Probably not but whatever. Does it all even matter in the end? We're insignificant tubes putting things in one end and having shit come out the other. All fighting to be the top type of tube. Lmao fucking comical bro considering. If he hooks me up tho id just slide in with these college bitches naw mean and psychoanalyse the easiest pathway to the panties and shit. Pay the profs ego homage she prob just stamps your shit with As and Bs without looking. If it happens I'd be thinking of you as I get this degree and cavort with psychology thots. Maybe I'll move to Mississippi and set up my practice right next to veritas with an awning that states haven for sovereign atheists. you have a high IQ I think like 140.
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