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04-24-2018, 10:31 AM
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death warmed over
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Downstairs illstreet dam
Posts: 2,564
Battle Record: 6-21
Rep Power: 0   |
I aint know what to say...
Yo i aint changed none im still the same cat
Most people be rapping and shit but they know they all trash I try being creative come up with some hood shit er whatever But i aint even putting no effort in dont really care much guess im just a pillow filled with no pleasure Nah man there aint shit to this text shit it aint no fun or theres very little enjoyment I aint even trying to convey shit not going try and get one over you cause i aint shit to toy with Aint nobody really care so i stepped outside for some air I aint got no meaning anyways im a fucking joke to be fair Just sit around all day long Writing the same song and aint even got no place i belong Id rather end it i aint even attack this little verse correctly Im like a punk in the back of the classroom straight up acting like a g I aint trying to get no point across guess i should talk about sumn other than my self But what the fuck no one feeling me im just a stupid fuck who aint afraid of death Dont care dont give a fuck this shit just be a waste I aint got a line i aint got a life nobody give a fuck so i guess i gotta a fire to tame No one want me to win im hiding everthing They get a kick out of me though just a stupid fuck since day one blame it on my upbringing Fuck this shit and fuck you too fuck everyone Sure im a thug but i still get no love Aint nobody going read this shit anyways Im not going figure it out or be okay with it dont really give a fuck cause yall still hate Fuck it fuck this shit for real Im a scar that aint never going to heal.... Whatever that sucked fuck yall....
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https://soundcloud.com/user-876573949/ https://soundcloud.com/user-634430314/ |
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04-24-2018, 10:44 AM
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#2 |
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Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 18
Rep Power: 0 |
So, I wrote this entire thing out on here and it erased so I will do it again. Let me first publicly apologize for the feedback I left you. I did it in response to a similar feedback I received on my drop and responded prematurely. You were not the person who did it. For that, I will read your drop and give you the feedback that was deserved. Though you did not like my piece, which is fine, I still owe you this respect.
The first thing I notice is that you have a tendency to be too wordy. Ironically, saying less can be saying more with the right word usage. Combining words with depth mixed with emotion could be a good recipe for you as I can see you have the emotion part down. You come off angry, disappointed, maybe a combination of both. Harnessing that in these types of drops draws the reader in and keeps their attention. You have a lot of technical flaws in this realm but little bits of promise as well. Multi-syllable rhymes on some of your external rhymes which shows you have the ability to do them. I just think you need to put a little more thought into your pieces. This will help rhythm, flow, cadence, delivery and overall your rhyme schemes.
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 Last edited by iLL ScriptureZ; 04-24-2018 at 12:23 PM. Reason: ... |
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04-24-2018, 01:55 PM
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#3 |
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death warmed over
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Downstairs illstreet dam
Posts: 2,564
Battle Record: 6-21
Rep Power: 0 |
Yeah im trying to keep it structured only want to get it right bit keep getting it to a point im unsure if its any good or not like it was just a waste of time.... i'll try to use your concept though of adding filler er whatever but it still feels incomplete and i did enjoy your piece and im sorry if you thought i didnt like it... but thanks for the feed...just want this tp feel right is all like i did enough...
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https://soundcloud.com/user-876573949/ https://soundcloud.com/user-634430314/ |
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04-24-2018, 02:13 PM
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#4 |
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Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 18
Rep Power: 0 |
I would advise against adding filler.
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04-24-2018, 02:29 PM
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#5 |
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death warmed over
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Downstairs illstreet dam
Posts: 2,564
Battle Record: 6-21
Rep Power: 0 |
Really i like filler in topicals er open mocs er whatever some of that shit is priceless it be cheap as fuck and easy to access....i love stupid shot like that shit that dont matter to nothing ypu know what i mean....
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https://soundcloud.com/user-876573949/ https://soundcloud.com/user-634430314/ |
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04-25-2018, 09:56 PM
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#6 |
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White Earl
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Philly Cat.
Posts: 12,325
Battle Record: 10-15
Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x)
Champed - Netcees Writers League
- Write Week I
- Write Week 8
Rep Power: 50036758    |
..no. I dont know whatnyou mean. Honestly. I dont
But i think you have a lot of real life issues just from reading your shit. Hope you figure it out
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-A.bove T.he R.est |
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04-26-2018, 06:32 PM
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#7 |
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death warmed over
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Downstairs illstreet dam
Posts: 2,564
Battle Record: 6-21
Rep Power: 0 |
Thanks man would love to hear more abput what you think of my life issues im deal8ng with a lot man like do i make it or do i go to prison cause i want to be able to write thats all i want to do sorry man if i did it incorrectly again... what do i know about rhymes right???
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https://soundcloud.com/user-876573949/ https://soundcloud.com/user-634430314/ |
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04-28-2018, 09:05 AM
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#8 |
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............
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,938
Battle Record: 3-3
Rep Power: 0 |
Maybe say nothin' is my advice to you...
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04-30-2018, 12:43 PM
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#9 |
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death warmed over
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Downstairs illstreet dam
Posts: 2,564
Battle Record: 6-21
Rep Power: 0 |
Yeah i wanted to respond but didnt er sumn cool man like you thought you was hot
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