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Old 07-07-2014, 02:39 AM   #1
Certain
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Default AOWL SEASON 3 MAGAZINE — EDITION 18


Season 3, Edition 18 // Playoffs, Round 2


Practice Makes Perfect
INTRODUCTION by Certain





Hi. This magazine is shorter than the last one. That's because no one showed last round. Deal with it. big baby and Adonis had nice contributions. If people show, the next magazine will be longer. But I do want to give props to the people who did show last round. We have a lot of talent left in this tournament, and the winner is going to be an elite writer with a battle-tested path. The favorites are at the top, but the bottom half of the bracket features wily writers capable of pulling off upsets. Let's make the next three rounds wonderful.


SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT by Certain
Follow instructions.





Sign up now for the alias topical tournament hosted by Adonis and King Ra. The idea is simple: Sign up under a new name that no one knows, and see how far you can go in it. I plan to join up, and I hope you do, too. This is the big follow up to this season. Here's the sign-in thread (but be sure to register a new name first): http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=81521



ITM by Certain
Eight of us remain. Which classic rock album best exemplifies each of us? I did classic rap albums earlier this season but now switch genres.





1. oats | Neil Young, On the Beach
This one was too easy. oats is a beach-dwelling hippy, and Young never was a bigger hippy than on this fine album loaded with electric folk and blues. Young is one of my favorites for his creative songwriting that often has strong messages. He's a bit more cynical than some of his contemporaries, and this album definitely has a down note to it. But it also offers a glimmer of hope and a load of intri***ies.


2. Vividlyvague | Queen, A Night at the Opera
I'm not a big Queen fan outside of this ridiculous, way over-the-top half-concept album. That about fits Vividlyvague perfectly. He does things no one else does, largely because he sees no reason not to. He's sporatic and unpredictable but ultimately very talented. That's what's so great about this collection from Queen, where Freddie Mercury and Brian May and the rest show off how gifted they are even with all the quirks.


4. Vulgar | Wire, Chairs Missing
Vulgar was the most difficult to peg down, but I started to think about the unique intellectual content that Vulgar brings to the table along with his anti-establishment bent. He's punk rock for the thinking man, and that's what Wire embodied. Wire's first album, Pink Flag, was fast and hard. But Chairs Missing, their second, is a much more diverse and unique set of songs. It's angry, but it's thoughtful and scholarly in that anger.


5. King Ra. | Metallica, Master of Puppets
The sheer audacity of this album suggests Metallica was going for perfection. That's how a lot of King Ra.'s verses feel. He's hell-bent on tackling enormous topics rather than writing about easier subjects. Every song here is more than 5 minutes. But they're perfect. King Ra. needs to get to that level now.


6. Adonis | The Smiths, The Queen Is Dead
On the surface, The Smiths' masterwork seems a bit emotional and also a bit weird. That's Adonis. There's also a bit of a dated feel to the work, but at its heart is the pure song craft that went into every masterpiece of rock history. Morrissey gets misunderstood a lot and is a hugely pompous douche bag to be sure, but he also has a lot of talent. The Smiths went through an inconsistent career but have this as their monument. Can Adonis make this tournament his The Queen Is Dead?


7. timeless | David Bowie, The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars
Last week in our interview, I asked timeless if he likes Bowie. He said he does, quite a bit. Well, Bowie is a freaking genius. Ziggy Stardust doesn't exist in the hallowed space of his absolute masterworks (I put "Heroes" first) but instead is his most accessable and most cited classic. It's also weird and varied and supremely interesting. In hipster circles, it gets overlooked. But it's a wonderful collection of songs that show the same kind of diversity that timeless has put on display all season.


9. Certain | Talking Heads, Remain in Light
Talking Heads never were too concerned about whether anyone liked what they were doing, and that combined with Brian Eno's genius is exactly why they took off. Remain in Light is a seminal indie rock moment, but it also is a very strange album featuring more speaking than singing from David Byrne. It's not easy to get into but has a lot to offer, yet some people say it's boring. That's Certain.


14. YDK | Fleetwood Mac, Rumours
Our loveable lowest seed is full of typical but well-structured verses that don't shatter any molds but deal heavily with relationship angst. Fleetwood Mac didn't reinvent pop music when it put out one of my favorite albums of all time. That wasn't the point. Instead, Fleetwood Mac perfectly portrayed the emotional turmoil of breakups.



Round 1 Rewind
BATTLE REVIEWS by Certain
That was a disaster.





1. King Ra. beats Zenland 4-2. | Still I Rise
These verses were not very inspired, and truth may be that they were the two worst of the round. Alas, this top spot goes to these two gentlemen simply because they were the only ones to show up. King Ra. wrote about the same shit he's written about at least four or five other times, being Ra, the Egyptian sun god. Zenland wrote a whole bunch of non-sequitors that were somewhat depressing and overly rhymed. The voting was close because the verses were so mediocre.
Quote:
Originally Posted by King Ra. View Post
A cosmic seed of chaos bloomed from a pool of celestial soup.
The heavens were formed & continued to stretch as the universe grew.
Galaxies swirled- billions of stars meshed & eventually blew.
The spirit of Ra. witnessed it all. Its complexity was exceptionally new.
Truth. Open your eyes & see the potential. A heavenly You.
Chemically brewed. Stardust. Cosmic energy fused.
Made in the image of Ra.- a likeness carefully imbued.
This is just the beginning of my legacy.... every enemy is essentially screwed.

2. Vulgar wins via patrown no-show. | As I Grew Older
And the award for biggest surprise verse of the round goes to Vulgar, who wrote almost like he was doing a Frank impression. He wrote about Bernard Hopkins, who has defied age better than any athlete I can think of as a 49-year-old world champion light-heavyweight boxer. The writing style was as unlike Vulgar's typical work as the subject matter, as he phrased things a bit looser to reflect his subject. I don't think he ever got completely comfortable with this stylistic shift, as it never felt natural and real. It more felt like an impression because of somewhat unorthodox phrasing, particularly around rhymes, that broke with the stylistic choice. But it was very good and very intelligent. And it's always great to see someone break free of the shackles that bind us all, our own images as writers. This was the verse of the week by unanimous decision. patrown simply no-showed, which isn't common for the raccoon man.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vulgar View Post
The old fox was told not to get the mess halls excited
each f-bomb ignited by Philadelph's brawling titan
immoral? might've been - plenty of Top 10 stars were sleighted
robbers and thieves get appeased when the mongers besiege
but if you hit and don't get hit... then you're probably teased
the loss of my teeth is greater than a doctor's degree
I'm in the same vein as James Toney... I could box in my sleep
as I grow older, my will of mind ensures my body competes
the straits of longevity part for the achievement of impossible feats

3. Certain wins via El Pancake no-show. | The Genius of the Crowd
(I don't usually spend much time breaking down my own verses in magazines, but I'll make an exception here.) Certain attacked the topic with a pretty clever look at the mentalities of various character tropes. The characters were very specific, each given his or her own background and set of values. They were sketches, to be sure, each culled within four to 12 lines of a narrative about a bomb on a cruise ship. But they were lifelike, and most of the dialogue worked aside from one or two forces for the purpose of rhyme. With that said, there were a few plot holes including the lack of security on the cruise and the lack of specifics about the placement of the bomb and its technical format. The inconclusive ending obviously showed that the entire verse was a metaphor, though I would bet many readers didn't pick up on the nuance of that final phrasing in which the child's arm reaches "underneath the facade." There was no ending. Everyone died, or everyone lived. But they never were relevant except to exemplify the human condition. Certain continues his run of cold and distant storytelling about how meaningless life is. It's not a very approachable format, particularly with the lack of lyrical flair shown in this verse. But it's what he does, for better or worst.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Certain View Post
Greg looks around. Apprehensive. Knowing it's electric.
Knowing he took four courses back at Cal Tech as electives.
Already sweating, Greg staggers forth. "Well, I'm a civic specialist."
Yet, with their receptiveness, Greg knows he has the floor.
He takes one look at the pipe and sees it's all connected,
No easy solution to throw it offboard. Greg scans the exits.
Hand is trembling as he checked the wiring for a planned dissection
but sees a blue and a white and knows any mistake will land a death wish.

4. timeless wins via Mike Wrecka no-show. | Into My Own
Though Vulgar won the surprise verse of the round, timeless had the weirdest. He told a strange and somewhat convoluted story that took a couple reads to really wrap my head around. Basically, he was writing from the perspective of a rich kid who had been told his whole life that his father was dead, only to find out his father wasn't dead, only to have his father die. Except that while that might sound powerfully emotive, timeless spent a lot of time on the unique and somewhat unexplained details of the storytelling instead of letting any of it be resonant. There were points where it was clear that the storyteller didn't have enough confidence in his story to let the images set the mood and scene, and it wasn't the most confident verse as a whole with so many extraneous things breaking from the core. But it was original. Better character development would help. Mike Wrecka probably isn't done with text, even though he called this tournament his last hurrah.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timeless View Post
My Dad's been dead for ten years, buried in Kansas City.
I Never knew him, but I had heard that he was gritty.
So now I get a call saying last night, that this man was with me?
I told the lady on the phone that her stance was shifty,
I swear I didn't know what she was after.
Swiftly I swigged a fifth of Jim Beam and soon found the truth indeed.
Finally it hit me...

5. Adonis wins via Jonathan Mercy no-show. | Leave Me a Place Underground
Apparently Adonis knows something about John Wall that we don't. His verse was about a basketball player selected by the Wizards with the first overall pick who happened to kill someone while driving under the influence. The basketball angle seemed shoehorned in because the story need more to it than simple regret over killing someone, and I didn't get much from it. I wish more had been done to make that aspect relevant. But there was some good writing earlier in the verse. Ultimately there were a lot of unanswered questions, with the basketball angle not helping at all. And the writing about someone overcome by remourse has been done a number of times, including at least once this season to my memory. Johnathan Mercy seemed primed to show up, then didn't.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adonis View Post
Have you ever? I felt so alive next to death.
The last thing remembered, the aftermath screams had beget.
Saturday night, car swerving in the darkest of nights.
Lights whisking by, horns blaring my mind.
Whiskey briskly siphoning into a derelicts grind.
The carelessness shines,
A good soul hanging from his heritage pine.
A heretic sips from the holly grail with the unholiest swines.
A ghost in disguise, leading relics to crimes.
I once was revered, cherished and primed.

6. YDK wins via Frank no-show. | No Time To Hate
YDK asked recently if it has been obvious that his writing has improved because he now uses a computer instead of his phone. It is. He's cleaned up and tightened up a lot about his word choice and rhyme mechanics. What now needs to catch up is his content. Here he wrote from the perspective of a dying man, and that was that. There really wasn't much else to this verse, aside from it's predictable ending that tied in the topic and explained the character's optimism to a degree. The lack of specificity was a major flaw. Had YDK imbued this character with some ticks or quirks or things that made him actually interesting instead of vague surface details, that would have helped a lot. But mostly this verse fell flat, despite the workmanlike writing. I can't decide whether Frank showing up minutes before the deadline to ask for an extension deserves to be commendation or scolding.
Quote:
Originally Posted by YDK View Post
The saddest part is reminiscing on actions from back in the day,
Knowing the impact it could have and the fact they could slay.
I should have seen the signs with such a foreboding display,
Watching the beauty God created simply corroding away!
I use to rock out in the shower at the top of my lungs,
Now I'm barely able to speak getting bathed with a sponge.
"I fuckin hate it! I'm done!
I mutter as I wait for my tongue
To catch up with my mind as its delaying the "fun!"


NO-SHOW SHINE by Adonis
Someone had to do it.





timeless | Into My Own
Timeless wrote a story of a man who received a interesting call one morning, the hospital saying his father was dying, “come quick”. The story took a turn when the protagonist revealed his mother had previously claimed his father had been dead his entire life. There was a life insurance policy and greed, but this verse actually lacked quite a bit. One, I felt no real connection to either the character or what should have been a sad death. The verse read as a list, no true emotion was conveyed, and there were many grammatical errors as well. What should have been the most powerful line of the verse failed miserably, I assume due to, like the rest of the league, procrastinating and writing a quick verse....”Through my father's demise I'll grown into my own disguise. “... Yeah, there were a few other simple errors as such that I won't bring up, including poor rhyme structure (IMO, however many do this so I feel I’m on my own in disliking the style) “I galloped home, I ate my scallops. Phone - “ the change in sentence to fit rhyme scheme doesn't work for me, but as I said, that is my own opinion. I can only be honest my friend, this was not the greatest read. It did read rushed, lacked that spark and simply didn't have that potency that a quarter finals verse should have, but I know you will do better next week, this is known.


Certain | The Genius of the Crowd
Certain, “Torso scar”? So this guy is sporting a...Halter top?? This leaned me bro, straight rofles in my brain. Continuing... WTF!!! I don't get it, unless it's just cut short? Certain wrote a verse about a bomb on a cruise ship, in which case I now can see this torso scar as the dude is a shirtless, flexing clone. The ending was abrupt and open to interpretation, which can be good, but in this case seemed more rushed and posted under the gun of a deadline rather than an “on purpose cliff hanger ending”. I did enjoy the use of language here, the guy with the southern accent, or he's half retarded or some shit, but I liked that. I didn't like “there's nothing for it” that doesn't seem like a natural sentence to me because I've never heard anyone say that in this particular context. Also, “He's Lunges” was a typo. All of this led me to believe you rushed this verse, which is why I didn't give you proper credit for the “on-purpose abrupt ending” that you might very well deserve. Either way, this is honestly possibly my least favorite verse from you, but still, the writing for the most part seemed natural and the conversation was 97% natural as well. However, those errors won't catch a break against any opponent left in this league, flesh it out more next week.


Vulgar | As I Grew Older
Vulgar, in my book you already get an A+ verse for posting a pic of Hopkins, on the greatest...err, journeymen to ever do it. He out stood the test of time and is STILL a cotdamn G!! Anyways...That A+ now gets another + as I had to look up a word three words into this verse, good shit. I loved it, the context was dope because you didn't need to draw a connection, it's already there, for me at least. You also went throwback Vulgar here bro, not using such a heavy rhyme, just talking, and letting it flow easily. I prefer this style about half the time, well I have enjoyed the detailed depth of heavy rhymes while not sacrificing content or forcing flow, I also love the simplicity of this style because, it's, well just good old fashion solid fucking writing and mechanics. Maybe not in hip-hop terms, or rap flow, but I'm talking writing in general, you shine with your writers internal voice more, IMO when you use this style. But in the end you might pick up a few more loses because we know how people clamor over your schemes. “Sonuva” I had to look that up as well, I came up with a shortened version of “son of a bitch” in the urban dictionary. All in all though bro, I liked this verse a lot. I read every verse and this is the best of the rest easily. Again, dope content, I'm glad someone gave the man his proper due, it's time we class him as one of the greats; never the best, but at least his name deserves to be mentioned, even if it's just that, a mention and moving on.


YDK | No Time To Hate
YDK, first off nice opener, you jumped right into which is enjoyable, but I didn't like the “the” in “the sky's loft”, I think it sounds more natural and has more impact if you just say “sky's loft”. I also don't understand “knowing the impact it could have”, I mean I either think you had a typo or missed a word, I literally don't understand that sentence as is. As a finished product though, all gripes aside, this verse was actually really, really good. There was a sense of raw emotion I picked up on, this might be because of my job. Once every other month or so (sorry, I am a floor installer, all types of flooring) I get a job and work in old folk homes, I hate that shit, it is the absolute worse. They ask me for help sometimes, like staring in my eyes, “excuse me sir, can you help me” I just rub it off (no homo), but that shit is a sucky ass life, my daughters better not EVER!!!!!!!!! Anyways, so yeah, I have a bit more of a connection to said topic then others I would think, so I picked up on the emotion because it struck a cord in a sense. The writing def picked up some heavy steam and ended nicely, the beginning however, was sub par writing in general. Some of the phrasing was just out of whack to me, almost like you wrote this in one sitting and had trouble finding the rhymes with ease in the start, but once you gathered a clear direction the diction and phrasing worked it self out, the flow fleshed it self out, and the story was a praiseworthy finished product. I would say no matter how little time you have, to make sure you go back and re-word the beginning if you do write in one sitting, because after you gather that steam and direction you showcased your raw talent and wrote a close second to Vulgar, for the best verse of the round IMO. Good shit.



Round 2 Preview
PREDICTIONS by Certain and big baby
Yes, big baby has joined us again to provide a look at the second round. Get excited. I also did short, straight-forward predictions. You can skip those.





1. oats vs. 9. Certain | “We cannot wait for the storm to pass over. We must learn to dance in the rain.”
This should be the best battle of the round. oats is well-equipped to win this whole thing and deserves to keep his status as the favorite. Certain can't be entirely overlooked even as he has yet to drop a verse this season that equals his four or five best from last year. This topic is an inspirational quote (picked by Adonis), which definitely should favor oats' optimism over Certain's nihilism. Prediction: oats 63-37.
BIG BABY: Classic match-up. SIKE. Certain, it's incredible really. He's so boring people don't show to the matches against him, because he's that fucking boring. fUCK you. WHY DA FUCK EVERYBODY NO SHOWING U, URE GONNA WIN THIS TOURNEY ON NO SHOWS ALONE, UR NOT GOOD BRO, STOP THINKIG U NO EVERYONES WRITING STYLE "OH I KNOW WHO THAT IS EVEN ON AN ALIAS HOW CAN U GUYS NOT TELL" STFU bitch IM GONNA GO ON AN ALIAS, NO THREE OF THEM, NO 10! AND WRITE DIFFERNTLY AND YOU'RE GONNA SPEND UR GAY ASS MOD LIFE CHECKING IPS AND FAILING AND NOT KNOWING WHO IT IS AND IM GONNA LAUGH AND SAY AHHAHA AITS BIG BABY DA BB FUCKING LOSAH. You must learn how to dance in the rain. Dumb topic, Oats will talk about a lesbian siren on the shore of west mongolia or something and propose to his girlfriend again w.e lame. Certain writes about the long winded triumphant ***kling of hyenas born with two penises and are banned by the Matriarch. You're horrible. I hate you Oats wins if he doesnt no show boring Certain 85- negative 3,000.


5. King Ra. vs. 4. Vulgar | “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?”
King Ra. would be the first to tell you he has a hard time beating elite opponents. But he's done it before. The problem is that Vulgar is super-consistent and creative. It's tough to imagine anyone left other than oats knocking of Vulgar in a tournament setting. King Ra. needs to rein his ambitions in and focus on telling a well-rounded story that has a better topic approach than Vulgar. This topic is very, very wide open, almost too much so for my personal taste. Every word could mean something different, and it lends itself to a topical approach. Vulgar could do that and win. King Ra. can't. He needs to be more original. But Vulgar is exceptionally original. Prediction: Vulgar 61-39.
BIG BABY: This topic is so touching. I am holding my vagina in my diaper and soaking up all the tears falling from my infantile face. IT is truly a mind numbingly awesome and heartbreaking topic. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU OCULD NOT FAIL? Certain hits HOMERUN in this academy award winning movie directed by steven SPIELBERG. It's awesome. WHAT WOUDL YOU DO IF YOU KNEW U COULD NOT FAIL? WOULD YOU FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS, OR WOULD YOU WORK AT THAT FACTORY WITH THAT ASSHOEL BOSS WHO WATCHES YOUTUBE VIDEOS ALL DAY? WHAT WOULD YOU DO? WOULD YOU GO OUT FOR THAT RAP CAREER YOU ALWAYS WANTED, SINCE YOU CANNOT FAIL? WHAT WOULD YOU DO!?!?! WHAT?!?! TELL ME! Vulgar talks about some like blackhole shit, like, some depressing shit that doesnt captivate emotions directly because he has the social status of a fucking ***tus with a dick on his forehead. He will be like " oh i mean if everyone succeeded then the world WOULD BE A HELL CAUSE WE NEED BOTTOMFEEDERS FUCK EMOTIONS!!! NAZI GERMANY VULGAR" Fuck you dude, you're lame. King Ra talks about the same thing OATS talks about in his battle. Some lesbian siren on the coast of eastern mongolia, FUCK YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT MERMAIDS. WRITE SOMETHING COOL, WITH COOL WORDS. King Ra wins 100-0. Vulgar you have on chance you emotionless bitch, you better be emotional or I will vote against you.


14. YDK vs. 6. Adonis | “True change takes place in the imagination.”
This is a weird and difficult to predict matchup because these guys both are so up and down with their content. They both have habits of running into very trite areas and leaning too heavily on their not-elite writing level. (What I mean by that is, when dead man leans on his writing ability, he can afford to. These two aren't dead man.) The topic is my favorite of the round, though. Whoever takes a more creative tack should win the closest battle of the round. Prediction: Adonis 54-46.
BIG BABY: It's funny cause both these guys HAV ENO IMAGINATION. I forget who YDK is, I just know him as the guy who has pictures of a baby and his wifes ass or something? Like yeah you're not the annoying friend on facebook you bitch. "i dont have a facebook" see that's why you're annoying, that statement was satirical, take it as is. YDK has zero sarcasm, and zero humor. YDK has never said anything funny, and as easily as he fails to convey sarcasm over the internet, he fails to convey it in person. His kid will be the unfunny kid at school. Mustachia hasn't talked to me in three months. See mustachia is just a different body, a different entity, every achia, is mustachia, in mustachios life, is mustachia, so mustachia has volumes like 6.0 and 5.0, not necessarily being different or stronger than each other or better, just different. I don't differentiate mustachias with numbers but I just call each mustachia, mustachia. I'm sorry for the rambling, but this mustachia hasnt talked to me in three months, and the other mustachia who I havent talked to in over half a year just recently started talking to me. When you ask if mustachia is doing well, you get an embodiment of mustachis; OR YOU DONT. Because i am MYSTERIOUS AS FUCK, and I don't like if you HAVE A BEARD, because i am MUSTACHEio, not BEARDICHIO, you fucking FUCK, so if you flaunt your bitch BEARD i will fucking DERAIL you. Uh-oh recently said he doesnt likeme cause of my persona, WHEN I THOUGHT HE WAS A PERSONA, AND I JUST REALIZED THATS HIM, HES JUST A RETARDED WHITE GUY WHO ABSOLUTELY LOVES BLACKPEOPLE, LIKE HE REALLY WOULD FUCK A BLACK GUY, AND BE HIS BITCH, THATS HOW FUCKING EFFEMINATE HE IS, HES BASICALLY CUCKOLDed by LEBRON JAMES. Anyway, I'm off topic, damn, who's battling. Adonis? This guys would bang each other. Adonis has the emotional stability of a 11 year old princess from Copenhagen whos king father died from premature erectile dysfunction; and she witnessed it. Seriously, this dude is so emotional that if you were to cut him off in traffic he would go home, write a poem about it on reddit and masturbate while listening to killing me softly. He's that emotional. The thing is he mistakes his emotionality for passionate triumphance, when it's literally just a pain in the ass and he's an 11 year old Disney Princess. On the other hand, this is where it becomes fucking UNIQUE. YDK has a kid who will probably be gay aka 11 YEAR OLD DISNEY PRINCESS when it becomes of age (if it is already a girl i can't tell with the fucking minority hair) and funfact: ydks kin was conceived while playing of a DISNEY MOVIE. The topic is up for grabs. Adonis WILL show, as he always does, and ydk WILL NO SHOW as he always does. This is BOTW because it is like a clash of scooters and mopeds in an intersection on Oats's house in Hawaii. Terribly tragic. Beautiful.


7. timeless vs. 2. Vividlyvague | “If a man wants his dreams to come true, he must wake them up.”
These two writers have been revelations this season and should produce a really interesting matchup. timeless and Vividlyvague both love to experiment, but they have to realize that they now have the finals close within reach after Frank and Johnathan Mercy no-showed last round. The topic favors storytelling, and timeless had a warmup last round. But Vividlyvague's creativity is difficult to overcome. Both of these guys probably are about three to six months of steady writing and competing away from the very-near-elite tier. Prediction: Vividlyvague 58-42.
BIG BABY: This is weird, cause vividlyvague i consider zenlands brother cause they're on the same level of 'eh i guess theyre good at writing' when I read their writing, a long with @Witty and @ill fig-A I think. IT's hilarious that I just noticed that ill nika is ill nigga. But with a hyphenated piece of shit slang word that doesn't mean anything that he will come in here and be like 'ITS CUBAN IT WAS GIVEN TO ME IN 1993 ON THE FIRST TEXT BATTLE SITE EVER. @ill nik-A you fucking suck, give it up, man. Anyway. Timeless has been the darkhorse. and by that I mean that he's black. Timeless stop being black, you'll win more battles. Vividlyvague is basically all the writers I just mentioned, meshed into one. He doesn't really wow, but when he does he's a tranny. Timeless is probably the most improved of the tournament and deserves some sort of medal that merits him as a good citizen or something, just give him something cause it sucks that he only got in cause 10 good people dropped out. Basically this whole tournament is if the bottom teams of the NBA got into the playoffs cause some freak accident caused every high seed to catastrophically explode, and they had to continue the season, so they just let anybody left to join the tournament. THIS IS what that is. And anybody whos HALF decent, NO SHOWED IN THE FIRST ROUND, SO NOW BASICALLY ITS DUMB AND DUMBER AND DUMBER AND DUMBER AND DUMBER AND DUMBER AND DUMBER left and it's fucking hilarious. You ever see retards running for a finish line in an obstacle course? That's what this is, and the smartest retard will win. Yes, there's oats in there, but even as a genius you get warded down by retards and they climb over you like zombies in an apocalypse and prohibit you from making any genius moves to climb over the third grade obstacles for you to win. Plus OATS is out of shape, so this will be really hard, given the playing field is 4 year olds with super soaker water pistols and Gregory Chrystal shirts with lipstick photoshopped on wearing glow in the dark chuckas with giant dre beat headphones attached to their stomachs like makeshift umbilical cords. This is a toss up. I can see it going either way. But my initial instincts is to go with VV because he's every mid-tier-i-cant-be-elite-cause-im-born-this-way on this forum. Maybe in your next life you can be me if I sucked ass. Timeless will show up with a fucking bazooka and ready to kill but misses because hes from jersey. VV 80-20



Talkin' About Practice
CONCLUSION by Certain


Let's be better because I know we can. Thanks to Adonis and big baby for their help.


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Old 07-07-2014, 04:22 AM   #2
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oats has a brilliant futureoats has a brilliant futureoats has a brilliant futureoats has a brilliant futureoats has a brilliant futureoats has a brilliant futureoats has a brilliant futureoats has a brilliant futureoats has a brilliant futureoats has a brilliant futureoats has a brilliant future
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dope, BB da BB was on point as usual. I'm going to download that album now, since I thoroughly enjoyed Nia earlier this season.
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Old 07-07-2014, 05:05 AM   #3
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OMMFG this brought me to tears. BB da BB dammit. Great mag for what last week was. Good job.
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Old 07-07-2014, 11:05 AM   #4
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Big baby went full big baby
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Old 07-07-2014, 08:19 PM   #5
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Lmao I loved this magazine good shit fellas.
An fuck you @big baby I will not no show! Also my daughter was concieved because of bicardi 151 not Disney lol
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Old 07-07-2014, 08:44 PM   #6
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@YDK



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If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
Then again hes had this schtick so long he like bb da bb da bb thats all folks

Last edited by big baby; 07-07-2014 at 08:50 PM.
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Old 07-07-2014, 09:51 PM   #7
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This was great.
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Old 07-07-2014, 09:57 PM   #8
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I'm confused
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Old 07-07-2014, 10:11 PM   #9
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Hold on to your tiny Bic.

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Old 07-07-2014, 11:24 PM   #10
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I want it, It's so cute and little
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Old 07-07-2014, 11:26 PM   #11
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YDK... use your head.

Certain.... put your bic away.

bb.... da bb.
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Old 07-08-2014, 03:45 AM   #12
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that was a dope burn BB.
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Old 07-08-2014, 08:29 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dyedinthewool View Post
I want it, It's so cute and little
you can have it ;)

but yo, i'm still lost...is there a razor named bicardi or some shit? why is bicardi in a big red square? why is there a razor on the bicardi bottle?
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Old 07-08-2014, 08:52 PM   #14
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- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek

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@YDK you're officially stupid
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If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
Then again hes had this schtick so long he like bb da bb da bb thats all folks
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Old 07-08-2014, 08:56 PM   #15
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- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek

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Quote:
Originally Posted by greed View Post
If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
Then again hes had this schtick so long he like bb da bb da bb thats all folks
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Old 07-08-2014, 08:57 PM   #16
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YDK.... lol.
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Old 07-08-2014, 08:59 PM   #17
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http://www.bicworld.com/us/products/...ries/4/shavers
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Old 07-08-2014, 09:09 PM   #18
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that doesn't help me certain! I googled the shit, I found no bicardi razors! you all are just raising more questions than answers at this point lol
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Old 07-08-2014, 09:10 PM   #19
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wait...I spelled Bacardi wrong....fuck you guys i'm going home
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Old 07-08-2014, 09:14 PM   #20
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@big baby, finish him.
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