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Old 01-15-2018, 04:52 PM   #1
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Default Am I the only one

who read dehf's breakdown as an actual verse? For like 4 lines I think I'm reading shit bars and then I realize he's just in his feelings.

@dehf don't give up, I'm not very good either
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Me vs you only if that’s what it takes.

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like a woolah what it do to one’s medulla oblongata- revenge of Montezuma on a blotter
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Old 01-15-2018, 05:22 PM   #2
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there was a breakdown and you didn't provide a link?

what did I miss
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Old 01-15-2018, 05:51 PM   #3
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http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=126621
@Diablo
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Me vs you only if that’s what it takes.

Battle to the death
like a woolah what it do to one’s medulla oblongata- revenge of Montezuma on a blotter
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Old 01-15-2018, 06:05 PM   #4
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LOOOOOL I mean sure, dude had a point and I can see that

Text is largely pretty conformist with a pre-established idea of how the bars should be formed and generally how the verse should look. I fully get that. It's not just a site wide thing though, every forum will have their own idea on what decides who wins. RapRoyalty have category based voting. NC largely prefer shortbar. OTBVA put more emphasis on multies and scheming. LB is longbar etc. They're all different. I don't see why people wouldn't try to adapt rather than just admit defeat and bow out over a loss, though? I mean this is a HOBBY for most of us. It's meant to be fun. The second it stops being fun, you're free to log out rather than let it frustrate you further to the point of quitting and looking like a complete faggot lol. Plenty of people have changed their style and adapted. Plenty of people use a non-conforming style and make it work for them. Dull boy springs to mind with his paragraph formatting, Neighbour springs to mind with his longer line lengths and more Horrorcore type verses. Eng uses a kind of broken down bar type style similar to Trap's. They're all different and all work for their repesctive owners. No one is hating. Calling them haters is pointless just because they don't feel it. Either adapt slightly to what's liked or remain the stagnant nobody you are catching losses every week and refusing to listen to the people giving you their criticism. It isn't hard. What is so difficult to understand about that for these people like Classick and Dehf?
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Old 01-15-2018, 06:52 PM   #5
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Well said, Lars.

I have realized these 1st 2 battles in NBL that my style is too "topical." I was worried about multis and shit in my first battle when on NC it needs to be more direct. Its just a matter of having the time to focus on things like that. Esp. this week @Swerve. Not to mention anything you post is ammo, including this lol. People hate me here I guess but this is by far my favorite site to post on, so I just had to strike that balance between the amount I give a shit about. Which is about 0 at this point, I just like writing and battling is my favorite way of doing that. Young cats care too much, i know i did. Life has a crazy way of making you realize that no one cares if you are here or not.

Except Zelph he seems like he really wants everyone to be involved. But yeah I trust the voters here. Ppl know what they are reading and when it is shit.
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Old 01-15-2018, 07:31 PM   #6
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Compliment battle? @bleak
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Old 01-15-2018, 07:42 PM   #7
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Compliment battle? @bleak
Lol I'm down if you are. 16?
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Me vs you only if that’s what it takes.

Battle to the death
like a woolah what it do to one’s medulla oblongata- revenge of Montezuma on a blotter
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Old 01-15-2018, 10:01 PM   #8
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Sure.
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Old 01-15-2018, 11:46 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bleak View Post
who read dehf's breakdown as an actual verse? For like 4 lines I think I'm reading shit bars and then I realize he's just in his feelings.

@dehf don't give up, I'm not very good either
You have the right idea. I mean, all you need is some practice and to face talented ppl who will inspire you to step up creatively. Use each loss as an opportunity to fix your mistakes. As far as style preference, I'm more into RB's usage of wordplays and personals than NC's usage of gunbars. Your style might translate differently to other people because they have a set expectation of how material is supposed to be, and what constitutes as creative. Once you find success with your approach, don't change it to satisfy a few, but don't ignore their grievances either. Adapt to their expectations and evolve without compromising what you've learned.
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Old 01-16-2018, 05:49 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bleak View Post
Well said, Lars.

I have realized these 1st 2 battles in NBL that my style is too "topical." I was worried about multis and shit in my first battle when on NC it needs to be more direct. Its just a matter of having the time to focus on things like that. Esp. this week @Swerve. Not to mention anything you post is ammo, including this lol. People hate me here I guess but this is by far my favorite site to post on, so I just had to strike that balance between the amount I give a shit about. Which is about 0 at this point, I just like writing and battling is my favorite way of doing that. Young cats care too much, i know i did. Life has a crazy way of making you realize that no one cares if you are here or not.

Except Zelph he seems like he really wants everyone to be involved. But yeah I trust the voters here. Ppl know what they are reading and when it is shit.
The other thing here especially is that this is a site consisting of mostly veterans from all across the web, every hiphop board you can possibly imagine over the past 20 years, who all finally made it to this point and now have very sharp skill sets they've built up and chopped and changed over time to accommodate. So learning here for someone new will be a pretty steep learning curve, but by facing them week in and week out and seeing what works and what doesn't - you'll be learning from some of the best still doing this shit. It might not feel like it some weeks, but you only really lose a battle when you don't learn from it. I've changed my style maybe 3/4 times over the years to arrive at a point I feel I've got "my" style downpat to the point people associate that with me. Early on in my RipTheMic days I took loss after loss on what was a "vet" site to me much like NC is to you now, but I watched and learned and rather than throw in the towel and leave after a loss I slowly got better and ended up in a crew with Karaoke LOL so don't get disheartened with it all, just chalk it up to experience and learn from it most importantly of all. I rarely make these sort of motivational posts but I consider you one of our own so make of that what you will.
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Old 01-16-2018, 05:55 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by bleak View Post
who read dehf's breakdown as an actual verse? For like 4 lines I think I'm reading shit bars and then I realize he's just in his feelings.

@dehf don't give up, I'm not very good either
Ur welcome. I ended him. Nah I joke he shouldn't give up. Sad part is I'm new and got no feedback =(. Kind of sucks but oh well.

Last edited by Clout; 01-16-2018 at 05:58 AM.
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Old 01-16-2018, 05:58 AM   #12
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The other thing here especially is that this is a site consisting of mostly veterans from all across the web, every hiphop board you can possibly imagine over the past 20 years, who all finally made it to this point and now have very sharp skill sets they've built up and chopped and changed over time to accommodate. So learning here for someone new will be a pretty steep learning curve, but by facing them week in and week out and seeing what works and what doesn't - you'll be learning from some of the best still doing this shit. It might not feel like it some weeks, but you only really lose a battle when you don't learn from it. I've changed my style maybe 3/4 times over the years to arrive at a point I feel I've got "my" style downpat to the point people associate that with me. Early on in my RipTheMic days I took loss after loss on what was a "vet" site to me much like NC is to you now, but I watched and learned and rather than throw in the towel and leave after a loss I slowly got better and ended up in a crew with Karaoke LOL so don't get disheartened with it all, just chalk it up to experience and learn from it most importantly of all. I rarely make these sort of motivational posts but I consider you one of our own so make of that what you will.
Well said
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Old 01-16-2018, 11:56 AM   #13
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@bleak

I just figured I'd show you how my own journey went with topicals so you can see the difference as I (thought I) got better. I can't even tell you how young I was when I first started, prob 13/14, I've been at this a long time:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Baron Mynd





Looking out ..

.. my bedroom window,
the moon's cleavage in the nights sky ..
As i sit and contemplate ..
.. whether or not im in my right mind.
Scared of what i might find ..
.. if i pry too deep,
These voices in my head,
.. make sure i cry to sleep.
Something's inside of me ..
.. a being of putrid form,
It's speech ricochet's my cerebrum ..
.. & echo's through my thoughts.
I hear it calling ..
.. shut my eyes to try & block it out,
but the voice screeches violently ..

.. " You cant stop me now.
Its pointless trying to fight me ..
.. kid, I thought you'd learnt?
Plus you've already killed ten -
.. one more wont hurt.
Why this sudden change of heart? "

.. Because im fucking sick of you.
Filling my head with voices ..
.. & always tryna twist the truth.

" That isnt true ..
.. i just bring out your dark side.
No one forces you to prowl the streets ..
.. filling craniums with sharp knives.
Stop using that as a scapegoat ..
.. this voice in your brain,
cant make your decisions for you ..
.. when choices are made -
its YOU making them happen. "

Man, stop with ALL this shit!
.. Its listening to you,
that's got my life falling to bits.
Your destroying me mentally ..
.. I really need to think a minute,
Try to gather my thoughts ..
.. & maybe pay the shrink a visit.
I cant take much more of this ..
.. You're playing havok w. my mind dude,
This has to stop ..
.. and its either you go .. or I do.

" You mean suicide!?
Come on, lets be honest you ..
.. know inside your heart,
that you'd lack the guts to follow through.
You're a murderer ..
.. cold blooded, you change in the night ..
The reason you're aggrivated's,
.. cause what im saying is right.
The more it plays on your mind,
.. the further you're enslaved to me.
and by killing yourself,
.. you'd just make my day complete. "

You've fucking lost it.
.. Man, i planned to settle down,
YOU made me kill those people,
.. and i fucking regret it now -
I imagine their relatives ..
.. are filled with hate and spite,
& though it wouldnt mean much ..
.. if i were to take my life -
Id escape your grasp ..
.. your murderous ways.
You're the most twisted motherfucker ..
.. that ive heard of to date.
Your lunacy's whats ruined me ..
.. you're crazy as hell.

" Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight ..
.. Says the guy that conversates with himself! "
I call this the broken-down-bar style. It has no official name that I know of, but Eng uses it these days to good effect. I basically would see people like aBolisH Da aNatOnyM and Salvation/The Illest do it and thought they were dope. I found trap. used it a lot early on, a lot of RhymeNReason heads did it actually and I hadn't seen it done so much elsewhere so I tried to incorporate it into my style. It's largely hit and miss because I had figured out that there was no flow to my lines here and the read made it disjointed by keep stop-starting and I tried so hard to accentuate the multies I was using so that the reader would pick up on the technical skill when really I didn't have to, they could see what I was doing.

I would always switch up the rhyme but then I noticed a piece by a guy called Rikoshay where he carried the same multi over throughout the entire verse and I recalled an early verse by a dude called Sordswinga that did that too and thought YO, THAT'S MAD HARD! I wonder if I can do that?

So I took some time away, worked hard at it, and kind of switched my style a little to try and use the same multi string all the way through my verse, but still have that kind of broken-down-bar style I had become a fan of using. I started centering my verses at this point just because it "looked" better aesthetically when posted on boards (or so I thought) but I enjoyed having both the technical skill to pull off the same multi throughout a verse AND the fact I was still using the broken down bar style, because I didn't see anyone else doing both, so I considered "my" style to be almost like a hybrid of the two (maybe) and didn't see many, if any, using that kind of format.

Here's some links to examples so you can get a feel for it and see what I mean:

Quote:
"Elephants Never Forget: The Elephant Never Forgot


"What a splendid head, yet no brain."
Aesop

http://www.unexplained-mysteries.com...ephant_man.jpg

From the age of five,
My face comprised, of distinct growths that ranged in size ..
.. and plagued my mind,
When I’d hear the hateful jibes, my classmates devised.
The torrential torment was often initiated by,
Bullies that would take the time ..
.. To state unkind, spates and lies, until they had made me cry.
Empty tears cascade the sides, of my craniums strange design ..
.. And with grace they slide,
Over my shapeless guises grey confines.
The great despise I faced at times, would duly strip away my pride ..
.. But Mother often told me,
“Beauty’s nothing but a state of mind,”
And I held her sweet words with me, up until the day she died ..
.. As they were right,
And I was stronger than the pain I faced inside.
My father would later find,
A stately sprite, to make his wife ..
.. Who placed her spiteful talons, well in view of his grateful sights.
Her waves of white,
And ageing lines, had made her face refined ..
.. But she was as cold and calculated, as a sculpture made of ice.
Her severe disgust was noted,
Through each of her weighted sighs ..
.. And she’d leave the room at the faintest sight, of my heinous plight.
For months she gamely tried,
To exploit this great divide ..
.. Culminating in the deft ultimatum that came to light,
“It’s either I go, or he goes!” she’d proclaim with spite ..
.. And I raged inside,
When asked to leave our estate that night.
I found myself out in the cold world,
With no place to hide.
Followed by the japes and snipes, of children that raced me by.
My deformity meant,
Looking for work was a waste of time ..
.. As nowhere would accept such a disfigured face as mine.
Then to my ornate surprise,
A fly-poster graced my eyes ..
.. About a travelling freak show that sought my distasteful kind.
The pay was trite,
But so were most jobs in these days and times ..
.. And I felt somewhat insubordinate as they caged my hind.
The steel curtain was raised in time,
To meet the publics scathing pries ..
They never saw me, just the disfigured mask I’m portrayed behind.
When one day a saintly guide,
Would enter to change my life ..
.. “Dr. Treves” he stated quite, profoundly. I remained uptight.
His gaping eyes,
Fell on my hideous growths that had stabilized ..
.. And he informed me,
He could help to investigate their rise.
So I moved to Whitechapel Hospital, where I’d the greatest time ..
.. And Doctor Treves,
Removed pockets of flesh from my face and spine.
I yearned to be ‘normal’ again -
To sleep as I faced the sky ..
.. A comfort I hadn’t known in years, due to my heads weight and size.
It was during my attempt in the dawn of one fateful night,
That upon my own stupidity,
I would suffocate and die.
Empty tears cascade the sides, of my craniums strange design ..
.. And with grace they slide,
Over my shapeless guises’ grey confines.
The great despise I’d faced at times, had duly stripped away my pride ..
.. And Mother had told me,
Beauty was nothing but a state of mind.
I held those true words with me, up until the day I’d died ..
.. But these people never saw me,

Just the disfigured mask I was portrayed behind.

- Joseph Carey Merrick
5th August 1862 – 11th April, 1890


Quote:
"The Nightmare Before Christmas”

http://www.picturegrill.com/images/c...tachimney.jpeg


Don’t you just fucking HATE it when Christmas arrives?
That meticulous time,
When soft mittens comprise, snowmen of formidable size ..
.. From the thickets of white,
Sitting astride, the distant horizon.
The winds cold, briskly respite, navigates deciduous pines ..
.. Whistling by,
On its mission-less guide, where with pure intuition it finds ..
.. A lonesome snowman,
That glistens with pride, deep in the dark midst of the night.
Abandoned by his creator,
The young girl was forced to kiss him goodbye ..
.. Leaving him cruelly exposed,
To the adoration of which he despised.
His movements restricted,
By the barren branches that stick from his sides ..
.. And so he sits in the silence,
Bitterly frightened, with his pummelled face missing an eye.

I used to love it.
Christmas had always been a favoured fixture of mine ..
.. And often I reminisce on the times,
When anticipation meant the hairs on my neck would bristle and rise.
Mother was quick to surmise,
That I had to be asleep before Saint Nick would arrive ..
.. But I’d sit with my eyes,
Firmly affixed to the blinds, awaiting the glorious gifts he provided.
I awoke, both betwixt with surprise, and of startled relief ..
.. Heading downstairs,
Where my father would be, clutching the star for the tree.
With his assistance,
I’d place it on top as he marvelled at me ..
.. Then open up my presents as I sat perched on the arc of his knee.
I made a metropolis,
From our laminate flooring that was sparkling clean ..
.. My remote control car,
Traversing the length of our house and all parts in between.
Elated rapture exuded,
From my smile in the most ardent of beams ..
But one year in particular,
I could sense the pretence in her parlance of glee.
It was only when I witnessed,
My dear Mother starting to weep ..
.. That I realised,
She was harbouring me, from the darkest of secrets…

And I guess this is where my hate of Christmas derives,
I was six at the time,
When it broke my heart into pieces.
My dear Mother tried her best to guard the fact,
She proved hard to crack,
And when she did - I still struggled hard to believe it.
All that me and Mommy could then do,
Was start from scratch,
The void left was filled with only stark incompleteness.
And this is why I fucking HATE it when Christmas arrives,
Cause now I’M the lonesome snowman,
Out in the dark midst of the night.
That puerile pile you’ll find out on the distant horizon,
Cold
Heartless
Unable to move on, and sitting in silence.
Abandoned by my creator,
But with his memory’s still rich in my mind,
I was six at the time,
And it broke my heart into pieces.
My dear Mother tried her best to guard the fact,
She proved hard to crack,
And when she did - I still struggled hard to believe it.
All that me and her could then do,
Was start from scratch,
The void left was filled with only stark incompleteness.
My father had died from a multiple heart attack,
And that’s why all I want for Christmas THIS year is my father back...

The shorter lines are still there, I've just ramped up the mechanics of multis to such a level I always wrote verses with the same scheme right throughout. The verse about the Elephant Man and the one about my fathers heart attack/Snowman got lots of positive feedback so I persisted with it. It's cool maybe once, but I would do this every verse LOL to the point people would criticise it, and rightly, because it gets kind of predictable how the rhymes going to end once you've wrote 20-30 lines to the same sound. On one hand, I thought it was technically brilliant, but I took their words on board over time and took a less is more approach. I tried to switch up the multi more, toy with internals more, but still keep that degree of difficulty I'd now set myself in every verse. If you un-center them, though, you'll see it's not a great radical change from the original broken-down-bar style format I used. It was just formatted differently. The main difference being the multies beating the reader over the head right throughout.

So gradually I moved to more stuff like this, still multi packed, but a lot less predictable for the reader as I keep switching it up and it allowed me more freedom as a writer, it gives you a new sense of freedom again after keeping verses so rigid and inflexible. I was a fan of the style, it adapted well, it kept the technical difficulty I wanted to it and seemed like a logical progression (to me) based on my earlier efforts.

Eventually the next criticism to come up was that with more multies and scheming, it often meant my lines were a little longer and the pieces didn't "flow" so well (probably due to having more syllables per line etc) so I looked at trying to shorten the line lengths and syllable count down while still keeping the multies and scheming at a level I was accustomed to. I also wanted to be able to keep switching the rhyme up, so it didn't get predictable like I had early on.

This verse was maybe an early attempt at perfecting the "style" I used now on some rhyme-the-whole-line kinda shit. It's just broken-down, rather than formatted how people general tend to read topicals:

Quote:

2013-2014

"Inner Daemon"

“Jesus Christ!”
Joe had exclaimed
with sheer surprise
wrote on his face.
His tone gave away
a hint of resentment
and total dismay
the instant she mentioned
to him she was pregnant.
It couldn’t be true!
They lived in abstention
where lust was rebuked
and stuck with it too.
So what had occurred?
The couple concluded
as one that the birth
was God and his work.
A gift from the skies
to honour and serve
his siblings alike.
Soon whispers were rife
of the child she adorned
and Kings would arrive
with a guide from the North.
The messiah was born
in a Barn-cum-Sty
to righteous applause
one starry night.
He started life
in humble surrounds
as far a cry
from the wonders we now
come to denounce
as you can imagine.
His avuncular grounding
was to his advantage
when pursuing his passion
and teaching disciples
numerous passages
that would lead to The Bible.
Believer's were vital
to establish his role
His key to survival
and Christianity's growth.
They travelled the globe
professing religion
recanting his scrolls
and spreading his wisdom.
Lead by his vision,
and aiming to please,
he dispensed them on missions
to purvey his beliefs.
Their Saviour would greet
vast crowds in swathes
regaling them each
about the great
powers he came into
but there was a secret
shrouding his reign
that Mary'd been keeping.
Her heir was a demon
with Jesus sent to Earth
not there to redeem them
but oversee the Devil's work.
An evil menace lurking
amongst the unsuspecting
deceitful in his purpose,
both cunning and deceptive.
The brother they'd accepted
was a sophism of Satan
governed by obsession
to stop them contemplating.
The 'Prophet' was a blatant fraud,
Man-made religion is hell,
Not so much a gift from God
as a deal with the Devil himself...

You can see how short the lines look, even though really they're probably just the one line broken up over two. I tried to emphasize the actual RHYMES here so people would catch I was rhyming the entire line pretty much, not just the end rhymes. It worked to a certain degree, for sure, but generally I should have kept the line lengths to a more standard length. This was essentially just me trying out yet another style change and seeing what worked and what didn't.

It took a short while to perfect a way, but I arrived at the style I have now which is almost like a happy medium for me where it flows well, it's tightly adhered to a rhyme scheme, the multies keep switching up even though they're stacked, and I can write them relatively quickly because the style isn't that far removed from what I've been doing for literally years. It's just an evolution of it, and uncentered because as I grew up I realised how dumb it was LOL until I arrived at this point:

Quote:
From Single Cell To Living Hell"

"From Single Cell To Living Hell"


Whether you argue religion conceived us the world that we have
or particle fission as heat and inertia react.
The earth was a mass of violent components
its world uninhabitable by life as we know it.
Ions and protons were fast to generate
a seismic commotion of atmospheric change.
The planetary state reached an extraordinary level
as its recalescent rage meant no water could settle.
The core drawing in metals the planet would need,
but volcanic storms were essential as gas was released.
A gradual easing of temperature meant
rainfall began to increase in torrential descent.
Millennia’s spent as beads then broke from the skies
until the weather relented, leaving ocean’s behind.
These components combined and a new cycle dawned
as we reached a moment in time where life was formed.
Tiny spores of algae hold bold significance -
They provide our orb oxygen through photosynthesis.
A host of primitive flora expand
on their own initiative from water to land.
Early forms of a cyanobacteria constantly merging
in a primordial tapestry of symbiotic convergence.
With oxygen, Earth became more tenantable still
but lots of our early ancestors would be killed.
It lead up to us building on the features that we had
with the necessary skills life needed to adapt.
From seas onto the land, cartilage tissue to bone,
our feet becoming hands as we continued to grow.
Amphibians honing flight as natural selection endeavoured
with the proto-wings that we owned developing feathers.
To weather the elements, fur replaced some scales,
our genetic antecedents balanced weight on tails.
Bipedal traits prevail, we rise up to stand,
as this change unveils an untying of hands.
Our reach rightly expands, along with the girth of our legs,
the arrival of mammals sees births without eggs.
Nature and nurture commence in perfect accord
simians turn into ‘men’ in our earliest form.
Learning to talk helps communication increase
as words replace drawings, we’re able to read.
The attainment of speech was a masterful step
in our brains engineering no other animals met.
With language invented through use of our brains
man had ascended the evolutionary chain.
Us humans created; shaping in time
tools of the trade to aid in our lives.
These basic designs would lead to the usage
of our daily devices, touchscreens and computers.
Our need for ‘improvement’ defied thermodynamics,
leaving the blueprint that Earth had established.
Now we’re usurping the planet of its natural resources
preserving our habitats not a matter of importance.
But what happens when it’s all been brought up from the ground
the vast sums are exhausted and a shortage is pronounced?
We can’t afford to live without it by the time this occurs
a nuclear war is what’s announced and we fight for reserves.
As missiles are returned, our own extinction’s a viable path,
our survival on Earth threatened by the enquiring of man.
We’re so blind to this fact that we can’t even see
we’ve paradise in our grasp, yet it’s never seemed so far from our reach…







I toyed with the paragraph format for a while, I would basically just freewrite with no topic in mind, literally just scheming and writing for fun really to see what I could come up with off the top. I dropped a few verses this way here, all pretty much keystyles that didn't take up a great deal of time. I enjoy doing that. I've always been able to write fairly quickly and I sometimes find it more fun than having to write just to a pre-determined topic. I usually do this during down time from competing in leagues and tourneys just to keep my pen sharp really. They were never meant to be anything special, though I'm proud of a few of them and I enjoy reading them back because I can see how much I've improved (in my opinion).

Last edited by Diablo; 01-16-2018 at 12:13 PM.
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Old 01-16-2018, 01:28 PM   #14
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Old 01-16-2018, 02:23 PM   #15
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I don't even know how helpful that will be to you, I just wanted to show you that this didn't come easy to me, Ive been doing this since like 12 years old and I've had to adapt and change over time to stay relevant too. You'll find similar with ill nik-A and a lot of the older dudes that are still doing this. You have to learn to adapt to what works or lose to those who will. People aren't voting to hate, they're calling it like they see it and everyone thinks their own shit is dope. That's the game. The wins and losses become irrelevant if you just have fun with what you're doing and write what you personally find dope. Some people here don't like my work, others have me in their top tens all time LOL it just shows you you'll never please everyone, so just enjoy what you're writing and let everyone else form the opinions they have.
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Old 01-16-2018, 02:24 PM   #16
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tl;dr dehf is a bitch for quitting and throwing a hissy fit
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Old 01-16-2018, 04:53 PM   #17
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I don't even know how helpful that will be to you, I just wanted to show you that this didn't come easy to me, Ive been doing this since like 12 years old and I've had to adapt and change over time to stay relevant too. You'll find similar with ill nik-A and a lot of the older dudes that are still doing this. You have to learn to adapt to what works or lose to those who will. People aren't voting to hate, they're calling it like they see it and everyone thinks their own shit is dope. That's the game. The wins and losses become irrelevant if you just have fun with what you're doing and write what you personally find dope. Some people here don't like my work, others have me in their top tens all time LOL it just shows you you'll never please everyone, so just enjoy what you're writing and let everyone else form the opinions they have.
Very helpful. I believe that in increasing my writing skill, everything involved w/ that will look more appealing to a discerning eye. Meaning if I'm writing a topical piece I'm still learning skills in the process (and afterwards during feedback) that translate over to my battle verses. I spend a lot of time reading my own verses and critiquing it as if it is not my work. Probably sacrificing an amount of time I should be reading other verses from more skilled writers and comparing.

I have noticed that presentation in battle verses is much less important, outside of bar length obv. My last verse would have read better probably if I had omitted the paragraph/subtitle shit (and 2 of the bars) but most of that shit comes from not having enough free time to critique it beforehand.

I was trying to work in the Battlefield 2 angle but it was weak anyways. I wrote it first and found it hard to omit it.
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Old 01-16-2018, 05:12 PM   #18
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Cut out all the extra unnecessary shit, you don't need anything in brackets like you had eight he shark bite reference thing mid verse. Punch more, insult your opponent, try to make it personal to them rather than just random generic punchlines that could apply to anyone. Occasionally those are cool or you'll know nothing about the opponent but generally they will have been around the board a bit and have a kind of preconceived image or personality you can exploit. Wordplay seems to work here if done well and can work both ways. Nameplays using only the initial of the username seem to be frowned upon. Currents evens can always seem a cool idea but always bear in mind EVERYONE in the league prob thinking of one too so sometimes it's not with it. The more you read, the better understanding you'll get. When you read a line that's dope to you, analyse it, think about what made it work so well. What is it that made it pop? How was the punch formed, was it the wordplay that made it crazy? Was it a similie? Did they use hyperbole? Text battling is VERY formulaic to me after a while that's why I only like to take part in short bursts really. There's only so many verses I can read with setup/punch and a little variation to how the punch is formed before I get quite bored with it. Maybe that's just me though. But yeah, that's what I'd do, rather than just think it's dope - breakdown why it stood out and what the guy did to make it standout like that, then once you understand the formula behind it, try creating something with the same method behind it and see if you can get it to pop. Rinse and repeat as you learn and improve.
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