Week IV: ACTIVATE SELF vs Objective[OBJECTIVE WINS]

[Inno]

Season 8

Verses are due FRIDAY at 11:59

Voting ends MONDAY at 11:59

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words

Voting on 3 battles is required.


Topic: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=126253

@ACTIVATE SELF vs @Objective


Goodluck!

[ACTIVATE SELF]

In. Good luck, O.

I'm down to do the same topic if you're interested. If not, no worries.

[Objective]

Originally Posted by ACTIVATE SELF

In. Good luck, O.

I'm down to do the same topic if you're interested. If not, no worries.

Sounds good to me. :) Pick any topic you'd like and I'll write to it. I suck at finding topics, lol.

[ACTIVATE SELF]

Damn. Idk. Bump it. Let's just free verse it.

[ACTIVATE SELF]

I'll edit the pic here

[asylum]

@Objective @ACTIVATE SELF

lets shoot for 11:59 pst sunday night yeah?

[ACTIVATE SELF]

Sounds good

[Objective]

It's in verse

The moon is kinda beautiful.
but it's grey and hard fused into a useless tool
like modern Greek Comedy musicals.
Can't you see it's stupid, fool?

Let me explain to make it sane in your brain,
pick apart the conscious and vain to start with our pain:
It's the kink in earth's armor with the faith of Pearl Harbor,
a link to the birth of worthless drama like 'who cuts the barber?'
Sure i'll harbour transcendent thoughts in hard to open boxes,
where paradoxes come to light in spite of Witty's stupid foxes.
Moral codes got Chyeeaaa's laughing with pacifists that's loving boxers,
was it wordplay or some oxy's? Will the morons nourish ''doctors''?
Will we contradict our fathers as we self proclaim as bastards
to invent a certain ''others'' and go to therapy for brothers.
Can't you see that certain hazards illustrate a blackened passion
filled with rhyming and some action with a hint of my olfaction.
I'm the tree that blocks the moon and I know you see it too,
I was groomed into this fume that is zooming in your view.
It's what I am coming to, the dried up portions of a dude
that's forming into clues of plots where words and skies are blue.
I got more in store for you:

The seed of the pantheon of humanistic forces holds YOUR potential,
it's a chore but more eventful, even from before; our sun IS essential.
It's the gun to Self's credentials and with perspective it's oversizin',
so let's meet at Sunday night to see you climb on the horizon.
Me? I stick to references like Nietszche and M.Bison.
@Innovator,
I'm the self destructive incinerator that votes for @SELF Activate,
if you read between the lines it's my most abstract concept to date.
I'm the underscore to your question <-- stricture it.
However, I'm clever if you can picture shit.
But the fact remains that no one can top it,
and fuck you if you think I didn't nail the topic -
failure is in words.
Rating is absurd.

(In nature, the reader is the mother to my needs,
where roots get nutrients or dry up as leaves of potential that'll crack the dried up earth where its siblings is formed as its former self will rise once again to shit where it sleeps.
It's all for nothing except for greed; and that fact is clear.
Mainly because we find ourselves here
Year, after year,
after year,
after...
year.

[Diablo]

Dope take. I've used a similar theme before (vs. @Frank I believe?) the flow for the most part was your biggest asset, the shorter line lengths definitely helped in that regard. It made for a smooth read through the opening quartet before we got to the 'body' of the verse. The first line in there reminded me of Cypress Hill's "Insane in the membrane" LOL. I liked the metaphor of you being the symbolism of the picture, the tree, you embodied it and tied in your board personality to the budding tree we see. "Let us meet on Saturday night" was pretty cool, I thought, as the showdown is when verses were (meant to be) posted. I never thought I'd see Nietscche and M. Bison mentioned in the same sentence so that made me laugh too. The ending felt like a jab at Innovator for some reason but then seemed to come back to the topic at hand - that one line is long as hell, but otherwise it was a very dope read. Original and creative. Shame Self no-showed because he would have made this a fun battle and a tough contest.

Keep that pen moving!

[ACTIVATE SELF]

Yeah, O, my bad. I had every intention on showing up. I have a dozen excuses as to why I didn't. But the fact of the matter is that I mismanaged my time. I'll hit you with some feed a bit later.



୸

[Ender]

This had a really beautiful flow. I recognised a few names from this forum in your piece, but since I'm brand new here I didn't really get any of the references. From your link, and those names, I feel like this piece is probably about spending too much time on this site and having your world shrink down into text and online drama. Which I think is an interesting idea. Of course, it could easily not be about that as well, since I feel like a stranger looking in through a window with this verse!

Either way, very well written with excellent mechanics.

Nice work!

[Inno]

Originally Posted by symetrik

objective
I like reading your stuff, you go in on poetry I think. I don't really make for good feed, sorry man but I'll try.
I think your first line "moon is kinda beautiful" was REALLY strong. like, that set up could have been a lead in into a god damn work of art, but for me it didn't hold together into "useless tool". the whole piece felt like a dialouge from you, kinda just ranting. and honestly, I HATE the word olfaction. it's one of those disgusting words. the "self destructive... that votes for self activate" line was dope, no matter the guy's name. it felt raw, like "ye I fuck up daily but I'm steady on the path to succeed"

ye. the first line of that was clean. I really like simple ideas like that (and the first line), and they have SUCH a big impact.
this piece didn't feel messy, really, but just more (like I said before) ranty.
I think it those two lines that I pulled out are powerful and could be developed into something on their own.
also, the end note from "in nature" to "shit where it sleeps" was dope too.
that had a really good ending feel to it, then the whole meta "find ourselves here" thing was aight, but I dug the first part of it more.

[King Ra.]

Well damn, this was an excellent write up, @Objective. You've really stepped it up from the last time I was around (seems like ages ago). I believe this piece right here is definitely my favorite this week (Diablo was the other I highly regard). I like the blend of styles you had but particularly, the last two little paragraphs were written so fluidly and delicate. You had some in-your-face moments meshed with these smooth lyrical connections and thoughts and overall, just an awesome read. Looking forward to what else you come up with.

Great stuff.

[Mr. J]

I was going to stop after pick apart the conscious & vain because that just seemed so oddly put to me.
but the following line shows me how you are going to ride this one out & it made me think it was pretty dope. I enjoyed it.
about half way through that mid section I was getting into the whole piece & thought you did well, really enjoyed that Pearl Harbor section though.
for the most part this seems off kilter for what you usually do and the way you bounce around makes it kind of hard to digest.
regardless you penned an enjoyable drop that made the read easy on the eyes. hopefully you keep it up until next week.
nice drop