Pig.

Certain · 10-04-2016, 02:04 PM

Lights glow in the rain. Red and blue, deadened hues,
dulcet tones. The morning’s approaching. Check the news.
Death and gloom, depression fumes. The smell of weed
still lingers on the leather seats.
License, registration and a bucket list of felonies.
Both hands on the wheel, he shoots the cop a crooked glance.
No. False. Moves. No twitching, stretching or looking back.
Yes, the fabricated apologies fall from his cracked lips.
Cuff of his sleeve soaks as the cop stalls with a flashlight.
The palms of his wrapped fists drip sweat onto the wheel
as the officer’s scan finds no threat or contraband steel.
The window rolls up. Sigh of relief. Heart still finding its beat
knowing a broken taillight can lead to chalked lines on the street.
Enveloped in a world where black skin’s a sign of defeat,
he mutters a single word as he drives from the scene.

“Pig.” Some wear it like a badge, with pride and belief,
so damn certain that they’re on the right side of the beef.
The right side of the law. And the law is the order of man,
which in turn protects the weak and keeps discord in remand
to make sure everyone’s every day goes according to plan.
But whose plan? The question no one’s been afforded to ask,
presuming planets find their orbit in a sorted line dance.
But we’re ignoring what’s before us, it’s a sordid romance
where the power lines dangle like a tourniquet’s knot.
Now lest we try to expose this as a murderous plot,
keep in mind, it’s more corrosive and disturbingly wrought.

“Pig.” The job prescribes a head-down, stubborn mentality
where following commands is rewarded with government salary,
a gun and some power. See, it’s the vocation of broken jocks
who once assumed authority over nerds, grunts and loner goths.
The cap and the nightstick form the silhouette of an enemy,
a brute force of capital gains with death as a penalty.
The streets remain the home of cracks, crack and homelessness,
unprotected as we swig and pass back the opiates.
They’re told to only keep us off Nasdaq and Park Ave.
as gats flash and cars crash and black flags rise over us.
The corner: A training ground for both the cops and the thugs,
where the stakes are cardboard caskets and fatherless sons.
So we resent them, boys in blue posted up on our hard streets
who strut to the drums of black bodies thudding on concrete.

“Pig.” Like the one that took the life of Keith Lamont Scott.
Flash his mug on the news, ebony hue — he was our cop.
Nope. We know better. From the crying wife to protestors.
It’s not that they’re Uncle Toms. They’re trying life as go-getters.
But the ties that bind us don’t sever. He’s caught in the trap, too.
Masks cover the actions of another affirmative black dude.
Even the white cops, products of a system in place
specifically targeted to reinforce their visions of race.
And we can’t breathe. Hands up, eyes down. Give up the chase.
Disassembling our physical frames in the name of keeping them safe.
The guilt turns to fear turns to distrusting avoidance.
That same fear, in them, starts this disgusting performance.
So we’re on the block with attitude, fist-pumping the chorus.
It’s fuck the police — even as the system’s fucking them for us.

Zen · 10-05-2016, 02:29 AM

I didn't like the back-to-back rhymes on the first few lines. I know that sounds ridiculous coming from me, but it read a little clunky. There were a couple of lines I didn't like after that, specifically "murderous plot/tourniquet’s knot".

But, whenever you slowed it down a bit and let your words work for you, it was pretty god damn great. No hyperbole. This was well-written to the point that it actually makes me want to write again. Definitely a good read, Certain.

“Pig.” Some wear it like a badge, with pride and belief,
so damn certain that they’re on the right side of the beef.

And we can’t breathe. Hands up, eyes down. Give up the chase.
Disassembling our physical frames in the name of keeping them safe.

So we’re on the block with attitude, fist-pumping the chorus.
It’s fuck the police — even as the system’s fucking them for us.

sral · 10-05-2016, 07:21 AM

CERTAIN FUCKING KILLED THAT SHIT

FAVE VERSE I'VE READ IN MONTHS

Certain · 10-05-2016, 03:37 PM

@Zen, thanks. The introductory rhyme scheme is intentional scene-setting. I meant for this piece to build off a very slow cadence into something forceful that would only get more aggressive as it continued.

I will hit both you and @sraL back with feedback tonight on your most recent pieces. Same for anyone else who replies.

PancakeBrah · 10-08-2016, 01:45 AM

Didn't like it.

oats · 10-14-2016, 08:24 PM

haven't forgotten about this, will feed tomorrow.

oats · 10-18-2016, 01:19 AM

Quote:

Lights glow in the rain. Red and blue, deadened hues,
dulcet tones. The morning’s approaching. Check the news.
Death and gloom, depression fumes. The smell of weed
still lingers on the leather seats.
License, registration and a bucket list of felonies.
Both hands on the wheel, he shoots the cop a crooked glance.
No. False. Moves. No twitching, stretching or looking back.
Yes, the fabricated apologies fall from his cracked lips.
Cuff of his sleeve soaks as the cop stalls with a flashlight.
The palms of his wrapped fists drip sweat onto the wheel
as the officer’s scan finds no threat or contraband steel.
The window rolls up. Sigh of relief. Heart still finding its beat
knowing a broken taillight can lead to chalked lines on the street.
Enveloped in a world where black skin’s a sign of defeat,
he mutters a single word as he drives from the scene.

this is an enviable intro, nails the setting and mood. "contraband steel" was a little jarring, not because it was categorically bad, just that the rest was so smooth and rhythmically on-point. I liked how you toyed with the meter and rhyme scheme, too. overall, it was crafty and clever to build that tension of a potential altercation, and then he drives off.

Quote:

“Pig.” Some wear it like a badge, with pride and belief,
so damn certain that they’re on the right side of the beef.
The right side of the law. And the law is the order of man,
which in turn protects the weak and keeps discord in remand
to make sure everyone’s every day goes according to plan.
But whose plan? The question no one’s been afforded to ask,
presuming planets find their orbit in a sorted line dance.
But we’re ignoring what’s before us, it’s a sordid romance
where the power lines dangle like a tourniquet’s knot.
Now lest we try to expose this as a murderous plot,
keep in mind, it’s more corrosive and disturbingly wrought.

solid writing that segues into the main thrust of the verse. not always easy to pull off a pig/beef line without being corny, but you did that here. the sorted line dance/sordid romance couplet was a weak point of this stanza, just because it was a little obscure and didn't really add much other than a pivot to the aftermath of the prior scene. wasn't terrible or anything, just stuck out to me that way.

Quote:

“Pig.” The job prescribes a head-down, stubborn mentality
where following commands is rewarded with government salary,
a gun and some power. See, it’s the vocation of broken jocks
who once assumed authority over nerds, grunts and loner goths.
The cap and the nightstick form the silhouette of an enemy,
a brute force of capital gains with death as a penalty.
The streets remain the home of cracks, crack and homelessness,
unprotected as we swig and pass back the opiates.
They’re told to only keep us off Nasdaq and Park Ave.
as gats flash and cars crash and black flags rise over us.
The corner: A training ground for both the cops and the thugs,
where the stakes are cardboard caskets and fatherless sons.
So we resent them, boys in blue posted up on our hard streets
who strut to the drums of black bodies thudding on concrete.

this was great (especially knowing the next stanza already). I like the emotionless, observational style to it, makes it easier to connect with and steers clear of being cliche ("fuck the police!"). It does more than paint the flaws of police officers, though; it makes their flaws totally understandable. especially on a rap board, where most of us tend to think of corner drug dealers as victims of circumstance in one way or another, that line about the corner being a training ground for both really brings that idea home. if we can understand where the criminal is coming from, we should be able to understand where the cop is, too, even if we can admit that they're knuckledragging bullies all grown up. that last line though. haunting.

Quote:

“Pig.” Like the one that took the life of Keith Lamont Scott.
Flash his mug on the news, ebony hue — he was our cop.
Nope. We know better. From the crying wife to protestors.
It’s not that they’re Uncle Toms. They’re trying life as go-getters.
But the ties that bind us don’t sever. He’s caught in the trap, too.
Masks cover the actions of another affirmative black dude.
Even the white cops, products of a system in place
specifically targeted to reinforce their visions of race.
And we can’t breathe. Hands up, eyes down. Give up the chase.
Disassembling our physical frames in the name of keeping them safe.
The guilt turns to fear turns to distrusting avoidance.
That same fear, in them, starts this disgusting performance.
So we’re on the block with attitude, fist-pumping the chorus.
It’s fuck the police — even as the system’s fucking them for us.

one of your strengths in this format is knowing how and when to drill the closing line. this is no different. what I think sets this verse apart is that it acknowledges the flaws of individual cops, but at the same time paints them sympathetically. that's a hallmark of good writing (not gonna compare this to Paradise Lost, but there's an overlap for sure). to be a black cop in America right now has to be fucked, to be caught between identities that are cast against each other on a national stage. but even being a white cop is fucked in its own way: they're getting played by the system and set up to fail. you did well to avoid specifics of systemic racism and the militarization of the police force and how the force is a landing pad for combat veterans etc, cuz that would have just slowed it down and dulled the impact.

I think this was a masterful verse. it was smart, visual, challenging and written extremely well. possibly the best verse of the tournament. I'm not sure if you've just shaken the rust or had more time to write or grown more comfortable with this style or what, but the stuff you've been dropping lately has been so much better than what you were writing when you first came to NC (can't speak to Tha Talent days, so maybe this is a return to form). at any rate, I really really liked this verse, thanks for posting it.

2tripple0 · 10-23-2016, 01:42 PM

Yeah because so well writte and because people like to put their faith on others im going to explain now why.... wow fuck.... at the same moment because most people arehonest hardworking truthful courageous that sometimes the way your text came across it was almost as though the meaning was lost of these people by jumpig from one part to another.... nobody really understood how the messages came across in this piece was there actually a fuck the polide attitude er were people just pissed off because they were such a chill type of people and all that was happening was people ended up getting punished is that fair its dofficult because at the same time humans anf creatures and things in this world are just crazy in general although mostly they are goodeople and thats why people dont understand why like if anything horrible happened someone is going take the blame thats he scariest part anyways i dont qant to end this on a neggy cause life is like a party and its fun as fuck i just hope that like future generations understand that that that ahit was impoertant and you know why i did it... but i see my mom and i see my family and i know its going be okay ill be okay thats all i gotta say see there how i put so much into the text i really believed hat shit people are good people in general...

Mr. J · 11-08-2016, 12:49 PM

wtf^^^

anyway....I read this and a lot of your work from the invitational
I think your verse from the Finals was my favorite though...
you tend to have a very refined writing style whenever you put words together
I guess it goes hand & hand with your line of work which makes a lot of it memorable
my favorite parts of this piece were the midsection of this.
the way you twist the topic & make it your own is what puts you leagues above most
sometimes it seems people are too dumb to truly appreciate what you do.
I felt that the finals should have been much closer than it was...
regardless nice work Certain...its an honor reading your work when you in the zone

dead man · 11-21-2016, 08:40 PM

this was really good, and probably way better than my interpretation of the topic would have been. it was not honorable of me to no show you like that at that level of the competition. i'm sorry @Certain

i dont have a charger for my computer here and i am pretty low on battery but this was fucking excellent. i am not sure exactly where i stand on a lot of these issues, but one thing is clear - a truly objective viewpoint on police brutality is nothing short of miraculous.

as @veritas would say, "i have much to say about this".

take care, and i hope to get back to this soon.

thanks

Illume · 11-29-2016, 12:27 PM

Absolutely insane. Nailed it. This should be on the corner of every street.

House of Leaves · 01-06-2017, 11:00 PM

All I saw was the title.

Eminem and Demoz are selfish pricks

They didn't have to tell the Spic to shoot up the airport.

Censor me

Pharaohs Army · 07-11-2018, 02:11 AM

This is older but I think I should feed this since my previous post was rude and random.

Ok so this line near the beginning
License, registration and a bucket list of felonies.
I felt it hurt the piece from a rhyme perspective. But I suppose it's 'okay'; not every line has to rhyme.

After that it really picked up for me and your rhymes were on point.

I really dug the 3rd stanza
My favorite part of the piece
“Pig.” The job prescribes a head-down, stubborn mentality
where following commands is rewarded with government salary,
a gun and some power. See, it’s the vocation of broken jocks
who once assumed authority over nerds, grunts and loner goths.
The cap and the nightstick form the silhouette of an enemy,
a brute force of capital gains with death as a penalty.
The streets remain the home of cracks, crack and homelessness,
unprotected as we swig and pass back the opiates.
They’re told to only keep us off Nasdaq and Park Ave.
as gats flash and cars crash and black flags rise over us.
The corner: A training ground for both the cops and the thugs,
where the stakes are cardboard caskets and fatherless sons.
So we resent them, boys in blue posted up on our hard streets
who strut to the drums of black bodies thudding on concrete.
I was gonna quote a part of this, but you know what I love the whole damn stanza so I'll quote the whole thing.

Liked the broken jocks/ loner goths rhyme.

as gats flash and cars crash and black flags rise over us.
Love those 2 syllable phrases (3 in a row)

Again, I think this stanza is the most impactful of the 4.
Great work there.

10-04-2016, 02:04 PM	#1
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,072 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899402	Pig. Lights glow in the rain. Red and blue, deadened hues, dulcet tones. The morning’s approaching. Check the news. Death and gloom, depression fumes. The smell of weed still lingers on the leather seats. License, registration and a bucket list of felonies. Both hands on the wheel, he shoots the cop a crooked glance. No. False. Moves. No twitching, stretching or looking back. Yes, the fabricated apologies fall from his cracked lips. Cuff of his sleeve soaks as the cop stalls with a flashlight. The palms of his wrapped fists drip sweat onto the wheel as the officer’s scan finds no threat or contraband steel. The window rolls up. Sigh of relief. Heart still finding its beat knowing a broken taillight can lead to chalked lines on the street. Enveloped in a world where black skin’s a sign of defeat, he mutters a single word as he drives from the scene. “Pig.” Some wear it like a badge, with pride and belief, so damn certain that they’re on the right side of the beef. The right side of the law. And the law is the order of man, which in turn protects the weak and keeps discord in remand to make sure everyone’s every day goes according to plan. But whose plan? The question no one’s been afforded to ask, presuming planets find their orbit in a sorted line dance. But we’re ignoring what’s before us, it’s a sordid romance where the power lines dangle like a tourniquet’s knot. Now lest we try to expose this as a murderous plot, keep in mind, it’s more corrosive and disturbingly wrought. “Pig.” The job prescribes a head-down, stubborn mentality where following commands is rewarded with government salary, a gun and some power. See, it’s the vocation of broken jocks who once assumed authority over nerds, grunts and loner goths. The cap and the nightstick form the silhouette of an enemy, a brute force of capital gains with death as a penalty. The streets remain the home of cracks, crack and homelessness, unprotected as we swig and pass back the opiates. They’re told to only keep us off Nasdaq and Park Ave. as gats flash and cars crash and black flags rise over us. The corner: A training ground for both the cops and the thugs, where the stakes are cardboard caskets and fatherless sons. So we resent them, boys in blue posted up on our hard streets who strut to the drums of black bodies thudding on concrete. “Pig.” Like the one that took the life of Keith Lamont Scott. Flash his mug on the news, ebony hue — he was our cop. Nope. We know better. From the crying wife to protestors. It’s not that they’re Uncle Toms. They’re trying life as go-getters. But the ties that bind us don’t sever. He’s caught in the trap, too. Masks cover the actions of another affirmative black dude. Even the white cops, products of a system in place specifically targeted to reinforce their visions of race. And we can’t breathe. Hands up, eyes down. Give up the chase. Disassembling our physical frames in the name of keeping them safe. The guilt turns to fear turns to distrusting avoidance. That same fear, in them, starts this disgusting performance. So we’re on the block with attitude, fist-pumping the chorus. It’s fuck the police — even as the system’s fucking them for us.

10-05-2016, 07:21 AM	#3
sral Shrewd as evearthed Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Wolverhampton, England Posts: 8,251 Battle Record: 28-3 Champed - Gimmick Battle League - The Winter Topical - Topical Martyrs - Lime Green Poetry Association - Lyric Olympics - Art of Writing League - Guerrilla Writing League (2x) - Black August II Rep Power: 85899391	CERTAIN FUCKING KILLED THAT SHIT FAVE VERSE I'VE READ IN MONTHS __________________ - Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season)

10-05-2016, 03:37 PM	#4
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,072 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899402	@Zen, thanks. The introductory rhyme scheme is intentional scene-setting. I meant for this piece to build off a very slow cadence into something forceful that would only get more aggressive as it continued. I will hit both you and @sraL back with feedback tonight on your most recent pieces. Same for anyone else who replies. __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

10-08-2016, 01:45 AM	#5
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 13,052 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899406	Didn't like it. __________________ If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me?

10-14-2016, 08:24 PM	#6
oats Steel Cut Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 5,073 Battle Record: 19-10 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Fight Night LXXXIV - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 79005425	haven't forgotten about this, will feed tomorrow. __________________ You should be water

10-05-2016, 02:29 AM	#2
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,104 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079719	I didn't like the back-to-back rhymes on the first few lines. I know that sounds ridiculous coming from me, but it read a little clunky. There were a couple of lines I didn't like after that, specifically "murderous plot/tourniquet’s knot". But, whenever you slowed it down a bit and let your words work for you, it was pretty god damn great. No hyperbole. This was well-written to the point that it actually makes me want to write again. Definitely a good read, Certain. “Pig.” Some wear it like a badge, with pride and belief, so damn certain that they’re on the right side of the beef. And we can’t breathe. Hands up, eyes down. Give up the chase. Disassembling our physical frames in the name of keeping them safe. So we’re on the block with attitude, fist-pumping the chorus. It’s fuck the police — even as the system’s fucking them for us.

10-23-2016, 01:42 PM	#8
2tripple0 death warmed over Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Downstairs illstreet dam Posts: 2,564 Battle Record: 6-21 Rep Power: 0	Yeah because so well writte and because people like to put their faith on others im going to explain now why.... wow fuck.... at the same moment because most people arehonest hardworking truthful courageous that sometimes the way your text came across it was almost as though the meaning was lost of these people by jumpig from one part to another.... nobody really understood how the messages came across in this piece was there actually a fuck the polide attitude er were people just pissed off because they were such a chill type of people and all that was happening was people ended up getting punished is that fair its dofficult because at the same time humans anf creatures and things in this world are just crazy in general although mostly they are goodeople and thats why people dont understand why like if anything horrible happened someone is going take the blame thats he scariest part anyways i dont qant to end this on a neggy cause life is like a party and its fun as fuck i just hope that like future generations understand that that that ahit was impoertant and you know why i did it... but i see my mom and i see my family and i know its going be okay ill be okay thats all i gotta say see there how i put so much into the text i really believed hat shit people are good people in general... __________________ https://soundcloud.com/user-876573949/ https://soundcloud.com/user-634430314/

11-08-2016, 12:49 PM	#9
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,022 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349678	wtf^^^ anyway....I read this and a lot of your work from the invitational I think your verse from the Finals was my favorite though... you tend to have a very refined writing style whenever you put words together I guess it goes hand & hand with your line of work which makes a lot of it memorable my favorite parts of this piece were the midsection of this. the way you twist the topic & make it your own is what puts you leagues above most sometimes it seems people are too dumb to truly appreciate what you do. I felt that the finals should have been much closer than it was... regardless nice work Certain...its an honor reading your work when you in the zone __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

11-21-2016, 08:40 PM	#10
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,465 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606676	this was really good, and probably way better than my interpretation of the topic would have been. it was not honorable of me to no show you like that at that level of the competition. i'm sorry @Certain i dont have a charger for my computer here and i am pretty low on battery but this was fucking excellent. i am not sure exactly where i stand on a lot of these issues, but one thing is clear - a truly objective viewpoint on police brutality is nothing short of miraculous. as @veritas would say, "i have much to say about this". take care, and i hope to get back to this soon. thanks __________________ Zack Wicks for president

11-29-2016, 12:27 PM	#11
Illume Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Posts: 145 Rep Power: 671776	Absolutely insane. Nailed it. This should be on the corner of every street.

01-06-2017, 11:00 PM	#12
House of Leaves Banned Join Date: Sep 2016 Location: reality Posts: 165 Rep Power: 0	All I saw was the title. Eminem and Demoz are selfish pricks They didn't have to tell the Spic to shoot up the airport. Censor me

07-11-2018, 02:11 AM	#13
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,962 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	This is older but I think I should feed this since my previous post was rude and random. Ok so this line near the beginning License, registration and a bucket list of felonies. I felt it hurt the piece from a rhyme perspective. But I suppose it's 'okay'; not every line has to rhyme. After that it really picked up for me and your rhymes were on point. I really dug the 3rd stanza My favorite part of the piece “Pig.” The job prescribes a head-down, stubborn mentality where following commands is rewarded with government salary, a gun and some power. See, it’s the vocation of broken jocks who once assumed authority over nerds, grunts and loner goths. The cap and the nightstick form the silhouette of an enemy, a brute force of capital gains with death as a penalty. The streets remain the home of cracks, crack and homelessness, unprotected as we swig and pass back the opiates. They’re told to only keep us off Nasdaq and Park Ave. as gats flash and cars crash and black flags rise over us. The corner: A training ground for both the cops and the thugs, where the stakes are cardboard caskets and fatherless sons. So we resent them, boys in blue posted up on our hard streets who strut to the drums of black bodies thudding on concrete. I was gonna quote a part of this, but you know what I love the whole damn stanza so I'll quote the whole thing. Liked the broken jocks/ loner goths rhyme. as gats flash and cars crash and black flags rise over us. Love those 2 syllable phrases (3 in a row) Again, I think this stanza is the most impactful of the 4. Great work there.