space junk

[Split Eight]

Its overwhelming
to appreciate the ghosts of your past.
I feel you open up infinities (drinking Kölsch out the glass)
about your mother's death. or Greek Parenting
oceans of identity--(scoliosis eroding your back)
and this notion of synergy, that I cant quite respect.
You can't bare your soul and house a Hallmark heart
inside of your chest.. the sound of us, crossing arms,
finding that the Fall is done, and our own sides to our bed.
-- I want you to describe that instead.
'Falling' is a Radiolab- my satellite shrink,
who helped convince me true devotion is
a trap into which we would think,
at least I broadened my horizons til
I saw its pieces explode into salvagable things,
there's a fear in intimacy that endears you to shreds
ill never describe the sinking feeling when
i couldnt find your voice in my head

[Mr. J]

this was well written its nice to see you when you do pop up.
your use of words remain intact & you paint an emotional piece.
scoliosis to chest was a pretty cool set up I felt...
satellite shrink was a cool idea & the ending hit hard.
a trap & salvageable things was really nice too..
nice work brah

[Split Eight]

thanks J!

[Vulgar]

What comes to mind: the longitude of a relationship, and with it, some of the longing for experiences through race memories. "I want you to describe that instead" was interesting because it was a jarring way to introduce the narrator as someone who is spurning someone on, who is demanding an extra-something from an entity. It creates some tension in the pi.

'Falling' is a Radiolab- my satellite shrink,
who helped convince me true devotion is
a trap into which we would think,
at least I broadened my horizons til
I saw its pieces explode into salvagable things,
^I can read your work 12 times and come away with a different interpretation each time. You have a real gift of substance on your side. This part reminded me of the video for the song 'Splitting Atoms' by Massive Attack.

Thanks for the read. Keep writing.

[big baby]

Will edit with feed

[Split Eight]

Originally Posted by Vulgar

What comes to mind: the longitude of a relationship, and with it, some of the longing for experiences through race memories. "I want you to describe that instead" was interesting because it was a jarring way to introduce the narrator as someone who is spurning someone on, who is demanding an extra-something from an entity. It creates some tension in the pi.

'Falling' is a Radiolab- my satellite shrink,
who helped convince me true devotion is
a trap into which we would think,
at least I broadened my horizons til
I saw its pieces explode into salvagable things,
^I can read your work 12 times and come away with a different interpretation each time. You have a real gift of substance on your side. This part reminded me of the video for the song 'Splitting Atoms' by Massive Attack.

Thanks for the read. Keep writing.

Thank you friend

send me a short verse some time (:

[Exis]

This was nice...thought your word usage was interesting in a good way, the emotion & imagery were stand outs for me...its been a long time since I've read anything from you man, & from what I can remember this is one of your better flowing joints...very enjoyable shit.

Stay upwards Split.

[big baby]

Upsetting that you're sad, split.

Loved this from you. Re-read it a bunch of times because, I don't think you're as sheltered as before. Less cryptic. Forward, and there's more of a connection with everything you write.

-- I want you to describe that instead.
'Falling' is a Radiolab- my satellite shrink,
who helped convince me true devotion is
a trap into which we would think,
at least I broadened my horizons til
I saw its pieces explode into salvagable things,

best part by far. beautifully set up stanza. And it didn't seem you were into yourself as much. Took it seriously enough where you focused on content rather than what you wanted to convey. Thanks.

[PancakeBrah]

I AGREE WITH VULGAR AND BIG BABY WHO BOTH SAID THIS WAS DOPE/GOOD. In particular, I agree with Vulgar about the different interpretations of your work. You, black and big baby have the same effect; I always enjoy the wording/phrasing immensely but feel like I'm missing the point. Good company to be in. I thought the section big baby and Vulgar picked out was the highlight, but I also liked

You can't bare your soul and house a Hallmark heart
inside of your chest.. the sound of us, crossing arms,
finding that the Fall is done, and our own sides to our bed.

Quite a bit. Hallmark heart and the dual use of finding for each phrase.

Thanks for the read!

[NYCSPITZ]

7/10

[PancakeBrah]

The quickest way to tell if something is written by NYCSpitz;

is it samurai?

[dead man]

i havent critically read or commented on anything here in a while, so bare with me.

your appeal to something or someone is both heartfelt and almost sadly cynical of your own decision to do so. maybe because you felt you won't be understood. this notion of a 'hallmark heart' is sort of interesting - hallmark is sort of the poster-child of all things shallow and commercial, as it pertains to expression or emotion. i get the notion you don't necessarily trust your appeal to mean anything as it stands.

Radiolab as your satellite shrink. i know it is a podcast but i have not listened to it. but it's something concrete that grounds your thought process and makes it, if not relatable, at least tangible.

it's a great dichotomy of intimacy and distance. outer space and the bed. all at once.

i hope whoever, or whatever, you write to is still around to listen. even if your attempts are in vain.

i always like thoughtful and reflective split. if not a bit melancholy and drunk. it's when you tap into these sources that you create your most interesting work.

i really, sincerely hope you begin to turn the wheels again.

thanks.

[Split Eight]

@PancakeBrah @NYCSPITZ @big baby @Exis @dead man

Thank you guys. I'll be writing and feeding with more frequency moving forward

And very good pickup on the Radiolab reference, no idea how obscure it is outside of the Northeast but here's the segment that I specifically mentioned-- http://www.radiolab.org/story/91726-falling/

What's Left When You're Right and the one called Elements are both very intriguing as well

[veritas]

You no showed a battle with me. You know this. Dishonorable.

[Split Eight]

Originally Posted by veritas

You no showed a battle with me. You know this. Dishonorable.

My bad man

[veritas]

You are forgiven. I appreciate your humility. Respect.

[Otto Peighlaught]

the symmetry between the orbital space, our lost satellites / astronaut trash, traveling to distant places and the ever expanding universe of our memories, imagination, desires and fears is amazingly synced here. The premise for this is thought provoking and urges me to go write about something similar, thank you (sincerely). To me there is no greater compliment than that (writing a thought provoking / inspiring body of work). The journey of how you went thought to thought during a melancholy period of reflection was seamless and depth filled. Thank you.

[Witty]

I respect how you've gone from a new guy with lots of potential to one of the best writers here.

I thought this was very good.