Cliffside

dead man · 12-08-2013, 03:59 AM

/

pretty sure that i love you. but i know that it hurts
rose out of concrete, rougher than diamonds, gold in the dirt
over subway grates, windswept, the flow of your skirt
had me rotary, circular, stuck. rolling inert
nobody's first. i guess nobody wins, nobody's wrong
you'll never even know that i wrote you a song
fuck. i've written you dozens
notepad of assonances filled with assumptions
over analytic discussion, droning, like an idiot. substance
dependent, sinister soul. shadow puppeteering cryptic baroque
paper pioneering the boat. Aaliyah kissing me slow
mellow synthesis, prose is prozac. but my symptoms are few
are far between like full eclipses at noon
scented perfume. it all seems so egocentric, it's true
but i promise, evermore, raven, this is for you.
give me youth. it's the finer things i'm saving to buy
that have me feeling paranoid & hateful inside
be that close to the ledge. let your sentiments fly
cliffside is where your earnest femininity shines
all wax poetic aside. take that step. leftist or right
winged warrior, airborne like breathable lies
goretex and maker's mark. the seasonal grind
the TV says it's freezing. let the people decide
balancing romantic with a need to survive
thought you wanted a bond. you had a needle in mind
puzzled like broken china, force the pieces to fit
bat an eyelash and i'll lease you a whip.
jesus, it's sick
adulthood's a trip. i remember being seven and six
envisioning shit, suicide before i'd ever been kissed
reoccurrence persisted. viva la venereal cysts
your lips burn like kerosene, we melt. candlesticks
in the fireplace, ashes, bloody ashes we fade
another Encyclopedia Dramatica page
jottings cinquains on parchment and graves, walking away
long past my parliament phase. black tar coughing decay
i wanted to stay. truly, i did. i wasn't confused
just afraid to take a leap. i couldn't stomach the view
i love you more than life. that was always the truth
but it was either live in solitude, or suffer with you..

i'd rather burn than choke.

DEADMAN

Certain · 12-08-2013, 04:17 AM

I'm a bit drunk and thinking about things and about to go to bed. This was everything I needed in my life at this time, aside from a cigarette of my own.

Thank you.

I'll come back with better feedback.

Eŋg · 12-08-2013, 12:59 PM

whew. some parts of this were fiercely beautiful. i dug it.

dull boy · 12-08-2013, 01:16 PM

I wish you'd use periods. Sometimes I'm unsure where your flow ends or begins.

Wise Wiggles · 12-08-2013, 01:20 PM

The passion was very strong with this one

Makes me want to read it to people around

I've read my sister some of your writings before

Lol

dull boy · 12-08-2013, 05:47 PM

I want a visual of Wise's sister.

NYCSPITZ · 12-08-2013, 05:58 PM

jealousy is in the air i can tell /// i will never understand the shit but OH WELL...

Ryan 12 · 12-09-2013, 08:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dull boy

I want a visual of Wise's sister.

lmaooo

i lol'd irl when i read this

i was thinkin the same thing

dope om, @dead man

dead man · 12-10-2013, 11:47 AM

i think we can all agree that wise should have a .gif of his sister reading this and touching herself as his next signature.

ThisisDAM · 12-10-2013, 01:30 PM

Be honest. The first half was awesome. Overall great, but the last half wasn't as dope as the first. But loved that beginning a lot!

Wise Wiggles · 12-10-2013, 03:02 PM

I can see if she's down..

oats · 12-10-2013, 05:15 PM

freezing outside/people decide was dope. agree that it fell off at the end but you closed on a strong note. miss this shit

I know for a fact Wise' sister is down, btw

dull boy · 12-10-2013, 08:53 PM

For days I've been wondering if it's Wise' or Wise's. Oats has reinvigorated my inner turmoil.

Certain · 12-10-2013, 11:08 PM

It's Wise's.

dead man · 12-11-2013, 12:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oats

freezing outside/people decide was dope. agree that it fell off at the end but you closed on a strong note. miss this shit

I know for a fact Wise' sister is down, btw

you are missed brother oats

and thats interesting cuz we're usually on similar pages and the final segment was one of my favorite bits of this.

Scripter · 12-11-2013, 02:35 AM

This was amazing the whole way through, I hope to see more of this.

dead man · 12-13-2013, 09:20 PM

saving this from the second page

Certain · 12-14-2013, 03:12 AM

Quote:

pretty sure that i love you. but i know that it hurts
rose out of concrete, rougher than diamonds, gold in the dirt

I like that you lay out a thesis statement right away. This wasn't exceptional, but the point of the verse is crystalized. If you don't like this content, don't keep reading.

Quote:

over subway grates, windswept, the flow of your skirt
had me rotary, circular, stuck. rolling inert
nobody's first. i guess nobody wins, nobody's wrong
you'll never even know that i wrote you a song
fuck. i've written you dozens
notepad of assonances filled with assumptions

The way you word things drips of emotion and makes the cadence and delivery you're going for so obvious. I don't know any other text rapper who makes rapping his words so easy for the reader. This is tremendous. The "nobody" line had a lot of straightforward frustration in it.

Quote:

over analytic discussion, droning, like an idiot. substance
dependent, sinister soul. shadow puppeteering cryptic baroque
paper pioneering the boat. Aaliyah kissing me slow
mellow synthesis, prose is prozac. but my symptoms are few
are far between like full eclipses at noon
scented perfume. it all seems so egocentric, it's true
but i promise, evermore, raven, this is for you.

You shift gears here into something more abstract, wittier and more verbose, but you do it well. I didn't love "symptoms are few." Other than that, this was good. The wordplay was good.

Quote:

give me youth. it's the finer things i'm saving to buy
that have me feeling paranoid & hateful inside
be that close to the ledge. let your sentiments fly
cliffside is where your earnest femininity shines
all wax poetic aside. take that step. leftist or right
winged warrior, airborne like breathable lies

I wasn't as crazy about this section, but it was good. I appreciate the skill displayed here.

Quote:

goretex and maker's mark. the seasonal grind
the TV says it's freezing. let the people decide
balancing romantic with a need to survive
thought you wanted a bond. you had a needle in mind
puzzled like broken china, force the pieces to fit
bat an eyelash and i'll lease you a whip.
jesus, it's sick
adulthood's a trip. i remember being seven and six
envisioning shit, suicide before i'd ever been kissed
reoccurrence persisted. viva la venereal cysts
your lips burn like kerosene, we melt. candlesticks
in the fireplace, ashes, bloody ashes we fade
another Encyclopedia Dramatica page
jottings cinquains on parchment and graves, walking away
long past my parliament phase. black tar coughing decay
i wanted to stay. truly, i did. i wasn't confused
just afraid to take a leap. i couldn't stomach the view
i love you more than life. that was always the truth
but it was either live in solitude, or suffer with you..

i'd rather burn than choke.

I loved the ending. I don't know why other people didn't. This entire section was just ridiculous. This might be my favorite section of writing I've read on this site.

Orc · 12-14-2013, 12:44 PM

the only thing i've read on this site that deserves a HOF, a HOF that matters, not the watered down ish. the best since i've read my last blacketh piece probably, ha. thought provoking. beautiful. inspiring.

big baby · 12-14-2013, 05:34 PM

Who cares about flow.

This was poignant. I wonder if you'll ever step away from your comfort zone.

12-08-2013, 03:59 AM	#1
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,465 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606676	Cliffside / pretty sure that i love you. but i know that it hurts rose out of concrete, rougher than diamonds, gold in the dirt over subway grates, windswept, the flow of your skirt had me rotary, circular, stuck. rolling inert nobody's first. i guess nobody wins, nobody's wrong you'll never even know that i wrote you a song fuck. i've written you dozens notepad of assonances filled with assumptions over analytic discussion, droning, like an idiot. substance dependent, sinister soul. shadow puppeteering cryptic baroque paper pioneering the boat. Aaliyah kissing me slow mellow synthesis, prose is prozac. but my symptoms are few are far between like full eclipses at noon scented perfume. it all seems so egocentric, it's true but i promise, evermore, raven, this is for you. give me youth. it's the finer things i'm saving to buy that have me feeling paranoid & hateful inside be that close to the ledge. let your sentiments fly cliffside is where your earnest femininity shines all wax poetic aside. take that step. leftist or right winged warrior, airborne like breathable lies goretex and maker's mark. the seasonal grind the TV says it's freezing. let the people decide balancing romantic with a need to survive thought you wanted a bond. you had a needle in mind puzzled like broken china, force the pieces to fit bat an eyelash and i'll lease you a whip. jesus, it's sick adulthood's a trip. i remember being seven and six envisioning shit, suicide before i'd ever been kissed reoccurrence persisted. viva la venereal cysts your lips burn like kerosene, we melt. candlesticks in the fireplace, ashes, bloody ashes we fade another Encyclopedia Dramatica page jottings cinquains on parchment and graves, walking away long past my parliament phase. black tar coughing decay i wanted to stay. truly, i did. i wasn't confused just afraid to take a leap. i couldn't stomach the view i love you more than life. that was always the truth but it was either live in solitude, or suffer with you.. i'd rather burn than choke. DEADMAN __________________ Zack Wicks for president

12-08-2013, 04:17 AM	#2
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,072 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899402	I'm a bit drunk and thinking about things and about to go to bed. This was everything I needed in my life at this time, aside from a cigarette of my own. Thank you. I'll come back with better feedback. __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

12-08-2013, 01:20 PM	#5
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,507 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788019	The passion was very strong with this one Makes me want to read it to people around I've read my sister some of your writings before Lol __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

12-10-2013, 11:47 AM	#9
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,465 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606676	i think we can all agree that wise should have a .gif of his sister reading this and touching herself as his next signature. __________________ Zack Wicks for president

12-10-2013, 01:30 PM	#10
ThisisDAM Significance over Purpose Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: nYc Posts: 141 Battle Record: 3-2 Rep Power: 35	Be honest. The first half was awesome. Overall great, but the last half wasn't as dope as the first. But loved that beginning a lot! __________________ Twitter - @ThisisDAM

12-08-2013, 12:59 PM	#3
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,146 Rep Power: 0	whew. some parts of this were fiercely beautiful. i dug it.

12-08-2013, 01:16 PM	#4
dull boy consults Lloyd Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 4,075 Battle Record: 0-8 Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast Rep Power: 39345600	I wish you'd use periods. Sometimes I'm unsure where your flow ends or begins.

12-08-2013, 05:47 PM	#6
dull boy consults Lloyd Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 4,075 Battle Record: 0-8 Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast Rep Power: 39345600	I want a visual of Wise's sister.

12-08-2013, 05:58 PM	#7
NYCSPITZ SYRACUSE Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,033 Battle Record: 31-37 Champed - Write Night II - Alias Topical Tournament Rep Power: 4743544	jealousy is in the air i can tell /// i will never understand the shit but OH WELL...

12-10-2013, 03:02 PM	#11
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,507 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788019	I can see if she's down.. __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

12-10-2013, 05:15 PM	#12
oats Steel Cut Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 5,073 Battle Record: 19-10 Accomplishments - OM HOF (2x) Champed - Fight Night LXXXIV - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 79005425	freezing outside/people decide was dope. agree that it fell off at the end but you closed on a strong note. miss this shit I know for a fact Wise' sister is down, btw __________________ You should be water

12-10-2013, 08:53 PM	#13
dull boy consults Lloyd Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 4,075 Battle Record: 0-8 Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast Rep Power: 39345600	For days I've been wondering if it's Wise' or Wise's. Oats has reinvigorated my inner turmoil.

12-10-2013, 11:08 PM	#14
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,072 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899402	It's Wise's.

12-11-2013, 02:35 AM	#16
Scripter _Al_GO_RYTHMIC Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 644 Battle Record: 1-3 Rep Power: 0	This was amazing the whole way through, I hope to see more of this. __________________ http://www.youtube.com/user/toadill Ⓖⓔⓣ ⓘⓝ ⓣⓗⓔ ⓑⓞⓦⓛ I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT ╔══════╦═╗╔═╦═══╦═╦═══╗ ║░╔╗╔╗░║░║║░║╚══╣░║░╔═╝ ║░║╚╝║░║░╚╝░╠══╗║░║░╚═╗ ╚═╝░░╚═╩════╩═══╩═╩═══╝ ¸.•¨•♫♪¸.•¨•♫♪¸.•¨•♫♪¸.•¨•♫♪ ◕MUSIC◕LOVE◕LIVE◕LAUGH◕ ☯█▄█ █ █▀█ █▄█ █▀█ █▀█ ♬ ♬█▀█ █ █▀▀ █▀█ █▄█ █▀▀ ☯ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤♡

12-13-2013, 09:20 PM	#17
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,465 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606676	saving this from the second page __________________ Zack Wicks for president

12-14-2013, 12:44 PM	#19
Orc Certified Mother’s Boy Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 5,165 Battle Record: 5-1 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - NBL Season 4 - GBL Season 1 - Lyric Olympics - Fight Night LXVI - Fight Night LX - Fight Night (3x) - NBL Picture Roast - Netcees Battle League (8x) - NBL Picture League - Gimmick Battle League - BA Tag Team - 1-2 Punch League - NBL Cypher (3x) - Battle Arena League - OM HOF (2x) Rep Power: 85899390	the only thing i've read on this site that deserves a HOF, a HOF that matters, not the watered down ish. the best since i've read my last blacketh piece probably, ha. thought provoking. beautiful. inspiring.

12-14-2013, 05:34 PM	#20
big baby obsessed Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: fucka idiyote Posts: 5,716 Battle Record: Faggot-1 Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2 Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2 - was candidate for gerber baby 3x - smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote" - smush beer on head and didn't cry - parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once - when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan - won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a - neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper - set neighbor house on fire lmao - fuck neighbor husband and wife - first fish caught resembled david ortiz - colin kaepernick - related to genghis khan - elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club - never lost game of hide and seek Rep Power: 8599678	Who cares about flow. This was poignant. I wonder if you'll ever step away from your comfort zone.