Small Topical Tournament

symetrik · 11-10-2023, 10:48 PM

There are no battles, only writing and feedback. Everyone votes for "verse of the week" and "runner up".

Topics
Each of you will receive a picture via PM of an additional topic to combine with the main topic below. Pictures will be randomly assigned but share a theme. Please attach your image when you post in this thread!

Posting
Verses are due Friday, the 17th, at 9 pm your timezone. Don't split hairs. You can PM me instead of posting, and I'll post at that time, or you can post. Since themes are half unique per writer, feel comfortable doing either.

The line limit is 64, but don't be afraid of succinct. You know me...

Voting
Please provide feedback on the following criteria for each posted piece: adherence to theme, creativity/originality, emotional impact, and technical proficiency. Your feedback is from your perspective, and there is no wrong or right answer. Please also nominate the "verse of the week" and "runner up" in your opinion. Obviously not yourself, you fiend.

Players
@Diablo
@Mike Wrecka
@Master Rock
@Candy (would you like me to post your image here since your PMs are off?)
@symetrik - meta tag

This week's topic: "To a father waxing old, nothing is dearer..." - Euripides

Shout out to Inno and Objective for the topic pictures from back in the day.

Diablo · 11-11-2023, 02:43 AM

In

symetrik · 11-11-2023, 12:28 PM

If anyone hasn't received my PM, tag me, and I'll post your image here. Cheers.

Candy · 11-11-2023, 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by symetrik

There are no battles, only writing and feedback. Everyone votes for "verse of the week" and "runner up".

Topics
Each of you will receive a picture via PM of an additional topic to combine with the main topic below. Pictures will be randomly assigned but share a theme. Please attach your image when you post in this thread!

Posting
Verses are due Friday, the 17th, at 9 pm your timezone. Don't split hairs. You can PM me instead of posting, and I'll post at that time, or you can post. Since themes are half unique per writer, feel comfortable doing either.

The line limit is 64, but don't be afraid of succinct. You know me...

Voting
Please provide feedback on the following criteria for each posted piece: adherence to theme, creativity/originality, emotional impact, and technical proficiency. Your feedback is from your perspective, and there is no wrong or right answer. Please also nominate the "verse of the week" and "runner up" in your opinion. Obviously not yourself, you fiend.

Players
@Diablo
@Mike Wrecka
@Master Rock
@Candy (would you like me to post your image here since your PMs are off?)
@symetrik - meta tag

This week's topic: "To a father waxing old, nothing is dearer..." - Euripides

Shout out to Inno and Objective for the topic pictures from back in the day.

yeh you can neva b to careful il put on the pms so just try one more time

Candy · 11-11-2023, 04:39 PM

yeh just put the topic in the thread or this one or you can make one il just keep check for your updates directed at i

symetrik · 11-11-2023, 07:06 PM

@Candy

Your subtopic (in addition to the quote above) is:

Master Rock · 11-11-2023, 07:58 PM

Always

Candy · 11-12-2023, 08:19 AM

spekt

Candy · 11-12-2023, 08:56 AM

the baby Roses viced
..

..

my dress red, golden woven spiders A sexualized
pony hair curled italic bold brunette energized
penmenship sinks shots, lips as moist as my panties ripped
i skip this way that way this pipe is pretty like its diamond
maybe its my hymen looking for a lick of heroin to the famined lit..

but thats my ass on it yall aint seen nothing til you eat it
in the dust
this little tumble weed says youll dont have shit on me - face it

so im a keep skippen
skippen war then that what it is just dont be moon blinked if you can swallow the pride that honoured it in its basement casing it out to retrace it.. and walk off a cliff note like noticed what a faggot it is cause yall a joke..

the gallow that would be humane to human girl hoods but this bald vagina feels like it shops with sterlin silver blood lines.. dope..

aite - its just the psychochemical talken to myself hell help the bottle says flip it so i press my button to the button smell like a peach across the tank wit my name the niggers dont even notie it - might aswell down it.. yumma...

my oxa coma loner stroller aborting her peroid under her nose.. aite im straight..
*head sway - im straight..

icky icky yall translate for me all i got is soul and my ribs even lesbain
so whera i go to get a poun all i smell is lemon pine cones from a pine box of cocks without the coctail when i sqwaut for my toe bent beyond amazen.. unfazed.. yall dig

but nutten
nutten
im in a street of turnups like a greesing well this goose lillie for the peyote pins and needles to react to it beasting but camo colours are acting up like a dirty push bushed up the asshole of popo to poor to pour some..
so so some some this baby face nelsons got none but for herself ten orgasms still cleaning cleaner a dum dum spat in the heart pump without pumps..

so i let it hold it to sell if it will unfold me in an unraveling pandora paradox - all gold whisks tied..

the boy holds - swirl i hurl..

the niggers all pearl smile smoke smoke time i light duck peaking like i peaked over no ish til now leaked and thats all i ever noticed my arogant ass sending to yale joke before there born like deakin freakin seeking a google poodle style like doggies die in deathrow in this row of dynamite dont die eyes minds and lime lime lime tap tap tap.. click click goodbye to your shine

this soul can be seen even behond yo mind when i tip toe out your bedroom in the dark

next time dont dream of a spark unless you wanted a fire cracker in your pocket crackers.. click click

il see you peace.. blow a kiss from the anarchy hip hop knight in her nightie night night slightly

Diablo · 11-14-2023, 01:30 PM

I’ll be here.

Friday 9pm your time is like 24 hours behind mine though lol

symetrik · 11-14-2023, 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diablo

I’ll be here.

Friday 9pm your time is like 24 hours behind mine though lol

9 pm your time is your due date, plus or minus whatever you need as long as it's not like 24 hours outside of a general "Friday 9m" vibe. I'm not gonna be like that if it's reasonable.

Diablo · 11-17-2023, 01:32 PM

“She has her Father’s eyes,” said the nurse on the late shift
turning to face me, child in arms, to present our perfect new baby.
I lift her to the safety of my chest while changing position
so baby can listen as our two hearts beat as one in circadian rhythm.
I cradle the infant in the secure crevice of my arm
with the presence of a guardian who’ll never bring her harm.
“Your daddy’s precious little darling, aren’t you?” said with a kiss
to the forehead as I lift you to meet my trembling lips.
I’ll never admit it, but it scares me to think of the thought
of how I witnessed you born strangled by your own umbilical cord.
The image still haunts me. The seconds that followed your birth
possibly turning the happiest day of my life into one of the worst.
I watched as the surgeons fought to free you and keep you alive
reaching inside your mothers stomach as I feared for your life
squeezing her tightly. “Is everything okay?” your mother asked
I couldn’t answer. “What’s happening?” she shot me a worried glance.
I remember looking back into her sad and nervous eyes
I took her the hand of hers in mine because we hadn’t heard you cry.
I lacked the words to try and console her, even if I had wanted.
I couldn’t bear to think of the consequence.
You were still irresponsive.
I felt her wedding ring as it prodded into the flesh of my palm
its emeralds sharp against my skin, yet the pain was felt in my heart.
The specialists started lowering you body into an incubation pod
It’s so painful watching, fearful that your little angels gone.
Every minute taking longer than it ever has before.
Every second passing more slowly than I remember that’s for sure.
It’s only then you gasped to call out beneath its halogen lights
Your passionate cries opening the floodgates as tears ran from my eyes.
I remember standing beside you gazing happily
I hadn’t just became a dad, you went and made a man of me.

symetrik · 11-17-2023, 08:35 PM

a memory
to a doctoring daughter worried about squandering age,
nothing is dearer than watching his wandering fingers walk, doddering across the photography's page,
each moment in space is a memory captured specifically to conjure a grin on his face...
and for that moment in time, the wrinkled lines were erased, and her father was wholly replaced with no hint of decay.
his posture straightened, and she saw in his gaze that the photo had momentarily lifted the haze -
"you never cease to amaze me" - and then, his clarity fades...

so she takes a break, heading downstairs and grabbing one of the cafeteria's plastic rectangular plates.
she smiles politely, waiting to pick a seat until she spots a nurse who's not up to speed on her case,
then navigates through the grey tables and trays until she gets to her place
where she picks at her food for a few hours before she's startled awake;

the white hospital walls no longer feel safe.
the unwavering tone permeating her space leaves her heart racing,
and she races to room 28, where the noise emanates.
oh, to be brave...

afloat
oh, what a day to be born...

as one departs, so another arrives.
I hope my name is Emilia. I hope I have radiant green eyes.
I hope I won't lose a pet or a friend until I'm at least twenty-five.
but I hope most of all that I live a great life...

symetrik · 11-17-2023, 08:38 PM

regardless of when master rock drops, feedback is due by next Friday, please and thank you.

Feedback
Please provide feedback on the following criteria for each posted piece: adherence to theme, creativity/originality, emotional impact, and technical proficiency.

Master Rock · 11-17-2023, 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by symetrik

There are no battles, only writing and feedback. Everyone votes for "verse of the week" and "runner up".

Topics
Each of you will receive a picture via PM of an additional topic to combine with the main topic below. Pictures will be randomly assigned but share a theme. Please attach your image when you post in this thread!

Posting
Verses are due Friday, the 17th, at 9 pm your timezone. Don't split hairs. You can PM me instead of posting, and I'll post at that time, or you can post. Since themes are half unique per writer, feel comfortable doing either.

The line limit is 64, but don't be afraid of succinct. You know me...

Voting
Please provide feedback on the following criteria for each posted piece: adherence to theme, creativity/originality, emotional impact, and technical proficiency. Your feedback is from your perspective, and there is no wrong or right answer. Please also nominate the "verse of the week" and "runner up" in your opinion. Obviously not yourself, you fiend.

Players
@Diablo
@Mike Wrecka
@Master Rock
@Candy (would you like me to post your image here since your PMs are off?)
@symetrik - meta tag

This week's topic: "To a father waxing old, nothing is dearer..." - Euripides

Shout out to Inno and Objective for the topic pictures from back in the day.

Just sat down to write...hopefully I finish tonight.

Diablo · 11-20-2023, 04:35 PM

I guess voting is open then since we got nothing from Rock?

symetrik · 11-20-2023, 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diablo

I guess voting is open then since we got nothing from Rock?

yeah all good to go. I'm gonna get my feedbacks in prolly thursday

Candy · 11-20-2023, 08:29 PM

Diablo:
though loosely based to topic, woowzers was yours tight.. so pretty such a capture of a little girl and the trauma of father.. so was really digging the personal connection of the relationship... i gotta say this on a generic level this was a creative piece but in my twisted hell other world this ish is a dime a dozen as far as concept really fucken brings down the mood cause you wrote about it like 99 times yourself nothing yall dig wrong just the dark world that i perssonally live in.. whats funny as unoriginal the father angel on this to me was meh the emotionals still hit side ways and beyond man with your straight fire depiction amaing feeling for nearling line by line it actually felt if you pulled back you would have lost style on the story itself.. so well done.. tech wise this was hard cause clearly style was a big part but at the end of the day either you slam it home or dont.. and yalls took the cake very provience very abrubt and in your face in a good way.. thanks n g/l

Symetrik:
like i was saying both loose in correct to topic yours just a little looser it just sucks saying that to such a pretty image and how it came to be.. so much inner beauty if though there was a touch of term oil.. well done.. loved the originality in this one was totally feeling hte vibe of free floating/dreaming through your own story as it unravels just had that lil bit of spice to it.. man this was cool it just didnt drift as far as it could of its like once you open such a big concept you need it to flourish to the point of no return and it just sort of drifted to an abrubt end.. so fault just imo.. like i was saying getting past style on tech was tough lots of re-reading and reading between the lines.. but lars just took you, yours very girlie - 9/10 i sway that way just his delivery of lines alone with structure had yall covered imo.. thanks g/l

vote = diablo

Diablo · 11-21-2023, 08:50 AM

Firstly the picture that Candy got I’ve actually seen used previously in the GSL at Rap-Royalty. In fact IIRC I even dropped a last minute entry against @Ullr to it there so I’ve even wrote to that exact same image myself previously which perhaps works against him to an extent so far as my own vote goes, but I’ll try not to distract from that too much here in the interests of fairness to all involved.

Candy has some abstract wording I can appreciate on occasion like the “golden woven spiders” snippet where I can visualise the wiring of the suicidal bomb strapped under the dress of the female and appreciate, but then others like the description of “pony hair” which for me doesn’t work anywhere near as well and somewhat takes me out of the picture. I think you get a really mixed bag between the two with Candy, he seems to write quickly and keystyle the majority of his work when if he applied himself more and took care and time over it he could produce something far more substantial. To be honest when we entered the section on the “hymen” and “ass” it went from being somewhat serious in tone to something child like, not just from a writers voice but also the language being used in describing such things, it didn’t really resonate with the image IMHO in the tone of the writers voice of the word choices employed. I did read on and noticed that the word “faggot” and “bald vagina” were also used in there but I honestly decided to stop at that point because it just felt rather immature and irrelevant to me. Sorry.

Symetrik: This was far better, you immersed yourself in the quotation and build your verse firmly around it. Actually not even around it as ‘in’ it if that makes sense, and that’s exactly where this needed to take place. The quote was in reference to the amazing bond between father and daughter, and what I also enjoyed here was that you ended it from the daughters perspective. Not yet born, but already with aspirations and expectations ahead of your time. Just like all daughters have in my experience, and I’ve two that are very determined and headstrong in knowing what they want. Lol. I actually felt this was a really difficult topic for me personally to write about and it’s not one I tend to go into detail on due to personal circumstances around the birth of my eldest daughter, but yeah - it was a real test of my abilities to try and write something so close to home. I wanted to make mine longer originally but time (and emotions) got the better of me this week writing it. Sorry I didn’t write more and max out.

Vote - Symetrik

Diablo · 11-23-2023, 05:27 PM

Bump!

11-10-2023, 10:48 PM	#1
symetrik Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Posts: 544 Battle Record: 5-7 Rep Power: 8664751	Small Topical Tournament There are no battles, only writing and feedback. Everyone votes for "verse of the week" and "runner up". Topics Each of you will receive a picture via PM of an additional topic to combine with the main topic below. Pictures will be randomly assigned but share a theme. Please attach your image when you post in this thread! Posting Verses are due Friday, the 17th, at 9 pm your timezone. Don't split hairs. You can PM me instead of posting, and I'll post at that time, or you can post. Since themes are half unique per writer, feel comfortable doing either. The line limit is 64, but don't be afraid of succinct. You know me... Voting Please provide feedback on the following criteria for each posted piece: adherence to theme, creativity/originality, emotional impact, and technical proficiency. Your feedback is from your perspective, and there is no wrong or right answer. Please also nominate the "verse of the week" and "runner up" in your opinion. Obviously not yourself, you fiend. Players @Diablo @Mike Wrecka @Master Rock @Candy (would you like me to post your image here since your PMs are off?) @symetrik - meta tag This week's topic: "To a father waxing old, nothing is dearer..." - Euripides Shout out to Inno and Objective for the topic pictures from back in the day. Last edited by symetrik; 11-10-2023 at 10:54 PM.

11-11-2023, 04:39 PM	#5
Candy Sell Her Join Date: Feb 2018 Posts: 986 Battle Record: 1-3 Rep Power: 5082452	yeh just put the topic in the thread or this one or you can make one il just keep check for your updates directed at i __________________ curious más curioso y más curioso

11-11-2023, 07:58 PM	#7
Master Rock Steadily Lurking Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Beyond your reach Posts: 1,330 Battle Record: 7-7 Champed - Netcees Writers League Rep Power: 5599637	Always __________________ https://www.instagram.com/master_rock1/ https://www.youtube.com/graphicalmindz

11-12-2023, 08:19 AM	#8
Candy Sell Her Join Date: Feb 2018 Posts: 986 Battle Record: 1-3 Rep Power: 5082452	spekt __________________ curious más curioso y más curioso

11-12-2023, 08:56 AM	#9
Candy Sell Her Join Date: Feb 2018 Posts: 986 Battle Record: 1-3 Rep Power: 5082452	the baby Roses viced .. .. my dress red, golden woven spiders A sexualized pony hair curled italic bold brunette energized penmenship sinks shots, lips as moist as my panties ripped i skip this way that way this pipe is pretty like its diamond maybe its my hymen looking for a lick of heroin to the famined lit.. but thats my ass on it yall aint seen nothing til you eat it in the dust this little tumble weed says youll dont have shit on me - face it so im a keep skippen skippen war then that what it is just dont be moon blinked if you can swallow the pride that honoured it in its basement casing it out to retrace it.. and walk off a cliff note like noticed what a faggot it is cause yall a joke.. the gallow that would be humane to human girl hoods but this bald vagina feels like it shops with sterlin silver blood lines.. dope.. aite - its just the psychochemical talken to myself hell help the bottle says flip it so i press my button to the button smell like a peach across the tank wit my name the niggers dont even notie it - might aswell down it.. yumma... my oxa coma loner stroller aborting her peroid under her nose.. aite im straight.. *head sway - im straight.. icky icky yall translate for me all i got is soul and my ribs even lesbain so whera i go to get a poun all i smell is lemon pine cones from a pine box of cocks without the coctail when i sqwaut for my toe bent beyond amazen.. unfazed.. yall dig but nutten nutten im in a street of turnups like a greesing well this goose lillie for the peyote pins and needles to react to it beasting but camo colours are acting up like a dirty push bushed up the asshole of popo to poor to pour some.. so so some some this baby face nelsons got none but for herself ten orgasms still cleaning cleaner a dum dum spat in the heart pump without pumps.. so i let it hold it to sell if it will unfold me in an unraveling pandora paradox - all gold whisks tied.. the boy holds - swirl i hurl.. the niggers all pearl smile smoke smoke time i light duck peaking like i peaked over no ish til now leaked and thats all i ever noticed my arogant ass sending to yale joke before there born like deakin freakin seeking a google poodle style like doggies die in deathrow in this row of dynamite dont die eyes minds and lime lime lime tap tap tap.. click click goodbye to your shine this soul can be seen even behond yo mind when i tip toe out your bedroom in the dark next time dont dream of a spark unless you wanted a fire cracker in your pocket crackers.. click click il see you peace.. blow a kiss from the anarchy hip hop knight in her nightie night night slightly __________________ curious más curioso y más curioso

11-11-2023, 02:43 AM	#2
Diablo Badgerdick Join Date: Jul 2015 Location: Showdown City Posts: 2,604 Battle Record: 11-2 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 22685548	In

11-11-2023, 12:28 PM	#3
symetrik Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Posts: 544 Battle Record: 5-7 Rep Power: 8664751	If anyone hasn't received my PM, tag me, and I'll post your image here. Cheers.

11-11-2023, 07:06 PM	#6
symetrik Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Posts: 544 Battle Record: 5-7 Rep Power: 8664751	@Candy Your subtopic (in addition to the quote above) is:

11-14-2023, 01:30 PM	#10
Diablo Badgerdick Join Date: Jul 2015 Location: Showdown City Posts: 2,604 Battle Record: 11-2 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 22685548	I’ll be here. Friday 9pm your time is like 24 hours behind mine though lol

11-17-2023, 01:32 PM	#12
Diablo Badgerdick Join Date: Jul 2015 Location: Showdown City Posts: 2,604 Battle Record: 11-2 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 22685548	“She has her Father’s eyes,” said the nurse on the late shift turning to face me, child in arms, to present our perfect new baby. I lift her to the safety of my chest while changing position so baby can listen as our two hearts beat as one in circadian rhythm. I cradle the infant in the secure crevice of my arm with the presence of a guardian who’ll never bring her harm. “Your daddy’s precious little darling, aren’t you?” said with a kiss to the forehead as I lift you to meet my trembling lips. I’ll never admit it, but it scares me to think of the thought of how I witnessed you born strangled by your own umbilical cord. The image still haunts me. The seconds that followed your birth possibly turning the happiest day of my life into one of the worst. I watched as the surgeons fought to free you and keep you alive reaching inside your mothers stomach as I feared for your life squeezing her tightly. “Is everything okay?” your mother asked I couldn’t answer. “What’s happening?” she shot me a worried glance. I remember looking back into her sad and nervous eyes I took her the hand of hers in mine because we hadn’t heard you cry. I lacked the words to try and console her, even if I had wanted. I couldn’t bear to think of the consequence. You were still irresponsive. I felt her wedding ring as it prodded into the flesh of my palm its emeralds sharp against my skin, yet the pain was felt in my heart. The specialists started lowering you body into an incubation pod It’s so painful watching, fearful that your little angels gone. Every minute taking longer than it ever has before. Every second passing more slowly than I remember that’s for sure. It’s only then you gasped to call out beneath its halogen lights Your passionate cries opening the floodgates as tears ran from my eyes. I remember standing beside you gazing happily I hadn’t just became a dad, you went and made a man of me. Last edited by Diablo; 11-18-2023 at 02:56 AM.

11-17-2023, 08:35 PM	#13
symetrik Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Posts: 544 Battle Record: 5-7 Rep Power: 8664751	a memory to a doctoring daughter worried about squandering age, nothing is dearer than watching his wandering fingers walk, doddering across the photography's page, each moment in space is a memory captured specifically to conjure a grin on his face... and for that moment in time, the wrinkled lines were erased, and her father was wholly replaced with no hint of decay. his posture straightened, and she saw in his gaze that the photo had momentarily lifted the haze - "you never cease to amaze me" - and then, his clarity fades... so she takes a break, heading downstairs and grabbing one of the cafeteria's plastic rectangular plates. she smiles politely, waiting to pick a seat until she spots a nurse who's not up to speed on her case, then navigates through the grey tables and trays until she gets to her place where she picks at her food for a few hours before she's startled awake; the white hospital walls no longer feel safe. the unwavering tone permeating her space leaves her heart racing, and she races to room 28, where the noise emanates. oh, to be brave... afloat oh, what a day to be born... as one departs, so another arrives. I hope my name is Emilia. I hope I have radiant green eyes. I hope I won't lose a pet or a friend until I'm at least twenty-five. but I hope most of all that I live a great life...

11-17-2023, 08:38 PM	#14
symetrik Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Posts: 544 Battle Record: 5-7 Rep Power: 8664751	regardless of when master rock drops, feedback is due by next Friday, please and thank you. Feedback Please provide feedback on the following criteria for each posted piece: adherence to theme, creativity/originality, emotional impact, and technical proficiency.

11-20-2023, 04:35 PM	#16
Diablo Badgerdick Join Date: Jul 2015 Location: Showdown City Posts: 2,604 Battle Record: 11-2 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 22685548	I guess voting is open then since we got nothing from Rock?

11-20-2023, 08:29 PM	#18
Candy Sell Her Join Date: Feb 2018 Posts: 986 Battle Record: 1-3 Rep Power: 5082452	Diablo: though loosely based to topic, woowzers was yours tight.. so pretty such a capture of a little girl and the trauma of father.. so was really digging the personal connection of the relationship... i gotta say this on a generic level this was a creative piece but in my twisted hell other world this ish is a dime a dozen as far as concept really fucken brings down the mood cause you wrote about it like 99 times yourself nothing yall dig wrong just the dark world that i perssonally live in.. whats funny as unoriginal the father angel on this to me was meh the emotionals still hit side ways and beyond man with your straight fire depiction amaing feeling for nearling line by line it actually felt if you pulled back you would have lost style on the story itself.. so well done.. tech wise this was hard cause clearly style was a big part but at the end of the day either you slam it home or dont.. and yalls took the cake very provience very abrubt and in your face in a good way.. thanks n g/l Symetrik: like i was saying both loose in correct to topic yours just a little looser it just sucks saying that to such a pretty image and how it came to be.. so much inner beauty if though there was a touch of term oil.. well done.. loved the originality in this one was totally feeling hte vibe of free floating/dreaming through your own story as it unravels just had that lil bit of spice to it.. man this was cool it just didnt drift as far as it could of its like once you open such a big concept you need it to flourish to the point of no return and it just sort of drifted to an abrubt end.. so fault just imo.. like i was saying getting past style on tech was tough lots of re-reading and reading between the lines.. but lars just took you, yours very girlie - 9/10 i sway that way just his delivery of lines alone with structure had yall covered imo.. thanks g/l vote = diablo __________________ curious más curioso y más curioso

11-21-2023, 08:50 AM	#19
Diablo Badgerdick Join Date: Jul 2015 Location: Showdown City Posts: 2,604 Battle Record: 11-2 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 22685548	Firstly the picture that Candy got I’ve actually seen used previously in the GSL at Rap-Royalty. In fact IIRC I even dropped a last minute entry against @Ullr to it there so I’ve even wrote to that exact same image myself previously which perhaps works against him to an extent so far as my own vote goes, but I’ll try not to distract from that too much here in the interests of fairness to all involved. Candy has some abstract wording I can appreciate on occasion like the “golden woven spiders” snippet where I can visualise the wiring of the suicidal bomb strapped under the dress of the female and appreciate, but then others like the description of “pony hair” which for me doesn’t work anywhere near as well and somewhat takes me out of the picture. I think you get a really mixed bag between the two with Candy, he seems to write quickly and keystyle the majority of his work when if he applied himself more and took care and time over it he could produce something far more substantial. To be honest when we entered the section on the “hymen” and “ass” it went from being somewhat serious in tone to something child like, not just from a writers voice but also the language being used in describing such things, it didn’t really resonate with the image IMHO in the tone of the writers voice of the word choices employed. I did read on and noticed that the word “faggot” and “bald vagina” were also used in there but I honestly decided to stop at that point because it just felt rather immature and irrelevant to me. Sorry. Symetrik: This was far better, you immersed yourself in the quotation and build your verse firmly around it. Actually not even around it as ‘in’ it if that makes sense, and that’s exactly where this needed to take place. The quote was in reference to the amazing bond between father and daughter, and what I also enjoyed here was that you ended it from the daughters perspective. Not yet born, but already with aspirations and expectations ahead of your time. Just like all daughters have in my experience, and I’ve two that are very determined and headstrong in knowing what they want. Lol. I actually felt this was a really difficult topic for me personally to write about and it’s not one I tend to go into detail on due to personal circumstances around the birth of my eldest daughter, but yeah - it was a real test of my abilities to try and write something so close to home. I wanted to make mine longer originally but time (and emotions) got the better of me this week writing it. Sorry I didn’t write more and max out. Vote - Symetrik

11-23-2023, 05:27 PM	#20
Diablo Badgerdick Join Date: Jul 2015 Location: Showdown City Posts: 2,604 Battle Record: 11-2 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 22685548	Bump!