GRUDGE MATCH: MMLP vs YDK - MMLP 4-1

sral · 10-11-2015, 03:41 AM

AOWL Season V, Week 12

SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
Tuesday at 9 p.m. Pacific/West Coast or Tuesday 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM Wednesday Central European/London
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles and post links/ references in the voting thread.

Read the full rules here!

Topic: Each cosmos is a living being which lives, breathes, thinks, feels, is born, and dies.
P. D. Ouspensky
@YDK

MMLP · 10-11-2015, 03:56 AM

Petr cech

YDK · 10-11-2015, 09:04 AM

Yerp

MMLP · 10-13-2015, 10:42 AM

a point marked within a gap was missing its base
it started with a bang and system in place
all shifting in space and further apart
some distance away was the birth of a star

unearthing a spark that would break from the rest
was certain to start a chain of events
new formations, defences had began to emerge
and gradually blended in the mass of the earth

Patterns had surfaced but water was crucial
the plastics had purpose with all of it neutral
orders were utilised to the last light of day
storming would soon arise as skies were grey

unplanned climate changes endangered our goals
and hibernating had taken its toll
a range of approaches were beating us down
it came to our notice that a 'Leo' was needed and now

with both feet on the ground things kicked into gear
a king would be crowned and begin a career
as it quickly appeared the full package had came
bringing them fear in just a matter of days

as the manager takes on recruits intelligence
with planning in place to use these specialists
and soon we'll benefit from setting it right
for our youth development & the next Messi shall rise

YDK · 10-14-2015, 01:21 PM

Born on this alien planet pale and abandoned
Stranded for so long I'm unsure if I need bail or a ransom.
I feel frail, "cant I have some sign of life!?" I scream "dammit!"
27 years and I've yet to meet a friend that can stand this
Mind boggling loneliness that comes with the turf
I've seen plenty of "people" but no one's alive on this earth
All brainwashed and apathetic since arriving from birth
I almost wish I were them to survive with this hurt.
It makes me question existence, existential conversations evolve,
Unlike ourselves within this minds of us all.
What is life? Is it breathing or hoping?
Is it finding a way to smile, or naturally coping?
Revelations come to the forefront as I look to the sky,
And realize that a single question is needed for me to decide.
Am I alive?

@sraL @MMLP sorry for dropping so late I got caught up with my daughter

Mr. J · 10-14-2015, 02:26 PM

new formations, defences had began to emerge
and gradually blended in the mass of the earth

Patterns had surfaced but water was crucial
the plastics had purpose with all of it neutral
^^^^^
I thought this was pretty cool, its easy to see that Lars influence in you
I enjoyed the start of this piece to the very end, some of the rhyming was dumbed down
but you still carried my enthusiasm throughout the piece with some dope imagery
I kind of wished this was longer so I could see more build up to the end
either way I feel as though you shined minus some of the simpler rhymes
dope work brah

Mind boggling loneliness that comes with the turf
I've seen plenty of "people" but no one's alive on this earth
All brainwashed and apathetic since arriving from birth
I almost wish I were them to survive with this hurt.
It makes me question existence, existential conversations evolve,
Unlike ourselves within this minds of us all.
^^^^
now this I liked, its amazing to say the least i feel as though people dont give you much credit
you grasp onto an example of life & flip it to work with your topic and I really enjoyed it
so Id give you the same advice as I gave MMLP I wish that it was longer, you both used simpler rhymes
but you bumped heads quite nicely when it comes to your own ideas
nice work here regardless brah

v/I feel like both competitors are evenly matched here, the work they dropped suited both of them
I feel the most impressive thing is the different point of views both writers brought to the table
both brought that short yet explosive detail that launched them beyond my expectation
its refreshing to see other writers use a shorter approach with impressive flows...
this is another one of the tougher battles I have had the honor of voting on....
I wish both of you would have went all out with the line limit building on what you had
but we were all strapped for time...ahhh...

Im going with YDK on this one, he impressed me to the point I wanted to see more
both did that actually, yet YDK brought the more memorable piece, nice battle fellas

v/YDK

Nigma · 10-14-2015, 11:02 PM

MMLP, when I first read the ending I hated the verse lol. It was very bold to write an allegory about something that may fly over the head of the majority of people here. Upon the reread I appreciate all the connections you made though. I don't know enough about the organizations to put every piece in place but up until the last line I thought I was reading an average verse about the universe and that twist and new perspective upon the reread was nice.

YDK, eek, brief verse that read to prove that lack of forethought invested. There were some nice oneliners, my fav line was 'I almost wish I were them to survive with this hurt'. As a whole though, you didn't build on enough for this to really impact me in the way that MMLP's take on the topic did. You were well on your way, just needed a bit more time and thought.

+1 MMLP

Frank · 10-15-2015, 03:34 PM

MMLP

What stands out is the cadence. It's very Humpty-Dumpty... Humpty dumpty sat on the wall, humpty dumpty had a great fall... It's elementary in a way. Few instances where you miscalculated the rhythm, primarily the last two lines of the first two stanzas. Also "Mass" rhyming with began seemed like a stretch by any continents standards. I think there is a prolific simpleness to this type of style, if done right, like how you started the piece. All in all this was cool. I preferred the first 3 stanzas over the last 3 stanzas. You kinda strayed away from vibe you manifested.

YDK

Dropped on a grownup theme this week. This was more intellectual and less emotional than some of your more recent writing. First verse I can remember reading that wasn't about either of the women in your life. You said you rushed it in the discussion thread, so all forethought goes out the window. I would keep specifics like that to yourself. For what its worth though, you took a page out of your more advanced mental library and I appreciate the read.

MVGT MMLP

Adonis · 10-15-2015, 11:52 PM

Longer version in mag

It's about Lionel Messi you tards. MMLP wrote about Messi and did so using well worded concepts and metaphors about the galaxy and more. YDK had an emotionally driven verse getting the look into a hippy type much like myself if I can be honest. A personal peer into the soul of a man willing to notice everyone is the same, and asleep in this world

v/MMLP

dope concept and superb execution.

asylum · 10-16-2015, 06:03 AM

mmlp - i like your description of the way of the universe and shit. i did a somewhat similar piece a while ago about black holes and i think yours was executed better. enjoyed the read. favorite lines..

all shifting in space and further apart
some distance away was the birth of a star

unearthing a spark that would break from the rest
was certain to start a chain of events

^felt that was your strongest point.

ydk - favorite lines..
It makes me question existence, existential conversations evolve,
Unlike ourselves within this minds of us all.
What is life? Is it breathing or hoping?
Is it finding a way to smile, or naturally coping?

your piece was a simple examination of existence and questioning one's place.
you connected with some questions and assertions i truly felt. dope piece, just wasn't developed to a standard i've come to expect from you. better luck next week.

/v mmlp this week came with a more developed piece that overall had better coherence, style, and flow. he took this pretty solid imho.

10-11-2015, 03:41 AM	#1
sral Shrewd as evearthed Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Wolverhampton, England Posts: 8,255 Battle Record: 28-3 Champed - Gimmick Battle League - The Winter Topical - Topical Martyrs - Lime Green Poetry Association - Lyric Olympics - Art of Writing League - Guerrilla Writing League (2x) - Black August II Rep Power: 85899391	GRUDGE MATCH: MMLP vs YDK - MMLP 4-1 AOWL Season V, Week 12 SUMMARY OF RULES: Verses are due Tuesday at 9 p.m. Pacific/West Coast or Tuesday 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM Wednesday Central European/London There are NO extensions. Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words). Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week. All competitors must vote on THREE battles and post links/ references in the voting thread. Read the full rules here! Topic: Each cosmos is a living being which lives, breathes, thinks, feels, is born, and dies. P. D. Ouspensky @YDK __________________ - Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season) Last edited by Adonis; 10-16-2015 at 08:11 AM.

10-11-2015, 09:04 AM	#3
YDK ghost in the matrix Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: Covington, KY Posts: 4,564 Battle Record: 14-25 Champed - Art of Writing League (x2) - Lime Green Poetry Association Rep Power: 8181109	Yerp __________________

10-13-2015, 10:42 AM	#4
MMLP Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 600 Battle Record: 15-16 Champed - Write Week 9 Rep Power: 9768087	Cruyff's Law a point marked within a gap was missing its base it started with a bang and system in place all shifting in space and further apart some distance away was the birth of a star unearthing a spark that would break from the rest was certain to start a chain of events new formations, defences had began to emerge and gradually blended in the mass of the earth Patterns had surfaced but water was crucial the plastics had purpose with all of it neutral orders were utilised to the last light of day storming would soon arise as skies were grey unplanned climate changes endangered our goals and hibernating had taken its toll a range of approaches were beating us down it came to our notice that a 'Leo' was needed and now with both feet on the ground things kicked into gear a king would be crowned and begin a career as it quickly appeared the full package had came bringing them fear in just a matter of days as the manager takes on recruits intelligence with planning in place to use these specialists and soon we'll benefit from setting it right for our youth development & the next Messi shall rise

10-14-2015, 01:21 PM	#5
YDK ghost in the matrix Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: Covington, KY Posts: 4,564 Battle Record: 14-25 Champed - Art of Writing League (x2) - Lime Green Poetry Association Rep Power: 8181109	Born on this alien planet pale and abandoned Stranded for so long I'm unsure if I need bail or a ransom. I feel frail, "cant I have some sign of life!?" I scream "dammit!" 27 years and I've yet to meet a friend that can stand this Mind boggling loneliness that comes with the turf I've seen plenty of "people" but no one's alive on this earth All brainwashed and apathetic since arriving from birth I almost wish I were them to survive with this hurt. It makes me question existence, existential conversations evolve, Unlike ourselves within this minds of us all. What is life? Is it breathing or hoping? Is it finding a way to smile, or naturally coping? Revelations come to the forefront as I look to the sky, And realize that a single question is needed for me to decide. Am I alive? @sraL @MMLP sorry for dropping so late I got caught up with my daughter __________________

10-14-2015, 02:26 PM	#6
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,025 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349678	new formations, defences had began to emerge and gradually blended in the mass of the earth Patterns had surfaced but water was crucial the plastics had purpose with all of it neutral ^^^^^ I thought this was pretty cool, its easy to see that Lars influence in you I enjoyed the start of this piece to the very end, some of the rhyming was dumbed down but you still carried my enthusiasm throughout the piece with some dope imagery I kind of wished this was longer so I could see more build up to the end either way I feel as though you shined minus some of the simpler rhymes dope work brah Mind boggling loneliness that comes with the turf I've seen plenty of "people" but no one's alive on this earth All brainwashed and apathetic since arriving from birth I almost wish I were them to survive with this hurt. It makes me question existence, existential conversations evolve, Unlike ourselves within this minds of us all. ^^^^ now this I liked, its amazing to say the least i feel as though people dont give you much credit you grasp onto an example of life & flip it to work with your topic and I really enjoyed it so Id give you the same advice as I gave MMLP I wish that it was longer, you both used simpler rhymes but you bumped heads quite nicely when it comes to your own ideas nice work here regardless brah v/I feel like both competitors are evenly matched here, the work they dropped suited both of them I feel the most impressive thing is the different point of views both writers brought to the table both brought that short yet explosive detail that launched them beyond my expectation its refreshing to see other writers use a shorter approach with impressive flows... this is another one of the tougher battles I have had the honor of voting on.... I wish both of you would have went all out with the line limit building on what you had but we were all strapped for time...ahhh... Im going with YDK on this one, he impressed me to the point I wanted to see more both did that actually, yet YDK brought the more memorable piece, nice battle fellas v/YDK __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

10-11-2015, 03:56 AM	#2
MMLP Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 600 Battle Record: 15-16 Champed - Write Week 9 Rep Power: 9768087	Petr cech

10-14-2015, 11:02 PM	#7
Nigma The COAT... Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 1,724 Battle Record: 28-20 Champed - Art of Writing League (x3) Rep Power: 4595810	MMLP, when I first read the ending I hated the verse lol. It was very bold to write an allegory about something that may fly over the head of the majority of people here. Upon the reread I appreciate all the connections you made though. I don't know enough about the organizations to put every piece in place but up until the last line I thought I was reading an average verse about the universe and that twist and new perspective upon the reread was nice. YDK, eek, brief verse that read to prove that lack of forethought invested. There were some nice oneliners, my fav line was 'I almost wish I were them to survive with this hurt'. As a whole though, you didn't build on enough for this to really impact me in the way that MMLP's take on the topic did. You were well on your way, just needed a bit more time and thought. +1 MMLP __________________

10-15-2015, 03:34 PM	#8
Frank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,228 Champed - NWL Season 2 - Art of Writing League (5x) - Lime Green Poetry Association - AOWL Season 6 - AOWL Season 10 Rep Power: 3853343	MMLP What stands out is the cadence. It's very Humpty-Dumpty... Humpty dumpty sat on the wall, humpty dumpty had a great fall... It's elementary in a way. Few instances where you miscalculated the rhythm, primarily the last two lines of the first two stanzas. Also "Mass" rhyming with began seemed like a stretch by any continents standards. I think there is a prolific simpleness to this type of style, if done right, like how you started the piece. All in all this was cool. I preferred the first 3 stanzas over the last 3 stanzas. You kinda strayed away from vibe you manifested. YDK Dropped on a grownup theme this week. This was more intellectual and less emotional than some of your more recent writing. First verse I can remember reading that wasn't about either of the women in your life. You said you rushed it in the discussion thread, so all forethought goes out the window. I would keep specifics like that to yourself. For what its worth though, you took a page out of your more advanced mental library and I appreciate the read. MVGT MMLP __________________ *VETWORK*

10-15-2015, 11:52 PM	#9
Adonis Tsk Tsk Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Beer Goggles Posts: 4,834 Battle Record: 36-34 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - NFL Pick'em 2016-17 Rep Power: 9946446	Longer version in mag It's about Lionel Messi you tards. MMLP wrote about Messi and did so using well worded concepts and metaphors about the galaxy and more. YDK had an emotionally driven verse getting the look into a hippy type much like myself if I can be honest. A personal peer into the soul of a man willing to notice everyone is the same, and asleep in this world v/MMLP dope concept and superb execution. __________________ I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR

10-16-2015, 06:03 AM	#10
asylum Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 993 Battle Record: 7-5 Rep Power: 8214208	mmlp - i like your description of the way of the universe and shit. i did a somewhat similar piece a while ago about black holes and i think yours was executed better. enjoyed the read. favorite lines.. all shifting in space and further apart some distance away was the birth of a star unearthing a spark that would break from the rest was certain to start a chain of events ^felt that was your strongest point. ydk - favorite lines.. It makes me question existence, existential conversations evolve, Unlike ourselves within this minds of us all. What is life? Is it breathing or hoping? Is it finding a way to smile, or naturally coping? your piece was a simple examination of existence and questioning one's place. you connected with some questions and assertions i truly felt. dope piece, just wasn't developed to a standard i've come to expect from you. better luck next week. /v mmlp this week came with a more developed piece that overall had better coherence, style, and flow. he took this pretty solid imho.