Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Forum > Open Mic Section

User Tag List

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-24-2013, 11:01 PM   #1
Split
.
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 8,904
Battle Record: 27-22



Rep Power: 85899395
Split has a reputation beyond reputeSplit has a reputation beyond reputeSplit has a reputation beyond reputeSplit has a reputation beyond reputeSplit has a reputation beyond reputeSplit has a reputation beyond reputeSplit has a reputation beyond reputeSplit has a reputation beyond reputeSplit has a reputation beyond reputeSplit has a reputation beyond reputeSplit has a reputation beyond repute
Default lines

there is a softness to uncertainty. elegant grace.
tell it to stay, it fits honesty perfectly. Florida breeze,
caught in the surf with me. waving palms align.
a shaky mess in mind that keeps me tied in a hammock of lifelines.
wake up. safety net of cobwebs. Atlantic eyes- never spoke, only read.
pacing promise. Panic undefined, the steep slippery slope of dread,
the falling man gives the rope a nod before his hope rests.
open my mind to closed doors, prod and poke,
focus on finding out if I'm an awkward bloke.
folk lore, doctored notes, post mortem walks with ghosts.
fists clench, sixth sense, grave gropes. a flock of ravens on phone lines,
talking cases of accidental overdose. coastlines. peering predicates from pages,
god's sentiments revering post-it notes, pessimist fears praises
woke. live organs open, dressed in liquor coatings. Yet...
I'm sorting frozen breath from death's smoky foxus-
all regrets. im nostalgic in key strokes, not a poet.
afraid to end every line I ever wrote in case she toes it.
__________________
http://split8.yolasite.com
Split is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-25-2013, 11:22 AM   #2
Zen
Arm the Homeless
 
Zen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,104
Battle Record: 22-24


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 35079719
Zen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant futureZen has a brilliant future
Default

Why the fuck has noone commented on this? This was some good shit Split. It took me a few lines of reading through to find the flow on this but when I went back and reread it I got it allot easier. Dope concept and some dope multis and inners through out the middle of this drop made this enjoyable to me. Hopefully people won't keep sleepin on this
Zen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-25-2013, 02:05 PM   #3
BR Joe
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 7




Rep Power: 35
BR Joe is on a distinguished road
Default

Man, this was awkward. Normally your drops are better so I'm going to assume you had some goal in mind with this drop. Metaphoric line references? 'Cause I got those. Just the rest felt so forced.

it fits honesty perfectly. Florida breeze,
caught in the surf with me. waving palms align.
a shaky mess in mind that keeps me tied in a hammock of lifelines.
wake up. safety net of cobwebs.

^ my favorite part
BR Joe is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:19 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2024 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+