Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Forum > Open Mic Section

User Tag List

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-19-2013, 09:47 PM   #1
Void
Senior Member
 
Void's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 221




Rep Power: 0
Void Void Void Void Void Void Void Void Void Void Void
Default dead like me

Yeah, this melon is Godly. That intellectual stimuli I felt was enthralling. Mapping out existence. Placing myself next to Hawking. I couldn't tell it was prob'ly not the healthiest hobby 'til I was rejecting life with every cell in my body. I've gotten so smart I appear to be dumb. I mean seriously, who wants to see life as a stream of zeroes and ones? Words become meaningless. Meaning becomes even less. Everything I see is a dream that I'm sleeping in. Used to be so naive. So much different than this. Oh how I miss that ignorant bliss. I've become faceless. I'm nothing. Too far removed to even relate to the public. Can't even say where I'm coming... from. Holding a razor up under guns I've placed on my fucking tongue. It's crazy. I've come undone. Just waiting for what's become of every fate since the sun begun. Sociopath holding Romeo's flask. Making the buzzards lunch. On the cusp of 30. So much worry. So much hurting. Seems a lot easier to just cut out early. Pack it up, I'm giving in. Get off the pot and let the living live. Zombie existence. Posthumous living. Anonymous. Just wandering. Bothered by senses. Structures collapsing. Never relaxing. Severed the past when dad took his medicine nap and elected a casket. Gray gloss the rainbows. I'm Morgan Freeman without Andy, or Zihuatanejo. Inner child frightened. Wouldn't come near us. Can't look in the mirror. Hell; I can taste it. Aimless. No humor in my self deprecation.
Void is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2013, 09:59 PM   #2
Angkor
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 148
Battle Record: 1-3



Rep Power: 34
Angkor is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Words become meaningless. Meaning becomes even less.
^^ really liked that for some reason lol. This is dope dude. Lots of quality written surfacing lately. Rhyming was nuts. Content was a little too emo for me but the mechanics definitely made this a great read.
Angkor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-20-2013, 12:37 AM   #3
PancakeBrah
SOBER
 
PancakeBrah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 13,052
Battle Record: 2-5


Champed
- AOWL Season 2

Rep Power: 85899406
PancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond reputePancakeBrah has a reputation beyond repute
Default

It was actually the perfect amount of emo, for me.
__________________
If I ventured in the slipstream
Between the viaducts of your dreams
Where immobil steel rims crack
And the ditch in the back road stop
Could you find me?
PancakeBrah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-20-2013, 11:11 AM   #4
Angkor
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 148
Battle Record: 1-3



Rep Power: 34
Angkor is on a distinguished road
Default

u know what, i'm completely wrong about this piece. upon re-read, thanks to cakecakecake's comment, i've come to realize its not about emo but ego (psychologically speakin, of course). i was able to see another layer it certainly deserves a re-evaluation.

The movie A Beautiful Mind comes to mind as i was reading this a second time. For those who haven't seen that movie, it's about a math genius who suffers from some kind of psychological problem; As a result he starts seeing people and is even influenced by these figments. The similarity isn't in the plot but the underlying theme. Knowledge isn't always power. In the film's case, his overactive mind combined with psychological issue posed a problem. In this piece, the level of intelligence of the character created a sort of apathy and he can't seem to distinguish or shed the constant thinking. That point was best described by this part..

Quote:
I've gotten so smart I appear to be dumb. I mean seriously, who wants to see life as a stream of zeroes and ones?
Both character had issues with "chattering mind". One was manifested into different peronality the other just cant stop it from happening.

I think one past deep-root problem was touched on, vaguely in this piece..
Quote:
Severed the past when dad took his medicine nap and elected a casket.
but ultimately the point here is...is knowing everything all it's cracked up to be or a catalyst for a breakdown? I dug the allusion to the literary figures of the past:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Void
Everything I see is a dream that I'm sleeping in.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Edgar Allen Poe
All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.
Poe alluded to a greater being in his quote while Void simply imagined what if I am that greater being; God. Omniscience.

I regret calling this emo the first time around lol, but this was a very well thought out piece. Ignorant is bliss. And God is lonely.
Angkor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-20-2013, 11:23 AM   #5
dead man
living
 
dead man's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,465
Battle Record: 33-18

Accomplishments
- Hall of Fame

Champed
- AOWL Season 1
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 4
- Write Week V
- GWL Season 1

Rep Power: 77606676
dead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant futuredead man has a brilliant future
Default

Quote:
I've gotten so smart I appear to be dumb. I mean seriously, who wants to see life as a stream of zeroes and ones?
take that take that
__________________
Zack Wicks for president
dead man is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-20-2013, 12:20 PM   #6
Strikta
39 NS, lost in votes once
 
Strikta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 11,242
Battle Record: 32-40


Champed
- Time to Kill X
- Write Week III

Rep Power: 84181449
Strikta has a brilliant futureStrikta has a brilliant futureStrikta has a brilliant futureStrikta has a brilliant futureStrikta has a brilliant futureStrikta has a brilliant futureStrikta has a brilliant futureStrikta has a brilliant futureStrikta has a brilliant futureStrikta has a brilliant futureStrikta has a brilliant future
Default

This was ill to me.

Props on the piece mane.. I gave it a couple reads actually.
Strikta is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-20-2013, 04:39 PM   #7
Wise Wiggles
nok Su kow
 
Wise Wiggles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,507
Battle Record: 1-1



Rep Power: 51788019
Wise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant future
Default

Awesome. This was like sucking on Kate upton's clitty like a broken in milkshake. Awesome.
__________________
"black as midnight..black as pitch
blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"
Wise Wiggles is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2013, 12:46 PM   #8
Just Write
Senior Member
 
Just Write's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,709
Battle Record: 9-12



Rep Power: 4997613
Just Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant futureJust Write has a brilliant future
Default

this was very deep and I enjoyed the fuck out of this.

Can't look in the mirror. Hell; I can taste it. Aimless. No humor in my self deprecation.

that was just a cold as line and exactly how I feel at times
__________________
Just Write is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2013, 01:04 AM   #9
CopyPat
Mic Check
 
CopyPat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Calgary Alberta Canada
Posts: 707
Battle Record: 13-10



Rep Power: 3742221
CopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant futureCopyPat has a brilliant future
Send a message via AIM to CopyPat
Default

SO fuckin sick, flow was legit
CopyPat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-03-2014, 10:07 AM   #10
Wise Wiggles
nok Su kow
 
Wise Wiggles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,507
Battle Record: 1-1



Rep Power: 51788019
Wise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant futureWise Wiggles has a brilliant future
Default

upping. I will actually give this real feed shortly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dull boy View Post
*clears throat*
*Clears bladder*

Gimme a minute sheesh..
__________________
"black as midnight..black as pitch
blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

Last edited by Wise Wiggles; 01-10-2014 at 07:10 PM.
Wise Wiggles is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-10-2014, 06:34 PM   #11
dull boy
consults Lloyd
 
dull boy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,075
Battle Record: 0-8


Champed
-1-2 Punch League Roast

Rep Power: 39345600
dull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant future
Default

*clears throat*
dull boy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-10-2014, 06:46 PM   #12
Scripter
_Al_GO_RYTHMIC
 
Scripter's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 644
Battle Record: 1-3



Rep Power: 0
Scripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-level
Default

I am not sure I understand it?
geeze its so deep how could I...
dam man will you be my friend?
I think your my new hero seriously
__________________
http://www.youtube.com/user/toadill

Ⓖⓔⓣ ⓘⓝ ⓣⓗⓔ ⓑⓞⓦⓛ
I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT
╔══════╦═╗╔═╦═══╦═╦═══╗
║░╔╗╔╗░║░║║░║╚══╣░║░╔═╝
║░║╚╝║░║░╚╝░╠══╗║░║░╚═╗
╚═╝░░╚═╩════╩═══╩═╩═══╝
¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸.•*¨*•♫♪

◕MUSIC◕LOVE◕LIVE◕LAUGH◕
☯█▄█ █ █▀█ █▄█ █▀█ █▀█ ♬
♬█▀█ █ █▀▀ █▀█ █▄█ █▀▀ ☯
❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤♡
Scripter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-10-2014, 09:10 PM   #13
dull boy
consults Lloyd
 
dull boy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,075
Battle Record: 0-8


Champed
-1-2 Punch League Roast

Rep Power: 39345600
dull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant futuredull boy has a brilliant future
Default

Sarcasm about simple writing being deep. I'm not sure what to do.
dull boy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-10-2014, 10:43 PM   #14
big baby
obsessed
 
big baby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1

Accomplishments
- can recite entirety of shrek 2

Champed
- tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek

Rep Power: 8599678
big baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant future
Send a message via AIM to big baby
Default

I liked it but I didn't like it. The beginning came off as a more self entitled prose, and the guts of it was explaining the process of your braggy art in the beginning, which was great. The Morgan Freeman line was very good, and probably the only real stand out line, content wise. Wording is there, as usual. This melon is godly isn't a totally absolutely mind blowing sentiment, but the wording made it so. And when I start to read this, the first few words, I already know the entire sentence because you have a certain replay value that doesn't lose it's effect, as where others - unfortunately do (other writers). And that's what inherently separates you by a wide margin.

"I've gotten so smart I appear to be dumb. I mean seriously, who wants to see life as a stream of zeroes and ones? Words become meaningless. Meaning becomes even less. Everything I see is a dream that I'm sleeping in. Used to be so naive. So much different than this. Oh how I miss that ignorant bliss. I've become faceless. I'm nothing."

This was strictly you. exhibiting a totality of self preservation, so uniquely monotonous yet mind numbingly humdrum. The way you categorize a moulded anacrusis. As previously stated. The zeroes and ones is so supremely put together in an encasing of wording so unjust. It affixes that much more merit to a superficial hunch in your rhyme galaxies nanoscale.


I like your platosophy. lol. "I know that i know nothing"

It's such a realistic introspective musing that could go on for eons.

"I'm nothing. Too far removed to even relate to the public. Can't even say where I'm coming... from. Holding a razor up under guns I've placed on my fucking tongue. It's crazy. I've come undone. Just waiting for what's become of every fate since the sun begun."

It's funny how simple this is, which is why I didn't find it that dope, I mean of course it's a star-studded basis. I think after a few readings and the improvement of both our ends this reads as just another piece that is fun to go back to read on. Of course saying that sounds completely douchebaggish, but; fortunately and unfortunately it holds much truth.

The perplexing and demented part about it, is that your ending was much more what I was looking for and that area of writing is a bit more appreciated by a more experienced and, ironically the bourgeois of comformity. You told me I need to find a new hobby. I resent that snobby comment and raise you this commentary. Now apologize.
__________________
precision defender
Quote:
Originally Posted by greed View Post
If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
Then again hes had this schtick so long he like bb da bb da bb thats all folks
big baby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2014, 07:13 AM   #15
Scripter
_Al_GO_RYTHMIC
 
Scripter's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 644
Battle Record: 1-3



Rep Power: 0
Scripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-level
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by dull boy View Post
Sarcasm about simple writing being deep. I'm not sure what to do.
Jack? me? off the top of my head I don't recall sarcasm this guy is dope.
__________________
http://www.youtube.com/user/toadill

Ⓖⓔⓣ ⓘⓝ ⓣⓗⓔ ⓑⓞⓦⓛ
I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT
╔══════╦═╗╔═╦═══╦═╦═══╗
║░╔╗╔╗░║░║║░║╚══╣░║░╔═╝
║░║╚╝║░║░╚╝░╠══╗║░║░╚═╗
╚═╝░░╚═╩════╩═══╩═╩═══╝
¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸.•*¨*•♫♪

◕MUSIC◕LOVE◕LIVE◕LAUGH◕
☯█▄█ █ █▀█ █▄█ █▀█ █▀█ ♬
♬█▀█ █ █▀▀ █▀█ █▄█ █▀▀ ☯
❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤♡
Scripter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-2014, 10:02 AM   #16
Scripter
_Al_GO_RYTHMIC
 
Scripter's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 644
Battle Record: 1-3



Rep Power: 0
Scripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-levelScripter drags down this site on a Masaii-level
Default

uppin
__________________
http://www.youtube.com/user/toadill

Ⓖⓔⓣ ⓘⓝ ⓣⓗⓔ ⓑⓞⓦⓛ
I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT
╔══════╦═╗╔═╦═══╦═╦═══╗
║░╔╗╔╗░║░║║░║╚══╣░║░╔═╝
║░║╚╝║░║░╚╝░╠══╗║░║░╚═╗
╚═╝░░╚═╩════╩═══╩═╩═══╝
¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸.•*¨*•♫♪

◕MUSIC◕LOVE◕LIVE◕LAUGH◕
☯█▄█ █ █▀█ █▄█ █▀█ █▀█ ♬
♬█▀█ █ █▀▀ █▀█ █▄█ █▀▀ ☯
❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤ ♡ ❤♡
Scripter is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
a masterpiece, god like

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:42 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2024 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+