"Contradictions of a best friend"

[Exoduzt]

I got the thickest noggin, as thick as eggnog who the fuck is this thats knockin...
Oh hey duzt stop hittin yaself it's just me the one you call with all your problems...
I'm like a rubix cube liquor so you know you'll never solve em...
pour me over ice and watch as I dissolve em'
im the reason for your jobs end and why you neva went to college...
I'm why you lack the knowledge to actually hold a real relationship...
You cry when your alone but in public act harder than a mason's wrist...
Fading quick you forgot what patience is...
instead you chill with me and do some crazy shit...
Maybe it's, time you pour another c'mon act just like ya dad did...
beat you repeatedly and then leave ya mom to raise a bad kid...
Sadness? fuck that they weren't real, only ya foster parents...
your real family didnt even want you so how come you lost ya bearings?...
Tossin' chairs and, punchin holes in your apartment man...
absolutely not carin', blood and tears flooded more than ya carpet, damn...
the hardships that past since your kindergarden class
how much longer will this darkness last...
But you hide all your problems it's like you made your shark fin glass!...
and what about the partial mass that was born on ya sisters brain...
all you could do was drink become violent and claim this is lame...
this shits insane show some emotion & just pour another one...
how many birthdays have you missed for ya nephew? yeah your bothers son!...
you covered fun, in your life how bout some responsibility...
like pouring another one fuck it, think of the possibilities!...
move back to NY with all the possible hostilities...
stick ya tail between ya legs it's not impossible, ya abilities...
Can far reach beyond a car screech I know ya hearts deep...
but lets hit the store for pint bottles no worries, we can start cheap...

[Exis]

This had it's moments...some things I liked and others not so much, thought some of your word choices were odd.

For example: I'm like a rubix cube liquor & it's like you made your shark fin glass...
Wasn't feelin' those at all fa real.

Some of your multies were good and then others were forced, either worded poorly or used as filler to complete the multiple rhyme...havin' said that though there's a few parts I thought were straight man.

I'm why you lack the knowledge to actually hold a real relationship...
You cry when your alone but in public act harder than a mason's wrist...
Fading quick you forgot what patience is...

^^Cool.

how many birthdays have you missed for ya nephew? yeah your bothers son!...
you covered fun, in your life how bout some responsibility...
like pouring another one fuck it, think of the possibilities!...

^^Liked these few lines aswell.

Decent read bro...a few things could have been tightened here and there, this is a rough snippet of what you can do it seems and even though a couple sections of this are hit and miss you still managed to leave me with an enjoyable read by the end of it.

Stay upwards.

[Scripter]

Nice drop was heart felt and realistic dam it hits home
fuck it i'll be real!

"Maybe it's, time you pour another c'mon act just like ya dad did...
beat you repeatedly and then leave ya mom to raise a bad kid...
Sadness? fuck that they weren't real, only ya foster parents...
your real family didnt even want you so how come you lost ya bearings?...
Tossin' chairs and, punchin holes in your apartment man...
absolutely not carin', blood and tears flooded more than ya carpet, damn..."

this was my favorite line
"But you hide all your problems it's like you made your shark fin glass!..."

[Exoduzt]

thanks for the replies fella's

[Geno]

Like I asked last time I saw you here.

Is this xODust?
Dustin from cali?

If so, I'm AnOnAmOuS
You were da fewgitive
Short fewz
And some other aliases as well.

If your fucking the exodust I know.... then wowowowowowo we have a lot of fucking catching up to do bro

[Split]

can the laws of the universe support more than one @Exoduzt?

its a very specific name

[Wise Wiggles]

How do you say it? X O DUST? Idk. But the writing was decent.
I like eggnog sometimes. Not too much of it though.

[dead man]

anyone who's ever had a close, lifelong homie who becomes toxic and self-destructive as you grow up can relate heavily to what you're saying.

it almost hurt me to read this ex. mostly effective writing and a powerful topic to speak on imo

but yo rubix cube liquor? really?

pour me over ice and watch as I dissolve em'
im the reason for your jobs end and why you neva went to college...
I'm why you lack the knowledge to actually hold a real relationship…

the hardships that past since your kindergarden class

this was my favorite. gave everything a sense of depth. if we could see the future we'd never get out of bed…as they say

i think you are too wordy with some of your content for lack of a better way to phrase it. for instance the use of the word 'actually' in this last bar was unnecessary and convoluted the line. there were a couple other spots as well.

your real family didnt even want you so how come you lost ya bearings?…

absolutely not carin', blood and tears flooded more than ya carpet, damn…

needed an adjustment for sure but you had the potential for a strong image here.

to be clear, not suggesting you just omit those specific words and leave it. there's just more useful language you could be using to communicate your thoughts and words like actually and even and whatever actually only serve to drag even your content down.

looking forward to reading more


thanks


1

[Exoduzt]

thanks for all the replies...

@ Genocide...nah man that ain't me....I post over at lyrical assault

[Just Write]

Fuck is a rubix cube liquor? Lol. Pretty dope piece tho, i fux wit it.