State 0

[Scripter]

They wanna diss script
but their disc skipped slipped
and slit writs and necks
next I put them outta existence
from the next nexus
web com filled with up side down 6's
rip them electric
connect fingers to tips
till they piss shit
like they're overloaded resistors
an rearrange their main frame
mind flipped
to show them that they're just bitches
you can keep throwing bricks
I'll make sure it sticks stoned
I'm building bridges
cutting off Edwards hands
and stabbing him with his own scissors

[Wise Wiggles]

You wasn't lying bout that last part

[PancakeBrah]

Let's feed some pieces.

[Scripter]

you got it brah

[Scripter]

sissy need to stop attacking with tags seriously its really girl like.

[Exis]

Ok man...I don't wanna be comin' down on you hard everytime I comment on sumthin' of yours but yeah, this wasn't good.For starters I'd suggest maybe lenghtenin' your lines a little so it doesn't read so stop/start...not sayin' stretch the fuck outta them but the way you've structured this - two of your lines could be one...imo that may help your flow or atleast not make it read choppy and all.Secondly your content is extremely basic, simple is cool don't get me wrong but there's nothin' really happenin' that makes your words have impact, I don't have a problem with simplicity just have a problem with it lackin' real substance...would also like you to mess around with some different schemes, predictability isn't always what the reader wants..changin' things up can be refreshin' if not rewardin' bro so stick at it.

& stay upwards.

[Scripter]

Again you can see little girls attacking with tags again...so childish.
But okay your cool...

[Scripter]

I would love to hear these critics on a mic for real...
they prob sound like the chipmunks

[Exis]

Just tryna help you but yeah whatevers.

[Scripter]

Originally Posted by Exis

Just tryna help you but yeah whatevers.

I didn't mean you look at the tags below
seriously are they like 5 or what?
I mean sure I rip on people but I do it in the right area they are so lame...
honestly why get so butt hurt over a battle rap that you trash other peoples written maybe I am mistaken maybe he is looking for a date? lmao

[Exis]

Fuck the tags man...mods here like dick, just let it slide instead of givin' them ammo to unload on you with.

No point in goin' back and forth with morons when they have the ability to mess around with posts and what not...just do you.

[Scripter]

Yeah good point sorry guys I'm straight and in a relationship
but thanks for the offer its flattering...

[e11even]

I think you just threw this together. I've seen better from you. Your next drop better be dope scrip.

I liked a few of those lines tho.

[Geno]

Hey. Don't pin those tags to me and zyg though.. far as I can see we are the mods, and I know for a fact zyg didn't leave those. And if you think I did, then you don't know me very well. Cheap laughs aren't my fortay.. although at times I may chuckle off tags, I never leave any

This verse needs work. You had a lot to say, just seems to me like your missing key words in every line that would help deliver your message more clearly. This almost seems like a set of jotted concepts that havnt been pulled together into a final piece yet, if that makes sense? I get the feel your foreign maybe? Is that what the difficulty is... or do you just think this verse made sense and don't know any better?

Not tryingg to be a smart ass, just trying to get a better feel for who you are. Good to see you back around btw, if I havnt already expressed that. Stay active. Don't let criticism bother you. That's what posting is all about, no one is gonna get all praise all the the time.. espcially when it isn't deserved. Just needs some brushing up

[Scripter]

Well honestly I seen that the tags were grayed out and made an assumption I apologize. Although I don't see how you could misread what I wrote. I live in the US lol. Thanks vivid at least someone can be real lol.

[Exis]

Originally Posted by Scripter

Well honestly I seen that the tags were grayed out and made an assumption I apologize. Although I don't see how you could misread what I wrote. I live in the US lol. Thanks vivid at least someone can be real lol.

Atleast someone can be real?? From what I've seen everyone that's commented on your shit has been...should start acceptin' people's opinions even though they don't match yours...take it from someone that used to be where you are, bitchin' about everythin' a reader says is only gonna get you nowhere fast...up your game and shut your mouth in doin' so is my advice to you.

You'll also not have tags attached to your drops that way.

[Mc Hype]

This was okay, more bad then good. Most of your rhyme scheme had near rhymes, such as "existence, next nexus, 6's" unless you have a really strong accent they don't exactly rhyme as well as other words can. I did like the last lines though, I feel that if worded a bit better, It would have been a really good line. But not bad at all, look forward to reading more of your work.

[Scripter]

Alright respect thanks for your honest opinions