i do this shit to express what's real

[Just Write]

Fuck a life. Fuck the hurt. Fuck concern. Fuck a wife.
Lately i feel like for me it's more deserving to die.
Cuz at times I get this murderous vibe with every person in sight
And it's reaccurence reassures me that i'm probably right.
To me, it's not a hobby to write. I do this shit to express whats real.
and when i flex it's to shed what I tend to conceal
No pretending when I put the pen to the pad
I'm extending what my brain has failed to put in my past.
A foot in the ass to any haters who doubt me
I know more than forty soldiers who wouldn't have made it out without me...
Maybe more that ive laid to rest, dear god, "is it too late to confess?"
I want to stand at those pearly gates but i could never ace your test.
I'm a waste of a breath. A disgrace at best.
War's over....guess i'm too fuckin late for death.
I expect these next steps are bizzare, i heard its especially hard
To forgive yourself and live...
Cuz sometimes things are better left the way that they are.

[Natural]

Hella early but I'll feed this later.
Gonna bump for now cuz that pussy tortoro or whatever keeps
Posting on my shit and drowning out other ppls posts.

Bump

[Exis]

Ima 'bout to hit the hay but thought I'd get at this before I do, was gonna get at Vulgar & Zygote's shit but that's long as and will have to wait 'til the mornin'...sorry niggas lol.

Anyways this was fuckin' nice man...like the title suggests 'realness' is what I've come to expect from your work and more importantly what I mainly love about it.Your content is really well worded here and flow wise shits smooth as silk partna...for example -

Fuck a life. Fuck the hurt. Fuck concern. Fuck a wife.
Lately i feel like for me it's more deserving to die.
Cuz at times I get this murderous vibe with every person in sight
And it's reaccurence reassures me that i'm probably right.

^^ That's melt in your mouth type stuff (no homoses) I normally don't like when the same word is used so often durin' a line or back to back bars, think I even mentioned that in feed I left earlier today on Strick's piece but yeah...you pulled it off imo.

I expect these next steps are bizzare, i heard its especially hard
To forgive yourself and live...
Cuz sometimes things are better left the way that they are.

^^Good closer...I like how you bought the scheme back from 'especially hard' instead of continuin' with the 'yourself and live' one...if that makes sense you scheme not knowin' douche lol.

Great read JW, it's joints like this that make me wanna write more often than I do...inspirin' shit to say the least.

Stay upwards fam.

[Scripter]

Really feeling this, nice flow structure pretty solid work here. Keep righting!

[PancakeBrah]

I liked this, although there were a couple spots that were a bit weaker than others.

"Fuck a life. Fuck the hurt. Fuck concern. Fuck a wife.
Lately i feel like for me it's more deserving to die.
Cuz at times I get this murderous vibe with every person in sight
And it's reaccurence reassures me that i'm probably right."

I liked the first line. It's a type of sentence that has been written plenty of times before but this is obviously a personal piece and I felt that it gave the reader a good expectation of what to expect. I was less interested in the second line, though. If you're going to express that idea, regardless of if you really do feel that way, it has to be couched with a bit more wit and creativity as opposed to the blunt way it's deployed here. The last two lines were the best of this opening section. The set up is pretty standard but the second line was well worded, with a good thought. It's an ongoing feeling and you worded it well, and I really liked the use of 'probably'. A little bit of wiggly room and self effacing self doubt is never a bad thing to incorporate in your writing.

"To me, it's not a hobby to write. I do this shit to express whats real.
and when i flex it's to shed what I tend to conceal
No pretending when I put the pen to the pad
I'm extending what my brain has failed to put in my past."

Solid all the way through, if a little cliched. Again, I liked the last two lines of this section more than the first two. The thought conveyed in the last two lines has, again, been said before but you presented and worded it in such a way that it resonated more than just saying it plainly. Good.

"A foot in the ass to any haters who doubt me
I know more than forty soldiers who wouldn't have made it out without me...
Maybe more that ive laid to rest, dear god, "is it too late to confess?"
I want to stand at those pearly gates but i could never ace your test.
I'm a waste of a breath. A disgrace at best.
War's over....guess i'm too fuckin late for death."

I didn't like the 'foot in the ass' transition. I liked the very personal to you touch of the soldiers relying on you. Hard to quibble with that. Late to confess line was solid, I didn't like the pearly gates/ace the test line too much. A bit trite for me. Much the same as the previous two sections you saved your best for last. The last line in particular was good, probably my favorite of the verse. Touches on a real thought and state of mind. Apathetic almost in dealing with such a very real and serious subject. Trivialization, well done.

"I expect these next steps are bizzare, i heard its especially hard
To forgive yourself and live...
Cuz sometimes things are better left the way that they are."

I really enjoyed the 'I expect these next steps are bizzare' line for its wording. It's the little things that make wording a strength and I felt the placement of that idea and how it was couched made it good. I wasn't mad at the ending.

Enjoyable piece. Keep writing.

[StarFaggot]

This was a nice piece you made the reader feel what you're saying and didn't try to bedazzle us with delivery. Props,.

[Dove Dozer]

Dope piece here fam