12-28-2018, 09:48 PM | #1 |
living
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,465
Battle Record: 33-18
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - AOWL Season 1
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 4
- Write Week V
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Rep Power: 77606676 |
hills
it's a
canvas to fill, alcohol and capsules to kill. looking forward for a family to build, drafting a will for when it breaks apart and i'm right back to the grindstone an Ativan silo sits on Capitol hill it's fascist resilience to a southerner's drawl i'm just a bill, which makes me nothing at all it's cards against humanity, that's luck of the draw i should be home, with all my should've-in-laws, drunker than Paul and Jacob combined, darling you dated a swine and expected prize piglets on the day we combined may i recommend another glass of the red you expected a proposal and i vanished instead my decisions are the strangest part of looking behind out of body memories, the daily reminders waiting for a moving van, 11:05 Denise was asking how it's going, told her it's fine what can you do, nothing to say, i've paid a deposit unshackled my remains and left you space in the closet lay me to coffin, make a profit, sell me to labs i never had the insight that your therapist had it's been about a year and a half, really its sad how i drone about our past like some American anthem but i miss it, sometimes. it was community, love sweeping through the ruins of us, rooted in lust grew into something other than i truly deserved sneaking home perfume on my shirt, fucking absurd what can i expect i guess i'm broken as ever talking to myself until theres nobody left thanks
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Zack Wicks for president |
12-29-2018, 01:13 PM | #2 |
consults Lloyd
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,075
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Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast
Rep Power: 39345600 |
Aren’t you bored yet? I mean that respectfully. This was good. I wonder how much is personal and how much is just written because it came to you and sounded good.
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12-29-2018, 01:46 PM | #3 |
living
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,465
Battle Record: 33-18
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - AOWL Season 1
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 4
- Write Week V
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Rep Power: 77606676 |
I guess not
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Zack Wicks for president |
12-30-2018, 05:29 PM | #4 |
nok Su kow
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,507
Battle Record: 1-1
Rep Power: 51788019 |
feltttttttt
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"black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch" |
12-30-2018, 05:34 PM | #5 |
nok Su kow
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,507
Battle Record: 1-1
Rep Power: 51788019 |
you still got that heated flow
That jello, linguistically.. Respect
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"black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch" |
12-30-2018, 09:29 PM | #6 |
Satan
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 2,156
Battle Record: 4-25
Rep Power: 8129212 |
This was a stylish drop :)..
It didn't get away from itself, as it secured good penmanship with good multi-syllabic rhymes. I enjoyed this love story you portrayed, was quite good. You're on your way to something here. Your style reminds of Twain or something, which is good. I enjoy your writing, as it reminds me of things. You have good imagery, and good rhyme scheme. Nice one here, man. Good work, keep dropping.. Return the feed? lol http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=139280 |
01-04-2019, 04:11 AM | #7 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,962
Battle Record: 6 - 14
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Top notch. Your themes seem to leave a feeling of emptiness by the time the piece ends.
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