05-29-2015, 05:42 AM | #1 |
living
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giant
i used to ride my father's shoulders
hands clasped, i was a giant gazed in astonished silence at the world from such a height. safe and sound and warm and fresh made them proud with every breath drawn deep to sing along with tape cassettes. the smell of cigarettes inside my overalls and blankets my mother's favorite apron had a pocket stitched in front where she planted both her hands when she was growing impatient. waiting for him. so was i. headlights rolling at 10 meant he was home again. his Jeep wrangler was red rusted and gorgeous. exhaust fuming our fortress shotgun en route to school to feel important seatbelt around my torso. the day i climbed upon his shoulders and my balance had waned my feet hung down much closer to his waist i felt his chest beating, breathing harshly. sweat droplets, graying scalp. i could have wept but only climbed off and walked myself to the store knowing that i couldn't be a giant anymore.
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Zack Wicks for president |
05-29-2015, 06:14 AM | #2 |
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Salute
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VETWORK
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05-29-2015, 09:33 PM | #3 |
rhyme capsule.
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poignant. made me want to write.
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05-29-2015, 10:32 PM | #4 |
Battle Rap's Married Man
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this is dope as fuck considering how brief it is
quality > quantity for sure |
05-31-2015, 12:25 PM | #5 |
Mic Check
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rhymes sucked thx
aha jk idunno how u do it. even shit i normally wouldn't like, i end up liking when u write about it haha good quick little piece that seemed more raw and less dressed up if u kknow what i mean. the rhymes weren't nearly up to ur usual standards but u obv just wrote this more for the story and the feels than for the rhymes. was a bit different you but i still like it keep it fresh my g Oh and huge congrats on champing the tourney brah, even despite having probly the biggest target on your back than anyone else dope
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My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete. |
05-31-2015, 12:55 PM | #6 |
obsessed
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- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
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ur a faggot amongst babys
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05-31-2015, 02:31 PM | #7 |
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Dope. Made me sad.
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05-31-2015, 03:23 PM | #8 |
living
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bbz plz
you're so idiot at its finest about to delete this cause so idiotic. this is wat this site as become so much idiots
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Zack Wicks for president |
05-31-2015, 03:28 PM | #9 |
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Advantage shark?
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05-31-2015, 03:29 PM | #10 | |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599678 |
Quote:
Nah, this was cool, man. For one I had a distaste with a bit of your imagery. The storyline, was awesome, but I felt you didn't expand. of course that's the contiguous foreshadow at play, but it was just a bit...off. Good, on task writing though. Everything seemed okay, but felt the shift from shoulders-realization of no more shoulders through metaphor was super fast. The abrupt ending was probablyyyyy part of it? But yeah. |
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05-31-2015, 03:29 PM | #11 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599678 |
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05-31-2015, 07:56 PM | #12 |
The Clown Prince
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I found this to be interesting. is this a topical piece?
the emotion seems spot on as it reflects back into itself the nuances are great and make you dive into the piece from the beginning You tap into your reserves better than anyone I've had the honor of reading which makes a more admirable writer. this was a dope drop my dude
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06-08-2015, 05:54 PM | #13 |
living
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hey
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Zack Wicks for president |
06-08-2015, 06:54 PM | #14 | |
SYRACUSE
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Quote:
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UNIFIED THEORY |
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06-08-2015, 07:34 PM | #15 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599678 |
?
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06-09-2015, 01:35 AM | #16 |
Steel Cut
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didn't read but not enough multis, punches was still good tho, keep writing
nah but this was really, really good. no need to comment on how different it is from your usual steez. I love the technique of focusing on a singular moment of conversion to undermine an entire perspective. you build it up and break it down. not much else to be said, but this was dope as fuck.
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You should be water Last edited by oats; 06-09-2015 at 01:37 AM. |
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