hills

dead man · 12-28-2018, 09:48 PM

it's a

canvas to fill, alcohol and capsules to kill.
looking forward for a family to build, drafting a will
for when it breaks apart and i'm right back to the grindstone
an Ativan silo sits on Capitol hill
it's fascist resilience to a southerner's drawl
i'm just a bill, which makes me nothing at all
it's cards against humanity, that's luck of the draw
i should be home, with all my should've-in-laws, drunker than Paul
and Jacob combined, darling you dated a swine
and expected prize piglets on the day we combined
may i recommend another glass of the red
you expected a proposal and i vanished instead
my decisions are the strangest part of looking behind
out of body memories, the daily reminders
waiting for a moving van, 11:05
Denise was asking how it's going, told her it's fine
what can you do, nothing to say, i've paid a deposit
unshackled my remains and left you space in the closet
lay me to coffin, make a profit, sell me to labs
i never had the insight that your therapist had
it's been about a year and a half, really its sad
how i drone about our past like some American anthem
but i miss it, sometimes. it was community, love
sweeping through the ruins of us, rooted in lust
grew into something other than i truly deserved
sneaking home perfume on my shirt, fucking absurd
what can i expect i guess i'm broken as ever
talking to myself until theres nobody left

thanks

dull boy · 12-29-2018, 01:13 PM

Aren’t you bored yet? I mean that respectfully. This was good. I wonder how much is personal and how much is just written because it came to you and sounded good.

dead man · 12-29-2018, 01:46 PM

I guess not

Wise Wiggles · 12-30-2018, 05:29 PM

feltttttttt

Wise Wiggles · 12-30-2018, 05:34 PM

you still got that heated flow
That jello, linguistically..
Respect

Sinacog · 12-30-2018, 09:29 PM

This was a stylish drop :)..

It didn't get away from itself, as it secured good penmanship with good multi-syllabic rhymes. I enjoyed this love story you portrayed, was quite good. You're on your way to something here. Your style reminds of Twain or something, which is good. I enjoy your writing, as it reminds me of things. You have good imagery, and good rhyme scheme. Nice one here, man. Good work, keep dropping..

Return the feed? lol

http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=139280

Pharaohs Army · 01-04-2019, 04:11 AM

Top notch. Your themes seem to leave a feeling of emptiness by the time the piece ends.

12-28-2018, 09:48 PM	#1
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,465 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606676	hills it's a canvas to fill, alcohol and capsules to kill. looking forward for a family to build, drafting a will for when it breaks apart and i'm right back to the grindstone an Ativan silo sits on Capitol hill it's fascist resilience to a southerner's drawl i'm just a bill, which makes me nothing at all it's cards against humanity, that's luck of the draw i should be home, with all my should've-in-laws, drunker than Paul and Jacob combined, darling you dated a swine and expected prize piglets on the day we combined may i recommend another glass of the red you expected a proposal and i vanished instead my decisions are the strangest part of looking behind out of body memories, the daily reminders waiting for a moving van, 11:05 Denise was asking how it's going, told her it's fine what can you do, nothing to say, i've paid a deposit unshackled my remains and left you space in the closet lay me to coffin, make a profit, sell me to labs i never had the insight that your therapist had it's been about a year and a half, really its sad how i drone about our past like some American anthem but i miss it, sometimes. it was community, love sweeping through the ruins of us, rooted in lust grew into something other than i truly deserved sneaking home perfume on my shirt, fucking absurd what can i expect i guess i'm broken as ever talking to myself until theres nobody left thanks __________________ Zack Wicks for president

12-29-2018, 01:46 PM	#3
dead man living Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,465 Battle Record: 33-18 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - AOWL Season 1 - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 4 - Write Week V - GWL Season 1 Rep Power: 77606676	I guess not __________________ Zack Wicks for president

12-30-2018, 05:29 PM	#4
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,507 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788019	feltttttttt __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

12-30-2018, 05:34 PM	#5
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,507 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788019	you still got that heated flow That jello, linguistically.. Respect __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

12-29-2018, 01:13 PM	#2
dull boy consults Lloyd Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 4,075 Battle Record: 0-8 Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast Rep Power: 39345600	Aren’t you bored yet? I mean that respectfully. This was good. I wonder how much is personal and how much is just written because it came to you and sounded good.

12-30-2018, 09:29 PM	#6
Sinacog Satan Join Date: Dec 2018 Posts: 2,156 Battle Record: 4-25 Rep Power: 8129212	This was a stylish drop :).. It didn't get away from itself, as it secured good penmanship with good multi-syllabic rhymes. I enjoyed this love story you portrayed, was quite good. You're on your way to something here. Your style reminds of Twain or something, which is good. I enjoy your writing, as it reminds me of things. You have good imagery, and good rhyme scheme. Nice one here, man. Good work, keep dropping.. Return the feed? lol http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=139280

01-04-2019, 04:11 AM	#7
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,962 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	Top notch. Your themes seem to leave a feeling of emptiness by the time the piece ends.