06-05-2015, 02:57 PM | #1 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 145
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I'm Out
SPEED VERSE.
Eyes open to the future, past's present. Time's broken. Birth'll be my last effort. I'm a trapped weapon wrapped around half seconds, Minutes, hours as long as the great seven Days, last of God's rest, first of stars, heavens, I see time, space. Life. And it's all lessened by this all presence. Buddha mind's eye; reflect it's all occurrence. Energy, swirling stars, fluorescent flourish. Particles arisen as consciousness. Rare courage Of the cosmos to give us life without purpose. I'm out. Worthless. |
06-08-2015, 11:00 AM | #2 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,509
Battle Record: 51-29
Champed - Newbie Tourney VII
- Netcees Battle League
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This was kind of all over the place for me. I see a lot of cool concepts, but it seemed that you rushed this (I see it says speed verse). Had you put more time into this I think you could've made the weak connections a bit stronger. Your lines were too short to really delve into the concepts you wanted to, imo. Next time take more time and try to connect your ideas better and I think you could come up with something dope.
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