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Old 05-20-2015, 12:06 AM   #1
Mr. J
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Default Crash landed into Neo Cortex

The comparison, the embarrassment carried by ego
this tombstone, this casket, my prides buried in this deep hole
I've seen hope, seen hate devour the most civil of minds
laugh at the joke, but even mirrors expose the riddled disguise
crisis in the middle of life, dance with the devil in affair
we spiral into a black hole, swallowed by dimensional despair
fight inevitable repair, devoid of all function, enjoy destruction
on the fence about life. I guess you can call it buoyant consumption..
down in the valley where the gunshots echo
where any hope of normalcy is a one stop threshold..

Life's a trip..the ride holds conditions and rules
finish another pint, why would I listen to you?
I got this under control, so I put the bitch into cruise
driven by use of..depressants, stimulants & booze
ready to enlighten whenever the prisms are blue
paint the floor red, then let you crimson the roof
christen the youth with a different depiction of truth
wave good riddance to fools, allow admittance to few
the circles for winners, a whole different dimension to you
it's all about the experience, not about the fictional views
hand in the fire, no pulling back..no U turns or detours
crashed at the intersection, you crash, you burn..
should have listened before
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Old 05-20-2015, 12:09 AM   #2
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should have been an ode to crash bandicoot

down in the valley where the gunshots echo

dope image

Life's a trip..the ride holds conditions and rules
finish another pint, why would I listen to you?

the circles for winners, a whole different dimension to you

werd

nice work dood.
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Old 05-20-2015, 08:49 AM   #3
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this was so smooth dude, i enjoyed every step of the way. every word fell into place it seemed like, effortless. good shit
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Judging from those pics and the state you're in I've concluded with the fact that the world needs more Bodeys.
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Old 05-20-2015, 11:04 PM   #4
Mr. J
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why thank you my fair lady, & enthused gentlemen
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Old 05-22-2015, 02:20 PM   #5
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This flowed very well per usual, enjoyed the mirror line best as a standout, followed by black hole line, still a solid drop overall, ended well, came together nicely
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Old 05-23-2015, 01:11 AM   #6
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A short succinct verse, and it seemed to have tidbits and allusions to life as a race. Rapidity as a key toward completion and docility as the enemy toward completion. The chase toward the grand finale, the finish line, was what the images suggested. Reading your most recent piece, this is an entirely different mode of depiction. This one carried more momentum, more ideals, as the other one carried more detours into abstraction, and metaphorical inclination. I liked this piece for it kept delving deeper into a journey that did not carry us anywhere into a far away land, rather it took us into a mode of being, in which your emotion, and all the commonalities between our lives came together for a short moment. The end ended in a baleful and menacing manner that instilled a premonition of doom almost. Not my favorite ending, but the piece stands as a enjoyable read nonetheless.

Thank you.
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Old 05-25-2015, 06:35 PM   #7
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Good observation..it started as a different piece at first
considering the first half was morea setting of tone.
The faulty relationship. the drinking issues. the crappy living
the second half is more of a running away type scenario
more of a self conscious reflection in the end of the beginning
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Old 05-26-2015, 02:26 AM   #8
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No lie, this might be the best thing I've read from you. Very good stuff, as usual.
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Old 05-26-2015, 06:32 AM   #9
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cool. Liked that conditions and rules line. Smooth & very to the point, Q

Might send you a verse or something man
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when I write, lately, I feel as if I begin by stringing together ambient ideas and concepts, then i realize I'm just typing the words coffee, tawdry, and autumn over and over and over, again, then I pass out dru-
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Old 05-26-2015, 10:13 AM   #10
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sounds good to me brutha man @Dr Dog
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Old 05-31-2015, 08:26 PM   #11
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Obligated bump
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Old 06-01-2015, 02:04 AM   #12
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wave good riddance to fools, allow admittance to few
the circles for winners, a whole different dimension to you

that was the standout for me here

just worded smoothly enough to come off that bit better when read out loud

I was reading the OM mag recently where Sharp I think mentioned about liking your more sporadic and freewheeling verses as opposed to the machanical overthought is, this here's a prime example IMHO

pen game is sick given how quick I trust you would put something like this together

vintage Mr. j ish lol

Keep that pen moving!
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Old 06-01-2015, 11:22 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. J View Post
The comparison, the embarrassment carried by ego
this tombstone, this casket, my prides buried in this deep hole
I've seen hope, seen hate devour the most civil of minds
laugh at the joke, but even mirrors expose the riddled disguise
crisis in the middle of life, dance with the devil in affair
we spiral into a black hole, swallowed by dimensional despair
fight inevitable repair,

This flow right here shows that you're not new to this, most people don't know how to correctly use multis but you killed it. This shit make me want to actually start reading more Open Mics in my free time. Good shit bro
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Old 06-02-2015, 03:39 AM   #14
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the first part is very dope. not that the 2nd part isn't, but the 1st part really stood out to me. i like ego/deep hole, and not just because i've used that rhyme before. lol. But very smooth throughout, especially up top.
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