.:: Phasing Close Relations ::.

Objective · 05-27-2015, 04:39 PM

.:: Phasing Close Relations ::.

I stay connected to paths the evil in men has perfected
and find myself in the mausoleum that Lucifer erected.
How come I stay reflected by mirroring your imperfections,
when my vices set the mood for society's rejections?
''You're nothing but a man!'', and a dead one at that...
but I crossed the land with the help of humanity's map.
So many obstacles and traps, mountains with dead hopes,
and slopes of misfortune where the fountain of death glows.
Too many ''let knows'' turned to left notes are never read,
so I shed a tear for the forgotten doves that were never fed.
And so I've bled through layers of broken trust and tragedy,
It hurts so much when you're losing touch with lust and family.
Yet I accept these truths angrily and make truce with sanity,
since they'll lose in vanity I settle for second place in reality.

Mr. J · 05-31-2015, 07:08 PM

This was pretty dope to say the least. sorry I got back so late
crafting an 'actual' thought out verse takes time. I enjoyed though
you crafter a very poetic piece here. but the feeling was shortlived
I would have enjoyed it more if you added more upon this.
the ending fit well but I feel as though you could have finished better
not saying the verse is bad..you had an overall enthralling verse
keep it up breh.

05-27-2015, 04:39 PM	#1
Objective ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º) Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,787 Battle Record: 17-32 Rep Power: 52474189	.:: Phasing Close Relations ::. .:: Phasing Close Relations ::. I stay connected to paths the evil in men has perfected and find myself in the mausoleum that Lucifer erected. How come I stay reflected by mirroring your imperfections, when my vices set the mood for society's rejections? ''You're nothing but a man!'', and a dead one at that... but I crossed the land with the help of humanity's map. So many obstacles and traps, mountains with dead hopes, and slopes of misfortune where the fountain of death glows. Too many ''let knows'' turned to left notes are never read, so I shed a tear for the forgotten doves that were never fed. And so I've bled through layers of broken trust and tragedy, It hurts so much when you're losing touch with lust and family. Yet I accept these truths angrily and make truce with sanity, since they'll lose in vanity I settle for second place in reality. __________________ I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave, So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o

05-31-2015, 07:08 PM	#2
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,023 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349678	This was pretty dope to say the least. sorry I got back so late crafting an 'actual' thought out verse takes time. I enjoyed though you crafter a very poetic piece here. but the feeling was shortlived I would have enjoyed it more if you added more upon this. the ending fit well but I feel as though you could have finished better not saying the verse is bad..you had an overall enthralling verse keep it up breh. __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you