Real Talk

[Just Write]

Im sorry for not being the man i was suppose to be
I swear to god you're the one who meant the most to me.
We shared our hopes and dreams, but i took it for granted
And left you with a look of confusion, totally stranded.
Couldn't handle the responsibility, wanted to be free
Selfish feelings replaced the fact that you needed me.
So i left, blamed it all on some false misconceptions
Told you how I felt that we had become "disconnected"
But I was just pretending. Didn't see you for you
i seen someone holding me back, which wasn't even true
You were the glue that held all my miserable life together
And now i seem to have lost all those pieces forevever
You were my ray of sunshine after stormy weather,..
..but how do i tell you now that with you i'm better?
There's no going down that road again, i see you're done
But there's no denying you'll always be my one true love.
Its so fucked up, the way i handled things
Now im missing out on the happiness a family brings.
You'll never get to read this, yet i write it still...
To remind myself to never give up love, for a life of guilt.

[zygote]

Easily relatable writing. We’ve been there too with you, where a woman seemed good at first then in your mind you thought how you could do better “i seen someone holding me back, which wasn't even true” – and this part too was good “There's no going down that road again, i see you're done” – only part didn’t enjoy was the one true love part, I do this often, almost every relationship after a while, just look for excuses to self-destruct it, so would prefer to make it more than ‘one’ true love, give it a bit more of a sense of abnormal normalcy/ingrained behavior, but your line works too, so it’s only a personal thing. Also the line about ‘couldn’t handle responsibility’ seemed a bit one-dimensional, there are often many other selfish reasons too, would have been nice to a read a few more. “So i left, blamed it all on some false misconceptions
Told you how I felt that we had become "disconnected" Those two lines sum it all up really well. Excellent writing that struck a nerve. The title could have perhaps been a bit more descriptive too.

[big baby]

Originally Posted by ZYG

Easily relatable writing. We’ve been there too with you, where a woman seemed good at first then in your mind you thought how you could do better “i seen someone holding me back, which wasn't even true” – and this part too was good “There's no going down that road again, i see you're done” – only part didn’t enjoy was the one true love part, I do this often, almost every relationship after a while, just look for excuses to self-destruct it, so would prefer to make it more than ‘one’ true love, give it a bit more of a sense of abnormal normalcy/ingrained behavior, but your line works too, so it’s only a personal thing. Also the line about ‘couldn’t handle responsibility’ seemed a bit one-dimensional, there are often many other selfish reasons too, would have been nice to a read a few more. “So i left, blamed it all on some false misconceptions
Told you how I felt that we had become "disconnected" Those two lines sum it all up really well. Excellent writing that struck a nerve. The title could have perhaps been a bit more descriptive too.

[Certain]

Originally Posted by ZYG

Easily relatable writing. We’ve been there too with you, where a woman seemed good at first then in your mind you thought how you could do better “i seen someone holding me back, which wasn't even true” – and this part too was good “There's no going down that road again, i see you're done” – only part didn’t enjoy was the one true love part, I do this often, almost every relationship after a while, just look for excuses to self-destruct it, so would prefer to make it more than ‘one’ true love, give it a bit more of a sense of abnormal normalcy/ingrained behavior, but your line works too, so it’s only a personal thing. Also the line about ‘couldn’t handle responsibility’ seemed a bit one-dimensional, there are often many other selfish reasons too, would have been nice to a read a few more. “So i left, blamed it all on some false misconceptions
Told you how I felt that we had become "disconnected" Those two lines sum it all up really well. Excellent writing that struck a nerve. The title could have perhaps been a bit more descriptive too.

(I'll feed this later, too.)

[Geno]

needs a twist on it man. the emotion is there... but its very bland writing. something is missing -needs more wit and some wordplay IMO. but this could be a very promising verse if you tweaked it a little man. enjoyed it for the realness it holds

[big baby]

Originally Posted by Genocide

needs a twist on it man. the emotion is there... but its very bland writing. something is missing -needs more wit and some wordplay IMO. but this could be a very promising verse if you tweaked it a little man. enjoyed it for the realness it holds

I understand your point of view. Sooner than later youll learn to appreciate raw emotion a bit more than this post suggested. I know writers thatll do what you insisted and they can, but it requires a heavy, knowledge and skillset. Deadman is the same, very little wordplay on his end. He doesnt need it, he just conveys a certain knowledge and skillset. This was very relatable. Though like you said not the greatest in terms of translating other than generalized cliche, unfortunate circumstantial emotions such as these. This wasn't hemingway prose, indeed not, this was just writing seeping from his hearts string. So to say

[e11even]

Tell it like it is bro. From who i read n feed here, you seem to be the most sincere in ur voice. I can appreciate the simplicity that accompanies the candor. You write things I've felt... things that one would abandon for pretention and egotistic display not organic to who they are or what they feel.

Get it out, let it out bro. Its great therapy. This is dope in my book.

[Geno]

Ya. Well, like I said guy. ",imo,"
We don't share the same view because my opinion isn't yours. Still understand my point of view?

[Exis]

Had a real poetic feel when readin' this, I liked it...since I write brag pieces this was refreshin'.The emotion is great and keepin' it real so to speak is what I love when I click on your threads...this is simplicity beautifully expressed to relate to the average Joe imo, whether this was a personal experience or not it's a nice read...and answer your fuckin' pm I sent you last year nigga ; )

Stay upwards hombre.

[Mc Hype]

The emotion in this piece was great, like Zyg said up top, anyone could easily relate to this piece. Pieces that show this much emotion and personal experiences in my opinion are great and fun read. Keep writing bro.