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Old 07-15-2019, 08:15 PM   #1
Adonis
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Default Summer Classic Topical: Round 1: 4. Synacog Vs. 13. Pharaohs Army [Pharaoh 5-0]








SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
MONDAY JULY 22nd at 11:59P.M. Pacific/West Coast or TUESDAY 2:59 AM Eastern / 7:59 AM TUESDAY Central European/London
MAXIMUM 2 extensions granted upon request in this tournament


Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due THURSDAY at 11:59 p.m. Western Pacific / or FRIDAY 2:59 PM Eastern / 7:59 AM FRIDAY Central European/London Failure to vote will result in negative votes the following round if you win....See rules thread for explanation

All competitors must vote on THREE battles

Read the full rules here!



Topic:

Must Check-in by WEDNESDAY July 17th or be replaced


@Sinacog
@Pharaohs Army

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Last edited by Adonis; 07-25-2019 at 10:57 PM.
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Old 07-16-2019, 02:08 AM   #2
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Hell's fire; hell's flame; heaven's church cathedrals burn to the fiery scorching ground
Swords and scowls; the scorn of towns; Angels with blessings and prayers toward people of sentiment
I am hoarse; the devil In negligence; with selfish wit'; conquering embellishments with pestilence
I am sentiment; the fiery flaming sun of hell scorches the flames of Adolf Hitler; I am a pentagram
I am a demon; a demon from heaven and hell; purgatorial scorching sentiment in sentiment sentience
I am the sentiment of a lost dog; a cat with one life; the sun dies; and I birth skies
For I am the devil in hell's flame cloaked in daggers; caskets and urns; swords and tusks
Arid musk; arabian Egyptian ghosts torturing kings and prince's with spiritual warfare; the scorn airs/heirs
Arabian king, don't be afraid; the air is filled with god's wonders; a scorpion sting/king is disintegrated to ash
The scorpion king is disintegrated to ash in a flash; the sun is disintegrated to ash with hell's flame
I am hell's flame, the scorching hell's flame in the eyes of God; hell's asherah rod
The holy staff of God was held by a devil; as he grabbed the staff by it's tail and spewed venom
Scorching pestilence; torturing kings and prince's in hell; fortune tellers and mystics in the eye of scorching
The Sirens wail soulful songs of harmony and bliss; yet I hear lust; and appear/a pier with a siss
For I am the devil on your shoulder blade; laughing and guffawing for a eternity
The burning seas yearn for me; to swim into the depths of the scorching flaming seas and touch the sand
For man's spherical earth is in purgatory; with worry for the sun will burst into flames
Yet when they die they will go into hell's flame; for their sins; for negligence and sin..
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Old 07-21-2019, 01:23 AM   #3
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Slavery was the beginning. Jim Crow was the sequel.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.
We know of a Freedom Rider. Got beaten up and jailed.
Luckily his comrades had enough for bail.
Then on to the lunch counter, to protest silently.
Then came the water hoses, and the dogs biting violently.
Some days it seemed too hard to fight.
The colored bathrooms are in worse shape than the whites’.
This can be tolerated. We’ve had it since birth.
But what can be said when the Klan bombs a church?
Colored girl went to college. She was the first.
All she wants is an education. But the Governor fights for continued segregation.
Counter-protests and riots, lynchings and fires.
The path to equality is long; such a simple desire.
Let’s change the laws. Vote and act.
Hard to do when you have to pay a poll tax.
We have leaders to fight until segregation is a forgotten thing.
But setbacks occur; they shot JFK and Martin Luther King.
It takes more, but I wish all it took was a little love.
So let us march united, until we are stopped and beaten with billy clubs.
Hope can overcome all our fears. We persevere despite bloody tears.
And our children have it better in the coming years.
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Old 07-23-2019, 05:50 PM   #4
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First off, dope topic. I fuck with it being political to an extent - without overdoing that, and it’s interesting to see what you guys will do with it.

Sin: I actually think your style lends itself quite well to this sort of thing. It reminded me of DMX - Who We Be to a degree with these kind of short snippets and the constant pauses and whatnot. I can see why you wouldn’t go for a “storytelling” piece as such to this topic and relied more heavily on these cinematic flashes and whatnot instead, brief visual images are handed to the reader instead and that works well with the topic provided. It may not be to everyone’s tastes, and could well cost you somewhat given people are almost expecting a tale with a twist in these sorts of things, but for me it works better than it should here in that respect. The Hitler in hells flames I liked. It maybe doesn’t deal with Hitler directly in the image but obviously the racism angle behind it tied in, maybe I could see the religion angle a little also here and there scattered throughout. I know it’s been mentioned in a few of your pieces but the repeated phrases like “hell” and “king” aren’t too everyone’s taste. I think if you used them more sparingly they would have more impact, used occasionally it can actually add something with a more poetic flavour, but it’s all about finding that balance - if it feels overused it starts to become somewhat samey and expected and can actually distract away from the verse negatively which might be something to look at and learn from. I’ve definitely seen more people have a dislike toward that than a liking, but it can be done effectively, I’m sure, it just needs some honing and maybe stripping back somewhat.

Pharoah: I liked the directness of that opening sentence, if not the whole line, but it gave the reader a very clear offset. The brevity of that initial statement set the tone well for you, dealing directly with the image here, before tying in the likes of JLK and MLK. If anything I almost wish you had taken a more narrative approach with this, maybe through the eyes of one of the children you bring up right at the end. It could have been through a child’s eyes, trying to make sense of what they see (or were being taught in a History class or something on Slavery etc?) and tried to explain things through their naive eyes. I think that could have added another element to this that took it up and beyond your opponents verse. You had had the more directly applicable take (in my opinion) that I can see more people liking, largely because we (as readers) have seen Sinacog do this kind of verse many times over previously. This one from him maybe has more in the way of it applying to the image, maybe it’s just open enough to interpretation that quite a few different aspects could play into it, but the strong religious overtones we know him for are prevalent once again in this verse (which I think works to an extent this time out). It’s not new ground we haven’t seen covered before, but this one is one of his better worked due to the image displayed and how can it can interpreted I guess. I think in terms of technical difficulty, Sin did a lot more by way of scheming and multies than Pharoah here, so I’ve taken that into account also, but I did really like parts of PA’s verse - like I commented on about that initial opening short sentence - which I felt he excelled in here. I’m not overlooking that either. The “message” if you like was a lot clearer, less convoluted, more stripped down and doing more with less so it’s not a case of technical merit winning out over everything.

I have it like this: Sinacog did better than what were usually accustomed to reading from him, the verse is inherently chocked full of his tried and tested religious overtones and biblical references, almost in a sort of train of thought style with a larger focus on the mechanics of the verse and adding a degree of difficulty to it that he somewhat outshone his opponent on. Pharoah tended to focus more directly on the topic supplied, and while he maybe didn’t show the same technical sufficiency, he had a more universal message that hit the nail on he head, even if it was very bluntly (and briefly) done to a point. I think that was the deciding factor to me here in that PA had a verse that applied to the image directly and I am a fan of doing that. While I (largely) enjoy the mechanics of a verse and tend to favour those that do it over those that don’t - it’s not the be all and end all deciding factor for me in battles like this, and this battle is a good example of that. I think this one could largely come down to personal preference, and my own preference this round leans more toward what PA was able to put forward over what Sinacog has.

Vote - Pharoah’s Army
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Old 07-23-2019, 08:21 PM   #5
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Sinacog: I personally enjoy your style its very aggressive yet has an eloquency to it. Although it is sort of scattered brained. Also your themes are linear and even the words you use to express your ideas are much too similar to each other. I would like you to see you expand your creativity, and I think the realm of topical writing can certainly lead to that creative inspiration that I think your writing needs to escape the boundaries I see you are constantly set in exploring, go beyond them, and in that same vein work on shifting and playing with your style. You have this style that you do mastered, I am not saying you should change it, but experiment with it and most importantly make it more coherent from a writing sense, not from a rhyming sense. Its nice to see you compete, I personally think your potential is good, just don't stick to the same trite concepts.


Pharaoh: As Diablo noted, you took more the topical head on. It wasn't anything really astounding and it was very straightforward. In truth, I enjoyed Sinacog words more, but you made sure your words counted more, which in topical is more important than how you say things. The meaning at the end of the day is what captures and resonates, and of course if you make it sound dope, it becomes more unforgettable. I didn't really get that last aspect in your writing. It seems you took more time figuring out what to say and stay coherent, which sometimes is an issue with you, so I applaud that. In many ways simplifying your writing so it is more straightforward and then making it complex yields better results, then starting complex and ending up in a jumbled place.

Vote: Pharoah
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Old 07-24-2019, 09:10 AM   #6
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Sina – right off the bat, imo the long line/ setup isn’t appealing, takes too long to get the ‘punch’ if you will, its kinda off putting, got a rap royalty feel to it haha. that’s just purely preference though, but if the content is dope, hopefully it shines through.
dark tone, some of the wording and phrases were pretty dope, flow was maintained and made it easy reading from that respect but the ending kinda fell flat
feels like you built up all this momentum n energy of punishment and brutality forthcoming only to be simply told, “yeah your basically gonna pay for your sins for being stupid” I dunno. Ill give it another read and see how I feel!

less is more is probs my only real constructive critique. first ive seen from u, so I could be totally wrong (on your style)

PA – very direct, tackling a hard-hitting concept, from the narrative of someone in times of old where it was overlooked! I found the piece intriguing and never strayed off or found myself absent from it. I like the ending in a sense that were left with no real conclusion, just to wonder as to how we as people will tackle this problem for future generations. Got a che Guevara spirit/ rosa parks feel to it. No, technically it wasn’t a masterpiece but it really didn’t need to be. Simple and effective, as I said with sinacog, less is more.
as good as ive seen from you tbh

I gotta vote PA here, wording was a lil more basic compared to Sinacogs but piece was more enticing throughout.

Good battle
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Old 07-25-2019, 07:24 PM   #7
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Best topic of this round imo.

Sinacog - this shit is right up your alley lol you really did avery good job of instilling an apocalyptic mood in my mind, your word choice was brave though repetitive...the rhythm of the piece itself was kind of clunky and there was quite a few unnecessary lines but you created a very vivid image in my mind and for that I have to commend you.

Pharaoh's verse was much more polished from the get go...everything in there was there because it needed to be, each line led in to the next which is really how all topical verses should be. If you don't need it, don't use it. Your story was much more linear...the subject matter has been tackled before a bunch of times but you made it feel fresh and the rhyming was up to par...it was just a very enjoyable read.


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Old 07-25-2019, 10:36 PM   #8
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sinacog: This was pretty cool. Not really up my alley but I liked the change of pace. It felt really to the point and direct. Other than that I felt there was no climax. No stand out part. I also didn't like the repetitiveness of some of your lines. It was way too much. I feel you werent that creative when it came to writing to this certain picture. Some of it had a lot of potential. Your flow was solid for the most part. but there was no stand out lines that jumped out to me more than the other.

PA: Your opening three bars were perfect. Nice opening. Flowed really well and the concept fit very nice with the picture. The lynching and fires/ simple desires bar was dope. could have been perfect if ya added a word or 2 tho. At the end part I wasnt a fan of. One line you talk about being united and it takes a little love and then you follow it with being beaten with billy clubs. Then its back to love and unity again. I thought that billy club line was mis placed. Altho I do get what you were saying but it wasnt going with the way the momentum was flowing with the piece. This is just me being picky. Overall I was feeling your verse. nice drop.

MVGT: P.A I just felt his verse was more entertaining and well developed.
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