WEEK ELEVEN: NYCSPITZ (4-2) vs CANDY (3-6) NYC WINS

[Adverse]

AOWL Season X WEEK ELEVEN

@Candy @NYCSPITZ

Verse Due: SUNDAY JUNE 26TH @ 11:59 PM

Line min: 10

Max: 40


Rules: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=150311

Topic:





GOOD LUCK

[Candy]

check in

votes:

http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=150591

http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=150593

http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=150589

[Candy]

Submerged in the Golden book of God
..

Beneath my teat and through my teeth
Seeping water reeks in reach of sleep
Zombie wars of Babylon's floor bleed
Eating what unearths through dirt weeds
Fish poisoned with black blood sunk deep
In dreams of what could of been peace
The apocalypse breaches steam
The mist of my heels click in wee
In glee disturbing, busting/free
I sink into the fish of scene sea
Beds tickled pink with brittle genes
Cleaned and scaled with gums, lips and belief
Pajamas ajar as subtle waves creep
The ladder drapes naked as in need
If i realize what day it is - escape
But im faded, shaded in cheap rays
Of forgotten moon blades sharp as sun
The zinc of the fish splash and cast
Splatters thrash in a subtle laugh

I have dreamt dreams of many colours
But this rainbow trout taste like grout funneled
I stand in this pool of filth guilty to the core
And wish if only one beach will beseech my soul and wash me out to sure

Forever yet..
Never more

[NYCSPITZ]

“….Take one!!!!”


[INT. Of mind]

Puddles shifting like mantled mist under a haunted visage -
an archetypal flooding of country many wouldn’t want to visit.
Gurgling with perch, sturgeon, & crucian carp for fishes
but all die while being birthed by her dark dimensions.
Winterfell in her brain, perpetual - she’s Stark of effort
strain for aphrodite when she’s athena/parts of hera…
Galvanized stretches of face, frozen into cards of leather.

Permafrost thaw.

notice the path to this pool as a worn corded track to her soul
trying to sparkle with spring’s renewal or inanimate gold
layered with splinters of glass like hopes & dreams in sedimentary stone…
Confusion, bi-polar reluctance that bends at your bones
Metatarsals curl desperate for solid ground, some blossoming joy
Chained to the scant comfort of being lost in the void…

[EXT. Pripyat]

see Russia - typed “NINETEEN EIGHTY SIX” in courier new
The nuclear blast’s virulent hue, sparkling nightside in myriad blues
her script peaked with Chernobyl emitting beams from a flue…
She needed it too. crackled lightning coursing her veins, she’s moving alone
the lone creature left as Queen of the Chernobyl exclusion zone
Now she’s a medusa myth, the hag & banshee of area two-two
whispers of her existence extended to various news crews
But she’s evasive; wandering buildings, pools, tunnels. Alone & a bastard
Don’t fuck with Russia’s Quasimodo Queen…
She’s at home with disaster.



*END CREDITS ROLL*…

[Adverse]

Candy - don’t think you had much time this week or just wanted to get through this one rather quickly. I admit the topic wasn’t the best picked but I thought it was right up your alley and you’d give us an epic. Lines were super short and didn’t really have any substance, the last four or so were alright and I saw what you were going for topically, but it connected less this week than usual

NYC - even though you were indifferent to the topic you still took it on and gave us a show. I liked the topic you had here about a feral woman living in the midst of a nuclear catastrophe and just becoming the lands “queen” was really cool. I enjoyed it, I also liked how you took little things and brought them to life this section in particular was just hitting on all cylinders

“Puddles shifting like mantled mist under a haunted visage -
an archetypal flooding of country many wouldn’t want to visit.
Gurgling with perch, sturgeon, & crucian carp for fishes
but all die while being birthed by her dark dimensions.
Winterfell in her brain, perpetual - she’s Stark of effort
strain for aphrodite when she’s athena/parts of hera…
Galvanized stretches of face, frozen into cards of leather.

Permafrost thaw.

notice the path to this pool as a worn corded track to her soul
trying to sparkle with spring’s renewal or inanimate gold”

I mean the imagery speaks for itself it really gives the story a personality. I’m glad you ended up running with this picture because while this probably wasn’t your 100% effort I really liked the visuals you came up with and the setting you brought to life

Voting for NYC, just way too much here for Candy to handle, especially with a below average verse from him.

[Mike Wrecka]

Candy- I find it extremely hard to believe that this is the same Cereal Killa that participated in this league many years ago. The one from Australia. He had a style that was actually rather similar to my own and this Candy writes just sooooo differently. But anyway I digress.
Candy once again , this is poetry. And poetry just won’t win any battles here in the AOWL. I have a feeling you know that and just don’t care. You’re going to write what you want and how you want. Which is awesome. That being said I saw you posted this piece the same day the topic dropped. Give yourself more time to refine your work brother.

NYC- dude realized he didn’t have to go full force. Especially in regards to length but still produced an excellent verse that nailed the topic quite well. The writing as always was just beautiful. He created a mood. Which can be powerful. He actually out poemed candy, not in cadence or structure (which was typical topical) but in the way he described things like “myriad blue”. Nice piece.


Mvgt - NYC

[Frank]

I remember way back in the day when these two guys were top notch: Cereal Killa (Candy) had one of The-Best-Stretches of any Topicalist: of any era, in one of the more competitive leagues on the entire internet (ISTL? @sral for confirmation?) Cereal Killah is an absolute poetic phenomena when he comes to Netcee's. I really cannot recall that many times I've felt truly beaten in a topical battle. Cereal Killah gave me a real sense of defeat in a championship battle way back when. So much so... that I felt a bit of redemption shutting him out in week whatever this season. Cereal Killah's fall from grace is truly disheartening for me. (I suppose posting within an hour of the battles going up has something to do with it!?) Candy Man, take your sweet ass time this week. Give yourself a day... to just look at the picture. To let the picture/topic/word speak to you... Let it resonate in your mind over night, Candy Man. I believe that you still have The Cereal Killah instincts and wherewithal to bring it. I remember when you used to write epics in

different fonts and colors andshit.

NYCSPITZ, brother man, you've been talking a good game: its time to live up to your reputation as a revered man poet. Stop trolling dudes and start writing. You really haven't shown us if you're still Top Tier or You Just Not Anymore? The dude Adverse bigged up NYCSPITZ like he was some legend because dude got a figurines head avatar? Stop resting on your laurels. Take a page out of Cereal Killahs book and post it in 12 minutes. Honestly, just highly disappointed, in both writers because I used to be inspired by them...

More nuance, succulent wording, tension, grammar, etc, etc all around better verse

MVGT Cereal Killah