Playing reverse strip poker with nudists.

[BWHAHA]

lol yo -

cocaine cowboy meets amphetamine mech-cannibal.
what do mechanical incentives mean? champagne drowned freud
Antihistamine, but, comedy. metal playground. it’s fallible.
elemental, with emphasis on mental.. subconciously
apprenticeship with a chick called Ele, emphasis on mental
gulping straight gin. no I meant gay gin. gray genesis dissembled
mesh it in the blender. spread wings of a strip-teasing angel
poppy seeds ablaze on my poppy seeded bagel
purple Pancakes… no. it’s hard to tell on these opiates
acrylic hand-paint. Eyes swell till they’re poisonous
high as hell, heavens angels are backwards
possibly enabled, an aristocratic homestead
hemorrhagic cokehead. warped in a novelty unlabeled.
paper origami. irregular image of satan
molecular physics. in jupiter. a pagans multicreation
troubadour. binary bulldog, the database for diocese
rearrange my existence. romance razorblade society
nylon winding suits and ties. conformists quaff coffee & SPLENDA®
caffeine castle, suicide. Endorphins’ crop copied agendas
download GOD to my printer. prophecy buffer attempt.
Nazareth’s spawned a placenta, deliver with gloves & regret
muscles reject the anabolic nandrolone.
alcoholic and verbose. it's captain comet.
wunderkind; with such a melancholic juxtapose
charlie chaplin comic. underbids panoramic missle-toes
closed-caption karma. inorganic nutritious dose
fictitious prose. pour regurgitated vomit on the rocks, please.
celebrative queue to imbibe tonic while you count sheep
prostitute entrapment. help us help sue you for the cocktease
companies corrupt. cancer rides first class on your blood-cells
subtlety disruptive, so suddenly abrupt.
your mother gives you up, it's custody with puppets
all is done, it ends well, as long as all’s done is done well
chakra pistol in a nutshell. buddha manufactures gunpowder
you would’ve never had the nerveana. like a youth pastor trusts power
i wouldnt have ever felt compelled to sell salt to a slugs cell

drinking my milkshakespeare

[Wise Wiggles]

@Aesop Rock

Shit was dead sexy mang

[PancakeBrah]

I see what you did there. So clever.

[dead man]

fun

[Certain]

Am I supposed to pronounce the registered trademark sign?

[Vulgar]

This was coolz.

download GOD to my printer. prophecy buffer attempt.
Nazareth’s spawned a placenta, deliver with gloves & regret
^lovely.

Wish you would've kept the whole piece like that. Just my preference.

kthx

[Certain]

Originally Posted by BWHAHA

I don't think so.

OK, I didn't.

I still think the flow is choppier than in most of your verses. The long words would need to be pronounced with unnatural syllable emphases in order to make the rhyming come together in a lot of places. I thought the more direct mocking of our friends worked better, but some of this was just way too out there. I like you a little more streamlined, which still isn't very streamlined. There was a Kool Keith element to this, much more than Aesop Rock, who doesn't have Kool Keith's sense of humor.

[BWHAHA]

maybe if i rearranged the structure it'd be easier. i know you guys like a certain amount of syllables to each line and usually about 7-10 words in each stanza is preferable to a reasonable ratio of syllables. it's likeable, easy to read, and well just has appeal in terms of, if you lack a certain literary composite, you can make it up with ease of depth

actually i just changed a few lines, and added different words, and shortened syllables, i guarantee you, it reads better. if it doesnt ill give you your money back @Vulgar @Certain

[Certain]

It's as though you've never read anything I've written. Your condescension is noted though.

[BWHAHA]

sorry id idnt read your writing and adapt what you write to what i said before i said it to try and explain what i meant to fill a void you left out in your critique, very stupid of me

[PancakeBrah]

Guys don't criticize bwhaha. His writing is flawless and no one knows more about writing than he does, okay.

[PancakeBrah]

You're welcome.

Next piece be a bit more subtle with the satire and condescension. I liked the rhymes though. Your shtick is tiresome. But that's the purpose after awhile I guess.

[BWHAHA]

it was more flattery towards deadman since he haz been killing it, the satire is novelty of my naychur

[dull boy]

You're falling into the hole you bore through the mold.

[BWHAHA]

Originally Posted by dull boy

You're falling into the hole you bore through the mold.

no

[Certain]

Originally Posted by BWHAHA

sorry id idnt read your writing and adapt what you write to what i said before i said it to try and explain what i meant to fill a void you left out in your critique, very stupid of me

I'm just saying I don't care how you break up lines or even if you don't break up lines at all. But big words are hard to rhyme with sometimes because they are awkwardly pronounced. I like your writing and I liked this and I like your persona. Stop yelling at me.

[BWHAHA]

Originally Posted by Certain

I'm just saying I don't care how you break up lines or even if you don't break up lines at all. But big words are hard to rhyme with sometimes because they are awkwardly pronounced. I like your writing and I liked this and I like your persona. Stop yelling at me.

does it read better tho & thx i like u 2

[Certain]

I like most of the changes I noticed. The beginning is better now. I stumbled here with the rhymes:

mesh it in the blender. spread wings of a strip-teasing angel
poppy seeds ablaze on my poppy seeded bagel
purple Pancakes… no. it’s hard to tell on these opiates
acrylic hand-paint. Eyes swell till they’re poisonous
high as hell, heavens angels are backwards
possibly enabled, an aristocratic homestead
hemorrhagic cokehead. warped in a novelty unlabeled.

[Objective]

Thought it was dope af, still kinda ??? on a couple of the lines.. Meh, guess I'll get it on another read-through some day I haven't awake for a shitload of hours and still feeling the slight buzz of prescription meds lingering in my body from the day before. Either way; felt some MF Doom vibes tbh and thought the shit was dope. Coming back later on for a second read through, dunno if I'll have anything to add tho'. Keep it up.

[NYCSPITZ]

cristian how u like my name is my name