10-10-2017, 10:11 PM | #1 |
living
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nobodysake
/
i sat in the dark. you meant to ask me a question halfway suggested that it was something important. i mean who could afford the state of being that you covet she, who struggles with boredom, pacing her floor at war with contentment. we are. it feels like nothing before breathe deeply paint fume 2-car garage, corporate embargo where we went wrong. faint, be my heart. help me relate it's only been a year. i still remember your face secular native voodoo daisy, planting your roots starry-eyed, billie jean jacket digital youth analog pursuit melodia symphonic in dreams His masterpiece on envelopes & scraps of receipt mutilation en masse. it's human nature to scream the culmination of collective greed, your excellency at war with resentment. dissemination of seed collective goals collapsing miscellaneously all in a week. how do you say - a day in your feet? ah, a walk in your shoes. stairsteps left incomplete what are the odds. talking to god for nobody's sake he told me the same. you're apple trees i'm rotary blades copa cabana, we slept where nobody stayed seance candles, soul awakened, home on the range Topher Grace. pack bowls in your basement. Billy Ocean tapes so they say. we're heading back towards home today. dead man
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Zack Wicks for president |
10-11-2017, 05:57 AM | #2 |
Badgerdick
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i typed up a huge reply to this and my work internet went down
the hanging rhymes in the beginning threw me off a little its only been a year, i still remember your face was dope to me though digital youth was a great millennial turn of phrase, i liked the billie jean jacket reference as well for the nostalgia of it. the two worked well together even if they contrast each other in my view i loved 'masterpieces written on scraps of receipts' because i still do that very same thing to this day if an idea comes to me quickly and i want to get it down, very relatable apple trees and rotary blades was another great turn of phrase for me, almost a contrast again in how closely related the two things can be yet one of them insistent on tearing the other apart. perfect visual illustration for the kind of spiteful bad relationship said in so few words. i loved it. great to have you back. keep that pen moving! |
10-29-2017, 07:22 PM | #3 |
living
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Thanks baron
Overdue on some collaborative work for sure. Drop me a line when you have a moment
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Zack Wicks for president |
11-07-2017, 02:08 PM | #4 |
SOBER
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Nice.
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If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me? |
11-08-2017, 07:04 AM | #5 | |
Shrewd as evearthed
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Quote:
definitely down lets talk about some shit in the Myrmidons forum
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11-21-2017, 09:13 PM | #6 | ||||
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
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Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
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- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
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Quote:
this was extremely dead man. what i wrote - part of it, was atleast, that you've adopted this contrasting style, and adorned it with an opposite effect, paradoxical quips you've created with your breath. it's original and styled with adverse effects. the second thing i've noticed about the authenticity in a deadman piece, would be - the truth to everything. when you go 'its human nature to scream' the audience agrees with it and its almost pressured to believe that it's real, that it has happene dto them and that they have been through it. it's human nature. it powers your thematic element and it powers the imagination of the reader, and it powers the turbines that created the electricity to power the piece in the beginning and it fits, and it's adorned along with your contrasting style and it has very intense inclinations. you scream at people, when you're in pain, in the street, at a football game. it is human nature. in fact, the beauty and magic of this piece lies in that line alone, the human nature of all of this. Quote:
even delicately placed things to ramp up a theme takes on this effect that you put in place... Quote:
it's been a year... well, only a year. a year is nothing. or it's....pretty long. anyhow, it's only been a year. do you know what i mean by this? i still remember your face. the contrast here is lightly stained with a highlighted meaning not mentioned by the writer. it's just small things like this that make the read must more enjoyable. Quote:
thanks. i enjoyed this. |
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12-12-2017, 02:23 PM | #7 | ||||
Senior Member
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Quote:
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Overall: I really dug they way you put this piece together -- the flashbacks, the obscure and pop culture references, the nostalgia invoked and the heart and poetic voice you wrote it all in. The end result was something that read true and authenic. Also, your mechanics and transitional flow were both fluid and on point the entire read. Props, man. This was truly dope. Peace. |
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12-12-2017, 07:25 PM | #8 |
living
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thank you guysfatwife
seriously appreciate that.
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Zack Wicks for president |
12-13-2017, 05:54 AM | #9 |
Badgerdick
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lmao why do i feel like big baby was taking sneak shots at me?
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12-13-2017, 06:25 AM | #10 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599678 |
FUCKA WOT?
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12-13-2017, 07:10 AM | #11 |
Badgerdick
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Showdown City
Posts: 2,604
Battle Record: 11-2
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 22685548 |
sounds like you felt some kind of way about my original post tbh
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