Week 8: 13. Vividlyvague (4-2) vs. 14. Adonis (3-4) \\ Vividlyvague wins 5-0

[Certain]

Season 3

The Basics | Read the full rules here.

Verses are due Friday at 11:59 p.m. PT. THERE ARE NO EXTENSIONS.

Votes are due Sunday at 11:59 p.m. PT.

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by the opponent.

Voting on three battles is required. If you win and don't vote, you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your three votes in this thread.

Topic:



Good luck, @Vividlyvague and @Adonis.

[Adonis]

Celestial float, diabolical Flow.
A pebble skipping - such a rippling growth.
Inner war as villainous fiends cope.
Coexist with - Angelical dream folk.
Abstract and obscene boats.
Float atop crystal lakes coast.
Beneath the blackened liquid cave.
Evil hungers...requiring fuel to obliterate.
This poor soul, tortured and sent away.
Never knew a morsel of heaven until deserts maze.
This labyrinth of grainy roads.
Exposing desire that heaven gloats.
In every demonic hellion is God's design.
For every angelic rebellion Reaper logs overtime.
If light and dark are separate, where's the dividing wall?
Is it the ground or sky driving our psyches fault?
Devour young beast, feed a belly filled
It's ok with God, for without you there's no shepherd's will.

Skies are sails... Ground, the abode.
Waves crash... melodic sounds in a note.
Cast out inhibition, reel in a simple vision.
If a souls required, good or evil, a souls a victim.
Plain as day, no contradiction.
Murky water is conscious wisdom
The line in the sand is...skippers engine.
"ahoy"
Land lovers ironically made of water.
Since the day of The Apple and The Father.
Single cells broke chains and morphed.
Devolved, forever, anchored in the port.

If heaven on earth is possible.
Then hell in heaven can't be improbable.
Reverse island. Winds of change.
Stagnant water. Blackness.
Always
Remain.

.

[e11even]

At Rich Gentlemen's Whims...
In Vegas, it pays dividends to have the winning chip.
Plain citizens get maimed and missing, pretending wit
is the way to survive. That's where I paint the vivid pic.
The government here is a private dear to The Sydicate.
Its quite intricate the membership of pocketed politicians it
has. And for one man to have so many people at wit's end with him,
'Brokenfoot' should be dead already. So we, the Kallektors, are the minutemen
Called upon to 'retrieve' this missing roulette ball...
A Manhunt is what its best called. I'm Pierce. We have Betts, Kahn,
and who could forget our resident native who forgets all
common civility and takes heads off. Peyote bakes him, but thats when he's dead calm.
"I wanna cut his throat out, Pierce. I can smell his sweat..."
"Pall, relax. He can't get far out here. You'll get your big chance, 'cause
The coyotes and vultures will nibble his legs gone if that dickhead falls!"
That got a smile out of him. "Lets stay alert and hydrated as we tread on..."

The Valiant & Headstrong...
In Vegas, it pays dividends to know your enemy and terrain.
Plain citizens get liquified brains and cannibalized remains
getting lost on these plains. Acid and peyote are anything but strange
when they navigate you beyond devils that appear to the dehydrated untrained.
The environment isn't man-made. It follows uncontrollable chains,
each link playing its part in a well-connected exchange. This is where it gets vague.
From the insects on the surface, to the birds lining up talons with prey,
Man is but an instrument in the middle, a fiddle with torn strings, as his purpose is gray.
I'm Brokenfoot, a proud land inhabitant who's outgrown by his days,
A stubborn native with beads and feathers, guarding what my ancestors made.
These paleskins embezzled our birthrights, then kill us for standing,
Employ us as 'cattle-herders' with brainwashings and opportunistic ramblings.
What's sad is we have fallen for and to this since they made landfall.
Now a broken foot will mend losses in a final standoff.

Pierce's men advanced for hours as heat danced in wavering towers.
"Fuck, it's hot." Betts's melanin atoned, but fatigued through sweat's belaboring showers.
"You hear that?" Kahn's eyes roamed, darting across the landscape like playful prowlers.
The four man squad was slowly decomposing into a madness, devoured
By an insatiable lust for the kill. F2000's were powered
With a caliber far superior to an arrow tip and feather quill. "Howard
Pierce..." Flinching violently, Pierce reacts with flailing strafes,
"I'll make you pay!" A glimmer flickers and impails Betts's nape.
"An arrow? What the fuck?! Kahn! What do you see?!"
"There's a man near that lake!" He aims, dazed... foaming out of his teeth.
"What lake?! Fuck! I still have Pall and Kahn... KAHN!"
-"This is our land you placed those casino strips on....."-
An eagle soared above, orbiting the diminishing squad.
-"You are but a manipulative pawn... ironic. A conniving moron."-
"Shut the fuck up! Pall and Kahn! Get this jerkoff!" Pierce motioned beyond.
"I can't see shiii-...ARRGGHHH!" Brokenfoot appeared, freeing Kahn's spine of his tomahawk.
"Ever danced with wolves, Pierce?" A searing fear crept over him.
"Its Pall and I against you... what makes you think you're gonna win?"
"I already have." Brokenfoot vanishes into a tan mist, Kahn's head in hand,
Leaving Pierce to sink into a quicksand pit. "Pall! Help me goddamit!"
"Good leadership begets loyalty, Pierce... he's mine." Pall advances.
"You really wish to do this?" Both moving, readying a melee exchange.
"After you..." Hatchet and bayonet clashes and TWANGs with lashes and BANG hits.
Two head smashes, leg sweeps, forarm bashes and chest kicks
left them winded. Two warriors from a village raped for its culture and land strips.
The brawl continued, taking a pause with Pall in headlock with both in a horizontal sandwhich...
"WoundedCalf, why have you turned on the last of us? Why be a paleskin pretender?"
And before getting his neck snapped, Pall hissed,
"My brother was the perfect one til I broke his foot and deserted agenda..."

[zygote]

Really became immersed in Vividlyvague's upload this week. All the unique vocabulary was just excellent and a hallmark of sci-fi writing. The names were desert-like enough to match the picture, and the whole casino approach was very interesting. In some parts there was strange vocabulary. E.g., "Betts's melanin atoned" but all of that fits with the futuristic vibe. It's true there is no clearly defined setting, it could even be an alternate-universe thing, but it just feels futuristic, a bit dystopian too. A Native American blade runner - words like Kallektors to describe the debt collectors were just great touches. Adonis emphasized the rhyme schemes in this upload, it was excellent in its conciseness and simplicity of expression. E.g., "Land lovers ironically made of water.
Since the day of The Apple and The Father." Double lines like that were just excellent. Overall, this is my favorite so far from all the ongoing contests, both can be extremely happy with their efforts. Voting for VV.

[Zombie]

Laden surprise. I immediately connected towards the first part of Adonis's verse and the ending of VV.

Expertly written. I enjoyed the brevity of adonis, but enjoyed the thoroughness of VV. The overall impression that was lasting was VV. Ultimately my vote goes out to VV. Great effort by both.

[Just Write]

Adonis, very poetical piece my dude. The flow was exceptional


Skies are sails... Ground, the abode.
Waves crash... melodic sounds in a note.
Cast out inhibition, reel in a simple vision.
If a souls required, good or evil, a souls a victim.
Plain as day, no contradiction.
Murky water is conscious wisdom
The line in the sand is...skippers engine.
"ahoy"
Land lovers ironically made of water.
Since the day of The Apple and The Father.
Single cells broke chains and morphed.
Devolved, forever, anchored in the port.

This was my favorite section, the more I read from you the more I realize you're a smart dude, a lot of thought goes into your pieces and that's probable why you're so successful with them.I wish this was a little longer, by the end I was left wanting.

Vivid,
I immediately just fell into the story and all it's glory. This was spectacularly written. It played out like a movie and by the time it was over I wished ther there was more. Besides the mechanics being near perfect the story was entertaining as. Great job


Adonis had a very good piece but went up against a strong vivid who just wrote the fuck out of his verse so he gets my vote this week.

Vote=VV

[Soulstice]

adonis - wish you had developed the imagery a little more. lightswitch pieces like this are dope, good/evil contrasts, especially when the concept is applied to something specific. the language and flow was cool, but i wouldve liked to see, idk, not literally longer bars, but you did chop up the imagery instead of creating an organic scene imo, where things can more easily exist as a metaphor. like a sinking boat in choppy water off the coast of the island could represent someone going through hard times and going from good to bad, which works well into the literal island-flip ending. im not nitpicking like an asshole with this vote, just giving a quick example of a development i personally wouldve enjoyed

vv - the story was dope. the name pall was also clever, a little foreshadowing there. the language of the narration couldve used some work but the natural dialogue, something a lot of writers find hard to create especially when trying to adhere to a flow, was good and it helped immerse the reader in a story. there was definitely some off-putting wording in there though.. so i wouldve focused on making that more penetrable... for instance "dehydrated untrained" and "orbiting the diminished squad".. theres a better way to put those things.. orbiting? so yeah, for someone who clearly has an idea on how to immerse the audience with dialogue your narration was a little strange at some points. the story was tight, and the imagery and atmosphere was dope when it wasnt cluttered with some of your word choices

vote - vv

[Frank]

Vote - VividlyVague

Great story. Great name choice "Pierce" - Liquefied brains and cannibalized remains. Fantastic verse.

Adonis. Dug the brevity of this piece. Always the right amount of readability

Post in open mic forum for more thoughts