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Old 04-30-2014, 05:14 AM   #1
Certain
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Default AOWL SEASON 3 MAGAZINE — EDITION 10


Season 3, Edition 10


We, the People
INTRODUCTION by Certain





Guys, we have a new champion! This is the first time all season we've been able to say that. So I want to start this magazine out by saying congratulations to El Pancake for dethroning oats, our native Hawaiian who finds Roseanne attractive. We have a great magazine here, and you guys probably never read these introductions anyway. zygote used his robot sensibilities to pick movies that define all of us. It's as weird as it sounds. Split Eight gave us another roundtable that he failed to format in a reasonable way, adding to my workload and further delaying this magazine. Johnathan Mercy stopped by for no-show shine. And I did my usual thing, including audio power rankings again. So get reading.



ITM by zygote
Our No. 1 contender and resident alien robot picks out which movie best correlates with each of us.





On occasion it is enjoyable to view a classic filmmovie. In the style of Certain’s previous effort with classic hiphop albums, each currently competing competitor will be compared with a classic filmmovie.


MMLP | Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
MMLP is perhaps from some Northern part of England, Lock Stock and 2 Smoking Barrels, 1998, is appropriate. The good Englishmen of those parts like nothing more than drinking brown ale, going to premier league matches and fighting second generation Pakistani immigrants.


Perpendicular | Dune
Perpendicular is the adaption of an excellent book where the alias is the equivalent of the Alan Smithee-name attached to Dune, 1984. Considering Pent Up’s penchant for producing pseudonyms beginning with the letter P (see previously Procyon and Praxis) it is not outside the realms of possibility that Perpendicular is an alias. If not then you compare favourably with Pent which means you are also good.


Certain | Schindler's List
It’s the little details that make Certain very good, think for example the young girls red dress in Schindler’s List, 1993. Keeping a close eye on detail, with a focus on accuracy to give justice to whatever themes that are trying to be conveyed.


d0ubt | Mrs. Doubtfire
it’s not just the name, it’s also the numerous clues and comments towards a ‘secret identity’ that makes d0ubt compare with the classic comedyfilm Mrs. Doubtfire, 1993. “I bet you can’t guess who I am?” Then “Hey kids it’s me, Dad.”

Vulgar | Koyaanisqatsi
Vulgar is like 2 hours of complete visual cinematic where words are unnecessary explanations in the style of Koyaanisqatsi, 1982. There is no ‘hand-holding’ exposition, you work to interpret the meaning of the seemingly unrelated shots for a greater understanding that makes you feel more engaged in the end.


oats | Into the Wild
The talented student of philosophy and English who seeks an alternate experience wherever possible, it could be written that Oats is Into the Wild, 2007. Praised by critics, for not only strong technical aspects but also for a meaningful vision.


El Pancake | The Predator 2
There was some debate to use a stereotypical route and choose any filmmovie ever by Wes Anderson, but no, The Predator 2, 1990, starring Danny Glover is most appropriate considering writing style, a perfect blend of action, narrative, underlying social comment and technical achievement, it surpassed the original and the competitor franchise Aliens. This one is also my personal favorite classic filmmovie.


Smegma | Aliens
Not familiar with Smegma so this is difficult, but Aliens, 1986. Many moments of sudden changes, and a claustrophobic twist ending including the cat and the Alien and the Ripley all in the escape pod together.


dyedinthewool | The Last Temptation of Christ
Only read one upload so a difficult comparison again, but due to the seamless blend of religious and emotive themes, The Last Temptation of Christ, 1988.


Johnathan Mercy | Death Wish
He is comparable to Death Wish, 1974, only because the name ‘Johnathan Mercy’ is similar to a name form a Charles Bronson era tough cop vigilante filmmovie.


Frank | Space Jam
A critically mixed yet publicly praised reception, Franks has a habit for antics that can only be compared with Michael Jordan, Bill Murray and Newman from Jerry Seinfeld on screen with the cartoon, The Space Jam, 1996. Frank has the potential to smash the box office with appeals to emotion and to nostalgia.


Split Eight | Timecop
Split Eight writes with a flair that is only matched by a Van Damme high kick, and with a technical style that constantly changes between past poetics and futuristic buzzwords, it is Time Cop, 1994.


timeless | The Shawshank Redemption
A classic filmmovie that you pick as a classic filmmovie because you know it is a classic filmmovie and everybody who writes about classic filmmovies always picks this classic filmmovie as a classic filmmovie, The Shawshank Redemption, 1994. You kind of know what you’re in for, but it’s still excellent nonetheless.


Adonis | Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Adonis is similar to Lord of the Rings 1, 2001, the beginning of a three part series, Adonis always seems to write as if one week is connected to a previous, technically interesting, at times interspersing entertaining fights scenes with lengthy explanations about the inner-workings of the Hobbit kingdom.


Zombie | RoboCop
It would have been easy to just leave it at the name and pick a classic Zombie movie, but Zombie is a different type of destroyer. An unstoppable machine that stops the opponent by toppling it down the stairs, The Robo Cop, 1987. Out for justice, maximum impact, no gimmicks, the Robo Cop will arrest or destroy.


Just Write | Avatar
Great visual and technological achievement, released in full 3D and surround sound so you can catch all the details, it is The Avatar, 2009. At its core beyond all the strong details it is basically a story of a handicap stopping native exploitation that is primarily designed to heart-wrench and capture the most bang for the audience buck.


Vividlyvague | Starship Troopers
An excellent blend of humorous satire, over-the-top action and catchy one liners. “Would you like to know more?” Starship Troopers, 1997. Vividlyvague even chooses a username that is a bit whacky in the same way that Starship Troopers names the alien races, chooses the government uniforms and has Rio de Janeiro as the capital city of Earth.



ROUNDTABLE Compiled by Split Eight
dyedinthewool, big baby, Just Write and El Pancake discuss the frontier of topical writing.





What is the most memorable topical battle ever for you (that you competed in)?

DYEDINTHEWOOL: Honestly, I’ve been so out of the game that I cannot remember a specific battle, what I can say is that the opponents I have battled, I’ve only learned from whether I’ve won or lost. I’m kind of hoping to continue to grow on this site, because while I know I’m not a newbie, not writing for nearly two years, certainly makes me feel like so.

BIG BABY: I don't topical battle. But I guess the one with zygote. Cause its basically the only one I did. And @Certain stop referring zombie to me. You dumb bitch. I will fucka slash your fucka throat bitch.

JUST WRITE: Lol, honestly? The battle with pancake. I hope he takes it as a compliment rather an insult but yes, that's my proudest achievement so far.

EL PANCAKE: The battle I just had with Oats is probably the correct answer. He was undefeated and dropped a great verse, it was a champ match and I liked my verse. It went down to the wire.

Since that's so recent, I'll throw in my battle with Black D in the first season of the NWL. I was the defending champ that week and ended up losing. It went to the wire, though, and it was decided by the minimum after being moved to Discussion. Even though I lost, going toe-to-toe with the best on the site was a confidence booster. My first big win was against NYCSPITZ that season so that deserves mention as well.


What sort of role had writing and/ or rhyming played in your life?

DYEDINTHEWOOL: Writing has been both either a constant feeling of liberation and or a constant struggle. Without dabbling too much into my personal life, I have really bad days and really good ones, considering the health issues I’ve dealt with for years now. On my really bad days I can only wish to write anything at all. And then I have moments where I just spill my guts. In every single piece I’ve ever written, be it poetry or a topical, there is always a personal aspect. Kind of like last week’s piece that I had the courage to write at all. Its role in my life has been significant, but it’s always sink or swim.

BIG BABY: Not a big one. Rhyming? Idk man. How is rhyming going to play a big role in my life, this is the dumbest question ever Split holy shit. *bb murmuring to himself with bib on walking down madison ave*: "lil bb...lil peepee...bb da bb...with the peepee..in his weewee..

*music executive walks by, and stops dead in his tracks* :REPEAT THAT, SIR
bb: repeat wutta u maddafucka da pp of bb?
music exec: NO NO, WHAT U SAID THE WHOLE THING
BB: LIL BB LIL PEEPEE.. BB DA BB WITH THE PP IN HIS WEEWEE?
music exec: *picks up cellphone* OMG CINDY WEVE GOT THE NEW FACE OF OUR COMPANY

nah, man. Doesn't work like that. Rhyming doesnt play a role. Its all about how you say it yo. See, lil split 8. Dumb madda. You dumb k. Dumb. Rhyming doesnt play a role, you play a rhyming. And rhyming isnt an actress so it doesnt play roles idiyote! But, writing, yes, I write a lot and ppl like it and I like it and its funny and im funny. I just try to make ppl laff i funny. You not

JUST WRITE: Umm, for me writing has been a companion (mostly during my military experience) it's also an outlet for me. Other than writing stories, I write about real life experiences, most of everything I write in the OM is based on some sort of truth or something ive went through. I think this whole AWOL thing is helping develop me into the kind of writer I want to be, although im not quite there yet. I also believe it helps to sharpen the mind and i'm in to any kind of exercise I can get, be it physical or mental.

EL PANCAKE: Not much, really. At this point, this site's actually became a distraction I should cut ties with. I do enjoy writing, immensely, but it doesn't intertwine with real life in any tangible way. It's one of my favorite hobbies, but the amount of time I spend writing and surfing on here is a little pathetic, to be completely honest.


Any matchups you'd really like to see go down before the end of the season?

DYEDINTHEWOOL: Oh yes. I would like to see

A)Certain and black- both of their perspectives on topics always leave me wanting more.

B)Dull boy and big baby. If it has happened, I did not witness it. But please, do it again. Por favor. I know that’s farfetched because neither of them are signed in, but if there is a santa….do the right thing bruh

and honestly...i'd like to battle you, but i won't until i feel a spanking can go either way.

Also, I’d provide the topics for all these wishful battles except ours.

BIG BABY: bb vs dyedinthewool cause i want 2 make fun of her tits but i want to lose 0-9 just cause the topic wasnt about tits but i want to make fun of them so bad lmao bb da bb. Mustachia like 'what u doing' "just WRITING BOUT TITS?" "k carry on bb luv u :)" *smack shit out mustachia* And I guess, uhm me and zombie. and zygote vs deadman and pancake vs certain and totoro vs nobody cause hes like 0-6 lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fucking SUK! TOT. more like TITORO cuz u a TIT like dyed dream battle with me. sry dyed. Good battle 0-9 99-1 w.e bb

JUST WRITE: To be honest i've already seen some spectacular battles go down this season, oats & pancakes being the best by far. I think I would really like to see zenland vs. Vividlyvague the most. Although they are not the elite of the elite (nor am I) they are both just super fun to read and I think the enjoyment factor would be ridiculous. .. @Certain, make this happen bro

EL PANCAKE: A Just Write-Vividlyvague rematch where Vividlyvague shows up. Two great storytellers on the come up.

Zombie-Vulgar would be a great clash of styles. It'd be interesting to see Zombie's god-tier rhyming style go up against Vulgar's content and metaphor-heavy technique.

dyedinthewool-Certain, where the loser has to buy dinner on the first date.

Oats-Split Eight. I just think it'd be dope to read.

Frank-Sign Out Topic.

AND THAT'S IT. FUCK 'EM.



Week 9 Rewind
BATTLE REVIEWS by Certain
I again rank every battle of the week, but this week was particularly tough because of the great submissions for the 1994 rap song topics. The No. 1 battle, though, was obvious, as we had a passing of the championship belt.





1. El Pancake (5-2) beats oats (8-1) 5-4. | Creative Control
BATTLE OF THE WEEK! What a thrilling championship and conclusion to oats' eight-week run of terror. I'll stop you before you claim that this battle featured either of these two gentlemen's career-best verses. But it did feature them at their best, both fully engaged in their elements on a tricky topic. El Pancake ultimately won (in a thrilling late comeback) because his story about a solitary writer resonated more with voters than oats' new look at the creation story. But oats will be back. That's my guarantee: We will see oats in another title match before this season concludes, unless he signs out before it can happen.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oats View Post
His smirk enlarged with patient buoyancy -
submerged and drowned the snake in the poisoned sea
reincarnate then deploy, repeat.
as He moved across the face of the Void beneath
another idea: a volcanic prison at the base of the noiseless Deep.

2. Zombie (2-0) beats Johnathan Mercy (1-1) 6-4. | Bring the Pain
This one lived up to expectations, too. Johnathan Mercy wrote a character sketch of a man who himself has become consumed by pain, for both himself and others. His writing was as deft and tight as anyone in this league's, and he showed tremendous mechanical prowess. But no one outrhymes Zombie, who put on another display of how much he could do if he sets his mind to it in this league. Zombie took the topic head-on with a Stockholm syndrome verse about someone who enjoys being tortured. It was fucked up, in a beautiful way, the exact take and feel this topic required.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zombie View Post
and it’s getting hot. (figuratively) This electroshock therapy.
inside there commenced a war, where sulfurs disheveled
tuned voltage is leveled. woke up with a new linkage to metal with
an acute blurring, & two circuits, fuse-burned to my temple
pull my hair out my noggin. - a cold heart, hold onto the superstitions
no slaughter or torture victim - has endured this post-modernist crucifixion
broken jaw/open wound with stitches. Each punch has grown soft.
a feeling of dosed wanderlust. peeling my coats’ not enough
got me gargling sawdust……. and what’s awful about it is.. the love.

3. timeless (5-4) beats Certain (1-2) 5-3. | This Is It
I hadn't read timeless' verse until compiling this battle review section, but I was very, very impressed and totally get why I lost. His story was about being a fish, and it made perfect sense in the context of how he interpreted the topic. The writing was way more natural than anything I've seen out of timeless, though, and that's where the biggest improvements were made. Certain, well, let's let Frank take this away: "Verse read as if it lost some of its marbles. The characters were uninspired and did not interact. Plus, it all ended on an anticlimactic, depressing note." Apparently voters don't like that. Shut up, Certain.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timeless View Post
When coincidences become natural, that's when you know we're fucked.
Stuck in between the mold that shaped us mackerel, we owe an ode to luck
"Because before I lived here in this pond, I seen some crazy shit man.
I shared a small glass bowl with a friend, thats when I switched plans."
Then I asked him, "What do you mean, Stan?" He said he dipped when
his friend died, "they flushed him, and no, not in the sink man."

4. Mike Wrecka (4-5) beats Smegma (0-1) 6-2 | One More Chance
Welcome, Smegma, to our humble abode. Your first challenge is to beat an assassin, or a verse about one. Mike Wrecka chose to turn this verse about a cold-hearted killer into his submission, incorporating the topic loosely at the end but having a pretty solid, Wu-Tang Clan-style verse about a person who murders people. The flow was ridiculously fluid, which may have been what won him the battle. Smegma may have cost himself the battle with a trite twist ending in which the narrator was heroin the whole time. It's interesting that Mike Wrecka occasionally gets done in by twist endings and non-human narration but here won because of the league's distaste for those things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike Wrecka View Post
have a metamorphosis every week, so they seek my old style,
I control files, break into the main data base,
with a touch of a button any trace of the case gets erased,
leavin bodies all over the place, every corpse gets a pin on the map,
while I relax and receive acupuncture in my back,
so when I attack, im calm, cold blooded, methodic,
conducting a symphony of terror, in a manner that's robotic,

5. Adonis (4-5) beats dyedinthewool (1-3) 7-2 | Ain't the Devil Happy
The week's shortest battle wasn't its worst, even if dyedinthewool might try to convince you otherwise. Her verse was a little underdeveloped and didn't have the writing nuance of her previous pieces, but it still told a good story of a desperate father resorting to illegal measures while trying to help his sick daughter. Adonis took this because of his gripping imagery. He's a very unique writer, and his verses take a few reads to digest. But this was interesting and had a lot going on that I liked, particularly the word choice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dyedinthewool View Post
A distraught soul with a hunger for gold
Finds his way to a church, as evil unfolds
Walks in with a revolver, drunken and stoned
Simply asking the pastor to see his way home-
He had one single mission and a traveling thought,
I have to save her; both of her kidneys are shot-

6. Just Write (3-2) beats Vividlyvague (5-3) 5-0. | To the Death
This isn't what this could have been. Just Write pulled his weight to a degree, with a bit of a by-the-numbers story verse about a samurai and his son, who also becomes a samurai. Everything was there to make it a solid verse and the obvious choice, but the emotional ties at the end were particularly nice. It wasn't inspired, particularly since the take on the topic was rote. But it was a hell of a lot better on the topic than Vividlyvague's reused story lead verse, which seemed retrofitted to the topic and wasn't that good in the first place. These two are better, much better, than this, particularly with such a good topic.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just Write View Post
His name was Takeda Szenzo, revered & respected by many, feared above all.
He had a shrine for fallen enemies, where he'd smear their blood on the wall.
My mother said "this is a reminder of the honor he has for all human life",
He would often tell me , "Yoshiro, we don't fight to kill. We fight to survive."
At such a young age, I was blind to war. I just loved my wooden blade,
dreamed of having a real one someday, like my father's that stood in it's case.

7. d0ubt (1-1) beats MMLP (0-3) 5-3. | Protect and Serve
This was an interesting clash of styles, but both verses were pretty flawed. d0ubt won on the strength of keeping things simple and rhyming pretty well. He told a pretty basic tale, though, and used some odd phrasing choices. MMLP went with an over-the-top tale about heaven and hell that he didn't quite sort out well enough. The confusion was enough to send voters the other direction.
Quote:
Originally Posted by d0ubt View Post
granted entry to her heart it was welcoming and warm
soon our cohesion was redeveloping our form
as two of us became one we began to multiply
after school we had a beautiful boy and called him ty
two years time delivered his sister, we named her desiree
i had plenty to be thankful for then came the present day
return home to find a stranger, and my family in pieces
powerless in my cowardice but the man in me increases

8. Split Eight (1-2) wins via Soulstice (0-2) no-show. | Get It Together
I'm going with this as the surprise pick for verse of the week. Split Eight took on a tough topic with a brilliant verse and executed the very formula of reveal-twist ending perfectly. A lot of people pick those types of verses apart, myself often included, because they feel thin compared to something more developed throughout. But here, Split Eight's verse felt like one thing and the metaphor was nuanced enough that it was difficult to tell whether the twist reveal was really a reveal at all. Soulstice disappointingly no-showed in what could have been the battle of the week.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Split Eight View Post
finding the yoke. and an axis to prod
you twist a bit backwards and laugh at the thought:
that you, pinned to the mattress,
escaped the despicably savage claim on your cortex
by the grips of Death's gravitational forceps...
and for a microsecond you hang.

9. zygote (7-2) wins via Frank (6-3) no-show. | Let It Slide
So Frank no-showed, and the joke was that he did so because zygote wrote the verse that he was going to write. And maybe that was the case. zygote wrote two verses, uploading one that appeared to perhaps have misread the topic, then another on a baseball player. He misused a few baseball terms, but it didn't make the story any less interesting and creative. The best part was that he went all-in on a stylistic parody of Frank, all the way down to the extended rhymes. And zygote is an expert at stylistic parodies. The misuse of terms maybe even accented how funny the parody was.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zygote View Post
Yucatan steps up to the slab.
Bouncing up and down his number one bat,
the lucky homerunner all rugged and wrapped, scotch tape covers the patch where he filled up a crack.
He rubs it for luck, Tap, Tap, rub and then Tap.
The pitcher let’s fly a wide chaser, Yucatan tried to slug at the trap,
STRIKE ONE! His timing is wrong, all dumb out of whack.
The pitcher lets another slider go,
STRIKE TWO! This motherfucker tried to bunt it? What’s up with that?

10. rhetoric (2-1) wins via King Ra. (4-5) no-show. | The World Is Yours
What a waste of the best topic of the week. rhetoric wins with a very short, underdeveloped no-show verse for the second consecutive week, then signs out. King Ra. no-shows after his best effort of the season, then signs out. I'm not even going to comment on this further.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rhetoric View Post
Asking why in cycles, the repetition repeats
Every mission to beat the tension is incomplete
Defeat seems to be breaking apart at the seams
My heart harbors a lake of incarcerated dreams
A means to an end? I failed to launch from the start
Courage harnessed out of reach marching in dark


NO-SHOW SHINE by Johnathan Mercy
One of our newest hot shots takes a stab at reviewing the three verses that didn't get to be put up for votes.





rhetoric | The World Is Yours
rhetoric produced a short but nifty little piece about the creative process - the associated trials and tribulations of strained thinking - and practicing discipline through the self-searching operation that is giving birth to an idea. Mechanically it was simple but kept neat and very how shall we say, readable.


Split Eight | Get It Together
Split Eight captured this dissociative, sherm-like rush one achieves by barrelling through the sky at insane speeds in a flying machine - under conditions that require high level tetris-type reaction times. Intuitive use of language was on full display here - a tight economy of words that still managed to produce some evocative, lucid imagery. Incredible wording overall that managed to anchor perception and experience in a concrete narrative (however short).


zygote | Let It Slide
Zygote wrote constructed a Mickey-Rourke-in-The-Wrestler-lite-and-Kenny-Powers-amalgamation redemption tale framed in the world of baseball - a sport I know so little about that in a sentence shorter than this admittedly run on one, I could describe everything I actually do know about it. Speaking of run ons, the rhyme scheme was carried from start to finish - a heroic feat that is, if not totally, then almost totally useless; much as when I have seen this before the wording suffers after a while and the piece gets a cartoonish, hickory-dickory-dock vibe. That said, it was still a vivid display of character writing that I much enjoyed.



Week 10 Preview
POWER RANKINGS/
LISTEN UP
by Certain
I went audio for the power rankings again. Credit Jay Cutler for the assist.






PREDICTIONS by Certain
I didn't do so poorly last week. Let's try this again, this week with the benefit of quotes from Founding Fathers.





Championship: 1. El Pancake (5-2) vs. 2. zygote (7-2) | “Facts are stubborn things.”
BATTLE OF THE WEEK CANDIDATE! What an amazing clash of styles. Furthermore, I have no idea how either will approach this very challenging topic. Here's my best guess: zygote (who has already posted something I haven't read) will do some sort of parody of the concept of facts, while El Pancake will write a story about someone trying to prove his innocence in some form or grappling with a limitation of some sort. El Pancake writes with more emotion, but zygote is more creative. These two might be my two favorite writers on this here site, for the record. I'm going with gut. Prediction: El Pancake 51-49.


Contender match: 3. Just Write (4-2) vs. 4. Zombie (2-0) | “The one thing you can't do when you're highly ranked is relax.”
BATTLE OF THE WEEK CANDIDATE! Whoa, this is another brutal clash of styles. Just Write might be the best natural storyteller in this league right now. (I'd have given the edge to Pinot Grij if he were signed in.) But Zombie outwrites everyone. Zombie has infinite rhymes and slant-rhymes and unique phrases that make you look at life differently. No one wants to face Zombie. But Just Write is so determined. I think Zombie will not do enough with the topic, and Just Write will win in a very split decision. Prediction: Just Write 51-49.


5. timeless (5-4) vs. 6. Adonis (4-5) | “I never expect to see a perfect work from an imperfect man.”
I have love for our regulars. timeless and Adonis have shown great growth this season and popped up with a bunch of really strong verses. timeless' development has been more marked than Adonis', as he has adopted a fantastic sense of rhyming while also showing the ability to come up with creative approaches to topics. Adonis is the sturdy veteran who finally seems to have settled on a style that is well-liked by the majority of voters, his more broken poetic approach. I think this topic suits him, but either could win. Prediction: Adonis 53-47.


7. Vulgar (4-1) vs. 8. Split Eight (1-2) | “The slavery of fear makes men afraid to think.”
BATTLE OF THE WEEK CANDIDATE! Split Eight says he's faced Vulgar more than anyone, with the most recent matchup coming in The Winter Topical's second round. That one was won by Vulgar, but the topic was slanted way in his favor. This topic is something I think either of them could rip, which is why I'm particularly interested in this battle. Split Eight has developed so much in the past year and joined the ranks of elite as his verses have become easier to figure out while maintaining their beauty. Vulgar says he wants to reinvent himself as a writer for the people, and the results should be interesting. But a style switch is tricky. Prediction: Split Eight 52-48.


9. oats (8-1) vs. 10. Perpendicular (0-0) | “Mankind is governed more by feelings than by reason.”
BATTLE OF THE WEEK CANDIDATE! Perpendicular is an alias of someone very good. That much was obvious from reading the first eight lines of his verse, which was posted Monday. I have an idea of his real identity, but I won't share it. Either way, oats is in for a challenge. Consecutive losses after eight wins in a row? That suddenly seems very possible. I'm giving the veteran the edge here, though, because I think this topic is the type (emotional) that oats could beat anyone with. oats isn't scared of some alias. Prediction: oats 55-45.

11. illergicreaxion (0-0) vs. 12. Frank (6-3) | “All men having power ought to be distrusted to a certain degree.”
Unlike Perpendicular, I know nothing of illergicreaxion except that he checked in, which is a good sign. And I know enough about Frank to know that he probably is unhappy about missing a chance to take on El Pancake for the title after his no-show last week. I expect Frank to come out with all cylindars firing. He is unstoppable hall of fame. Prediction: Frank 72-28.

13. Vividlyvague (5-3) vs. 14. Johnathan Mercy (1-1) | “The only safe road to honor, glory and dignity is justice.”
BATTLE OF THE WEEK CANDIDATE! My rule is that I only give out four battle of the week tags. I decided to break that this week after seeing Perpendicular's verse. Johnathan Mercy lost a very good battle to a very good writer last week, but I fully expect him to shoot right back up the rankings in no time. Vividlyvague is a proven commodity, but I have a feeling his loose bombast could be exposed by how tightly Johnathan Mercy writes. Johnathan Mercy will win the battle of mechanics, for sure, and if he can come up with a good approach to this great topic, he should win. But the topic is tailored for Vividlyvague's style. So this is tough. Prediction: Johnathan Mercy 54-46.


15. Smegma (0-1) vs. 16. Certain (1-2) | “Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.”
Certain lost last week because he actually enjoys writing verses that put voters to sleep. That's fucking stupid. Smegma competed hard even though his verse was centered and in a weird font, and I now don't think he is Dagel. If he were Dagel, I would pick Certain. But since he's not, the choice is obvious. Prediction: Smegma 98-2.


17. dyedinthewool (1-3) vs. 18. MMLP (0-3) | “We look forward to the time when the power to love will replace the love of power.”
These two both need a win. For dyedinthewool, a win here would be an important step toward trying to lock up a playoff berth over the final seven weeks of the season. For MMLP, it would be an important step toward finding some rhythm and confidence in his first season in this league. MMLP has shown that he has the ability to write, to rhyme and to orginate story lines. He just hasn't put it together. dyedinthewool was not pleased with her effort last week but has a more refined touch. This topic also could play in her favor. Prediction: dyedinthewool 54-46.



We Hold These Truths
CONCLUSION by Certain


Thanks to zygote, Split Eight and Johnathan Mercy for help with this magazine. Sorry it's up so late, but my life is busy right now. Until next time, have a good one.


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Old 04-30-2014, 05:25 AM   #2
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great as always, good distraction from my actual responsibilities. enjoyed the roundtable, listening to the power rankings now. once again, congrats to the cakester on a well-deserved victory, look forward to the rematch.

edit: appreciate the Next reference, certain/pancake bromance in full bloom btw. good shit as always, though.
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Old 04-30-2014, 06:00 AM   #3
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Awesome magazine, srs. I love TimeCop. Particularly enjoyed the audio portion (power rankings are my primary motivation to show) as well as Jon Mercy's authentic and insightful no-show shine. Never noticed my writing was devoid of all humor, maybe I should try writing a comedy verse. I'm not as internet funny as younger Split. Now I shoot for a mix of irony and passive aggressive eArgument instigation.
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Old 04-30-2014, 10:05 AM   #4
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Good job cert. I've come to realize I, and sorry for being honest because I'm sure I'm the only one, I actually don't read anything from these other then the feed you give me. Sorry, I'm always impressed with both length and content, forever punctual as well
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Old 04-30-2014, 10:55 AM   #5
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Word @ a rematch, oats. Like you said, that battle deserved a clear winner and the one vote differential left a sour taste.

Great mag and audio. I'll do an audio section some week if that's welcome. I liked zygs choice of movies. Roundtable was cool. Another stellar edition, read it all.
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Old 04-30-2014, 11:06 AM   #6
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As always, dope read. I'm like @Adonis in a way, I usually just readnmy parts first. Then when i'm not busy I read the rest. This week I read and listened to it in it's entirety. Great job, props to all who helped out. And word to what pancake said, mine and vivid's battle was wack and I would love a rematch. I put together a verse last second and I know he didnt come full force either. We will definitely bring it if and when we face off again.
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Old 04-30-2014, 11:34 AM   #7
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do some research... ask around...
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Old 04-30-2014, 01:03 PM   #8
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Another doozy. Daps my dudes. Team effort. Aowl on 3

1.2.3. AOWL

Yeah...., thatssthespirit
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Old 04-30-2014, 01:38 PM   #9
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After halfway i skimmed it. will reread this at work. nice job guys! And as per usual BigBaby was funny.
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Old 04-30-2014, 05:48 PM   #10
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@big baby atrevido! Pow pow bad baby! Your dream battle will not be about titties but one day when I'm good enough imma gonna get you!

@Split Eight thank u for the honor!!

@Certain death cab *:) you be knowing

This magazine was spectacular!!!!! I love it I love it. Good job boys, @zygote if you only knew, I'm more of a guide to recognizing your saints kinda girl but given my piece I suppose that makes sense :p
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Old 05-01-2014, 03:48 AM   #11
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I love my movie btw. One of my faves lol.
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Old 05-01-2014, 08:07 AM   #12
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DITW is a girl?
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Old 05-01-2014, 08:49 AM   #13
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Nice job guys, thanks.
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Old 05-01-2014, 01:59 PM   #14
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sorry dyed vulgar joke
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If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
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Old 05-01-2014, 09:29 PM   #15
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sorry dyed vulgar joke
<3 it's ok widdle baby.


@Brian Bryan yes I am a girl
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