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Old 04-23-2014, 06:12 AM   #1
Certain
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Default AOWL SEASON 3 MAGAZINE — EDITION 9


Season 3, Edition 9


I Attract Clientele
INTRODUCTION by Certain





Hello, friends. It's 1994 rap week here in the Art of Writing League, and I'm excited to bring you plenty of exceptional plays from the best year in American pop culture history. (Pulp Fiction, Dumb and Dumber, Clerks, The Shawshank Redemption, Hoop Dreams and more came out in 1994, along with a ton of great music.) In addition to our normal magazine sections, we have a special feature by Split Eight and oats picking his ideal topical battles, the ones he'd really like (but probably not pay) to see. And I'm bringing back the audio magazine at the special request of dead man, who never feeds my verses. That was very passive-aggressive. Zombie is in the league, but his friend big baby refused to help with this magazine.



DREAM MAKER by oats
Our current champion comes up with some of his ideal topical battles, with a slant toward humor that probably works best in Hawaiian.





Part of the fun of competition is setting up “dream matches” in your mind, imagining how one favorite would fare against another. It comprises the essence of fandom in a way, how ESPN can have 24 hour coverage. Here is my dream week of topical tussles, replete with NC’s AOWL and Open Mic stalwarts. To my knowledge, none of these have happened, so forgive me my ignorance if I’m mistaken. Or just shut the fuck up about it and let me live. As an added bonus, I’ve also picked a topic for them. Here’s to hoping they happen - if not, we can always cross our fingers for Bags - Veritas round 2. Post your predictions on who would win.

zygote vs. big baby | You are autistic.
I’d love to see this go down for the contrasting styles in extreme. Zygote is the robot, Baby the pedophile with a heart of gold, both exhibiting signs of mild autism (social isolation and unflinching adherence to routine for Zyg, lack of tact and disarming physical strength for Baby). I’d expect Zygote to write about a clash of allegorical nations that resemble a caricature sketch of America, this symbolizing the conflicting ideologies of whether or not to medicate autistic children. Big Baby would write about tricking an autistic person into doing some sort of hilariously heinous deed, making everyone laugh uncomfortably and question their moral compass. These are two top-notch writers that are inimitable in their style and execution, and it would be a clash of the titans to see this go down.


Certain vs. Soulstice | this picture of native Americans riding flying sharks
I pit these two together with this picture for almost an identical reason. Both are some of the most refined topical writers on the net, and both need to lighten up a little. These are two very somber men, and I think this picture will force them out of their ultra-serious comfort zones. I’d still expect both to try and high-brow it up a little bit, Certain writing an allegory for the Trail of Tears or the alcoholism that plagues reservations, Soulstice exploring the tug-of-war between feeling honored and afraid going on inside the mind of the shark-riding Apache warrior as he heads into battle against cowboys on sea snakes. The irony of Native Americans on great WHITE sharks will be mentioned in both verses.


Pinot Grij vs. Wise | Choose your own Dr. Seuss title
I wouldn’t need drugs to enjoy this battle - just to enhance my enjoyment. Though odds are you may need them to understand just how exactly these two would arrive at their finished products. It would be the ultimate weirdo pissing contest, each trying to one-up the other with even more outrageous, twisted bullshit. Wise would clearly go with “Oh the Places You’ll Go” as an homage to his first acid trip he had as a wide-eyed first grader. I’m guessing Pinot would write “Lorax 2: Revenge of the Trees,” referencing at least one 90s fad-star (Kirk Cameron and JTT on the shortlist).


dull boy vs. CopyPat | Haikus
Don’t think writing in repeating haikus is a valid topic? Fuck you and get out of my dream match, then. Dull and Copy are two of the finest paragraph rhymers, making me wonder what the fuck is wrong with their lives that they ended up mastering the most niche form of an already niche writing outlet. Either way, this would be dope as fuck, each overloading rhyme after rhyme into 17 syllable segments. My guess is that Dull would have the first and third lines completely matched in each haiku, with the middle line being 2 three-syllable multis sandwiching a curse word. Copy would go the route of constant 4 syllable rhymes, with the leftover word being “dick” or “cock,” each time being an even more hollow attempt at trying to convince a bunch of dudes online that he’s got a whopper.


Frank vs. Frank | "Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing."
Let’s be honest, Frank is the only one in Frank’s league, both of them being pound-for-pound greats. Can the bombastic descriptive storytelling of Frank keep up with the bombastic descriptive storytelling of Frank? Who will spotlight the better moment in sports history? Frank will likely opt for a golden Knicks moment, possibly referring to Alan Houston as Sam Houston (to his credit, both were great underdogs but simply under matched when it came down to taking care of business in San Antonio). Frank will rebuttal with a retelling of the Giants 2008 Superbowl victory, starring Frank as the game winning QB. Frank will win in a contentious decision, prompting both of them to bicker profusely and get DQ’d the following week for recycling. Unstoppable HOF.



The Eightly Show
THE INTERVIEW by Split Eight, with d0ubt
Our host tackles our most anonymous newcomer with a weird range of questions.





Hello, and welcome to the fourth edition of the Eightly Show! The critically lambasted interweps interwriter correspondence extravaganza! Tonight's episode... an interview with our new friend, doubt!

hello, d0ubt. how are you this fine April eve?


not too bad man, nice and stoned. speaking of, splitty, how was your 420?

good to hear! so. you are new to the AOWL. As a relatively new addition to the league, are there any forthcoming observations you have after a week of competition?

(Author's Note: My 420 was fantastic, my marathon monday was better)


alright, don't answer my question, business only i guess... the most stand out thing to me i notice is there seems to be more top writers here that don't use complex rhyme schemes. and i don't want that to sound bad, i'm just used to a place where rhyme schemes tend to be heavily used among the higher ranked writers, so to come to a different culture where it's not a requirement is new to me. good writing all around the league, looking forward to seeing some battles this season.

Having sized up the competition, or at the very least sampled their repertoires in voting last week, do any members stand out as forces in the league?

pancake seemed solid, i'd like to read a verse that isn't long bar though. timeless is nice. oh and of course oats is a monster. i already know that you and witty are good writers. oh, i ended up reading my opponent's verse, which is rare for me - johnathan mercy had one of my favorite verses this week. soulstice is here, can't count him out, i'll be interested to see how long he sticks around, unless he's just more active here than where i'm from lol. fuck so many good writers in this league, i could list more.

what are some of your favorite topics or themes to write to? any tropes or motifs that regular readers might see appearing in your writings?

a lot of the negative side of life, i like my stories to be tragedies.

what is your biggest weakness as a writer? as a human IRL?

mataphors and happiness

this is where there buried him. johnny no. my boy. no.

i'm guessing that's a movie reference, but it's over my head.

any advice or critique that you think many writers should take to heart before they can truly improve their craft?

someone once told me that writing is like a sandwich. and the concept, story and shit is the meat of the sandwich, and the rhyme schemes and such are the condiments. he was telling me this because the sandwich i made and he was eating, was all condiment and no meat. so, i feel you can have some great meat on that bread, but make sure theres a bunch of condiments on there so you can savor that shit. do you want a bologne sandwich with no condiments? even the best meat in the world on bread by itself wouldn't be that great to eat. put some flavor on it too. develop all ways as a writer, find your weaknesses and try to make them strengths. do mushrooms, at least once in your life.

tits or ass?

ass! and i like my titties smaller.

Murica or Europoor?

don't fully understand that one so in this space i will leave a smiley... :)

bros or h0s?

bro's fo sho. i used to tell my buddies hoes before bros, but my friends are worth more than that to me now.

jerking off 1x in 3 hours, or 3x in 1 hour?

i can do both.

Opinion on Mike Wrecka being a rat-faced Swillsbury Fauxboy?

this is the first i'm hearing of this. it makes me want to... blaze. thanks for the interview.

Thanks to you as well, d0ubt! And now, a crowdsourced questionaire!



ROUNDTABLE by oats, Certain, Vividlyvague and Split Eight
Our panelists sound off on two topics, with oats being extraordinarily long-winded while everyone else gets that they're not the only people being asked.





As a topical writer, which writers, artists, or topicalists have influenced you the most in the past six months?

OATS: Past 6 months? I can't say anyone has influenced me much in the span of the past 6 months to be honest. If anything, my loss to Vulgar in the Winter Topical was a bit of a motivation boost, since it was one of those occurrences where I think I was soundly defeated. Those are always important experiences, to be truly bested by a superior verse, because it shows you how you can take your game to the next level. It wasn't even that my verse was bad, at least I don't think it was, but it was just too plain in comparison. It was a timely lesson to learn, in many ways.

Another writer who I've enjoyed and been impressed with in recent memory has been Pancake, who I have the pleasure of being matched with this week. I think he's really come into his own as a topical writer, and in my mind ranks among the best writers the genre has to offer. There's an inimitable softness to his use of language that's really fresh to read, I can't think of anyone else who has that sort of finesse to their style.

Neither of them really influenced me in terms of how I write, but I try to be a sponge and let anything and everything be a form of inspiration for me. Reading other verses is a big part of why participating in this league is fun to me. The level of talent that's been here almost every week has been genuinely humbling, and I'm grateful to have had the time to consistently be a part of the league.

CERTAIN: The writer is Tom Wolfe, whose unique, embroidered storytelling has always been a favorite of mine but now even more as I reread The Bonfire of the Vanities. The artist, assuming you don't mean paintings or shit, probably is Matt Berninger, the lead singer for The National. His introspection is wonderful, and Trouble Will Find Me has led me to re-explore their back catalog. And zygote is my favorite writer here for the way he thinks about things, and I've tried to open myself up to new approaches because of him.

VIVIDLYVAGUE: As far as influence I would go with K'wan Foye(writer), Eminem(artist), and Frank/Zenland/Vulgar in the past six months. I just see what I lack and develop from there.

SPLIT EIGHT: Hmm... I would say not very many writers have influenced me recently. I've only been reading foreign language poetry at the university library. I guess that makes me realize how idiomatic poetic language is by necessity. Musical artists- Chance the Rapper and Arcade Fire have both influenced my lyrics a great deal. From text- I would say that Oats and Pancake have influenced me more than anyone else recently, though I genuinely try to find something that a writer does better than me in every verse I read. A quality of theirs I want to encapsulate or develop in my own writing.


What is the most peculiar part of your personal approach to penning a verse?

OATS: It's hard to say. Every verse starts off pretty jumbled for me, and it takes a few false starts before I really catch a stride in my writing. I have no less than 3 opening rhyme schemes that I end up discarding for every verse that I write, it's how I play around with things. When I see a topic, sometimes an idea comes to mind, but very often I get more of a nebulous feeling, so I have to wrestle with the words until I find myself able to pin that feeling down the way I want to.

I'm not sure if this makes me unique or not, but in the past year and a half I've started to trust my writing a lot more, a transformation that started outside of the topical realm but has definitely found its way here. That's really freed me up to explore more novel angles and concepts, whereas before I was prone to overthinking things and/or exhausting the rhymes.

CERTAIN: I don't know how other people write, but I know I spend way, way more time thinking about a verse than writing it. I usually don't take more than 90 minutes on the actual writing, sometimes two hours on something long.

VIVIDLYVAGUE: My most peculiar would have to be the fact that this season I think I posted a last minute rewrite virtually every week, barring this recent Adonis battle, whereas I abandoned the rewrite and reverted to my original. I go through at least five solid ideas before I actually give up and just pen a verse and cross my fingers.

SPLIT EIGHT: Haha... well, the more inspired or thought-out my verses are the worse they've been received in terms of votes and feedback. I think when I overanalzye things or "perfect" a piece, it takes away appelaing qualities. Though I realize that I've had very few matches go to votes in the past few months :(

Also, more often than not- rhymes dictate the story or direction of my verses to a degree. Like if one way will result in a verse that is lyrically nicer, but the other is conceptually sound but feels strained- I'll always go the route of the 1st.



Week 8 Rewind
BATTLE REVIEWS by Certain
This probably was the strongest week of the season in terms of verse quality, and the voting was pretty decent despite so few no-shows. Unfortunately, a lot of the matches themselves were blowouts by the votes, even when the verses were pretty equal. This is a good example, though, of what we can be as a league.





1. El Pancake beats Mike Wrecka 4-3. | Man jumping overboard
BATTLE OF THE WEEK! This contender battle was so thorough, largely because of the epic clash of styles and approaches. El Pancake went with the straight-ahead narrative of the man who jumps off a boat and into the ocean, commiting suicide and finding it beautiful all at once. His diction stood out, as has tended to be the case for El Pancake lately. The rhymes were solid and complex as always, too, but the content was a slight letdown in that it seemed like such an easy route to take on this topic. I didn't get the sense that there was much in the way of deeper metaphor, simply an exercise in the futility of life and the release of drowning. Mike Wrecka came out with what was easily his best verse of the season and perhaps that I've read from him. He wrote from the perspective of a tree that became the wood that formed the planks that the man jumped through. The only issue I really had with his verse, which was mechanically sound and avoided too much repetition, is that the non-human narrator never brought forth an emotional attachment. This battle was very, very close, and Mike Wrecka has lost a ton of close battles for some reason. Here, I'm torn on whom I would have voted for, but I don't think the voters were wrong.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike Wrecka View Post
did you know the temperature would be over a thousand degrees,
if I didn't create the oxygen that allowed you to breathe,
every exhale derails the clouds with a breeze,
but that wasn't enough to leave these cowards appeased,
first a carbon footprint left the flowers diseased,
then they pulverized plants into the ground with their feet,
chainsaws formed a circle, then surrounded the weak,

2. Zombie beats TheRealWayneBrady 4-1. | Woman in the ocean
From a purely aesthetic perspective, this was my favorite battle of the week. TheRealWayneBrady was a fairly obvious alias ruse, but the writer tried out some new tactics and really succeeded. His story about a scorned and zealous mermaid was one of the most creative approaches of the week and even of the season. There were a few instances where it got a little to Disney's Little Mermaid-ish, but the ending was on point in its bluntness and felt more like Hans Christian Andersen's Little Mermaid. So why did he lose? He was facing Zombie, who just destroyed it with his verse of the week-quality submission. Zombie took on a lot of ideas with his verse about a relationship and the feeling of drowning and rejection. It was unfocused, but it was poignant nonetheless. "Tides don't judge you, they hug you, while you float to heaven/ Where the hue, blushing blue, flushes through. Copacetic." I mean, that's just good.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zombie View Post
Where your gaze pushed the waves that coordinate ballets in sync
You can bait a horse to water, but you can't make it think
Just a bridge where the water was mundanely thrown under
Throw caution to the wind, just await before the storm thunders
you see; it's perfectly serene. Not appeased by a hair's obligation
It's where the sea pushes me, but utterly aware of my body shape
And .. we don't live in past-tense-or-future, it's more of a conscious morale
It might sound sort of banal, but when my eyelids batten down in that georgia canal
I, in this porcelain rouse, understood NOW why they call them currents
Cause now, flushing out the exorbitant loud, horse-shit. Is how
I can actually feel myself in the present.

3. Johnathan Mercy beats d0ubt 5-1. | Empty street scene
Both of these true newcomers took the topic in very similar directions, framing atmospheric verses heavy on rhyming mechanics in what surely was the most fluid match of the week. Johnathan Mercy got the edge, then, because though he did less with plot and content, he had a better encapsulation of the topic in the mood of his verse, which had a very high degree of complexity. The word choice was crisp and at times rather interesting. d0ubt's writing fell more along the lines of traditional topical writing, and while it was very good, that led to it being a bit overshadowed. A few awkward word choices hurt, too, as Johnathan Mercy's verse was so polished. But both of these men could go places in this league.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnathan Mercy View Post
The mood is framed by the sewer fragrance
- and the spooky music of crooning geishas
shrewish notes across the ghoulish pavement
- gloomy, labored, subduing wailing
With cravings fueling the abuse of nature
- a confusion-laden askew creation
Unholy cesspool and the zoo of Satan
- or a Godly marvel of true amazement

4. oats beats King Ra. 5-1 | Third-world window
What a tremendous clash of approaches in this championship match. Let's start with King Ra., the contender, who went as big as he is wont to and tried to encapsulate Middle Eastern oppression through eyes of a protagonist who had lost his father and then went and bombed an American building. King Ra.'s problem quite often comes in developing characters rather than grandeur, as he builds things up but doesn't always take them to fulfilling destinations. That was the case here, as his narrator never fully connected with the readers, and his ending left a little to be desired. But the verse still was good. It's just that against oats, good isn't enough. And oats showed us why again this week with his best verse since taking the crown. This week he took the topic in the most head-on fashion, essentially dialing back the aspirations from King Ra.'s verse and simply explaining the societal disharmony directly. His word choice is what made this special, as he balanced examples and logic and metaphor perfectly while maintaining crisp rhymes and mechanics.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oats View Post
in the building where you once learned basic letters and arithmetic
behind the boulders smoldering: a door where something mystic lives
a window to a foreign land, a scene you’d never think exists
a flash of everything you’ve ever lost or wanted - innocence

intimate, it’s just you. you want to bust through and hide among
the shade of trees, face the breeze as it carries forth the light of sun.
the infinity of possibility, imagination’s wild attempt
to summon a new world, one where you can be a child again.

5. zygote beats MMLP 5-0. | Child on a book
I love when zygote digs his heels into a topic so completely that his entire verse embodies the concept. That's what he did here, telling a dark Germanic folk tale-style yarn about a pair of children and a kite and a witch. The ending was so steeped in black humor that it seemed to feel incomplete to readers who undoubtedly are not familiar with the genre. But even the way he wrote the verse was like a fairy tale, and it's a testament to his execution that many didn't hold that against him. That's particularly true because MMLP, a real-life friend of Baron Mynd, used such a rhyme-centric verse. But MMLP struggled to get much support because of his strange use of the topic, which didn't offer a complex narrative or a very direct take on it. The rhymes stole the show, and that's not enough to beat zygote.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MMLP View Post
Here im jobless, abrasive and dark
years of college, was taken apart
cleared my knowledge, got wasted at parties,
feared this promise, delayed getting started
the things i wanted, had raised question marks
being accomplished, the fame with the stardom
seemingly, opting for grades was the problem
would start panicking lots, now with every line or page
my life had changed and I became so lethargic

6. Frank beats timeless 5-0. | Old guitar player
Frank found his comfort zone this week, which is good because it seemed like several since he last had hit his stride. On one hand, his word choice was masterful at times and had the same sort of rough-ended flavor that we come to expect out of the best Frank verses. But on the other, he again manipulated real facts for a story, writing about Nat King Cole, who switched from piano to guitar apparently. timeless never really stood a chance against Frank in his element, though, as he wrote about a guy's relationship with a deaf girl. I still think there were numerous hints in there that this could have been a verse about being a deaf girl's vagina, but those hints were contradicted.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frank View Post
The audience could be heard packing their cigarette, like drums in the back up section.
Nat would tap his toes and tap the mic, and the bartender would fill the glass with what was on tap for the event and
His acoustic guitar had to be electric, on the night he blew the roof off the joint of the jam session.
Nylon notes - fanatically fretting, the love of music in the air, and the ash of deception -
The cigars glow while the guitars soul falls apart slow, out of whack with the essence.
Death dips you out on the dance floor, while Nat holds the guitar by the back of the neck and
The chord chokes you up, while you gasp -
Grasp your neck and manipulate the instrument until your craft is your profession.

7. Vividlyvague beats Adonis 5-0. | Desert oasis
This battle definitely wasn't for everyone. Vividlyvague wrote one of the longest verses of the season (seemingly without requesting an extension, though he may have via private message. He told a long-winded, dialogue-driven story about Native American territory and casinos that was at times riveting and, more often, hard to follow, but unlike those types of stories from last season, he kept his flow and rhyme mechanics a bit tighter. Adonis wrote about one-third as much as Vividlyvague but found a very creative niche to dive into. Unfortunately, his writing was more fractured than usual. Connecting thoughts is a weakness for Adonis, but here I did like the theme of an oasis being a heaven in hell.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adonis View Post
Beneath the blackened liquid cave.
Evil hungers...requiring fuel to obliterate.
This poor soul, tortured and sent away.
Never knew a morsel of heaven until deserts maze.
This labyrinth of grainy roads.
Exposing desire that heaven gloats.
In every demonic hellion is God's design.
For every angelic rebellion Reaper logs overtime.

8. rhetoric wins via Toroto quasi no-show. | City round-about
I hate no-show verses unless you can guarantee your opponent is not showing. Totoro dropped one hours before the deadline, so rhetoric wrote a 20-line real verse and, of course, won. The real verse definitely wasn't a full effort from rhetoric, but I thought the rhyme scheme represented a major improvement from the week before. The content was trite, but the mechanics should help him go places in this league.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rhetoric View Post
I became numb to the world, lived a shadow to most
Paddled the oceans with broken oars battling ghosts
In my travels I've approached demons, witches and gods
Dreamed a thousand visions that left me twisted in knots
Forgot those who loved me as they forgot I exist
Proven in every razor slit neatly notched in my wrists

9. Bladed Thesis wins via Fig no-show. | Tunnel dancer
I was really sad to see Bladed Thesis sign out this week because he obviously has enough talent to go places in this league and would have been in the contender match had he stayed in. He wrote a no-show verse because Fig is Fig.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bladed Thesis View Post
Oh I write because I'm bored.
And that's edgy, so you're floored.
That's what you call skilled.
So praised me, opponents are killed.

10. Certain and Witty both no-show. | Olympic ruins
The worst part? I really liked this topic. This is my first no-show on this site, and it came because I fell asleep after one of the longest work weeks of my life. No excuses, though. It won't happen again. Witty no-showed because he is Witty.



Week 9 Preview
POWER RANKINGS /
LISTEN UP
by Certain
We're going to the audio department for this week's top 10. Listen up.






PREDICTIONS by Certain
Week 9 is 1994 hip-hop week, with all topics coming from song titles off classic 1994 rap albums. That's exciting to me because 1994 is my favorite year in American pop culture. We also have a rather awesome battle slate. Let's take a look.





Championship: 1. oats (8-0) vs. 2. El Pancake (4-2) | Creative Control
BATTLE OF THE WEEK CANDIDATE! It's breakfast time. I have no idea what's going to happen in this match. For my money, these are the two best writers on this site in terms of diction and phrasing, and they both do it while committing to intense rhyme mechanics. I'm not sure I would say oats and El Pancake are similar writers as much as that they have similar strengths. oats is the more traditional topicalist, a little more in-the-box. El Pancake probably has a better grasp on the human condition and affecting writing, not meaning tear-jerking as much as thought-provoking. But both do everything well. oats definitely is more consistent, and this topic is probably the most challenging of the week (an intentional move on my part). For that, I'm giving him the slight edge. I think oats will go with something about the state of the music industry that everyone can relate to, while El Pancake will take on a more Mad Men-style approach about the role of creativity in business. Prediction: oats 52-48.


Contender match: 3. zygote (6-2) vs. 4. Frank (6-2) | Let It Slide
BATTLE OF THE WEEK CANDIDATE! Someone (oats?) said in the predictions thread that this topic favors Frank. But that's not exactly true because there is no topic that zygote can't handle with deftness. Still, this topic probably is in Frank's wheelhouse, which always makes for a tough battle. (Obligatory note: zygote has posted his verse, but I have not read it.) Here's why I think zygote can hang: He knows when he needs his A game. Last week he posted a fairy tale with a nursery-rhyme style against MMLP, but this week he will up his complexity while maintaining that level of creativity. Let's not forget that, as he shows in mirror verses and battle raps, zygote has a terrific grasp of rhyme mechanics. Still, where he falls short is in the bombastic, emotive layers of a great Frank verse. And Frank can taste the rematch against either El Pancake (who presumably would show if it were a title match) or oats next week. And Frank, when he goes all-in, can be unstoppable. Still, Frank has not been great this season, at least not to the level he can reach. zygote, meanwhile, has probably been the No. 2 competitor this season, behind oats. Who to pick? I'm going with the fan favorite. Prediction: Frank 53-47.


5. Vividlyvague (5-2) vs. 6. Just Write (3-2) | To the Death
I could have put a battle of the week tag on this, but both of these guys have enormous chips on their shoulders as is, and I wouldn't want to mess with that. So who wins? Both of these guys have stepped their games up this season. Just Write definitely has more polish to his storytelling, but sometimes he comes a bit dry in terms of content. That's never a problem for Vividlyvague, whose biggest issue is having too many things going on all at once. This topic would be easy to turn into a cliché, and I sort of expect both to struggle with that aspect of it. So do we go with the over-the-top creative scientist or the rock-solid storyteller. I tend to lean toward polished writers normally anyway, but here I think Just Write is about one step above Vividlyvague, whose record largely is a product of his being able to avoid the many elite-tier writers in this league (aside from his losses to oats and zygote). Just Write, on the other hand, beat El Pancake in Week 2 in perhaps the boldest statement win of the season. Prediction: Just Write 57-43.


7. Johnathan Mercy (1-0) vs. 8. Zombie (1-0) | Bring the Pain
BATTLE OF THE WEEK CANDIDATE! Johnathan Mercy and Zombie joined oats in having the three most well-written verses of last week. Johnathan Mercy's style is incredibly tight, wrapt in rhyme and detailed phrasing. He showed an elite penchant for capturing a scene, but this week he won't have a picture topic to drive that. Zombie is the type who could come in, champ the league and then disappear for a bit. But topics matter for Zombie, quite a bit, because he doesn't always like confining himself to them. I think this Method Man song title will fit both really well, which makes this battle quite a bit more difficult to predict. But when given something he can get a little fucked-up with, Zombie is close to unbeatable. And voters showed they liked his non-traditional style last week. Prediction: Zombie 51-49.


9. rhetoric (1-1) vs. 10. King Ra. (4-4) | The World Is Yours
The weird part about this week is how many of the matches, which were determined by logical ranking progression, seem almost too perfectly fixed. Here we have King Ra. looking to bounce back against a relative newcomer, rhetoric. And their styles should make for an interesting match to one of the easiest-to-write-to topics of the week. King Ra. may be reconsidering his grandeur, or he may double-down and simply focus on finding plots to justify it. This topic fits the latter approach better. rhetoric showed us in his debut that he can tell a story and in his second match that he can use rhymes. Now he has to put that together against a very good opponent. I haven't been thrilled with his content yet, but King Ra. has a tendency to not be as motivated outside of matches against the top tier. Prediction: rhetoric 55-45.


11. Mike Wrecka (3-5) vs. 12. Smegma (0-0) | One More Chance
I have no idea who Smegma is, which always makes for some intrigue. He already has dropped a centered and font-altered verse (that I haven't read), so there's a good chance he's Dagel. If so, this matchup is particularly fun because Mike Wrecka is not a fan of Dagel. Mike Wrecka dropped his best verse of the season (and perhaps his best verse since I've been here) last week but lost in a nailbiter to El Pancake. He was not happy and already has signed out of the league, but I'm hoping he shows for this one. Give us one more chance, Mike Wrecka! My guess is that Mike Wrecka does not go as hard as he could but still wins this battle and perhaps reconsiders signing out. Dagel may or may not be exposed for recycling again, if Smegma is Dagel. Prediction: Mike Wrecka 64-36.


13. Certain (1-1) vs. 14. timeless (4-4) | This Is It
Well, the only rap song I know named "This Is It" is Camp Lo's "Luchini a.k.a. This Is It" off their 1996 unheralded classic, Uptown Saturday Night. So the topic does not quite fit the theme. But I'm excited to see what timeless comes up with to unquestionably kick my ass. Plus I no-showed like a bitch last week and deserve a good looking. timeless will outrhyme me and probably come up with a creative approach, though I'm still waiting for him to throw out something on the level of his turtles verse from Week 1. He'll win without digging that deep this time. Unlike Witty, he'll actually show. Prediction: timeless 100-0.


15. Adonis (3-5) vs. 16. dyedinthewool (1-2) | Ain't the Devil Happy
Here's an interesting clash. We haven't seen much from dyedinthewool, and we've seen a bit of everything from Adonis. dyedinthewool says she's determined not to no-show, so that's a good first step. But she still needs to drop something more complete than the efforts we've seen. On the flip side, those brief verses have been really good, filled with solid rhyme schemes and unique phrasing. Adonis often gets outrhymed, so that won't be anything new (even though he's always saying we're the idiots for not getting his rhyme schemes). It'll be interesting to see which Adonis shows up for this as he's one of the more up-and-down writers in this league. I would not be surprised if he underestimated his opponent, but he does seem motivated. Prediction: Adonis 57-43.


17. d0ubt (0-1) vs. 18. MMLP (0-2) | Protect and Serve
There will be many rhymes in this battle. Both of these guys really impressed in that category but failed to showcase their ability with content and, to a degree, phrasing last week. MMLP took quite a bit from Baron Mynd in his style, which is a good thing given that Baron Mynd is one of our very best (and our current tournament champion). d0ubt, though, brought together a more advanced verse last week and even gave the spectacularly talented Johnathan Mercy a real run for his money. Prediction: d0ubt 59-41.


19. Soulstice (0-1) vs. 20. Split Eight (0-2) | Get It Together
BATTLE OF THE WEEK CANDIDATE! Imagine if both of these guys try? That's why I'm putting that tag on this, just so that we can be even more disappointed when one no-shows or half-asses. Soulstice is very gifted, one of the best at the more traditonal topical style. Split Eight is way out there, building off interior references and creating lush masterpieces. Soulstice is an Impressionist while Split Eight is a Surrealist. I expect Soulstice to come with a clear story, while Split Eight operates more in the ether of the topic. But while Soulstice can bring it, he hasn't in a while. Split Eight is on top of his game, though he may not have the same level of peak as Soulstice. Prediction: Split Eight 54-46.



It Was All A Dream
CONCLUSION by Certain


Thanks to oats, Split Eight and even Vividlyvague for helping with this magazine. Now let's ride out the only way that made any sense.


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Old 04-23-2014, 06:38 AM   #2
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Dope mag... and apologies lol, I was banking on my contribution being more of a sideshow to the real meat of the mag


Also, Oats' dream match-ups was dope OC

Gj guys

I am gonna post tonight after class.
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Old 04-23-2014, 08:33 AM   #3
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Unstoppable HOFantastic magazine, fellas.
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Old 04-23-2014, 09:06 AM   #4
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Dream match ups were dope. As were splits contributions. I fell asleep before getting his PM or I would've contributed.

Will listen to the audio after work.

Another stellar edition.
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Old 04-23-2014, 10:53 AM   #5
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I don't think I called anyone an idiot for not getting my rhyme scheme. Just that I don't understand how I get out flowed but when I read others I see little flow, while mine over a beat is literal proof of flow. It's good though cert, I most certainly understand I'm that sore thumb because I built a style that people like our hate, mix that with my charming personality and yeah, I get voted against. It's cool, winning and losing ain't shit. It's all about my words and concepts which I thoroughly enjoy
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Old 04-23-2014, 11:08 AM   #6
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Adonis, the Omega.

Great magazine. It gets better every week. You definitely got my style down, Cert. I go for EPIC, I definitely need to get my scheme, flow game mastered. Then it's.... /AOWLCHAMPKINGRA.
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Old 04-23-2014, 01:36 PM   #7
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Enjoyed reading the round table, will have to listen to the rankings later this evening. Great mag per usual, forgive my longwindedness - I err on the side of length for the sake of having more to read.
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Old 04-23-2014, 01:43 PM   #8
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i havent peaked
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Old 04-23-2014, 02:57 PM   #9
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Dope stuff guys! I haven't heard the audio cuz I'm at work, but i intend on diving in soon as I'm off work. :)
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Old 04-23-2014, 03:44 PM   #10
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@oats

http://netcees.co/showpost.php?p=221605&postcount=10
http://netcees.co/showpost.php?p=154668&postcount=19
http://netcees.co/showpost.php?p=198542&postcount=56
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Old 04-23-2014, 05:05 PM   #11
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Quote:
even the best meat in the world on bread by itself wouldn't be that great to eat.
@d0ubt is the type to put steak sauce on a perfectly cooked filet mignon.
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Old 04-23-2014, 06:16 PM   #12
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no bread tho? fillit mig non should always be between some bread.
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Old 04-23-2014, 06:49 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vividlyvague View Post
Dope stuff guys! I haven't heard the audio cuz I'm at work, but i intend on diving in soon as I'm off work. :)
Certain said you dive for all the loose balls.

srs.
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Old 04-23-2014, 06:56 PM   #14
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LOL
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Old 04-23-2014, 07:06 PM   #15
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Certain said you dive for all the loose balls.

srs.

COME SEE ME, SON. I'LL DRIZZLE YOUR LIMBS IN SYRUP N' LITERALLY EAT YOU ALIVE!!! YOU WON'T MAKE IT OFF MY PLATE, SON!! READY TA GO NIGHT-NIGHT?! EVERYBODY GO NIGHT-NIGHT!!

and tell your boyfriend I said shaddap.
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Old 04-23-2014, 07:08 PM   #16
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Old 04-23-2014, 07:10 PM   #17
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yeah i was about to pm a response but saw this was posted first

awesome though as always. i haven't written a single verse for the league this season and still i'm wowed by the quality of these.

good show, chaps.
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Old 04-23-2014, 07:48 PM   #18
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ditw, that sig is so festive. i have fresh prince flashbacks every time i see it.
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Old 04-23-2014, 08:31 PM   #19
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Wtf is a Dagel?
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Old 04-23-2014, 09:00 PM   #20
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Certain said you dive for all the loose balls.

srs.
Post/ Sig flawless victory
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