03-08-2021, 12:03 AM | #1 |
The Clown Prince
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,016
Battle Record: 35-45
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 59349678 |
The Old Man
Satisfied by small talk and well wishes
Dreamers intertwined in selfishness Rain fell and sits as cover for the tears cried Sense of wonder, insecurity & fear inside Eyes paralyzed, static cling feel the shock. Mafia concrete with stone to fill a sock Battling between meals or not, chills are fought Waves so silent you could hear a thought. No sense to the deck, a high to be peering off Enough flow to catch a cold due to the weather Learned the talk with the stone of Rosetta Stay cloaked with drinks coated in Amaretto Shambled on the rocks built from a pebble. Mind on a swivel with a bad fashion sense Exaggerated action within the passive tense Passing hits in this joint at this point lacks it's ends Bluntly immaculate so enjoy then crash in 10. Time to catch the wind & pray for second hand Focused on self with a low attention span In an instant grams hit the floor with the dinner One survivor at best so it's pick the winner Carry a scythe in winter blocking opportunity While idealists sail off in thoughts of scrutiny A loss for who? And see the jump then clean A broken entry playing sentry to home and sea Such lunacy, to cut them out.............end scene.
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03-24-2021, 02:36 PM | #2 |
low tide in serotonin bay
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,737
Battle Record: 37-28
Champed - GWL Picture Challenge
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Rep Power: 15446142 |
I didn’t really follow the storyline here, but the imagery you presented it all with was great, the first half was my favorite and how you set up the picture was good I just had trouble following the storyline. My favorite piece was
“Enough flow to catch a cold due to the weather Learned the talk with the stone of Rosetta Stay cloaked with drinks coated in Amaretto Shambled on the rocks built from a pebble. Mind on a swivel with a bad fashion sense Exaggerated action within the passive tense Passing hits in this joint at this point lacks it's ends Bluntly immaculate so enjoy then crash in 10.” Keep writing man |
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