WEEK 4: (2-0) User Vs (2-1) Des (4-1 USER WINS)

[dull boy]

Rules

1 bar minimum 2 bar max per post

Bar(s) must reference your opponent's, either directly or indirectly
(excluding the first bar(s) posted in the battle, obv)

DO NOT post twice in a row

There is NO restriction on how quickly you can respond once your opponent has posted
(failure to respond within 24 hours of your opponent will result in a DQ)

Excessive chatter leading up to your bars could result in a DQ at my discretion. Let your bars do the talking.

If you opened the battle you may not post after 10:59PM EST on Sunday.
This is to discourage last second posting without giving your opponent the opportunity to respond and equal the number of posts in a battle.

Thread will close Sunday at midnight EST

@Destroyer you're up first. You have 24 hours from the time this thread was posted.

Do me a favor and @ your opponent each time you post. Good luck.

[Destroyer]

@UserName

i gotta lead off against the fat guy? pretty sure that’s a hate crime
i really wanted u to go first. like NO ONE’S ever said to u in the buffet line
text isn’t his thing. let’s be honest. he’s impressing few...
needs to give up the arteries gonna fail just like his are destined to

[UserName]

Get off it dude, wordplay? These jokes are costing you
Way to lead off with the same tactic that got you a loss to Blue
Stick to the fat jokes though, INF had an enduring run
& I’ve gone from battling the Great Depression to the guy born during one
@Destroyer

[Destroyer]

bitch u need to take an enduring run... like all the way around Lake Michigan
only great depression around here is the one u leave in ur chair when u get up to hit the fridge again
observation skills? this man lacks. next time ur in the club, demand facts.
i’m not talking bout ur diet when i say u must do a better job of watching out for trans, fats

@UserName

[UserName]

Ooh, getting angry tough guy? Stop messaging back
But if I do go for a run, I’ll use the wrinkles on your forehead as a track
Glad you’re NOT talking about my diet, such a useless bafoon
I mean, you can’t diss mine when 90% of yours is Metamucil and prunes
@Destroyer

[Destroyer]

@UserName

not getting angry. just getting bored in the worst way
bout to use the stretchmarks on your waist to map out my next wordplay
can’t believe i’m being lectured on fiber usage from a fat dude
‘Prune’ keeps me ‘regular’ and if you ever did it to ur beard, u could almost pass as that too.

[UserName]

You care about stretchmarks? See, that’s a wise investment
But mmmaybe you should’ve tried that approach when your wife was pregnant
Instead of being a bitter old fuck with no class or style
You’re worried about me passing as regular? Homie, help your wife pass a child
@Destroyer

[Destroyer]

ur dopey & large. & slow beats the heart.
a wise investment for u would be anything with more protein than carbs
ur swollen & useless. way fat and prime for abuse kid.
my wife only looked pregnant for 9 months so what’s your fucking excuse bitch?

@UserName

[UserName]

My excuse? For what? You’re baby died a hero
Wife looked pregnant for 9 months, and that little faggot looked alive for zero
Relax you fucking salesman, everything you do is a bore
And your wife only calls you the breadwinner cuz it’s all you can afford @Destroyer

[Destroyer]

‘hero?’ ‘breadwinner?’ no wonder ur weight is tough to manage kid
ur literally incapable of using words unless they also relate to sandwiches
ur so fat it should be a fucking felony. call it premeditated belligerent eating.
yeah, my wife just wasn’t able to carry that child, like ur mom - but for different reasons

@UserName

[UserName]

You’re right, I love sandwiches, and I run to get them a lot
Meanwhile, the only running your kid did was down a leg and into a sock
Listen bud, I’m honestly sad you put your kid in a grave
But the only felony would’ve been watching you raise it on minimum wage
@Destroyer

[Destroyer]

i thought about u moving quickly and laughed for a long damn time
the only thing running out fast is the time before ur fat heart goes flatline
he may be dead & in a grave, but at least my kid ain’t jumbo...
trust me when i say u have no authority to ever speak about the “minimum” bro

@UserName

[UserName]

We all die someday Des, you and your hoe included
I just find it ironic the guy teasing me about death is the one closest to it
There’s definitely a minimum here, he’s way past his prime
I’ve dissed your wife, job, kid, age and all you’ve done is call me fat 6 times
@Destroyer

[Destroyer]

u got plenty wrong with u. sorry if i’ve just mentioned how ur stomach’s large
i’ll get around to it eventually, like what the end of ur belt says to the buckle part
battling’s a subtle art so don’t act like u know who’ll die first, that shit is drastic
u ain’t a doctor even though u live with graze anatomy and require pants w/elastic

@UserName

[UserName]

Please stop typing you old faggot loser
If you go home now, I’ll cover the gas for your rascal scooter
Graze anatomy? Jesus, you’re beating a horse
You’d only make it on that show if they needed a corpse
@Destroyer

[Destroyer]

relax fatty mcgee. this is text and i’m just being fun
so....i’m a stay beating a horse while ur fat ass stays eating one
this isn’t a setup. this is advice bro. try some wheaties
it’s good ur already familiar with scooter brands for when u lose that leg to diabetes
@UserName

[UserName]

I have diabetes now? Jesus, you’re cornier than my morning shits
Honestly, I’d rather die of a heart attack than read your next boring flips
I don’t need to keep replying when all you diss is my health
Because calling you unoriginal is almost becoming unoriginal itself
@Destroyer

[Destroyer]

just calling my shit boring isn’t how this works u useless shit
i suppose it’s my fault assuming someone that large could do a flip
trust me, talking this much about ur body is a straight chore
so now i’ll just talk about your fat...chance of ever having sex u didn’t pay for

@UserName

[dull boy]

Consensus

Judge's quotes

Kind of a shame all the battle was angles we've seen done better but when they found fresh rebuttal material it got great. User had more solid rebuttals that I thought landed, so he gets my vote.

User is starting to stand out in this format. His brand of humor just seems to work really well here.

Des stuck to the User script by throwing fat jokes around. He did it better than most (his “words that relate to sandwiches” actually made me LOL, and was probably the line of the battle)

To be fair, User harped on the age angle a decent amount... but, he also varied it up. He went after the baby angle, his job, his age, his failed wordplay, and specifically addressed the fact that Des wasn’t varying his attacks.

This was one of the better battles I’ve read in the league thus far.

Majority opinion here seems to be that User was slightly more consistent and varied his angles just enough to give him the win over what many perceived to be a one pronged approach from Des. Personally, I thought User overdid the age angle in the same way Des did, and felt that Des had the better of a few of the flip exchanges in the battle. It was also mentioned by a couple that Des had an advantage entering the middle of the battle but User managed to snatch it away from him late. I think Des would have benefited a lot from calling out User for the repeated old jokes to combat User using the GOTCHA moment of doing the same to Des on the fat jokes.

Verdict

4 judges had User with a close win while 1 saw it the other way for Des.

4-1 User wins