Eleven

Pharaohs Army · 12-23-2020, 08:30 PM

What did you have in view?
Something brand new?
Something you could have a hand in to?
I’m just a new jack who wants to make two tracks.
Not lookin’ to see the money You stack.
You’re someone I hope to follow;
You wrote a novel.
You’re a distinguished artist - with more than a singular market.
Words I target. Blurbs. Retarded.
I’m just out & about.
Dropping raps & popping caps.
(and)
Whether or not you believe in heaven,
It would have sucked if I died when you were 11.
Whether or not you believe in heaven,
It would have sucked if I died when you were 11.

The clear choice; you wanted my real voice.
Instead of doing drugs and shooting guns.
Yeah I smoke pot; a whole lot.
Let this be the only time I blow your mind.
What do you want? A whole song where I tell you what I’ve done wrong?
..Let’s drink & smoke ‘til we think we’re dope..
It’s fun to spit Dumb Shit when the drums hit..
My time’s wastin; mind racin’.
Not bipolar; just High & never sober.
The sad fact is that I can’t rap.
I don’t try very much. That’s why my library sucks.
My Best work is my Next verse.
How can I still be free?, when the black & milds are killin’ me.
Who are we kidding?
I’ll never be successful like my siblings.
Yo, I miss when we did things.

Whether or not you believe in heaven,
It would have sucked if I died when you were 11.
Whether or not you believe in heaven,
It would have sucked if I died when you were 11.

ACTIVATE SELF · 12-23-2020, 09:57 PM

I like “my best work is my next verse” and the line about your siblings. Everything else sort of reads like a grandfather wrote it then performed it at a D.A.R.E. assembly for kids in in-school suspension. Not terrible, entertaining actually. In a wholesome way.

Eŋg · 04-05-2021, 08:49 AM

i thought this captured some of the purer, wholesome energy of when we did things just to do them. when i say we i mean everybody, and in things i mean everything. but, of course, we're talking about writing and rhyming just for fun -- something that seems to dissipate with our youth and in the pursuit of external validation. which, again, applies more broadly.

anyway, for that reason, i genuinely liked parts of this. the self-effacing humility, the honest enthusiasm, the simple but sincere schemes.

The sad fact is that I can’t rap.
I don’t try very much. That’s why my library sucks.

don't let it stop you from trying. or maybe you shouldn't try at all and just do. idk.

12-23-2020, 08:30 PM	#1
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,962 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	Eleven What did you have in view? Something brand new? Something you could have a hand in to? I’m just a new jack who wants to make two tracks. Not lookin’ to see the money You stack. You’re someone I hope to follow; You wrote a novel. You’re a distinguished artist - with more than a singular market. Words I target. Blurbs. Retarded. I’m just out & about. Dropping raps & popping caps. (and) Whether or not you believe in heaven, It would have sucked if I died when you were 11. Whether or not you believe in heaven, It would have sucked if I died when you were 11. The clear choice; you wanted my real voice. Instead of doing drugs and shooting guns. Yeah I smoke pot; a whole lot. Let this be the only time I blow your mind. What do you want? A whole song where I tell you what I’ve done wrong? ..Let’s drink & smoke ‘til we think we’re dope.. It’s fun to spit Dumb Shit when the drums hit.. My time’s wastin; mind racin’. Not bipolar; just High & never sober. The sad fact is that I can’t rap. I don’t try very much. That’s why my library sucks. My Best work is my Next verse. How can I still be free?, when the black & milds are killin’ me. Who are we kidding? I’ll never be successful like my siblings. Yo, I miss when we did things. Whether or not you believe in heaven, It would have sucked if I died when you were 11. Whether or not you believe in heaven, It would have sucked if I died when you were 11.

04-05-2021, 08:49 AM	#3
Eŋg rhyme capsule. Join Date: Sep 2018 Posts: 2,145 Rep Power: 0	i thought this captured some of the purer, wholesome energy of when we did things just to do them. when i say we i mean everybody, and in things i mean everything. but, of course, we're talking about writing and rhyming just for fun -- something that seems to dissipate with our youth and in the pursuit of external validation. which, again, applies more broadly. anyway, for that reason, i genuinely liked parts of this. the self-effacing humility, the honest enthusiasm, the simple but sincere schemes. The sad fact is that I can’t rap. I don’t try very much. That’s why my library sucks. don't let it stop you from trying. or maybe you shouldn't try at all and just do. idk.