NBL XV PLAYOFF MAG: FOR THE CULTURE

[UPN Zuch]

NBL XV PLAYOFF MAG: FOR THE CULTURE




#FTC






Intro


Well, we did it. A complete season. One with fantastic participation, Flawless voting, and diverse styles across the board. So many great bars and matchups all season long, and now the playoffs are here. The entire process has been scandal-free. When it was time to get to the playoff rankings it was down to the wire for the last few spots. Week 10 was able to break it up perfectly and we have our 12. Blue Bayou did writer profiles for the playoffs and those are included in this week’s mag. Special shout out to Wanderer, Fraze, Eviction, Coop, Adverse, Dave, Scout, Mac, and so many others for showing week in and week out and giving GOOD votes. Without you guys this league does not work. Many of you missed the playoffs, but have talent and I hope will continue to write and move up to that next tier. We could only have 12 move on, and with 55 writers this season, that makes it tough. Thank you to everyone for quite possibly the best season the NBL has ever had. I say that because not only did it run smooth, but I believe the playoffs are absolutely STACKED with legends that are hungry for the title. There are four writers that do not battle this week. They were top-ranked, therefore, they get a week off. #1 UPN Zuch, #2 Blue Bayou, #3 Orc, #4 Resin. Big names, sure. But the wildcard round has its fair share of big names. Ajax, a UPN vet for over 20 years, will be facing off against another guy that is a fan favorite in UserName. That’s a wildcard battle, crazy as it sounds. We also have Dave, who went from a lower, mid-tier talent to being on the cusp of top-tier over the last 6 months. He is one of my favorite reads, and is also in the wildcard round. Verses are due TOMORROW, with no extensions. So bring the heat. Next week is a who’s who of legends, stay tuned for that.


So with that, I present to you the Playoff Mag. This will be the best mag I have ever put together, and would be surprised if there has ever been one that is this thorough. I normally do these with Jamie, but decided to put together an all-star cast to deliver perfection. Because that’s what I feel you guys deserve.


Mag Roster

Zuch- Intro, coding, outline, production, UPN/NC Throwbacks, Verse of the Week, No-Show Heat, Barc’s Best (Worst)

Jamie- Week 10 Reviews, memes

Sharp- Top 20 Punches (Season), Interview w/ UserName, 12 Legs of Christmas

Fracture- Week 10 Top Punches

UserName- Wildcard Battle Previews

Blue Bayou- Writer Profiles



I may throw a couple more things in here as well on my own. In the meantime, let’s go!






Happy Holidays from Rudge2!!!


Verse of the week


We have a tie this week between UserName and Doc Savage...



UserName VS Aero


Aero was livin’ lavish as shit til debt ravaged his crib
If we call you the GOAT, it’s only because you ate trash as a Kid
My crew’s vicious, I’m just warning ya, cuz…
One word will have more metal to ur body than a Mandalorian does
You scandalous bitch, in Discord I never answered ur quips
Cuz there aint been a decent Arrowverse since CW cancelled the shit
Nobody supports him, relationship's destined to crash
Any woman 100% behind him, has a strap-on 60% in his ass
You can't handle a real woman, he’s the epitome of average lay
You got your small part in Little Women like Timothee Chalamet
Copped a fifth, stopped by and leg-locked ur bitch
Legs wide, and I’m doing more with The Box than Roddy Rich
You AINT real, or dope, one hit and I’m hopin’ ur jaw breaks
You’re just a bitch I’m digging a hole through like the poster in Shawshank
Fix your face, cuz just looking at it makes us think ur gay
I’m not pegging you as the bitch type, I’ll leave that to your Tinder dates


Doc Savage


Dagger precise as a needle, this cancer is past fucked,
I’ll wipe this disease from the earth so quick, Pfizer and Modena go bankrupt.
Too cold to hold, I’ll end your life don’t get it mistaken bruh,
If you’re feeling Randy, Savage – here’s a Flying Elbow for your trachea.
You’re a rookie at this shit, this pedo’ll end up in a ditch,
He’s known to Chase Young…and even the NFL player thinks you’re a bitch.
Switchblade shows you’re bitchmade, that verse aint got no promise,
If they say doctorate up, its the one on the wall at his gynecologist’s office.
When it comes to girls, you get none…your dating life toast,
This dude begging for the link so often that Ouch started taking notes.
Swerve’ll break your back, spine in two, I could go on and on,
I’ll leave that column so beaten and damaged it’ll look like the Parthenon.
Messiah when I spit, every verse is practically hallow,
And I’ll leave you hanging on every word…tree, rafters and gallows.
Clips are endless, pull that hammer back and spray,
Doc’ll get a barrel treatment so long, his blood’ll turn to Cabernet.


Sweve verse was nice this week too.




No Show Heat


Spree VS INF


Inf aka Thorne who went on a rant about committing suicide


Its’like
Ur just a box of trash, so I’ll smack till dudes hurt
Won’t get out that bottom tier Cage if you keep biting a Coop verse
The state I leave you in ain’t lookin up! Faggot is doomed
Way I put the CAN to ur head? You’d think you was battling Blue
constant cheating, DQ’s, sharking your rhymes
you’ve got some explaining to do INF…& you can start with your lines
claim you were a legend that smashed emcees, it’s sad to see
funny i’m callin ya prime suspect, now detectives are sayin that of me
do ppl even like you on the site? are you that instrumental?!
i’m trying to get a gauge on it..hopefully you’re doing that with ur temple
wasn’t sure the saying was true, *thought shit could unfurl
but i knew everything was bigger in Texas when i saw a pic of ur girl
so be real man, you’re not pullin groupies you loser
if they look ur Direction you go to the Tenenbaum faster than a movie producer
forget your shocking statements INF, im willing to help
the worst deep cuts u've EVER made were when you failed killing yourself


Adverse VS FGR

AKA Miracle

Never got the hype with you buddy, you’re trash n you suck
When I ‘Grip handles n put the meter on F’ that’ll stop em from gassin u up
We sort of look alike fam, except of course, you’re a bum.
Looking like a ‘Great Value Ad’ and that’s where you get all your groceries from
Jabbing jaw running lip but let’s be real you ain’t poppin no clips
All I see is the scary bitch in Mir, like this that Oculus flick
This COVID shit been hard on us allll fam, you used to workin all ur fuckin life
Well I’ll bring so many beams n hammers u’ll think ur back on the construction site
I’m on the hunt! Not just for playoffs you ain’t safe from this 4 4
Well Zuch, now we just have to sit back and wait for the no show



UPN vs NC Throwbacks


Zuch VS Cashius / Summer Classic X semi-finals

Cashius

Listen, Big Nose...

Life tending bar is sad...Spending days taking plastered persons beer fees
But the next time you ‘Open up a tab’...we hope it’s to search “plastic surgeons near me”
I let my homies tag team your boo...They lettin’ go in the hoe
“The Boys” will have ‘A Train run through the bitch’...like the first episode of that show
I’ll go nuts with the mag and put holes in him...I’m squeezing 4 4’s
That shit’ll Ring when ‘I go in and leave an opening’...like a convenience store door
I’m just simply better than you, buddy...it’s been confirmed by the board
This ISN’T close; So, if they say “Cash got it by a nose”...they’re referring to yours
My team have cops putting you under a sheet...They straight harm and hurt you
One call gonna make sure Jake got you covered...that’s a State Farm Commercial
I’m beatin’ it bare...Jesus I swear, your easy babe is a lock
She come around it’s target practice...There’s Skeet in the air and she be taking some shots
Your bars get NO responses...you shook and you hopeless, bro
Be Real Boy; It’s no surprise you Hearing Crickets...since you look like Pinocchio
Bitch jumpin’ when the clips dumpin’...Son hit your head with the hammers
Ain’t no way Zookeepin’ his life...when HE’S the one gettin’ fed the bananas
He talk about coke like he move weight...that’s what this faggot fucking thinks
Homie, please; Only time you Holding Keys for customers...is when they had too much to drink
Your bitch takes one look at the two of us...and she prefer to do Cash, Homie
It’s ironic, I be gettin’ allll up in her business...but she refers to YOU as Nosy
People know you lost your pen game...Yo, his shit’s hard to read
Only time they’d say “Zuch, you still got it!”...is if you caught Covid on quarantine


Zuch


Real quick..

Cashius? Like Clay, the similarities might seem crazy
Put a pen in either of these guys hands and things will get REAL shaky
We know that you’re Amish, my crew in fact can back the promise
If Cash is in a cabinet of great writers, he’s putting the lacquer on it
Same concepts, same style, this guy sadly takes form
I get it, it’s hard to go against the grain when your whole family makes corn
My Colt 45? chamber full, it gets bloody
Your Colt 45, and is starting to have trouble pulling the buggy
Your worth had been sealed when your mom caught work and then peeled
You were born to a maize, for real that bitch gave birth in the fields
I stay with that ish, my guns are still aiming tight
You stay with that Ish, you met him on a farmer dating site
Needed luck just to fit in, the irony I fuck with is gifted
you’re a HOFer? two weeks ago I bodied the guy who inducted you in it
This is Ozark, I'm in his office sparkin the dummies
When these Byrds leave Cash all over the books they won’t be laundering money
As a bartender I can tell your girl ain’t the choosiest whore
Only took me two shots to make her a ho like she’s losing at Horse
Circle of life, can’t get the clowning past me
you were born in a barn, same one Jebediah put a horse down in last week
How fast will I beat you? My word is bond
I’d say ‘two shakes of a lambs tail’, but that would probably turn you on



Kungfugrip VS Storm-G / Summer Solstice 2008


Kungfugrip


Storm G?

don't bore me. not even a sentence.
ur a geek with RBL titles, a pizza face & vodka dependence
i don't even got time to be beefin' with you
Pac said Bury Me a G, & i think it's the least i could do
drunk muhfucka. who are u scarin, g
he battled Himself & thought it was a moment of clarity
this ain't a drill, dog it's a simpler lesson
Storm's in the Danger Room.. also known as an intervention
he'll prolly no show. & i'm sure of the reason
it's cuz to beat me u need more Storms than hurricane season
& those zits u got tragically fail
this nigga's face reads 'i'm a fucking faggot' in braille
u embarrassing drunk. can't spar with a winner
he prolly Toxin higher volumes at the bar than his liver
'pineapple head' 'gay shirt' 'posed with a dumb bitch'
you battled Self & Fat Albert was the best u came up with?
dude u suck, & with lines as nerdy as those
my guns so trained on u it knows ur address & security codes
u'r ill? if that's what ur tellin me tyke
then i guess Stormfront more than that white supremacy site
JQ's runnin the shit. that bastard is raw
he said ur a NOBUTT NOBUTT NOBUTT..
..like u tryna get a drink after last call
give it up homie, u fake sore loser.
if u had a Shred of my skill, u'd be a skateboard blooper
you're horrible, i'd call u a fuck up
but i can Behr ur shit, with like 293689 gallons of touch-up
yeah, my text game is something apeshit
while ur text plan reads $0.ROFLZZZ on ur monthly statemen

Storm G


yes
im the alcohol czar, drink you right outta the bar
where u'd find slashed tires and "faggot" in shoe polish on ya mommas car
cuz mufhucka im awful gritty like that
u should know the skinny like i asked you the opposite of fat (WHAT)
that verse got personal yo, it got under my skin
like when i give ya mom the jergens and she kung fu grips me, rubbin it in
that bitch is ugly as sin, i can tell that she birthed you
the crigga storm-g is just happy that her son stays out after curfew
so i can come to ur house and walk into her room
take my dick out as some flowers bloom and bombs go KABOOOM
then i zoom, zip up, zappity out
yo fu, I think you could use some of my text rapping clout
cuz ur obviously locked in ur basement with nothing to do
sleeping 15 hours a day hoping all ur dreams become true.
look at ur pic, i mean, come on-- look at it, its funny
first time outta the house in a while and lookin mad bummy
greased hair, mean face, on that negative meditation
riding shotgun with moms going to CVS for ya fuckin medication
personal: ur just a suicidal mental patient
but yo dawg, keep ur head up, look to the future
im the text jay-z, crigga you're the text Mr. Cooper
im a text genius, a fucking keyboard titan
the late great posting up, i'm the text george mikan





Top 12 Final Playoff Rankings



1. Zuch 8-1 CHAMPED Week 5


2. Blue Bayou 7-1 CHAMPED Week 7


3. Orc 5-0


4. Resin 6-1 CHAMPED Week 8


5.Dave 7-3


6. Fracture 4-1


7. Username 6-3


8. iSpaz 5-3


9. Destroyer 6-4


10. Ajax 4-2


11. Spree 4-3


12. Adverse 5-4




FINAL WEEK REVIEWS 2020
*by Jamie Zasucha, my beautiful, hardworking wife. Thank you so much for all of your support and love with my writing and text battling. Thank you for loving my text friends like their your own. You have been incredible. Thank you for your hard work and dedication to each and every mag. I love you honey!*




Congratulations to everyone who made it to the playoffs! It has been an absolute honor to be a part of the Netcee family. I have loved and enjoyed every bit of reading everyone’s battles and verses, writing reviews, getting to know everyone and their style, and learning more and more about text writing. You are all incredible writers. You all have made my jaw drop at least once, even you sin, and you have all inspired me in so many ways. I’m proud of every single one of you. I hope you all continue to write and join leagues, I hope you all continue to battle and never stop doing you. I look forward to reviewing playoffs, and seeing King Zuch champ his own league. Good Luck boys!
- Mrs Jamie Zasucha



PS: I had mad sex and made a hot porno with Zuch write before doing reviews. His eggplant is in my mouth currently, I love to stay healthy. #JamieAgainstDiabetes


Here We Go .... One Review and One Review Only .... Everyone Knows The Rules



Destroyer vs Wanderer : <3<3<3<3 4/5
This was a hot battle, I’ve been missing doing these reviews, feel like it’s been forever! Of course, any battle that has destroyer in it I’m all for. This was fireee. I can definitely see how you both made it into the playoffs.

Destroyer : I’ve always enjoyed your writing, you’ve always been in my top 5. And I have to be honest, you continuously improved each week. Every week my jaw dropped, it continuously got wider, like I was prepping for Matty’s eggplant #veganlife. You made me sweat a million and one times too, add that to your accomplishments. Your opener was KILLER. I figured wand was dead after that. Swear to god, the fetus part, made that line, the line of the week. Lumos Maximus spell had me in tears, ribs broke from laughing so hard. Trump bar fucking trumped the entire damn battle, I loved it. You’re a text god, next to Zuch, Dave, Blue, Orc, Username, Resin, so many of good ones. You’re definitely in the top 5 my friend. I love how you can make fun of yourself. You take the heat and dish it back ten times harder. Super consistent, wording and wordplay on point, delivery fresh, you’ve got it all in the bag. Good luck in the playoffs my friend, doubt you’ll need it though.

Wand : Hey wand, you’ve improved greatly as well. I love your sense of humor you always carry throughout your verses. Opener fresh as fuck. Old age was funny as hell, maybe a little overplayed, but it works. Ding dong ditch was hot. I see where you were trying to go with the closer, undeveloped features, but it was a bit awkward. Did not love the wording, or maybe the delivery you used? You’re a strong and talented writer, but honestly, I didn’t feel much punch from this verse. Humor was there, attempts and effort was strong, but the effort was almost too strong and it made it awkwardly cringey in some parts. I think wording and delivery needs a little dusting and improvement, and you’ll be golden. Good job.

Overall: Des, once again, you made me sweat and made my jaw drop. You stole the cake and the show, just as expected. You keep improving, and you’re only getting younger in your writing, that’s a good thing. Congrats and good luck on the playoffs! Can’t wait to see what you drop in there!




Username vs Aero : <3<3<3<3<3 5/5
Wow, I’m not used to Aero actually showing up and writing a verse, so I can’t believe I had to review this one. Aero, was blues wife out of town or something? You were that bored? Well, I love username and always a fan of his work and his style. Aero, I’m new to you showing up, bought you brought your A game. This was A1 sauce. Close battle, good job boys.

Username : Opener was fire as fuck, a whole new game plan for aero after that bar. Redo the blueprints boys. Mandalorian, Arrowverse killed. I was itching for more. Strap on was fucking line of the century, dude, I felt that, and it wasn’t even me you were battling. I lost my shit at that bar, so simple, yet so deep. Little women, Roddy Ricch, Shawshank, closet, everything hit hard. Punches were raw, sore, deep, and all there. Delivery was best, and on point. Wording and wordplay was fresh. Everything was an A+ job my friend. This may have been your best verse of all time. It almost feel easy, do you have something against aero? Who cares, you did so well I might as well not even read Aeros. But he left that beautiful comment about my pic on my reviews mag, so I must read.

Aero: Good job on showing up man, sorry blues wife was out of town. You’ll get the cooch next week though. Opener was hot, and weight jokes was funny and all there. I liked your different take on the fat joke, it was fresh and funny. Made it seem not so overplayed. Heart disease, Chris Farley, Your girl, and Your mom bars had me rolling. I’m happy you actually showed up this week, I really enjoy your writing. Delivery was actually pretty good, wording and concepts were all there, I almost started to lean towards you. Great job!

Overall: Username stole my vote, and then I started to lean towards Aero. This was a super close battle, a lot closer than expected. But, as I read the verses over again, username stole the show again for me. I felt his was a tad bit more consistent, and he had maybe a couple more punches than aero for me. You both did a nice job gentlemen.



Fraze vs Eviction : <3<3<3 3/5
Decent battle. I think I leaned more towards one than the other though. A couple of awkward wording and delivery, and some of the concepts confused me. More one sided on this one.

Fraze : I felt more comfortable with you verse than Eviction’s. I think your wording and delivery was more there. I made sense of your concepts and felt you had strong and powerful punches. Snitch turned bitch was hilarious. Pounded chicks was hot too. I felt that you probably could’ve went further with your verse, and it could’ve been stronger and more intricate, but you still had lots of hits.

Eviction: I felt you had more misses, rather than hits this week. I didn’t understand a lot of your bars, or concepts. Your wording was a bit awkward, and delivery was kind of off. Zuch got his vannah bar was hot, but that was really the only one that stuck out to me. Everything else was to simple or confusing, and lacked power. Keep up the good work.

Overall : I just felt I leaned more towards fraze for the whole verse. Eviction could use a lot of work, but he has great potential.




Dave vs Scout : <3<3<3
Weak battle. Dave will always be in my top 5, he had a lot of hits, but it wasn’t my favorite Dave verse. I’m terrified to say anything negative about Scout because I’m pretty sure he’s Barc, and they both bully the fuck out of me. They both think I’m an idiot that doesn’t know shit, but I bet I could battle his ass to his grave so whatever. Scout brought misses, straight misses. That’s that.

Scout : Opener was the best thing about your verse. Everything else wasn’t hitting with me. Punches didn’t feel strong, they felt edged out, weak, and off. Awkward wording, lack of consistency. I’ve seen you write decent, I just think if you continue to work hard, it’ll be a killer verse. I love your style and your humor, I know you’ll win a ton. You’ve got it in the bag man, you could be the champ of the site. Keep writing and keep working hard, I cannot wait to see you win.

Dave : Not my favorite verse of yours, but you had more hits to me than scout. You’ll always be in my top 5. Style, wording, delivery, consistency, it’s all there. Your humor is mad great, and you’ve only improved every week. I think this week, it seemed tired, but still hot. Opener was fuming with flames, bi week was my fave. Alias was A FUCKING BAR. I pissed myself I laughed so hard, I hope you add that to your accomplishments. Pics, fucking his girl / funeral, dot barc, and scalpel, were all major hits and killed me. You took the man scout to his own grave. I know I said this wasn’t the best Dave verse, only because I’ve admired so many other verses of yours, but it was fucking fire. You dug scouts grave and buried him. I love your style, and every strong punch you brought. Good luck in the playoffs!!! Can’t wait to read more!!!





Swerve vs Doc Savage : <3<3<3 3/5
I’m not familiar with either of your writing or styles, but I definitely enjoyed reading both this week. Strong writers on both ends, nice fresh take.

Swerve : Solid verse from you, I enjoyed the style greatly. You execute your punches well, and you had a couple strong hits. I think some of your wording was a tad bit awkward, but other than that it was a great verse. Dagger and Randy Savage were probably my favorite bars of the verse. Could use work in wording and concepts, but definitely a solid writer.

Doc : Another solid verse, love your fresh style. Concepts and punches were hot. I loved top 5 bar, probably the best bar of the battle. I forgot about kung, I hope he’s still alive and well. I’m not much for the gun bars, but your fresh take on it made me actually enjoy it. D’s small fry was hilarious and I lost my shit. Couple of overplayed concepts and some that didn’t make sense. Again wording or execution on punches needs work, but overall, I can see you becoming big. Good work boys.

Overall: Doc had a couple more hits for me, but both have a great style and have full incredible potential.






Top 10 Punches



Brought to you by Fracture

Honorable Mentions

Adverse

Never got the hype with you buddy, you’re trash n you suck
When I ‘Grip handles n put the meter on F’ that’ll stop em from gassin u up

Fraze

No doubt this rat gets snapped in half for letting his mouth flap,
Put cheese down to see metal make his spine crack… I call that laying a mousetrap

Doc Savage

eagle ON the hip - leave Patrick's crew shot to shit
you'll see metal pop out the Desert faster than the Utah monolith

-------------------------------------------------------------------

#10 Derek

Copped a fifth, stopped by and leg-locked ur bitch
Legs wide, and I’m doing more with The Box than Roddy Rich

#9 Scout

And If sharing lines is smart, I assume the guy's a fucking scholar
PM's got an exchange rate that'd revolutionize his country $

#8 Destroyer

give up. sign out. bottom line is u whack son
i mean fucking Trump gonna fire barr long before u ever craft one

#7 Killing Spree

constant cheating, DQ’s, sharking your rhymes
you’ve got some explaining to do INF…& you can start with your lines

#6 Dave

Surgical with bars, losing to this man is highly doubtful
Even Your name means to keep an eye out, I’ll give you a hand with my scalpel

#5 Killing Spree

claim you were a legend that smashed emcees, it’s sad to see
funny i’m callin ya prime suspect, now detectives are sayin that of me

#4 Wanderer

Empathy for ur history? Nah. I laugh cuz It’s fucking unreal..
Ur style got the kind of undeveloped features even ya wife would struggle to kill


#3 Dave

been fucking his girl for years, why she stay with scout is unusual
I’d move the earth for that bitch but only if she asks for help with his funeral

#2 Derek

You AINT real, or dope, one hit and I’m hopin’ ur jaw breaks
You’re just a bitch I’m digging a hole through like the poster in Shawshank


#1 Aero

Gangster movies taught me stay strapped but I dont live in the ghetto
Like User on ANY seesaw I look up to people gripping the metal



Top 20 Punches of the Season BY SHARP


Season top punches

Got no one on social media. Friends disinterest must be tough to swallow
For your people, that twitter’s like your punches. One look and it’s ‘I don’t follow’ - Sharp VS Corleone

Been a whiny bitch since ‘96. Still got the same style bro
Id call you a cancer of text, but that would imply some growth - Sharp VS Corleone

First it was the gunbar boys, now UPN.. Fuck, you're lame
You just follow cliques around cause you ain’t got a clue like old adventure games - Sharp vs Barcotic

'Hang in there' + you ranked at 2? Can't be true. I'm doubtful of that mag
Goofy fag. Got that '@giving dull boy head' style. You're counting on a gag - Sharp vs UserName

Those gunbars? Lol @ you holding the mac with your crew
If anyone thinks you Carrie it's cause "They're all gonna laugh at you" - Sharp vs Barcotic


Save those pool selfies. We don't want to see that dumb shit
I'd call your pics suspect but that implies the person in em is wanted - Sharp vs Barcotic




kiddingggg love you zuch


Top Punches of the Season


NBL is crowded, and I don’t mean to be brash
I saved you a seat, got it off your cousin at the scene of the crash - Zuch VS Allen Knight

This teacher’s all virtual now, but that’s only half the story
...It’s the first time since his dick pics that Zooming in was mandatory - UserName vs Sharp

3 ingredients curry” That’s the dumbest shit ever ... it gots to be
Ur bar hangs above a crib yet constantly u the one getting rocked to sleep - Hush vs Barcotic

Looking like Mark Ruffalo's hangry cousin, you rip off shirts to be a man
But I can see the bitch in you when you take the tank top off, Elisa Lam - Universe vs Wanderer

fuck Britain yo i’m killin this ferry
told em ‘put your Dukes up’ he posted pics of William & Harry - Blue Bayou vs Dave

pudgy & bald married an addict, i hope you both carry a will
knew you were unfit parents before i learned shit about your parenting skills - Blue Bayou vs Destroyer

Middle-aged UPN battlers ain’t got shit for me
Yikes. Dreamt of being Attorney General & finally won one in ur mid 40s - Orc vs Ajax

Your whole squad is soft dog you can’t play with the outlaws
I’ll have ya circle left in bags like you’re training for a southpaw - Dave vs INF

Already robbed u once.. u ain’t have a phone, a chain, or nickel
I’ve heard of traveling light but Einstein coulda wrote an equation with u - Culture vs Allen Knight

Got that .45 tucked. Waitin til the spot calm..
then it’s a Headshot.. ya blood goes so far back it can rival Ancestry.com.. Resin vs Brokenhal0

STOP editing your shit, I’m custom with stick work
Your verse reminds me of a bad rash, every time you touch it it gets worse - Zuch vs Barcotic

give up. sign out. bottom line is u whack son
i mean fucking Trump gonna fire barr long before u ever craft one - Destroyer vs Wanderer

Your fat ass wife can’t stop thinking ‘bout food mentally
Her diet? Electoral College. She’s THAT close to 270 - Zuch vs Evad

of course you love the taste of beaver with that facial feature
only guy i know that goes down on his girl & penetrates her deeper - Blue Bayou vs Zuch

still winning in a way despite putting up a harmless fight
Ur shit well & truly beats me... I can’t understand a damn bar u write - Wanderer vs INF

It’s fisticuffs. In no time this dummy’s owned.
cuz one hook will have you ‘sleepin in a second flat’ like a summer home. - Resin M-I-C vs Mod of War

Gun bars, girls, cadence, flow.. aint nothing here u can part with..
Dawn of the Dead.. you just got eaten alive in every fuckin Department - Resin M-I-C vs Blue Bayou






[b]Interview with Aero [b]

by Sharp

*- Aero is played by UserName


Try to keep up..,

Yo, Sharp here with the GOAT of text, Aero the Apex. What's up man?



Sharp walks in, there’s a smell of vanilla and cinnamon heavy in the air. R. Kelly’s 12 Play can be heard playing softly in another room. Clothes and Ciroc citrus bottles are strewn about the lavish Wisconsin bi-level. Sharp uneasily takes a seat on the less stained of two matching loveseats. Aero emerges, naked, from the back bedroom and shuffles over to the refrigerator. He opens it up and stares, brow furrowed with discontent. He bends over to reach a Blue Powerade from the bottom shelf, and Sharp can see the dildo firmly clenched between his buttocks. He turns around and twists the cap on the Powerade and notices Sharp staring at him, mouth agape with confusion.

Ah, man, what’s up Sharp, I didn’t see you there. Did you schedule this meeting with my secretary? You know what, never mind, let’s do this. What’s going on? How can I help?



You're without a doubt one of my favorite battlers to read. No one gets their punch across with the economy of language you have. I've lold at some verses this season, but the burning question I have after reading your battles is: Why? Why drop the goofball verses you've been doing this season?

Aero takes a hard swig of his Blue Powerade and looks at it, letting out a chuckle. “Oh Blue, I’ve always loved you…” he says. He grabs a silk kimono from the opposite love seat and puts it on. Sinching the belt, he tucks the Blue Powerade into the single left pocket and sits down across from Sharp. He crosses his legs, pondering his response for a moment.



I will answer this question by posing one of my own. Why are all of these older heads suddenly top tier again? Have you noticed this? I went from top 5 on this site to top 12 OVERNIGHT. I didn’t fight for this long to be treated like this. Blue didn’t beat everyone on the planet only to lose to AJAX. AJAX?!?! I mean, come on. Where’s our IDENTITY, Sharp? So yes, I started treating this text shit like a game. It’s a game to me now. Nothing matters. This is all a year long stroke of 6 or 7 ego’s, and none of them are mine. It’s pointless for me to try when the reward is going to always be a loss.
Regarding the mixture of silly and solid punches - do you think it hurt your drops wth voters? Do you think it made your verses more enjoyable that 12 bars dropped in earnest?

Aero slowly uncrosses and recrosses his legs the opposite direction, Basic Instinct style, revealing himself to Sharp. The kimono never quite closes again, leaving Sharp with a full view of Aero’s flaccid manhood.



Well that’s the thing, Sharp. I can’t just flip a switch and NOT be one of the best writers ever. I’m the GOAT. I have to give my fans a taste of the old to entice them into embracing the new. But again, I’m fully committed to just being a comedic genius now. I write what I feel will get me the best laughs.


What was your favorite battle you had this season? Why was it your favorite?

Aero lights a clove and leaves it dangling from the ashtray. He notices Sharp’s surprise at the gesture “Don’t worry. I don’t smoke. I light it purely to add to the ambiance.” He gets up and walks over to a desk, papers neatly stacked atop an old model Macbook. Aero removes a portfolio from one of the drawers, labeled “Favorite Battles – 2020”.

Ah, let’s see. I think I most enjoyed this battle against Fracture.

He hands the portfolio to Sharp, which includes 2 printed off verses. Sharp takes note of the stained picture of Resin taped to the inside panel of the folder, small hearts chiseled into the eyes.

This battle really showed both sides of me, against a worthy opponent. I especially enjoyed getting to give the pegging community a face for the internet to love. I’ve always felt like that was lacking, in every pegging video I’ve watched, the male is an obese, sweaty nightmare. It was nice to show the other side of that community for a change. Also, Fracture really produced one of his best verses of the season against me and I think that’s a testament to how scared he was of a potential loss. Had I taken this battle seriously, clearly things could have gone a different way.

Did anyone stand out to you this season? Did anyone surprise you? Anyone who's verses you really enjoyed to read?

*An audible ping interrupts the interview, and Aero walks over to the desk and picks up an iPhone 6 with a spider-web pattern cracked screen. “One second,” he says “I just need to dump a few stocks on Robinhood. Do you need a referral? I get a free share if you sign up…” After a short pause, Aero notices Sharp’s impatience and lack of response. *

Sorry. Well, I’ve always enjoyed reading my own verses, first and foremost. Zuch, Resin, User, Hush have all had some great reads as well. Absolutely not shocked with how white the playoffs are, yet again. Go Resin.

As a burnt out mod, I find Zuch's algorithm interesting, but I'm not sure how I would feel if I were possibly in the playoffs. As someone who's been active, how do you feel about it hanging over your head?

I’ve never questioned the algorithm. I trust Zuch completely, and believe he would never do anything to hurt the integrity of the league. I’ve also sent him numerous unanswered PM’s for pictures of Jamie, or even just a phone number to discuss her review process, but I guess that’s over-stepping. Jamie, if you see this, please call me.

Who do you feel has the best chance of winning the season ending playoff (aside from you obv)? Why?

Resin is my personal favorite. Blue is runner up. Season ending battle of Resin vs. Blue needs to happen, again, for the culture. Then I will battle the winner for dominance.

I believe we’re done here? I have a 2:30 with a Japanese business to pitch sushi-flavored water. Good day, Sharp.

Sharp gets up and Aero follows him to the door. Sharp, while uneasy, knows he has just received the interview of a lifetime. They exchange handshakes at the door. Upon hearing the deadbolt intensely click shut, Sharp hears the suction-pop of the dildo being removed, followed by a gasp and a whimper. Sharp quickly bee-lines for his Prius and darts off.




Writer Profiles by Blue Bayou





#12 Adverse

The NBL’s Miss Congeniality! Adverse is a great guy, a valued member of the community, and a man known for having sneaky punchline talent.

Adverse had his ups and downs this NBL season, but did enough to fight his way into a Wildcard Spot to compete for the season championship.

From what I’ve seen lately his wording has gotten good enough to where it doesn’t hold him back or hinder his punches from landing. I get the feeling Adverse is hungry and is going to put work in this round. He needs to focus on varying his attacks to have complete, well-rounded verses of attack lines, humor, wit etc etc. I think him and Dave are going pics, don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing for him…we shall see



#11 Killing Spree

Former semi-pro hockey enforcer until I ended his career (and nearly his life) with a shoulder to the chin blue line massacre… Well we all know Killing Spree. Originally an RB head, Spree is a wildcard because I don’t know if he’s going to surprise with a dope 12 , get blackout and not make any sense, or just no show all-together.. Spree has a wordplay heavy style moooost times, and he’s notorious for not having the smoothest wording, but I do feel like that’s improving, especially the set-ups. What I do like & appreciate about Spree is he usually puts in the time to study his opponent, and at least try for some hard personal hits. Good for Spree for getting into the Wildcard round. He’s talented & I’ll leave predictions to Zuch, but he’s got a tough road ahead of him this week

#10 Ajax

Lawyerman probably would’ve found himself higher ranked heading into the Playoffs had he not intermittently signed in and out the majority of the season. Great season it was as well, only loses were to Orc and a no-show. Ajax is a UPN head that most recently beat myself and Fracture to win their comeback Covid whatever it was called tournament. Personally I’m a big fan of Ajax’s style and concepts. Being a true OG of text, he’s got a unique style for today’s standards and he does very well with it. Ajax is creative and to the point. I’ve seen some ppl say his punches can be too long winded… I do agree somewhatttt (i.e. Indiana jones), but for the most part I disagree and think his wording is usually spot on. Ajax will be a threat in any battle he’s ever in, and a favorite over most. This is a GREAT first round battle that should be dope both ways.

#9 Destroyer

Mr. Clean (looking at you Wanderer) is a long time NC battler who I believe actually started in like 2009 or something on this site. It’s been a real solid season for Des…While he didn’t champ, he got to a couple different contendership battles I believe, impressed with some real nice verses in his wins and even loses, and was competitive week in and week out. What I like about Des is he’s got good swag to a lot of his punches. Sometimes I feel like he’s a bit too longwinded or awkward with wording when he doesn’t need to be, but If he can keep his wording tight & direct he’s going to be a tough out for anyone. Usually has a good blend of humor and creativity. Des seems motivated lately so I’m expecting a good showing in this wildcard round.

#8 iSpaz

Probably the battler I’m least familiar with going into these playoffs, I had to look back through the weeks to get a better idea of how he’s got himself into the 8 seed… His fraze verse was cool I liked it, others appeared to be hit or miss but he’s definitely had some nice concepts throughout the season….I don’t know where iSpaz originated. He’s had an account at NC since 2015, wording seems solid enough, most verses seem to be generics. I don’t really know what else to say other then congrats for getting into the playoffs. It’ll be interesting to see how he attacks Des



#7 UserName

An ICON. UserName is an old school legend that started off around 20 years ago or so on RM I believe… Users trademark is his comedy backed by excellent wording. User is easily one of the best writers in text when it comes to smooth wording and how he delivers & sets up his bars. Wile you know he’s going to make you laugh at least a couple times in his verses, you can really just pigeon hole him as a comedy writer tho…He’s snuck in some dope attack lines & gun bars etc. throughout the season so he’s definitely versatile. Gets a lot of fat bars obv which is cool if they’re fresh, and there’s been some real good ones this season, but User is pretty good at flipping them on his opponent & using it to his advantage… One of my fave writers for his consistently smooth wording & overall entertainment value of his verses, User is for sure a threat to win this whole thing despite being a wildcard if he can get by Ajax

#6 Fracture

He has the talent, he has the accolades, Frac is truly one of the best of all-time. He’s been active as he was in the UPN tournament finals prior to joining the NBL this season…Probably my very favorite writer when it comes to pure wit & murder bars, Frac has jaw dropping creativity and writes some bars that are absolutely stupid dope… As he has 5 or so battles under his belt recently now that he’s been back, so I don’t see rust being a factor at all. Frac has an effortless swag to his writing that’s just really enjoyable. It’s great he’s back writing again and I think he’ll show. Frac is hands down one of the favorites entering the playoffs and I don’t think it would surprise anybody to see him win it all.



#5 Dave

I wasn’t familiar with Dave until venturing over to UPN, and like most of those guys, I don’t think he’d battled for close to a decade or something until this year. It’s crazy to me how much better Dave has gotten since when I first saw him dropping early on in 2020. Talent was always there and I think he’s really found his wording and a comfortability with his style. 73 is a great record and it seemed like every week Dave had a top punch or was winning battle of the week. He had some really great haymakers, and verses overall this season, so he is VERY deserving of his seed. Almost got himself into a bye. Again big fan of his style, he works different angles effectively has a shot to go very far in this playoffs.



#4 Resin M-I-C

Resin is hands down one of the best to ever text battle…Would anyone really argue with somebody that called him the GOAT (shutup Aero)?! I don’t think so…First and foremost I’m pretty sure Resin is the defending NBL Season champ, so even looking beyond the elite talent level I think it’s fair to say he’s coming into this the favorite. I don’t remember who his one loss was to this season, maybe a no show? Style wise Resin is extremely creative and every verse seems to have a couple jaw dropping concepts…I also really like the wording he’s been going with this year compared to years past.. Overall Resin has beaten pretty much everyone of every era, and very rarely loses. His material has been great for the most part this season and he definitely deserves his bye week and seed. One of, if not the, favorite to win it all.

#3 Orc

TJ the irish assassin. Orc probably has the most accolades in NC history, which speaks volumes for how good he’s been for over a decade now. He’s champed the NBL 8 times and I believe he’s also a season champion. Like I just said about res, Orc really doesn’t lose much. He’s got a great feel for his wording & style, almost never failing to drop a dope consistent verse. Orc has a very effective blend of humor, attack lines, and personals that gives him a level of consistency that makes him difficult to beat. Undefeated at 5-0 this season, Orc has the tools to win it all and is definitely one of the betting favorites to do so heading into Round 1.

#2 Blue Bayou written by UPN Zuch

Boy it’s getting hot in here. As far as Netcees is concerned, this is gray bush himself. He’s been dominating here for years. I’ve searched the archive on my boy because I’ve been here for none of it. Blue Bayou has champed so much over the years that he needed to create an alias (Dope Girl) just to hold all of his accomplishments. My favorite Blue bars are the ones where he talks about fucking his opponents bitch. This is because it’s believable. This man is handsome, ladies. He beat me in a 60-line battle weeks back, and I am still hurting. He’s one of the few guys that can make wordplay look good, which is a feat in and of itself. If this man is mad at you, don’t show up. He will have you second-guessing why you even do this shit. Don’t show up. This playoff roster is the best I’ve seen in 15 years, and even with that, Blue is right at the top as far as favorites go. He’s had a couple weeks off to regroup, so expect consistent bars all the way through.


#1 Zuch

First and foremost, zuch just put in an effort level modding this season that hasn’t been seen on this site in a long time (Sharp maybe, me not a chance). Every mag was fucking fire , battles were up timely, and he dealt with barcs bullshit and other league issues pretty effectively as far as I’m concerned. We all owe zuch a ton of gratitude for what he did for the NBL this year.

Now, as a writer Zuch is the 2020 NC battler of the year as far as I’m concerned. How many times has this guy lost, 2 times? One of which being a 60 line battle vs. me that he was dope af in and is one of my all-time favorite battles…From SC, to keystyles, to the pic league, to now the NBL, he’s just been beating everyone that’s stood in front of him. Zuch has elite level delivery that elevates every single bar he drops. Like all of the elite, he knows how to craft a verse to mix in humor, wit, hard hitting personals etc. that make him hard to beat. Zuch is very deserving of this 1 seed after a nearly flawless 8-1 season, and I won’t be surprised in the slightest if he takes this thing down.


Blue Bayou is offline





Previews

Playoff Wildcard Predictions:

It’s been a wild season, but from Corleone banning to Universe imploding, Culture aliasing to Scout drama, it’s been both fun to watch and be a part of. We’ve finally made it to the playoffs, where the best of the best (or at least, most active) writers Netcees currently has to offer face off for the NBL crown. I’m dropping my little preview all caps shouting persona for these because honestly, I don’t have any edibles left and I’m just not funny when I’m sober. So anyways, on to the predictions…

#5 Dave VS #12 Adverse

THE REMATCH. Dave has been the model participant all season long. He votes on everything, he drops every week, and he participates in the various roasts and mags along the way. Sidebar: he’s also dope af. In reverse order he’s beaten the likes of: Scout, Hush (via NS), INF twice, Adverse, myself, and Aero. He’s no slouch. His only losses come from Zuch, Blue and Destroyer. He’s absolutely the favorite going into this match, not only because he already beat Adverse in the regular season, but because of his consistency ALL season long. Adverse on the other hand has fought tooth and nail to get this Playoff spot. Starting at the bottom, he sneaked in to the last remaining spot with a NS win over FGR to notch him at 5-4 on the season, placing him just over .500. Some would say it’s luck, but he’s improved so much since the NPL that it’s hard to argue he hasn’t earned the spot. He votes, he shows up on time, and he’s just an all-around sweetheart. He’s definitely the underdog, but he’s been an underdog all season and still come out on top of the pile. This should be one to watch.

Prediction: Dave

#8 iSpaz VS #9 Destroyer

NEW HOTTNESS VERSUS OLD AND BUSTED. If I’m being totally honest, I didn’t expect to see iSpaz in the playoffs. I definitely didn’t expect him to land in the top 8. He’s really been aided by getting the right opponent at the right time. I think even he’d agree that his highlight wins of the season, Jayfresh aside, aren’t really against any big names. However, he’s cemented his spot as the best of that mid-tier, ragtag bunch. His wins come over names such as Sinacog (twice), Mac, and Fraze. His losses are also a little predictable, coming from the likes of Des, Blue, and Zuch. He’s essentially see-sawed all season, anytime he had to step up to challenge a top tier opponent, he floundered. That’s not saying he’s not a talented writer. He’s made the top punches a handful of times, and obviously has the ABILITY. Des on the other hand, his seeding can only be blamed on hitting a late season slump. Des has risen to the occasion all season, with wins over Fracture (via NS), Spree, Universe (via DQ), and Dave – he quickly ascended to the Champ match against Resin. He lost, but showed he deserved to be in the discussion as one of the best in the league this season. After so much success early on, the tail end of his season has been a bit of a different story, after losing to Resin, he lost again to me (teehee), and wound up ending his season with a win against Wanderer, who was also vying for a possible playoff spot. On paper, Des should win this match comfortably, but anything can happen in the playoffs.

Prediction: Destroyer

#6 Fracture VS #11 Spree

Fracture was a bit unsure if he wanted to make his return to text yet. He signed in and then promptly noshowed Destroyer. After a few weeks of “will he, won’t he” – he finally pulled the trigger. Since then, he’s been on a tear. He destroyed Fraze, steamrolled Aero, sent HDVM back into retirement (I love you Deon) and leg-dropped Wanderer in an impressive 4-win streak. Technically, he hasn’t lost. We could be setting ourselves up for some major disappointment, based on Frac’s history of showing up in the final weeks of things, but he definitely showed he still has some gas left in the tank. Spree has been… an entirely different story. Spree got in thanks to a noshow victory gifted to him from INF in the final week. Spree’s been back and forth all season – winning against Wanderer, losing to Des, winning against Ouch, losing to Aero, winning against Mac, losing to Blue. He hasn’t won two battles back to back the entire season. He seems primed for a loss, not only because he’s facing Fracture but because that’s just been his pattern all year. Here’s hoping he can turn this around – but I don’t see it happening.

Prediction: Fracture

#7 UserName VS #10 Ajax By: UPN Zuch

Dope, I get to review battle of the week. User is one of my good friends, but I’m gonna be honest with this one. If this battle was to happen 4-5 weeks ago, I would give the edge to Ajax. The season is long and grueling. User has written all but one week this year. He hit a bit of a slide mid-season and was not in top form. But, over the last 3 weeks or so, he’s back. Writing like he has with humor and wit and it’s great to see. Ajax is back after some time off, so he is refreshed and ready to go. Two of my favorite writers. Both of these guys deserve a spot in the quarter-finals, but with how the season played out, somebody has to go. Oh you want me to pick a winner? Not happening. This is too close to call and you know it. I’m going to sit back and enjoy reading this one. Humor and flow vs. wit and swag. Can’t wait for this one. Gonna be a doozy.

Predition: Too close to call





Barc’s Best (worst)

The worst wordplay of the year from you know who. This list is compromised of Barcotic, and his alias, Scout.


10.
The dirty slut'll toss, as over 30 fuck her box ..
If I'm horny, it's jeffrey dahmer...when I want attorneys just in shock


9.
Over 40 straps.. I wield all 'em
Tote that k like an old catchphrase...leaving this holy makerel problem


8.
We both like to write, except I'm really dope at the hobby
We both use protractors at work, except mine will dispose of his body


7.
Any paycheck you've earned is spent gas, technically
You work for Petrovic and you're the size of his left calf, RIP


6.
Just because im white hot, the site wants to question/sway
But my alias is forbidden...like your illiterate wife on Election Day


5.
When it comes to sheep, the weakest can't boast..
So I feel like driving right into a street light when I see this lamb post


4.
A couple kicks denting his skull and this is a critical beating ..
I'll have sanctions in his dome that could spark political meetings


3.
Wtf kind of women could this bum be getting w/ his poor gear?
I know 'dave adore tees'...I also know he hasn't hit anything in 4 years


2.
Your bitch don't answer calls. You're weak and kind've dead to her.
If it weren't for her collar ID, she might've been eaten by a predator


Is there anything you don't write besides some harsh shit?
I'll put someone so extra to rest real deep...right beside a marsh, Inn


1.
Difference tween him & me is I really do damages
We can all agree that his verse won't land, leaving Unanimous


They age like a fine wine...


The 12 Legs of Christmas


After Finny showed us his girlfriend in Discord. It was hard to look at anything but her legs. They are more than thick. Long story short, for the Holiday season, @Sharp has photoshopped Finny’s girl’s leg into some memorable moments in world history.

Merry Christmas everyone!


Finny girl, for reference:





Jesus Christ






Aaaaaaaaand we’re off....



























Outro

Well, I hoped you enjoyed the mag. Special thanks to the following for chipping in:

Sharp
Jamie
UserName
Blue Bayou
Fracture



There will be another mag next week when the top ranked square off, as well. These are the playoffs. This is the climax of a terrific season. Can’t wait to see how it shakes out. See everyone next week.




Zuch

[Aero]

This mag was INCREDIBLE and User can read a room lol sheesh it was accurate to how I really feel and probably more genuine.

Whoever did the leg work on Finnys girl lmao

The writer profiles were dope until Blue & Zoo starting sucking each other off.

Jamie, wrote you something btw. Find a way to reach me.

Will leave more feed.

[iSpaz]

V much fire

[evaD]

Great mag guys and great season. Well done @zuch for not giving in to the bullshit and keeping it moving. Top punches list is amazing.

[SHECK WES]

Lmao dope. Thank you for Mag

[Ajax]

LOL. That Indiana Jones line was 22 syllables... following a 10 syllable setup. It was shorter than virtually every couplet dropped these days. All good though, Blue. I still love you.

Dope mag, guys. You messed up the top punches, but that’s to be expected.

Solid season... Well done running it, Zuch. Especially in this day and age, getting folks to come out was really solid. Cheers.

[Blue Bayou]

It was 24... that particular second line was more long winded then I think it needed to be is all I meant.... again not the norm, and just one opinion




Mag was beyond amazing...big props to all involved

[Ajax]

I HATE YOU.

[Kill Spree]

Appreciate the work Blue. You deserve a win on your record for your efforts

[Sharp]

Zuch texcee and mod of the year

props to all involved, but User killed it

[Blue Bayou]

Originally Posted by Ajax

I HATE YOU.

I LOVE YOU

forget i said anything

[evaD]

User’s record is not reflective of him being second MVP behind me tbh

[UserName]

Originally Posted by evaD

User’s record is not reflective of him being second MVP behind me tbh

Fair enough, agreed.

[Barcotic]

So did I win the roast or?