Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Forum > Open Mic Section

User Tag List

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-13-2018, 07:52 PM   #1
big baby
obsessed
 
big baby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,467
Battle Record: Faggot-0

Accomplishments
- 1st Gay Txtcee


Rep Power: 4600387
big baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant future
Send a message via AIM to big baby
Default figure it. out

it’s beginning to show

the way intertwining dividends between time invested, and growth. sore throat, sore back, sore humdrum. the ever growing size of my blood pump squeezing out of the thorax. 500 pound live, flesh chief alien invasion. the least entertaining showcase of something alive. imagine going to sleep, with binary code in your dream. you wake up and see, a beating heart in the sheets. take a nosedive into oblivion. hold me. i sigh.

neitzche authored the sequences that I’m telling you now. everyday is considered lost if were not dancing around. acceptance a must. i want to forget you, forget that it happened.. lao tzu said if you’re depressed you’re living in the past. if you’re living in the future, then its anxiety. i’m trying to delete this undo button on the time machine. i want to speak to the one. whether it be with our feet or our tongues. I’m used to this dance. exchanging euphemisms or moving to trance. don’t lose me. opportunities snatched.

i don’t know how to express myself without giving away, exact detail, but still obscuring the day. the sunset, and the rain, the gun smoke, the malaise, the perspiring. tired breaths, fire sex. i couldn’t talk. because you were my only dialect

getting wound up in simile and allegorical speak, creating a world where the orbit isn’t even normal to me. it’s tough being an alien. love seeing it rain. UFO license plate reading catch me if you can. i love seeing you change, don’t want to see you the same. love being in rain. i hate leaving a trail that's exposed. i love sleet, hail and the snow. they’re the same thing just at different times of the year. like.. we are. or we were. i love to be in control. i hate underlying factors. i hate underlining tantrums. i hate when the sun provides a mountain of sunshine for eternity. i hate uncertainty. being doused in a punchline is concerning. i dislike being lost. implant a GPS in my dome, let it beep when I’m gone. come sing me a song, lea salonga, let me show you the world. an interrupted reality where romanticism is whole. where erotic fiction overturns symphonic diction thats promised. everything i input is invalid or old. I can’t put my finger on it.

I’m back again. I identified the problem. Happiness can’t be figured out. That’s the point. you’re either a vastly void barcode, or a single celled, organism. that was an awful way to put what I’ve been trying to mean. and honestly

i didn’t say what i wanted to scream. i’ve got a troll that lives under the bridge where sound comes out of in the link of my throat. a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow isn’t enough to bring him to home. you live and you tell stories for these generations to see. I’m barely better than i was 5 minutes ago. but barely is better than nothing. i plead. pitch me a tent to live in. please, don’t let me down. sometimes i’ll take a shower, and put it on freezing. and sit there until i figure it out. goosebumps surround sound. sound cut off. curtain close. audience gasp. slowclap. then taking a bow.
__________________
precision defender
Quote:
Originally Posted by greed View Post
If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
Then again hes had this schtick so long he like bb da bb da bb thats all folks

Last edited by big baby; 08-13-2018 at 07:56 PM.
big baby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2018, 01:13 AM   #2
Exis
............
 
Exis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,842
Battle Record: 3-1



Rep Power: 1424430
Exis has a brilliant futureExis has a brilliant futureExis has a brilliant futureExis has a brilliant futureExis has a brilliant futureExis has a brilliant futureExis has a brilliant futureExis has a brilliant futureExis has a brilliant futureExis has a brilliant futureExis has a brilliant future
Default

succkedd thxx.
Exis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2018, 07:00 PM   #3
Eŋg
Senior Member
 
Eŋg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 1,676




Rep Power: 0
Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg Eŋg
Default

i've read this once and enjoyed how mutable it seemed, thought numerous times the context of the verse called itself back, complemented by those confessional almost-reprises in the middle of the verse. kinda nuanced poetic prose with subtle rhymes. i should come back to this after i've read it some more, but i thought it was different. i thought it was pretty dope.
Eŋg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-20-2018, 05:26 PM   #4
Pharaohs Army
senior writer
 
Pharaohs Army's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,159
Battle Record: 0-5



Rep Power: 4435398
Pharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant future
Default

I don't mind this paragraph format.

It's an interesting read, I guess. I don't really know what you were talking about referencing aliens 3X. I guess that's for people to figure out.

The ending sounded kind of emo.

Some subtle rhymes in here. More than I thought upon second examination...And commas for tempo.

You could do another1 like this I suppose. As a changeup from the norm.
__________________
past tense

Last edited by Pharaohs Army; 08-20-2018 at 05:30 PM.
Pharaohs Army is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-24-2018, 12:08 AM   #5
NYCSPITZ
SYRACUSE
 
NYCSPITZ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,348
Battle Record: 31-33


Champed
- Write Night II
- Alias Topical Tournament

Rep Power: 5103826
NYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant future
Default

hmmm i thought the tough being an alien part was cool upon further reflection... i thought you weren't dullboy but ok. first line was cool. nietzsche without the S bothered me a little bit. romanticism was whole line was aight
__________________
UNIFIED THEORY
NYCSPITZ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-24-2018, 07:07 PM   #6
big baby
obsessed
 
big baby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,467
Battle Record: Faggot-0

Accomplishments
- 1st Gay Txtcee


Rep Power: 4600387
big baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant future
Send a message via AIM to big baby
Default

thanks!
__________________
precision defender
Quote:
Originally Posted by greed View Post
If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
Then again hes had this schtick so long he like bb da bb da bb thats all folks
big baby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-24-2018, 07:11 PM   #7
big baby
obsessed
 
big baby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,467
Battle Record: Faggot-0

Accomplishments
- 1st Gay Txtcee


Rep Power: 4600387
big baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant future
Send a message via AIM to big baby
Default

yeah im not db, hes just a very good friend of mine and we write similar to those who dont have that keen eye. or maybe we write exactly the same and say that to be pretentious on purpose - not sure though! or maybe im just everybody except bags and hush. i am an alien after all
__________________
precision defender
Quote:
Originally Posted by greed View Post
If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
Then again hes had this schtick so long he like bb da bb da bb thats all folks
big baby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2018, 12:18 AM   #8
Kenny
Junior Member
 
Kenny's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 12




Rep Power: 0
Kenny is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

I hate how u think u got the answers sometimes you don't know my pain
Lol jk dope written like the undo button time machine line that was witty

Last edited by Kenny; 09-03-2018 at 01:48 AM.
Kenny is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-15-2018, 10:48 PM   #9
Split Eight
PhD from UC Barkley
 
Split Eight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,576
Battle Record: 3-5


Champed
- Haiku Writers Challenge

Rep Power: 85899360
Split Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond reputeSplit Eight has a reputation beyond repute
Default

Quote:
i love seeing you change, don’t want to see you the same. love being in rain. i hate leaving a trail that's exposed. i love sleet, hail and the snow. they’re the same thing just at different times of the year. like.. we are. or we were. i love to be in control. i hate underlying factors. i hate underlining tantrums.
This was my favorite section. I didnt like the time machine part, I liked that one line about trying to delete the undo button, but the buildup to fit that in felt off compared to the rest of the piece.

keep writing
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by PancakeBrah View Post
I'm going to start off on a tangent.

when I write, lately, I feel as if I begin by stringing together ambient ideas and concepts, then i realize I'm just typing the words coffee, tawdry, and autumn over and over and over, again, then I pass out dru-
Split Eight is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2018, 02:12 AM   #10
Bodey
Senior Member
 
Bodey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 861
Battle Record: 1-1



Rep Power: 12073407
Bodey has a brilliant futureBodey has a brilliant futureBodey has a brilliant futureBodey has a brilliant futureBodey has a brilliant futureBodey has a brilliant futureBodey has a brilliant futureBodey has a brilliant futureBodey has a brilliant futureBodey has a brilliant futureBodey has a brilliant future
Default

I liked this.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Objective View Post
Judging from those pics and the state you're in I've concluded with the fact that the world needs more Badi Alii's.
Bodey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2018, 07:10 AM   #11
veritas
HALL OF FAME
 
veritas's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: portal 7 to the 9th exponent
Posts: 14,861
Battle Record: 1-1



Rep Power: 0
veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas
Default

"m back again. I identified the problem. Happiness can’t be figured out. That’s the point. you’re either a vastly void barcode, or a single celled, organism. that was an awful way to put what I’ve been trying to mean. and honestly"

I think this stanza would be a good avenue of discussion between us. Let me know.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bags View Post
Veritas has actually proven to be the meaning of life and also provided proof of God's existence
Quote:
Originally Posted by Batty View Post
V has picard's mind, PS4 Kratos' beard and John Cena's neva say quits attitude
Quote:
Originally Posted by PancakeBrah View Post
You're the smartest person here.
veritas is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2018, 01:31 PM   #12
big baby
obsessed
 
big baby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,467
Battle Record: Faggot-0

Accomplishments
- 1st Gay Txtcee


Rep Power: 4600387
big baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant future
Send a message via AIM to big baby
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by veritas View Post
"m back again. I identified the problem. Happiness can’t be figured out. That’s the point. you’re either a vastly void barcode, or a single celled, organism. that was an awful way to put what I’ve been trying to mean. and honestly"

I think this stanza would be a good avenue of discussion between us. Let me know.
k let beeB no
__________________
precision defender
Quote:
Originally Posted by greed View Post
If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
Then again hes had this schtick so long he like bb da bb da bb thats all folks
big baby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-18-2018, 04:28 PM   #13
veritas
HALL OF FAME
 
veritas's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: portal 7 to the 9th exponent
Posts: 14,861
Battle Record: 1-1



Rep Power: 0
veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by big baby View Post
k let beeB no
I am ready. Tell me your mind behind that stanza and then I will tell you mine and what thoughts it elicited sir. let us have real meaningful conversation about it.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bags View Post
Veritas has actually proven to be the meaning of life and also provided proof of God's existence
Quote:
Originally Posted by Batty View Post
V has picard's mind, PS4 Kratos' beard and John Cena's neva say quits attitude
Quote:
Originally Posted by PancakeBrah View Post
You're the smartest person here.
veritas is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2018, 12:29 AM   #14
big baby
obsessed
 
big baby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,467
Battle Record: Faggot-0

Accomplishments
- 1st Gay Txtcee


Rep Power: 4600387
big baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant future
Send a message via AIM to big baby
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by veritas View Post
I am ready. Tell me your mind behind that stanza and then I will tell you mine and what thoughts it elicited sir. let us have real meaningful conversation about it.
u have to understand that certain lines are written in certain emotional context. meaning my mind behind any given line may be different to what i feel/think now, that being said, you have to look at whatever written given the tone of the entire writing. like you don't read a comedy script thinking melancholic when you read it and vice versa. but yeah, sometimes when you're sad life sucks and happiness seems far away or impossible
__________________
precision defender
Quote:
Originally Posted by greed View Post
If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
Then again hes had this schtick so long he like bb da bb da bb thats all folks
big baby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2018, 01:10 PM   #15
veritas
HALL OF FAME
 
veritas's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: portal 7 to the 9th exponent
Posts: 14,861
Battle Record: 1-1



Rep Power: 0
veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by big baby View Post
u have to understand that certain lines are written in certain emotional context. meaning my mind behind any given line may be different to what i feel/think now, that being said, you have to look at whatever written given the tone of the entire writing. like you don't read a comedy script thinking melancholic when you read it and vice versa. but yeah, sometimes when you're sad life sucks and happiness seems far away or impossible
I appreciate your words about your words.

Quote:
I’m back again. I identified the problem. Happiness can’t be figured out. That’s the point. you’re either a vastly void barcode, or a single celled, organism. that was an awful way to put what I’ve been trying to mean. and honestly

I think your initial premise is something that all thinking people think about. That happiness is a myth. I have personally come to appreciate the intrinsic dynamo of joy much preferable to the temporal happenstance as a means for basing my preferable "feelings while doing life". The idea of the barcode resonated with me. I thought about how commercialism is so vital to our advancement (I.E. we no longer have to spend all day doing laborious work just to find food. we can scan the barcode at Wal-Mart on a TV dinner and boom! instant gratification.) in that the barcode commercial fast food amazon everything on demand gives us more free time....but does it? there is an existential dread behind it. this society, this "world" is wrong. There is something missing. Perhaps we treat each other as barcodes. Fast food friends. Self -checkout acquaintances. The other thing that struck me, and maybe you meant it maybe you didn't was the single-celled play. We are either simple creatures, or individuals trapped in cells. It can go either way. It is an awful way to describe it, but it is accurate, and it needs to be said. I respect that. Like I said, all thinking and original people should contend with these issues for the benefit of their own, and then subsequently those in their circles of influence's betterment. WE must look into the void, and instead of letting it look back, we must seal it's power with finding meaning in this story.
I, personally, have chosen to no longer be the main character of my story, settling instead for the freedom of being a meaningful secondary character in other people's stories. Thank you for the thoughts. I hope we can do this again sometimes.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bags View Post
Veritas has actually proven to be the meaning of life and also provided proof of God's existence
Quote:
Originally Posted by Batty View Post
V has picard's mind, PS4 Kratos' beard and John Cena's neva say quits attitude
Quote:
Originally Posted by PancakeBrah View Post
You're the smartest person here.
veritas is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2018, 06:40 PM   #16
big baby
obsessed
 
big baby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,467
Battle Record: Faggot-0

Accomplishments
- 1st Gay Txtcee


Rep Power: 4600387
big baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant futurebig baby has a brilliant future
Send a message via AIM to big baby
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by veritas View Post
I appreciate your words about your words.




I think your initial premise is something that all thinking people think about. That happiness is a myth. I have personally come to appreciate the intrinsic dynamo of joy much preferable to the temporal happenstance as a means for basing my preferable "feelings while doing life". The idea of the barcode resonated with me. I thought about how commercialism is so vital to our advancement (I.E. we no longer have to spend all day doing laborious work just to find food. we can scan the barcode at Wal-Mart on a TV dinner and boom! instant gratification.) in that the barcode commercial fast food amazon everything on demand gives us more free time....but does it? there is an existential dread behind it. this society, this "world" is wrong. There is something missing. Perhaps we treat each other as barcodes. Fast food friends. Self -checkout acquaintances. The other thing that struck me, and maybe you meant it maybe you didn't was the single-celled play. We are either simple creatures, or individuals trapped in cells. It can go either way. It is an awful way to describe it, but it is accurate, and it needs to be said. I respect that. Like I said, all thinking and original people should contend with these issues for the benefit of their own, and then subsequently those in their circles of influence's betterment. WE must look into the void, and instead of letting it look back, we must seal it's power with finding meaning in this story.
I, personally, have chosen to no longer be the main character of my story, settling instead for the freedom of being a meaningful secondary character in other people's stories. Thank you for the thoughts. I hope we can do this again sometimes.

yeah. agreed. i think happiness in its enucleating essence can be spread out thin and doesn't truly/really equate to the recurring or normal thought pattern behind regular happiness. food on the table, health intact, able to not fall into deep thought but still be mindful of people. deep thought is essential. to figure out who you are, etc etc. but i guess looking into the void and becoming this existential headcase where you denote certain things into "that's life". for example, letting something be because it's difficult to confront. whatever that may be. yeah, people are seen are barcodes in society. a number. it's really not that hard though. to "fit in" society is something people blow out of proportion. it happens though; things rarely go exactly as we want it. it's just how it is. we perceive things differently and communication gets lost in context. for one thing, this can be grand, and for you it is such a minuscule thing that you wonder why it bothers people at all. it's all perspective, but i do believe we have to be mindful and exude some sort of empathy, just because not everyone is exactly how you are at this very moment. we're all different. i think trying to understand people is pretty cool, even if you disagree with everything. also i think not trying to understand everybody is pretty cool. once you're better with how you are, then dealing with others becomes easier. dealing with "life's abyss" becomes just another thing you deal with. but yeah.
__________________
precision defender
Quote:
Originally Posted by greed View Post
If mentioned in a discussion its who'd still use wordy lines and act all dope
Then again hes had this schtick so long he like bb da bb da bb thats all folks
big baby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2018, 09:05 PM   #17
veritas
HALL OF FAME
 
veritas's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: portal 7 to the 9th exponent
Posts: 14,861
Battle Record: 1-1



Rep Power: 0
veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas veritas
Default

Put that on a shirt. Thank you.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bags View Post
Veritas has actually proven to be the meaning of life and also provided proof of God's existence
Quote:
Originally Posted by Batty View Post
V has picard's mind, PS4 Kratos' beard and John Cena's neva say quits attitude
Quote:
Originally Posted by PancakeBrah View Post
You're the smartest person here.
veritas is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:33 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2018 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+