PLAYOFFS ROUND ONE: #7 MR J vs #10 ADVERSE AD ADVANCES

[fraze]

Originally Posted by Adverse

She used to ponder by the boardwalk in every walk of life
Staring far off to the horizon where the blue water begins to swallow the skies
She would feed the lakes with her tears until it felt contentment
As the glistening droplets rippled upon her face, she resonated with her distorted reflection
good connection to the topic right off the bat. bars are a little wordy. end rhymes aren't perfect. nice imagery/vocab
Because most days she didn’t know who she was until the view reminded her
Sometimes it felt like she’d been eyeing this shoreline since birth
Her only constant, that still-frame, portrait of the landscapes
Even when everything else leaves her mind, that photograph can’t escape
this is nice.
A watermark, painted into the very essence of her being
The waterside wind brushing against her face, the breath by which it’d sing
good tie ins. liked this too

She grabbed her pen as tightly as the lake gripped her heart
Writing her stories from the break of dawn until the world drifted dark
But as the days passed, she seemingly ran out of words to say
The effects of age, and the invasive fateful strands of grey
That invaded her brunette waves, her shaking hands couldn’t grasp her situation
Nor her pen...
Her waning spirit bobbed on the water for so long it could no longer afford to swim
liked the way you used the papers to make this metaphor about aging

As her bare feet gently caressed the coarse wood of the boardwalk
She ran diminished on faith, and even more so on thoughts
Alzheimer’s eating her mind, disregarding her memories...
It all boils down to this ONE spot, she was gonna find herself here eventually
another cool angle on the pic. moving the story along
Her weathered hands gripping the pages that she scripted there
Tearing them from the binders and sending the paper through the air
The loose leaf gliding on the wind, along with all their secrets to tell
Rippling the water as they land in the lake, the pieces of herself
cool tie in, flipping your reference from earlier
As for the finale, she tip toes to the edge, lost inside a daze
She finds the inner strength to cast her body to the waves

Truly, there’s no need for a memoir
When you can’t even remember who you are..
nice close. solid ending for the story and connects back to the pic.

Very solid verse. I've seen you with stronger rhyming but it wasn't bad enough to take away from the piece. You used the topic effectively, told a cool story, and gave the reader a few interesting things to think about. Pretty much the checklist for a compelling topical verse, so props.

Originally Posted by Mr. J

She baked the macaroni and boiled the cheese
Told me to skate quick but don't oil the ski's
Got that o'Doyle disease brought on by heartache
A scheduled time to watch another car chase.
rhymes are cool. starting off pretty abstract, looking forward to where you go
Prescriptions in the cabinet, an extra laxative.
Getting through the front door is it's own labyrinth
Potato mashing it before the nights done.
If it wasn't for the stubby legs I just might run.
this kinda works if i read it in a MF Doom voice. still not sure where we're going
When that time comes, ask for seconds.
She likes the mistakes and her absinthe lemon.
Gave it to her raw with a mask & machete.
Room full of horrors marked by stashed spaghetti
interesting imagery. enjoying it but don't see where this hits the topic
Rotted ceilings & corners consumed by mold
No need for your toothbrush I'll use my own
No clues untold, the route we took mistook us
Hallway of mirrors and too many onlookers.
this is ok. waiting for the topic.
Society is a dream and she was the nightmare
She opened up and asked me to be light bearer.
And made me promise when needed I'd be right there
To my knowledge I was quite scare...
this feels rushed
When I didn't is when opportunity seized her.
Burning one down would likely appease her.
Goodnight Alexandria
i don't get it

Interesting read but pretty much feels like you ignored the topic. This would have been more competitive verse against verse, but this is a topical league. Everything is solid technically, but it's a little disappointing you didn't do more with the picture. Maybe I missed something abstract, but I also have to put some responsibility on the writer to make it clear (a lesson i've been learning myself this season).

Vote: Adverse His verse didn't have too many holes vs one that skipped the topic.