08-08-2016, 09:23 PM | #1 |
ghost in the matrix
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idk
I need peace to speak my mind,
A peace of mind to give a piece of mine I pine to teach this.. Grief; this sign Speaks to me each crease, each line My cheeks have shined (for weeks at times) Beneath the the streaks that leaked through eyes The heat, the lies, that wreaked demise And I've been beaten down from peaks so high That even seraphs would seek to cry! But... This beast inside; at least it hides From the weakness that I've described For when I weep the meek will rise Like a phoenix that I keep (my pride) I've felt defeated; to my sweet surprise I never won; But at least survived.
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08-24-2016, 05:33 PM | #2 |
The Clown Prince
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I thought this was a pretty cool short poetry piece.
toyed with something similar to this recently. didnt really enjoy the thought of your cheeks shining whatever that means... regardless those first couple of lines remind me of Return of The G... pretty good for a rusty piece.
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08-25-2016, 01:26 PM | #3 | |
ghost in the matrix
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Quote:
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08-25-2016, 01:42 PM | #4 |
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Yes it had nice rhythm to it, some couplets were a bit strange, i.e. the aforementioned " My cheeks have shined (for weeks at times) Beneath the the streaks that leaked through eyes"
But besides that I enjoyed the fast paced rhythm of it. |
09-15-2016, 11:30 PM | #5 |
rhyme capsule.
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your syntax is horrible. stop rhyming like dagel, you're marginally better than that.
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09-16-2016, 05:17 AM | #6 |
............
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Lol @ marginally better...
Freestyle? If so it's cool. |
10-01-2016, 02:09 PM | #7 |
ghost in the matrix
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Yeah basically, was taking a shit an felt like putting some rhymes together basically lol
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10-10-2016, 10:24 PM | #8 |
( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
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I enjoyed the simplicity. Straight forward, short and sweet.
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