Contemplation 1

[Mitch]

Energy is yours, No one ever can take it from.
Everything is much more than you're thinking of.
Gold is for fools in the physical.
God is for fools in the spiritual.
Goals are for those who wish to trick the rules.
If God's judgement is critical,
than why give a soul the ability to think at all.
Go live your life, or why even live at all.

Life might illuminate
and lights might blind. Blind
might might fool you straight
into over commitment,
throwing your weight overboard with the fish net,
stalking disguised as the night,
bored of your kinship with the worms, in confliction
with your purpose and personal opinion.

We don't need another pawn for the emperors,
We are the spark of dawn, feel the embers burn.
Heal the sin and swerve, the end is near,
go drive your life, or why even drive at all,
this path gets pitch black as you drive in more,
so hit reverse, check your mirror, finally stopped,
you'll pivot and find you're lost, but don't give in,
just apply your knowledge, don't buy a quiver before you find a target.

The arrow of god never stops, its a constant.
Prepare for all odds, never disregard uncommons.
If the answer is all that you want, then do not think.
To walk as a god is a to walk in the constant.

[Illume]

Originally Posted by Mitch

Energy is yours, No one ever can take it from.
Everything is much more than you're thinking of.
Gold is for fools in the physical.
God is for fools in the spiritual.
Goals are for those who wish to trick the rules.
If God's judgement is critical,
than why give a soul the ability to think at all.
Go live your life, or why even live at all.

Life might illuminate
and lights might blind. Blind
might might fool you straight
into over commitment,
throwing your weight overboard with the fish net,
stalking disguised as the night,
bored of your kinship with the worms, in confliction
with your purpose and personal opinion.

We don't need another pawn for the emperors,
We are the spark of dawn, feel the embers burn.
Heal the sin and swerve, the end is near,
go drive your life, or why even drive at all,
this path gets pitch black as you drive in more,
so hit reverse, check your mirror, finally stopped,
you'll pivot and find you're lost, but don't give in,
just apply your knowledge, don't buy a quiver before you find a target.

The arrow of god never stops, its a constant.
Prepare for all odds, never disregard uncommons.
If the answer is all that you want, then do not think.
To walk as a god is a to walk in the constant.

I get this man. You're doing what I call a 'loop', it's like provin' somethin' in its own logic and context. I liked it for what it could have been. But there are pieces missing. There are parts you write and it's like, I can get what you're saying, but you just need to expand on meaning a bit more.

Give more depth to what you say. Make sure you repeat your meanings in a few different ways or with more than one phrase to get the points across.

It's like when an author 'tells' you how it is rather than 'illustrates' how it is. You're telling. Learn to illustrate. It's as simple as taking more time and space over one line, one idea, one thought. You assume the reader will bridge the gaps but most of the time they don't.