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Old 10-09-2020, 03:22 PM   #1
UPN Zuch
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Default NBL WEEK 2 MAG: KANYE IS A GENERATIONAL TALENT

Kanye is a Generational Talent


I can see it now...




INTRO



What’s up guys? Week 1 was a YUGE success. 3 no-shows out of 20. Frac, Cred and Allen Knight. That’s great considering those three were going to not show up no matter what. Everyone voted early and often, taking advantage of voting bonuses. Week 2 promises to be strong. We have several notable sign-ins including Ajax and Orc, which I am looking forward too heavily. Some great matchups this week to check out which I will be previewing. This week we have Reviews, Previews, Top 10 Punches, Battler Intros for notable sign-ins, Throwback Verse, and some other notable stuff in the mag this week. We had several sign outs due to real-life obligations, but with the additions we are at over 20 current members this week. That is the magic number to be honest. Week 4 we will unveil the ACTUAL rankings. There needs to be some length before the algorithm will actually take effect. For now, I will do power rankings. Once week 4 rolls around the rankings will be set in STONE. Your rank will reflect your position in the league in regards to playoffs. Remember, EIGHT battlers make the playoffs, with a 9 and 10 seed play-in. So you’re never out of it. Stay in, vote, show-up and you will have a shot. Champ matches will also begin week 4, for those that are wondering. Let’s get to it!!!


New Notables


Ajax AKA Adonis AKA DUKELAW


This man has been around longer than you. Face it. Ajax is a corporate lawyer, who somehow found time to write this season. Known for fantastic wording, he drips swagu in every bar. If you are retarded, some of his stuff will go over your head. That was his downfall in SC. He champed UPN’s April Isolation tournament by ousting Fracture and Blue Bayou in a 3-way champ match. The guy is a legend and one of my all-time favs. Also, a great friend to have on Facebook. Welcome back, DUKELAW.

Orc AKA Hades

No intro needed on Netcees. A favorite everywhere he goes. Super witty, and do not give him your picture. He will roast you. Orc has a tendency to not show-up. I’m hoping that this doesn’t happen because he’s an asset to any league. If he sticks around, he is a favorite to champ. Looking forward to laughing this week at what he puts together.

Sinacog AKA THE DRAGON AKA THE DRAGON AKA DRAGON BLOOD

This man will burn you.

Ouch

The wall-talking champion. Terribly nice guy, and when he’s sober he can actually write. He’s witty and puts together solid work. Again, only when he’s sober. His grammar has been solid lately so I’m expecting some good stuff from him upon entry. Definitely a guy you want to root for.

The following are also new additions. Don’t be offended, I don’t know many names as I’ve been out of the loop for 12 years:

Jaysonfresh
Brokenhal0
Slecht
ispaz
Black mask
Ynot



Write well and you will get your mag recognition, no doubt.


Battle Reviews

Spree VS Wanderer



Two of my fav participants. This battle was fairly competitive. Nobody shot off the page, but there was a lot of consistency. Wanderer’s disses were light but he had some cool concepts and his wording is getting better each battle. Just wasn’t enough here. Spree had the same idea but his punches just hit a bit harder. The Zuch legs bar made me chuckle, and he had some other slick stuff. Those exclamation points gotta go though my guy. Other than that it was a decent verse. Got the W and is on to Week 2.



Barcotic VS Universe

Barcotic came decent here. Love the hockey references. Kraken jerseys was nice and I laughed at the held it down bar. Sank shins is weak though and you tend to always have a couple wtf bars. Some cool hits though. Universe is getting a lot better from previous matches. He’s starting to warm up a little bit but still some work to do. Stick around brother, I’m seeing improvement and pretty soon you’ll be seeing W’s.



Hush VS Ryno

Hush, the totem pole bar was stupid fire. Rest of the verse was alright. Couple decent jabs. Ryno was consistent and this was close, but he just didn’t have anything that jumped out. Stick and move. 1 or 2 haymakers and he could have taken this. Ryno hasn’t battled since SC I don’t think and he’s a powerhouse at times so I expect to see him step it up in weeks to come. Cool battle.

Adverse VS Blue Bayou

Adverse is one of my fav people. Always going in and getting it done. This week he had a tough opponent in Blue. Blue came with some fire. Cool heads and shady McCoy made me LOL. Adverse hung in there nicely with very few misses, just didn’t have enough firepower to hang. I expect both of these guys to do well this season as it progresses, and Adverse is definitely a playoff contender. Blue will be battling for the belt at some point. Good work fellas.

UserName VS INF

Username had some jokes this week. Search in the woods was my fav but really the first 6 bars were all fire. Went the emo route on INF which has happened a lot. Did it well though. INF dissed User’s weight mostly. When you do that though, it’s gotta be dope. Appetite was the only haymaker worthy line. The rest was decent, but again, fat jokes are tired so it’s gotta have extra heat on it. INF came decent but he’s just warming up. Got a big dog out of the way and sky is the limit. User off to a fast start. Good battle boys.

Aero VS Dave

Aero set the scene again. Hilarious verse. Opener and 1% had me dying. Aero can write when he wants to, and this made me laugh. Dave came with one of his better verses. When he comes correct he’s hard to beat, and he did that here. Taken aback and Wanton abandon were the highlights. Expect Dave to be top tier this year, based on his recent pic league showing. He’s ready for the big dogs after a nice week 1 win.




Sharp VS Corleone

Corleone is trash. Sharp came with VOTW in my opinion. Opener was LOTW. I’ve been a Sharp supporter since I got here. Love his style and wit. It’s UPNesque. I expect Sharp to be a big dog this season and fly under the radar. I don’t know why though, I’ve liked everything this guy has put out. He is my dark horse to win the league if he stays consistent. Cancer line was just bonkers, man.



No-Show Shine


TOP iLL DRAGSTER VS Allen Knight


NBL is crowded, and I don’t mean to be brash
I saved you a seat, got it off your cousin at the scene of the crash
Nobody likes your style, I can’t stress it enough
Showed it to Ouch and he was like “Thsebar s are diprresing as fkk”
I’m a heat maker, you’re required to tag along
Because the last fire stick you put together got you fired from Amazon
Im a shooter, you play games at home on the couch
I roll with a NERF gun too, but mine will make you foam from the mouth
Not original, you’re a carbon copy front and center
Of all people you bit Barc’s style, difference is he does it better
I got a dozen cookin’, fresh lines that’ll crush this woman
Now let’s see how you handlebars off the dome, we know that your cousin couldn’t




Destroyer VS Fracture

This faggot can’t hurt me at all with a miscarriage punch.
if I need to hear a baby cry I’ll just peep ur next battle w/knuck
des good with the blade. Removing the heart, head & lungs
cut the sure from ur name, but when I cut, I’m sure to leave frac shunned
fuck zooch. I run this league. It’s time that u know this.
ur style some local band shit. Long lines to the bar, yeah. but no hits
classic 44 mag will keep this fag under pressure
so even though this cannoli still ain’t ever leaving w/ des hurt
push the barrel between his eyes while I scream at this chump
bitch u gonna be a poll watcher with or without a request from Trump
this dude is screaming for dick like some faggot plane in tailspin
ur like the dems in this election just fucking begging to get the male in
Thought u were a text god. So I looked for quotes to try and pull
Bro. ur the definition of a legend. Historical, just not at all verifiable

Top 10 Punches


10 . Got no one on social media. Friends disinterest must be tough to swallow
For your people, that twitter’s like your punches. One look and it’s ‘I don’t follow’ - Sharp VS Corleone


9 . calm under pressure, won't lose it to a midget that’s phony
trust me guys i’ma keep a cool head.. Ad’s in my fridge as trophy - Blue Bayou VS Adverse

8 . fuck zooch. I run this league. It’s time that u know this.
ur style some local band shit. Long lines to the bar, yeah. but no hits - Destroyer VS Fracture

7 . He’s a fucking joke, and never been big in the hood
Only parties he gets invited to, are to help search for kids in the woods - User VS INF


6 . His chick a animal wit the mouth work ... dumb but her brains great
Im toting poles.. she a totem pole . Known for repeated head In the same place - Hush VS Ryno

5 . Who tf even made this battle? It aint fair
Last time he held it down, he was passing a daycare - Barcotic VS Universe


4 . Most wont admit to hearding plump chicks but this fucking herb just loves it
I haven’t seen such a display of wanton abandon since he dumped his girl in public - Dave VS Aero

3 . I can leave a bitch easily, I'm never lacking for sex
Last time you cut ties with a bitch you helped her get back at her ex - Aero VS Dave


2 . NBL is crowded, and I don’t mean to be brash
I saved you a seat, got it off your cousin at the scene of the crash TOP iLL VS Allen Knight

1 . Been a whiny bitch since ‘96. Still got the same style bro
Id call you a cancer of text, but that would imply some growth - Sharp VS Corleone

UPN Throwback

Ajax VS Nate



You formed UPN....

Congrats. That was REALLY a moment...
And you still pay all the bills. Even though, for 20 years, I’ve legally owned it.
So, thank you for your service, friend...
This loss is your rite of passage like the easement I granted you to work for UPN.
But, you don’t belong here anymore. Your wit lacks variety;
You’re lost around this legend. Shit, you missed the map, entirely.
You’ve been gassed up. With a massive dosage...
You so ugly, you’ve been on more bad dates than the Nazis tried to poison Indiana Jones with.
So, let’s get personal. Yes... I’m a lawyer and I rant politically.
You’re a stand up guy in the back of taxicabs with Mini Me.
Your name’s Rodriguez. But this ain’t no true essay.
You can’t even write a decent line. And you’ve had a crush on Aloe for two decades.
You’re a NAMBLA legend. I’m Cassius Clay — back in session...
I never drop the ball. My verses get Immaculate Reception.
With me. Every punch is papal; both holy AND something fatal.
That’s why this melee will end with a mayday like the month of April.
And, listen. I know we all gotta eat...
But, when your lady sits down for dinner, there’s more mass production than the Model T.
Try to talk shit. You can hardly attack.
Your girls a freak of nature. TyTy and the clowns at Netcees call her Carnival Act.
I don’t even need to get mad. I always drop with a hero’s force;
And right now, I’m at the end of my rope playing tug of war with a philipino dwarf.
This verse was more mind blowing than Hemingway’s blast to the mouth.
You’ve already killed Native off....Time for Evolution to start tappin’ it out.

POWER RANKINGS

1. Blue Bayou
2. UserName
3. Sharp
4. Dave
5. Destroyer
6. Barcotic
7. TOP iLL DRAGSTER.

Battle Previews

BATTLE OF THE WEEK

Barcotic VS Hush


They hate eachother. This is Battle of the Week. Both guys are HOFers. Hush has the edge since he’s been hot lately. But don sleep on Barc. He can come out of the woodwork with heat.

Hush -240


Orc VS Jaysonfresh

I don’t know much about Jaysonfresh. Nothing, actually. Orc is another HOFer that thrives on humor and wit. I have Orc as a heavy favorite here. Looking for Jay to prove me wrong.

Orc -500


Sharp VS UserName

Oh man. These guys are hot right now. Looking forward to this battle most this week. Sharp has crisp wording and smart concepts. User with flow, humor and scheme. This one could literally go either way. Can’t wait.

UserName -110

Brokenhal0 VS Adverse

Don’t know Brokenhal0 yet. Seen him around the board here and there. Adverse is getting better each week. I expect him to get a W here and get back to .500 in week 2.

Mac VS TOP iLL DRAGSTER

League’s handsomest against the league’s idiot. Mac has great concepts and is off to a hot start. Top got a no-show win in week 1 with a dope verse. Mac always shows up so we will see what happens here. I have Top iLL.

TOP iLL -300

Dave VS Blue Bayou

Oh yeah. Another hot battle. Dave is a huge up and comer. Blue is a cemented legend. This could go either way depending on which Dave shows up. I think he has something to prove here so I expect some heat. Gonna go Blue though based on consistency and wording.

Blue -180

Destroyer VS Spree

Nice one here. Des had a nice verse last week and is hungry to decimate an opponent. Spree didn’t have his best last week so he’s ready to bring heat and get to 2-0. Destroyer is going to bring it though I know. I got him based on firepower. Spree could pull the slight upset though.

Destroyer -140

Ryno VS INF

Two cool ass dudes. Both these guys open up 0-1 and are trying to stay above water as they face off. INF has dope concepts with wording being his Achilles heal. I really like Ryno’s stuff. He’s rusty, but I expect him to shake it off and get to 1-1 this week.

Ryno -140

Wanderer VS Universe

Wanderer is up and down, but known to get hot when he’s in the hole. Universe puts a lot into his verses and is trying to get it to all come together. Will be tough against a seasoned guy like Wanderer. I got Wanderer getting to 1-1 this week.

Wanderer -240

ispaz VS Sinacog

Don’t know ispaz. But if he shows up he wins. Sinacog is the dragon king but he’s also having a hard time on the battle scene.

ispaz -800


Ouch VS Ynot

Ouch is sober I think. He can write when his head is clear, which it seems like it is. Ynot is obviously an alias. Not sure who, though. I got Ouch here based on what I know.

Ouch -210

Ajax VS Slecht

Ajax is a legend. He’s back again and will be bringing unlimited swag. I expect him to champ at some point if he stays in. I don’t know much about Slecht. Gonna be a tough first week for him.

Ajax -1,000


OUTRO

Shout out to UserName for help with the memes. Great job to everyone who voted and showed up in Week 1. This week has plenty of fire battles so let’s do the thing. Good luck everybody. Hope you enjoyed the mag!




Zuch
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Or pull up to ya doorstep...I’m on ya porch wavin like polite neighbors/

Last edited by UPN Zuch; 10-09-2020 at 03:25 PM.
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Old 10-09-2020, 03:44 PM   #2
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dopeee props great work dude
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Old 10-09-2020, 03:45 PM   #3
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Fuck me some of these memes are INCREDIBLE


very very entertaining mag Zuch... really creating a lot of buzz and positive momentum early so raspek

A lot of dope bars and great showings last week by everyone...props all should be a fun season
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Old 10-09-2020, 04:11 PM   #4
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Orc vs Jayson Fresh is going to be ridiculous if both show.
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Old 10-09-2020, 04:53 PM   #5
UPN Zuch
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@JaysonFresh @Ajax @slecht @Black Mask @Sinacog @Ynot @brokenhal0 @iSpaz @Ryno @INF battle are up guys
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Old 10-09-2020, 06:03 PM   #6
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Word
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Old 10-09-2020, 06:06 PM   #7
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This was great.


And I don’t hate @Barcotic I’ve been trying to save @Cronus from him for 4 years
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East ny walk
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Old 10-09-2020, 11:36 PM   #8
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Dope mag thanks for your great modding
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Old 10-10-2020, 11:49 AM   #9
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Lmao cool mag
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Old 10-10-2020, 12:55 PM   #10
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Great mag

Gone @ the memes
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Old 10-10-2020, 01:03 PM   #11
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Great mag, Zuch. Inspiring :)
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Old 10-11-2020, 09:52 AM   #12
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Dope job man
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Old 10-11-2020, 11:01 AM   #13
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Great work here. Appreciate the work
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Old 10-11-2020, 02:46 PM   #14
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Great work here. Appreciate the work
had no idea you were in smp too that's dope
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Old 10-11-2020, 03:42 PM   #15
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Quote:
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had no idea you were in smp too that's dope
Dave and I started it back in 88 on EZBoards with RZA and Pimp C
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Old 10-12-2020, 02:57 AM   #16
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Word the two original SMP members got tattoos to prove it
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Old 10-15-2020, 07:25 AM   #17
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@Destroyer
You do like my bars, yo

It just took me being Hollywood or Salamander for a few weeks
You were all like 'dope, dope, dope, meh, dope...' lmao

It's okay tho. I need you here, just as you are. Hate completes me
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Old 10-15-2020, 07:49 AM   #18
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But he said write in the vote the bars were not good bro
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Old 10-15-2020, 07:59 AM   #19
evaD
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@Barcotic no hate from me but I’m genuinely intrigued how a bar like toys r us tee comes to you?
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Old 10-15-2020, 08:21 AM   #20
Destroyer
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Ohhhh, now you were Sal?
Riiiiight
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