11-17-2015, 07:40 PM | #1 |
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Objective vs Utmost [S&F]
Due: Friday 20th. No line limit but I guess I'm staying somewhere between 16-24 in length.
Voting links: 1: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=121879 2: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=121878
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I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o Last edited by Objective; 11-20-2015 at 08:53 PM. |
11-17-2015, 08:11 PM | #2 |
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check
links incoming http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=121947 http://www.netcees.org/showthread.ph...210#post553210 Last edited by Utmost; 11-21-2015 at 12:40 PM. |
11-20-2015, 05:08 PM | #3 |
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Check, writing now @Utmost. Will vote before I post.
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I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o |
11-21-2015, 11:21 AM | #4 |
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Bitch, I'm Bill Hicks with a twist of luck
bangin' indian chicks cuz my look is Sikh as fuck. I'm racist, what? Sure I can be a simple slut, time to live it up: I go through the color map the way this dick get sucked while you're disposable like a dixie cup. ... And with the force of all regions I open doors for Norwegians, show you bores what hustlin's for by sellin whores in Eden. I beat up Thor then went to war, you're lucky you're still breathin'- I used his corpse to kill for sport then built a fort in Sweden. While I was bustin' his ass Russia passed for the work I Putin, abusin the rest in my class, even when I'm stallin I'm gettin' Vladmir gassed. My rhymes' nuclear as shit and the Japs thinks I'm a blast. If you think ISIS' tactics is vast I'll show you ghosts from my past, let 'em hunt down your trash ancestry and roast you in front of the ash. I will laugh, trash you further before I murder you and steal all the cash, I never do rash decisions. Believe me but I'll still be calling your cunt as I delve in thrash divisions. Damn this shit's too easy... I just finished rolling the blunt.
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I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o |
11-21-2015, 12:13 PM | #5 |
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the dopest fa sure, swing on you so fast there's motion blur
. . Prepare for some grand ole feats, I'm Django w/ unlimited ammo cheats dillinger dance..til ur frigid in stance, then I'll put you in a manhole. DEEP! Im indecent, roll up in secret to throw a pair of sweep kicks at a parapalegic & while the chair tips, seamlessly sneak thieve it.. leave doin wheelies for my appeasement Special? YES! the vessel of Daredevil n Weapon X settled ina feral nest challenge this sterile pest..just to show things'll get dicey in several secs. Most is odd n' recoculous; throw roundhouses to ya chops for kicks have you nauseous kid, spinnin out of control like Odom's Brothelcopter did Forgot I spit? caustic wit n ruggish charm.. wonderin what kind drugs im on take ya bitch, skullfuck the blonde then blow her back out.. like a bubble wand Im trouble dog; vast sickness, a gat stricken crass villian who packs pistons reload the brass.. ready to blast victims when i lash out w/ the V.A.T.S system It's fact, listen; even heavily weeded, you aint imparing my thesis or edict Spin a story, Kint in Suspects meets Square-Enix, super serum in my double helix lord jesus, particpated in arenas for peanuts, reaching the zenith on some RPG shit |
11-22-2015, 07:14 PM | #6 |
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Interesting read guys. I aint read a swag and flow in a while. Will certainly be open to facing either of you in the future. Anyways on with the vote.
Objective, your flow was mostly on point. Started edging out and bumping around a bit near the end but otherwise i smooth read. Could have been slightly more complicated as far as rhyme schemes but was still a solid drop. Your wordplay was brilliant and deffo your most stand out quality in this. I really dug on a number of lines, especially some of the earlier ones. You swaggered the shit out of that opener with a ludacris wordplay in sick sikh. Shit was a great start. My only issue was i felt you left room for your opponent Utmost to (if doing his utmost) beat you on the rhyming and flow aspect. Great read. Utmost, in places you showed a more complex scheme and in places your flow surprassed your opponent but it felt sporadic in places. I think you would benefit as far as voters go if you structured your drop a bit more. I read it back a second time which i didnt do for object and it did read better a second time. Maybe something to keep in mind. You had some.strong elements of swag in there but concepts and wordplay and even abstract or ridiculous visuals of grandeur were missing and its that quality (a overlooked one in s and f) that lost you the battle. I think any other day it may have been yours but objective really pulled out some sweet lines. Vote objective |
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see chyeahhh!!! for critique |
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