02-10-2019, 12:39 AM | #1 |
living
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dance
i'm
what the mirror reflects when all your heroes are dead. forgive me. it's my yearly regression. peering intensely into bathtubs, sinkwater, seeking remembrance weekly cleanses. blood of jericho, O jesus repent salt in his sentences, ash in his fingers garlic vinaigrette and salad for dinner, master pretender novice authentic, bottom of the bottle for breakfast lipstick collar your evidence, i'm lost for a second found in a smokestack, gasping for air life is always unfair, but that's an excuse. i'd rather we share our personal shortages, our battles, our merits celebrate our victories, acknowledge ourselves our whats the matters, who cares, our whatever, it's fines to quantify the ratios we measure us by said our goodbyes on stairs we painted purple in Fall i'm not unnerved, just feeling nervous is all sweat in my palm. heart in my throat. talking in rotary art in your jewelry. scars in your hosiery i'm carbon and dopamine. i just want you to notice me Jesus Mary and Josephine, asparagus, okra leaves marry me openly. connect in every manner but socially there's distance in space. our dynamic feels like Nasa promoted me out in the open. starship collision our route that mystery remains - we never figured it out thats alright by all means if there's a light in the hallway die like russian doll and live my life in a crawlspace write me a song, my idols are gone, how do i mourn for folks i only loved from afar. sorrows abstracted we walked in borrowed jackets, bonsai gardens in tandem communicate in tangents linked by all of our tragedies part casualty, mostly survivor, lonely misguided cold in crowded rooms and so emotional privately soma delight, molting nightly, fleshy decay putting pain on a pedestal like architectural remains enter your framework. i'm a virus in heat torn between a past and future out of our reach as it is. half blitzed, full of passion and nicotine language of love vs. mathematical symmetry thats our predicament in a matter of moments broke apart my rosary to shatter an omen you're a word never spoken. gravestone dirt in my hand throw it in the flames and watch us dance deadman
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Zack Wicks for president Last edited by dead man; 02-10-2019 at 03:34 PM. |
02-10-2019, 01:23 AM | #2 |
Banned
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02-10-2019, 06:51 AM | #3 |
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Get off his dick son, you follow him around way to often...
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02-10-2019, 11:39 AM | #4 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,962
Battle Record: 6 - 14
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02-10-2019, 11:43 AM | #5 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,962
Battle Record: 6 - 14
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I don't tell you to get off Self's dick if you leave him a compliment on one of his pieces do I? No, because I'm a decent human being. You, however, have some complex where you must be an asshole to people. Have you left yet?
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02-10-2019, 02:44 PM | #6 |
Senior Member
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jeeezes...
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02-10-2019, 02:52 PM | #7 |
ZAAAAM
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This was almost as fire as a destroyer verse
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02-10-2019, 03:36 PM | #8 |
living
Join Date: Jan 2013
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@Destroyer
@Exis i thought you left bud. that was a pretty dramatic farewell thread you carefully crafted
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Zack Wicks for president |
02-10-2019, 07:52 PM | #9 |
Satan
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'marry me openly. connect in every manner but socially
there's distance in space. our dynamic feels like Nasa promoted me' this was pretty dope, the architect line was also pretty dope nice. you always have good prose in your writtens, it's quite stylish and good. i enjoy it, and your flow and rhyme scheme is always on point. nice multi-syllabics and good rhyme scheme with flow..nice one. the topic is pretty cool, i do enjoy it..just a good written on relationship matters..it's pretty cool..I enjoyed it. I do enjoy your writtens, I see you have another OM which I'll read, but nice one man..keep writing..and keep dropping..lol..niice one.. |
02-10-2019, 10:40 PM | #10 | |
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I was gonna come back here and give you some more detailed feed but it would basically be me just picking out a bunch of phrases which rhyme well and that I thought were cool. Then I'd ask you did you really paint a stairway purple or was that just for a rhyme?
So I don't have any detailed feed; this will have to suffice: Quote:
Ok here's something art in your jewelry. scars in your hosiery i'm carbon and dopamine. i just want you to notice me Jesus Mary and Josephine, asparagus, okra leaves marry me openly. connect in every manner but socially To me that just looks like you're packing an extra line of rhymes. Like a sense of humor? Cuz you could really cut that third line I've quoted. Go straight from want you to notice me to marry me openly without talking about asparagus and okra leaves. But granted now it looks like I'm really nitpicking because the verse is very good. Last edited by Pharaohs Army; 02-10-2019 at 11:14 PM. |
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02-19-2019, 10:38 PM | #11 |
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I have left bro...
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02-19-2019, 10:42 PM | #12 |
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,938
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@Pharaohs Army...Yeah I have issues man, my bad.
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