W3 CONTENDER MATCH: Certain (2-0) vs. NYCSPITZ (2-0) -- Certain 4-2

[King Ra.]

AOWL Season IV, Week 3

OFFICIAL RULES:
Verses are due Friday, October 17th, 11:59p.m. PCT/2:59a.m. EST/7:59a.m. UK. There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Sunday, October 19th, 11:59p.m. PCT/2:59a.m. EST/7:59a.m. UK. Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.


TOPIC: I refuse to accept other people's ideas of happiness for me. As if there's a 'one size fits all' standard for happiness.


Good luck. @Certain @NYCSPITZ

[NYCSPITZ]

The dead body's a shield - he holds it while running at breakneck speed
Arrows stream from twelve men, whistling by the samurai and piercing May-wet leaves
Eyes are doors to the soul - with Kobayashi, surely their death is assumed
arrested by his gaze, their final moment's blades reflecting the moon.
Stepping over the feudal Lord's guard, a stone path leaves this forest behind
opening to rows of cherry blossoms; laughing under Luna's glorious shine.
Reaching an archway, a leering monk gestures to go show him the way...
a colossal temple rises through clouds: the Dojo of the Blade.
Nearing a giant courtyard, the chorus of cicadas rises to a deafening pitch
as an armored general rides to meet him leading seven squads, ten to a clip:
"Your brutish treason against our Lord has left him livid within,
Fighting for self and freedom's simply unforgivable sin
here's your choice: Harakiri now at the end of a knife
or join our cause - crushing any opposing enemy life.
Japan can be held...under a single territorial might
We offer you leadership-
and command of our Northern legions if you join our noble, glorious fight."
Head lowered and grinning-
Kobayashi reaches for his breast, making a single tiny packet combust...
and sprinkles it into blowing wind as battle erupts.
A black winged Shinigami circles the Ronin, watch as the ground crackles and puffs
the Death God closes his fist - turning fifty men and all the surrounding gravel to dust
Shuriken and stars spiral millimeters from the samurai's neck -
then the Lord's general invokes a chant, swiftly leaving the shinigami a pacified wreck
Sandals kicking up dust, with a mighty and single swipe of the blade...
He walks into the temple's darkness having wiped them away
A single tree rising at center - an evil throbbing with the wickedest of shoulds
an intent to kill. The Lord's weapon - The Spirit of the Wood.
A baritone laugh ***kles throughout these sinister cavernous walls
Ravenous, the Lord's voice emits a hazardous drawl;
"I've merged with this entire Wood...nature is bent to my will in this place
even the heavens bend to the command of my villainous grace
give up your hopes and dreams warrior - enter the void of my dojo, disgusted...
all bends to my will - I'll crush you and any saccharine notions of justice."
The Ronin sprints right, looking skyward. By now it's simply a motion of custom
Sadistic, the tree misses with branch ends bigger than redwood trunks
slicing everything in sight, Kobayashi strips the tree bare...and with deft moves up
Reaching a leafy canopy filled with blackened, sagging deciduous leaves -
He sees a leprous man fused to glowing red bark - who looking hideous, seethes
Unsheathing his second sword, a double slash, and looking the Lord in his eyes...
makes his mouth twitch - the Ronin appears to divide during the sordid demise:
Head sliced between his eyes, half of the Lord's face slips away -
Finished by this mighty hero's weapon: The Sword of the Wise.
Our Ronin jumps down and skips away as the temple and grounds implode in defeat...
Walking to the nearest town, the blood red moon oozes its rapport
winking at the proprietor's inquiry, he says-
"Give me a hot bath, three bottles of sake, Noodles and a whore."



.

[Certain]

White rice at the start. It's softer, absorbent,
for when they don't drain the beans, which is always annoying.
Half pork, half steak — I'd get double but can't often afford it —
plus they give extra when you smile to impart your enjoyment.
Picante y maize, en español to command some respect
from that old Mexican lady who rolls with the hands of a vet.
Gracias. Grab my basket, plus some cash or a debit,
then sit down at a table, quickly unwrapping my heaven.

Now maybe it's hard to relate, maybe it's small or ornate,
but I find achievement in burritos that's not all in the taste.
We've all got callings to chase that might not fall into place,
but goals provide a road to stride beyond the walls of our gaze.
With open eyes, I tend to take a path less rugged and dark,
because one stumble shouldn't scuff and leave you bloodied and scarred.

But maybe it should. Maybe the highs feel better with lows.
Things can only get worse from here, every pessimist knows.
Yet, pushing back, I look for happiness wherever I go,
even if it means a crooked smile or irreverent pose.
The ennui serves as perfume in our dressiest clothes,
so raise your glasses, play the actors as we set for the toast.
Amid irrelevant folk, we wear intelligence cloaks,
and slicken lies as quick disguises for our mental repose.
The talk is cheap. Same with the drinks. Both are cloyingly sweet.
"Hi, how 'bout that weather?" All while avoiding his reach.
So pass a card, pass the salt, pass the time best you can.
And maybe try not to smile in saying good-bye to your friends.

There are places I remember all my life, that'd I'd rather forget.
But Yoko broke up the band, so I'm left to imagine the end.
Try not to dwell on the past, yet the passive regrets
build and build and build until I'm clasping my chest.
I'm an antisocial, surrounded by people trying to help,
so I smile, appease their egos then confide in myself.
Actualization's a solitary task by definition,
I've got my work, got my writing, got my passions, ambitions.
I prefer my private life, so rather than exposing my ego,
it's self-contained, in perfect balance, like that Chipotle burrito.

[Vulgar]

NYCSPITZ - Lost my first breakdown for this, but I thought it was pretty cool with moments of sickness. The rhyming was good for the most part except for the 'wickedest of shoulds' part which was forced. You kept me interested with active details, and it wasn't cliché or anime in any obvious, contrite way. Strong effort here, this would be tough for anyone to beat because you pulled the 'action' card.

Certain - I was surprised by the honesty in this, since every other line was layered and had different dimensions of meaning. At first, I was skeptical about where it was going to go. Some of the build up was plain sounding, but you managed to breathe relevant life into it using personal touch and a degree of reality. I was more satisfied by your verse than NYC's, more affected, and that was what tipped the scales for me.

Nice battle.

Vote - Certain

[asylum]

nycspitz- overall this was pretty fucking sick. like where you went with the topic. just lost me at times. some of my favorite lines...
A black winged Shinigami circles the Ronin, watch as the ground crackles and puffs
the Death God closes his fist - turning fifty men and all the surrounding gravel to dust
that supernatural shit was dope as fuck. really felt it. some of the foreign terms were a little overused, but.. well, nicknames or abbreviations wouldn't really have worked. but that's to be expected from a story based in a foreign settings. differentiation in rhymes and syllable counts didn't help too much. i can't really tell you what's missing here... but i feel like something is. that's all i can say.

/v certain - with all due respect, your opponent i feel should've won. but. well. your delivery was better. catchy as fuck. tight, efficient. likeable. enjoyed the fuck out of it. want a burrito right now tbh. i feel like there's something missing here, perhaps some lennon reference? idk. the beatles were destined to fail. but.. i feel like you were saying " i could blame it on whatever but... actually.." in all reality, i have no fucking clue why i enjoyed your verse more. i simply.. did. and i'm really into that samurai shit. so, that's saying something.

[Soulstice]

NYC - Your style is like vulgar meets uh-oh. And it really showed here. This was quite a slideshow of rapid fire imagery. Where you lost me if your judicious use of synonyms. Ronin? Death God? are these all new characters? I didn't think so but it was difficult for me to place exactly what was happening and required a few read-overs. The subtle actions were sick though. The pyrotechnics to commence the battle, the Death god punch, the guy fused into the tree was a great image as well. enter the void of my dojo and the blood moon's rapport were excellent turns of phrase as well. The ending was enjoyable. Samurai Jack meets Archer.

Certain - ok, so I didn't really relate to this. It seems to me that a burrito sparked some tangential stream of conscienceness about.. life. There's a lot to digest here (HA!). And while there were a lot of good lines. (Ennui dressiest clothes, Yoko, smile saying goodbye), it didn't really wrap up for me (Im on fire!!) at the end when you brought up the burrito again. It didn't land on the same spot where the tangent began. It zigzagged everywhere. Original beginning, but it wasn't as much a vehicle as it was a jumping off point into freeflowing writing. Maybe I missed something but I didn't enjoy the entire piece as much as I enjoyed each stanza

V - NYCSPITZ.
Both had their faults that stood out for me more than there strengths. Both did well in a vacuum but underperformed given their normal caliber.

[Adonis]

Certain Up 2-1

[kannon]

NYC. I don't know if this was an original story, or if it's your retelling of a samurai movie or something. All the names and whatnot seemed a bit specific for this to not already be a story. I could be completely wrong though, who knows. You do. But I digress. Cool story. Obviously, your flow was kind of all over the place. But this read fairly smooth otherwise. I mean, it got kinda weird when the dude was fighting a tree. but you know, otherwise it was cool. I like that after destroying the entire clan, he's just like "bitch, gimme some grub and a slut, and I'm good." Overall, pretty dope. Really visual. All that good stuff. My only real complaint was trying to match your story to the topic. In a piece that is supposed to be about standards of happiness, you wrote about a japanese dude killing a rival clan...

Certain. Immediately I had a slight cringe at the "annoying" rhyme. But thats minor. Flow is dope so far. The protagonist is an introvert, doesnt really find joy in the things most people do, would rather enjoy his alone time while eating a burrito. I digs it. Simple, yet effective. Schemes weren't mind blowing, but still carried well, and the flow stayed solid throughout. I like the simplicity in the person's life that he knows what makes him happy and he doesn't try to be or do anything that doesn't fit that standard. So many times people try to conform to a standard to be accepted, but he'd rather be happy with himself than be accepted, even if it means that he's happy alone. Overall, this was a bit simple, but like I said, very effective.

This is kind of a tough one, because on one hand, I kinda feel like I'm leaning towards NYC's story more. But Certain had better mechanics, and stuck way more to the topic. I'm still having a really tough time relating NYC's verse to the topic he presented. Plus as light hearted as it was, it was full of wit and had a great wrap up (PUN INTENDED).

I'ma tip the scale ever so slightly to Certain.

[UnbornBuddha]

Certain's verse was certainly humorous. It had this day to day normalcy feel to it which was very cleverly well done. I myself have never had a Chipotle burrito for reasons I shall not name. Anyways, I have no qualms with Certain's verse I enjoyed it, and thought it was more finesse than NYC's. To write a verse about such a simple manner, and make it enjoyable is a skillful achievement. What's more, it is no secret that the simple things in life are what make our heart so lightheartedly content. You also addressed the topic with more virtuosity.
Yet, I cannot turn a blind eye to NYC's delightful story. I am an avid fan of the feudal era of Japan, and of the way of the samurai. And although you portrayed the samurai a bit more course, instead of the centered mentally kempt warrior they usually are, although deadly, nevertheless I did enjoy your in depth story more.

Vote: NYC

[Split]

Enjoyed both, but lost my breakdown due to shaky WiFi & just coming back to redo it now, way too late.

Enjoyed each for very different reasons, really loved NYC's presentation but felt he hardly connected with the topic at all. Certain had a more balanced verse that didnt impress,awe, or wow- it had a homely feel to it- but in competitive terms he took this due to a superior (less careless) approach in terms of thematics. There are certainly tangential relations to the topic, but it wasnt a satisfactory response to it.

v/ cert