05-05-2019, 07:50 AM | #1 |
killa
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 820
Battle Record: 1-6
Rep Power: 1312297 |
Adonis 0-1 vs Brokenhal0 0-1 (open for votes)
Adonis:
Starchild: The Story of Man During the time before time, Earth was teaming with life Both water and dirt, animals and vegetation alike Gods roamed the lands, playful Children of innocence No malicious intent, living for centuries, civil as civil gets Their powers unimaginable, molding a world filled with peace A perfect circle, water feeds tree, tree produces air that they breathe But bordem crept in, they wanted new conversations for fun Ones with beings who didn't know ALL, so they created a son Man was a dog, DNA mixed with their own, a toy to pass time But man grew like a plague, eventually outnumbering Gods War ensued and we fought, but time and time again we all lost With each defeat the children vowed to not end us that way They'd kill and rebuild, hoping to perfect the subjets they made Killed once each by fire, air and the sea, but never repeat Until the day they ran out of ways to end their disease Eventually man lived by the millions, and the children allowed it Now the roles have reversed... They worship our freedom of choice, even though that choice is so callous. @Adonis |
05-05-2019, 07:51 AM | #2 |
killa
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 820
Battle Record: 1-6
Rep Power: 1312297 |
Brokenhal0:
Kunoichi freaky deaky she assassinate with the pu neasy believe me she blows up my phone just to tease me carrys a sword and does wall graffiti taggin her genie on your 3d tv believe me kid take it easy with a easy bitch things can get awful cheesy she grew beastly and caught the measles i walked a camel threw a threaded needle to feed her in bed ginger bread and peasoup pet tosa inu in japan this breeds fighting diesel exciting people spreading eagle i got a needle neck casino mastino set correct your steelo but that aint no evil pet cujo with them illegal bets two daggers never seem so blessed when she rock the see threw dress pink thong with no bra on dragon tattoo her assclapping sounding like a car bomb thats blowing you out your seat showing you that you weak your mind controlled by lilith's while you sleep shes my little bo peep with a bo staff her attitude nastier then a dog that licks it's own ass i crack a smile cause i know it wont last.... @brokenhal0 |
05-07-2019, 08:15 PM | #3 |
killa
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 820
Battle Record: 1-6
Rep Power: 1312297 |
Adonis:
the plague of man and the de-evolution of it done with a very subtle and pretty tone, I like the fact that you actually gave man a choice, an option in life with direction to path their path into their own evolution.. wording was cool in this piece structure within flow was a bit looser then yall usual pieces ie end rhymes more open but sill came off clean.. all in all a cool piece.. broken: lol, I love the rhyme structure you used on this imo you blew it out the water very original and up beat even poppy of sorts.. word use was fire you def were juggling with them directing great imagery.. as far as story a lil loose even though it was complete to me imo I think you stretch depiction of the character rather then the progession of her.. still dope all in all.. vote - Adonis this was so close, both brought heat g/l guys |
05-09-2019, 05:29 AM | #4 | |
Badgerdick
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Showdown City
Posts: 2,604
Battle Record: 11-2
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 22685548 |
Adonis: I quite liked this take, actually, it had a little of everything and I found the take mixing up Gods and Man living together at one point in the past etc to be well done. You presented it well. I especially liked this couplet:
Quote:
The closing lines didn't rhyme for me, maybe it's an accent thing, but it wasn't a huge factor and overall I think you did a solid job here and this is one of the more enjoyable pieces I've read from you in truth. It feels the most "complete". It had a clear and definite 'route' it wanted to take and you definitely delivered on that front. Brokenhal0: I did enjoy this one, as I often do with yours, I enjoyed the Japanese references a lot. I notice you used some sexual references again this week, "assclapping" which I found again took me a little out of the tone of the rest of the piece in truth - similar to what I'd noted last weeks I believe? You definitely had a more technically proficient verse, in my opinion, in terms of you carrying over the multi strings and whatnot and generally having that naturalistic flow in the broken-down-bar format that you bring to the table. It's almost effortless, whether people think that's a good or bad thing is up to them, but personally I enjoyed it. The train of thought quality it has brought up some interesting ideas and descriptions at points. I feel like you had a lot of snippets in here, without a clarity as to the direction you wanted to take this joint in, so when comparing it to something like we had from Adonis this week - the more direct, straightforward, less abstract of the two - Adonis' verse is the more palpable. It has more in the way of direction and execution that I, personally, prefer. I'm going with Adonis this week. Last edited by Diablo; 05-09-2019 at 09:49 AM. |
|
05-09-2019, 09:22 AM | #5 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 993
Battle Record: 7-5
Rep Power: 8214208 |
oooh this battle was sick. adonis had a sick edge with the story line, finish was on point. definitely a different take on the struggle. i thought broken halos verse was badass in a few different ways but it's shine was more punch, came at you rather than bringing you along with. i think halo had the more raw approach with this battle, to be honest i felt both almost equally but i was a little more impressed by adonis because his piece showed new light to a topic many people haven't yet pondered. halos swag piece was sick but didn't quite have the clean finish of adonis. nice battle.
mvgt adonis |
05-10-2019, 12:23 AM | #6 |
The Throne, The Crown
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 2,667
Battle Record: 21-35
Rep Power: 1932960 |
@Adonis: my man. You know this kinda stuff is right up my alley right? Loved the flow of this piece. Smooth, precise. You strung simple words together to create a beautiful imagery & descriptions of the hands of Gods molding their creation only to watch the ones they create bring destruction and madness upon themselves while going to war against their Creators. Very consistent from start to finish. The flow did kind of trip up a bit towards the end but nothing detrimental.
@brokenhal0: I love the swagger of your piece. Where Adonis was very intricate & precise, you were deliberate & free flowing. Your piece reminds me of one I wrote some years ago (Exit The Ice Cream Queens- you should check it out). Has that Wu Tang kinda vibe as you read it. I definitely would have liked a more in-depth look of how your character kicks ass, you know some kinda action sequence thrown in there. Nonetheless I liked the direction you took. It wasn't cleanly written as your opponent but definitely feeling the route you took. It twas a good read from both of you. I liked the different directions you both took & honestly you couldn't go wrong with whatever preference you feeling here. MVGT: Adonis. Halo IMO was more creative in the direction he took, which was dope to read. I feel Adonis overall did a solid job especially with the consistency of his story and smooth writing. Great job by both competitors.
__________________
Vetwork, bitches.
|
05-10-2019, 03:10 AM | #7 |
killa
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 820
Battle Record: 1-6
Rep Power: 1312297 |
winner adonis
|
|
|