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Old 08-14-2018, 01:16 AM   #1
Dragon
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I am miraculous, a christian at birth - with a vision of earth
A decision of worth, Wisdom of Solomon, dismissing a curse
Making submissive a fiend, with the gracious I gleam
I am sedated and sheik, turning the tables in every situation I be
I am a guardian Angel, securing my family with gleam and miracle
I take down every seer in my path, for I am spiritual
I have the Holy Spirit, and I will always be a protector
Taking down every bad entity, destroying the center
I am the son of two fathers, influenced by religious martyrs
I am a good spirit, using my blood to give water
I am a disciple, using the Bible's teachings for miraculous teaching's
I am a good person, admiring the Apple of Eden

Last edited by Dragon; 08-19-2018 at 06:20 AM.
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Old 08-14-2018, 06:50 PM   #2
Eŋg
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post more pieces please
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Old 08-14-2018, 07:59 PM   #3
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Post more. Excellent.
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Originally Posted by Consensus
The cerebral assassin, the molder of minds, the Omni potent being. Time transcending traveler, wisdom incarnate. Veritas needs no intro but I guess I have to. He’s not know in the battling world but who doesn’t know veritas? The guy us always original and if you pay attention to his bars, dude brings the heat.. The gawd.
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Old 08-14-2018, 08:06 PM   #4
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Of course I'll post more, you post less. You're on a message board, and you troll. Go away.
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Old 08-14-2018, 09:19 PM   #5
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i am yomi, nigga.

you're kuwabara.

jesus loves togashi!
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Old 08-14-2018, 09:47 PM   #6
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Almost all of the lines/thought in your pieces start with I, my, me. Gets tiring.
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Old 08-14-2018, 09:51 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragon View Post
Making submissive a fiend, with the gracious I gleam
What the hell does this mean?
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Old 08-14-2018, 10:09 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PancakeBrah View Post
Almost all of the lines/thought in your pieces start with I, my, me. Gets tiring.
yeah, it's a lot. very redundant even if the subsequent content is interesting. that self-centric energy sort of loses the reader after a bit. structural variety. try playing with different "beats" and rhythms in your language. you'll find it will begin to sound a bit more musical, in an odd way. more textural.

thanks
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Old 08-14-2018, 10:54 PM   #9
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Quote:
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Of course I'll post more, you post less. You're on a message board, and you troll. Go away.
Interesting response. I never troll. I will keep watching you. Carry on.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Consensus
The cerebral assassin, the molder of minds, the Omni potent being. Time transcending traveler, wisdom incarnate. Veritas needs no intro but I guess I have to. He’s not know in the battling world but who doesn’t know veritas? The guy us always original and if you pay attention to his bars, dude brings the heat.. The gawd.
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