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Old 12-05-2013, 01:04 AM   #1
Certain
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Default AOWL Magazine - 10th Edition



Season 2, 10th Edition, Playoff Round 1



INTRODUCTION by Certain





Welcome to the world where things matter. The Art of Writing League's second season has reached its playoff round. And it's going to be legendary. Don't even wait for it. Well, really, it might not be legendary. That's on you fuckers. I guess that's on me, too, since I'm competing. But not this round. Anyway, I broke a lot of fucking shit down for this magazine and had no help. Mike Wrecka has important shit going on in his real life. But King Ra. just bailed on me, so whatever. Fuck it. I captained my captain. I'm the Superman you were waiting on. Wayne Coyne is one of the great American songwriters, right behind Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan and Paul Simon. Neil Young is Canadian, guys. I didn't forget Neil Young. I love Axl Rose, though. Anyway, I'm one of the great American topical league magazine writers and plan to prove that now with a Week 10 review, a look back at the 20 best verses of the season, predictions for Round 1 of the playoffs and a detailed analysis of every competitor.



WEEK 10 REVIEW by Certain





Native American quotes week went pretty well, with a few absolutely great verses (though two of them were no-showed). Three very talented writers no-showed, which sucks, but the people who posted were mostly pretty good.

Title Match: Vulgar (6-2) won via PancakeBrah (6-2) no-show.
Vulgar wrote a monster verse about human independence. It was a return to the form we're used to seeing from Vulgar in the Open Mic forum, and it's on the list of the 20 best verses of the season. PancakeBrah no-showed because of time issues last week.

Vividlyvague (7-3) beat Frank (6-4) 5-0.
Frank finally goes down by votes. Vividlyvague hit a very good topic right on the head with his approach, examining the circle of life from a detatched perspective. Frank barely hit the topic at all, opting instead to write about an Asian rapper's struggles to get a deal. So Vividlyvague won via sweep.

NYCSPITZ (5-3) beat Certain (7-3) 6-0.
Most of the voters liked my verse but didn't think I rhymed. That's silly because I rhymed. That most of the votes seemed to focus on my formatting was really disappointing because NYCSPITZ came with a monstrous verse, his best of the season, creating an entire world to play with in a futuristic world. His take on the topic was liberal, but his story was vivid.

Mr. J (6-4) won via Mike Wrecka (5-5) no-show.
Mr. J turned it up a little bit with a spot in the Core Four on the line. He wrote a really smooth verse that probably was one of his two or three best this season, examining human history in the context of the topic. Mike Wrecka had personal matters to deal with and was unable to show, giving Mr. J his only no-show battle of the season, which is kind of remarkable if you think about it.

Diode (5-0) beat ThisisDAM (3-1) 5-4.
Yeah, I made you read through the less important battles before getting to the ones that mattered the most. Diode finishes the season as the only undefeated writer in an interesting clash of styles. ThisisDAM can really rhyme, but he pulled back a little on that in favor of a more content-oriented approach. Some voters felt that content was a little flat, but there were flashes of the best writing ThisisDAM has shown this season. Diode took the topic — "It does not require many words to speak the truth" — very literally, writing a short verse that was all about atmosphere. But he really pulled it off and, to my mind, wrote his best verse of the season. There was some consternation in this battle and a few instances of borderline swaying. But every competitor (well, actually, except me) has been in a close battle this season, and I hope we can agree to disagree.

patrown (4-3) beat Adonis (3-6) 5-3.
This one was rough to vote on for me, both because of the stakes and the verses. patrown and Adonis have had some really tough draws this season, so I suppose it makes sense they would meet for a playoff spot. In my eyes, patrown wrote half a great verse and Adonis wrote a full good verse. I'm not talking about patrown's brevity, which we're used to at this point, but rather that he struggled to close his verse. Adonis was a bit aloof with metaphors and a very indirect approach, as he often is and as he addressed in his verse. What is the cost of being true to yourself when you're being critically judged? Well, here it was a loss, albeit a close one in a good battle.

breathless (4-5) beat Buddha (3-5) 6-3.
The People's Champ's last stand this season was about what I've come to expect out of Buddha. He wrote the verse he wanted to write, and he deserves commendation for not letting anyone tell him what to write all season. But ultimately, his very personal verse didn't touch on the topic enough for most voters' liking, even those who actually really liked the verse itself. breathless took the most straightforward approach of the week and wrote a decent if unmemorable verse about Native American plight. That got him into the playoffs.

ZYG (3-2) won via Pinot Grij (0-1) no-show.
ZYG wrote a monster verse, his best of the season and one of the best by anyone this season. He tackled consumerism with a very ZYG-like story about brainwashing and retail. Vulgar probably had the best verse this week, but this week was one of the strongest for the league in terms of writing quality. Pinot Grij is one of the few guys who could have challenged that verse, but he didn't show up.

Mordycai (2-1) beat Nigma (0-2) 6-0.
This battle was the least important of the week, but that doesn't mean it should be ignored. Mordycai came with a convoluted but occasionally interesting look at death. Nigma was rusty after a couple months away and didn't seem too concerned with writing to the topic. That led to the shutout.



BEST OF THE SEASON by Certain





You're going to disagree with some of this. That's fine because I did more research than you. The underlined verse titles are hyperlinks, silly.


20. Vividlyvague, Week 7 vs. patrown
Quote:
I put on. Shoes, pants, blouse, and ideology equip my bare existence.
My soul is of insecurity... and is to no surprise I cloak its appearance.
We all need a cause and because that is true, there's an insistance...
That horns will meet, engage and permit a win to the persistent.
We are but the same, you and I. And for that, I resent what you are.
True to a name's label, an anomaly, blanketed by company from afar.
You all are the same as each other. Each's father and mother. Each story.
All think as one another, as it is plain, your ensuing predicament's mandatory.
Tackling historic events always is tough and seems to mostly have been eschewed by this league's members. I used to write a lot of them back in high school, when I really had a passion for history. So I appreciate the effort Vividlyvague laid out here to do the Kent State shootings justice. He portrayed soldier and protester in a contrast-based verse, and in the process, he very directly addressed the conflicts of the Vietnam War. He said before his battle he loved the topic, and his verse showed it. The voters agreed as he won in a shutout.


19. Vulgar, Week 2 vs. NYCSPITZ
Quote:
I stared down the barrel for what seemed like millennia
and the red imp on my shoulder blade chirped: "Nobody will remember ya."
I was a has-been, blasted, a hopeless, self righteous freak..."
then God interrupted, "Abe, there is a certain individual I think you'd like to meet"
Out of the clouds strolled another Abe, a mirror image yet dressed nice and sleek
Vulgar, like me, seemed to be using this league largely as a chance to exercise various storytelling methods. And because he is an immensely talented writer, he pulled it off and concluded the season with the title. But way, way before all that, back in Week 2, he won one of the more memorable battles of the season (albeit largely because NYCSPITZ's verse had nothing to do with the topic). Vuglar's use of dialogue and plainspeak in this verse stood out from a writer whose intense and dense style we're so used to. But the change of pace worked, and his take on the topic was creative while his lyricism didn't suffer.


18. Diode, Week 10 vs. ThisisDAM
Quote:
nobody blinked. nobody spoke. nobody broke. at the brink.
i'd held it inside this deep mind, this deep sigh, this deep.. why?
a simple question, and yet, no answer still
she knows that i know this shit show has battered her will
mind racing profusely, each repetition echoes its own diction
for she's stunned, loosely, facing this conviction
a roaming partner can pick apart the darkest heart even at its darkest hour
There probably were about 40 verses this season of 20 lines or fewer, but the last verse posted for the regular season was the best of its type. Diode doesn't have the rhymes to match up with elite writers, but he balances that by coming up with great takes on topics. Here, he went for a deeply emotional and poetic verse, using numerous devices to establish a scene without clarifying the details. Why did that work? Much of it comes down to the topic: "It does not require many words to speak the truth." His verse fit it perfectly.


17. Just Write, Week 3 vs. Mike Wrecka
Quote:
Every third thursday my family would head down to the riverbed
My sister shirley would joke as we sat down to our dinner sets,
The pound cake was astounding, with subtle hints of cinnamon,
Father & Mother would hover above us...
I loved to watch him take puffs from his cigarette.
At one point this season, Just Write seemed bound for the title match. He coasted to a 3-0 start on the strength of easy wins against good opponents, and then he disappeared thanks to a death in the family. I stand by this verse having the best opening lines of the entire season, presenting the perfect way to handle "A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte" by Georges Seurat. He followed with a strong two-stanza verse contrasting nostalgia and modernity, war and peace, and in the process, he shut out a very good opponent.


16. YDK, Week 6 contender match vs. Frank
Quote:
Back to the present,
florescent light bulbs accent her essence.
The woman he married exits after making his entrance.
Head in a book again, staring at his nook with a grin,
Developing storylines ignoring the beauty that was looking at him.
Transfixed with the talent that balanced his moods,
Unfinished poems and verses lie scattered, lacking a Muse.
YDK's two best verses of the season came against Frank, and he lost both matches. But that doesn't mean they were really good verses. This Week 6 contender match probably was the most controversial of the regular season until PancakeBrah disqualified Frank. YDK wrote his finest verse of the season, a story about a disillusioned writer finding inspiration in a woman he thought he hated. But YDK decided he needed an extension and was very nonspecific about it, so Frank took advantage and wrote 99 lines and won 5-4 on a tiebreaker vote.


15. Buddha, Week 4 vs. King Ra.
Quote:
We crawled from the oasis that provided us shade
And stepped into the violent rays of the sun's silent gaze.
"Student this is the worst time of day
To move, you must wait and listen to what I'm trying to say
Before my mind decays."
Just then he fell and dropped in the sand.
"Master you've got to stand!"
"I can not, but you can.
Never in our mind do we live to fall,
But the blessed will find the will to resolve."
Whether you call him the People's Champ or the most inconsistent writer of the season, Buddha definitely can rhyme. He showcased the ability to make sense and tell a good story with those rhymes too sporatically during the season, but at his best, he is elite. And he was at his best for a difficult matchup, pitted against an opponent named after the Egyptian sun god with the topic being "Sun." The result was a completely unique story with a deft touch for atmosphere and mood-setting as well as some unique but very fitting dialogue.


14. PancakeBrah, Week 9 vs. Frank
Quote:
She would flip through her stash, biting her lip in the mirror until it would match
her outfit in the glass. She always picked the maroon lipstick with just a dash of base
since neither seemed to clash with any of her personas’ collective black malaise.
Eclectic, while Flea slapped the bass she pre-gamed with pot in fractioned eighths,
which lead her to machinate on her pitfalls, on her sprawling lack of faith,
how ‘if you don’t stop you don’t withdrawal’, tonight’s party starting just after eight,
and how she tried to recall exactly how her dad touched her clit when she masturbates.
I'm not much of a fan of drug-based verses because they tend to excuse clumsiness and a lack of streamlined thought. But PancakeBrah wrote the fuck out of this one, particularly in the first stanza (quoted above). The way that first stanza went reminded me a lot of Cage's "Scenester," which is a pretty huge compliment. The verse did, in fact, get a little messy toward the end, but the writing and the word choice and the rhymes stayed awesome throughout. PancakeBrah never let the voters weigh in, though, disqualifying Frank for editing his verse late.


13. dead man, Week 1 vs. UNFUKWITABLE
Quote:
transmorphism, cancer - blood and bone for dessert
before i was alone in the dirt. homes to be searched
my wife had my cologne in her purse,
that's what caught aflame first,
left her a blackened skull & smoldering earth. fuck..
details are unimportant now. we turned to the news
for guidance, sanity, structure. their alerts were reduced
into flashing texts that told us where to search for recluse,
each city had an entrance point they herded us to.
dead man wrote exactly one verse for this league, but it didn't disappoint. If anything, seeing his storytelling on display was a treat. The verse about a scientist and an apocalypse didn't feel like a completed story but had a lot of interesting angles explored and was, of course, remarkably well written. Had he stuck around, he probalby would have had five spots on this list. In the real world, he won by shutout, then no-showed in Week 2.


12. patrown, Week 3 vs. Certain
Quote:
using fears to guide the way through life's bitter frontiers,
she paved the road to perdition as a slave for a period,
celebrated the rag, renovating her pad for the experience,
rearranging her house of whores made it feel mysterious.
bags of tricks grew snakes she blew that spit on command,
or for five bucks she'd go full contact with hands.
Who doesn't love a good prostitute verse? That's what patrown wrote in Week 3 in what was, in my opinion, the best losing verse of the season. I won 5-2 but still think he deserved to win. patrown writes short almost every week, rarely topping 24 lines and often only hitting 16. But his longest verse of the season also showed what he can do. The story structure was clean, and the writing was occasionally memorable.


11. Vividlyvague, Week 10 vs. Frank
Quote:
The bass is the martyr.
As sure of death as it is of life and its aura.
The shimmer of light piercing river inlets, reminiscent
Of its hatchling days, turned fights for existence with ardor.
Each meal an attack, being predator and victim, as fate barters...
Cannibalistic if the menu's stretched thin; an odd take on 'order'.
Mid-ponder, the fish wanders in current amidst otters.
Vividlyvague became the only person to beat Frank on votes (in a shutout nonetheless) by coming up with one of the best takes on a topic this league has seen. He took the persona of alien overlords and considered the cycle of life on Earth. There were a few minor hitches, but he mostly owned it with solid writing and a strong take on a great topic. Vividlyvague gave us plenty of good-but-just-slightly-off verses this season. This was all-the-way on.


10. Frank, Week 6 contender match vs. YDK
Quote:
See Stacey was just a baby - 16 with his older brother -
Big dreams put on a quick lean till the boulders shuffled
Owning nothing, son in hand; book to her chest;
Couldn’t tell which was darker, her son, or the looks she would get...
She’d cook the best she could when the ingredients lacked
Saved tips; bought him Adidas with these jeans from the gap.
Frank wrote 99 lines after YDK gave him a line extension. His verse might not have justified all 99, but the structure and storytelling were rather impressive. We all know he can write, and his vivid character descriptions in this verse were a great display for his talent. But this verse rightly was overshadowed by its length and the loose phrasing he used to allow himself that length. I doubt anyone will give Frank a line extension again. He won 5-4 and won the title the next week.


9. Clutter Buck, Week 3 vs. Scripter
Quote:
As she moped the chateaus halls whilst cleaning incessantly,
her palms going back and forth with ever-increasing intensity,
Marie had a tendency to cleanse everything in her path
as if being hygienic would remedy the blemishes of her past.
So she’d never sit on her hands, considered cleanliness godly,
and swept every inch to help banish the cobwebs in her closet.
Her obsession with polishing grew from denial,
to forget the astonishment of losing her child.
Clutter Buck, if you've forgotten, is Lars. Lars is Baron Mynd. Baron Mynd is one of the most established topical writers ever. Clutter Buck left this league in a tizzy after a loss to Adonis that he didn't feel was warranted. But before that, he dropped one of the best verses of the season, a graceful and cleanly told character sketch full of natural writing and great rhymes. He beat Scripter in a shutout.


8. Mr. J, Week 5 title match vs. Certain
Quote:
a message in a bottle that traveled farther than I
where the unknown circles below, making it harder to cry
lost beyond the black keys...looking for reinvention
or some kind of line that would catch or hook some attention
I'm looking defenseless, it looks like I blew it with that note
a melancholy song strung along, consuming my throat
there's too much of this surrounding me to get me free
to get me...free...I fear the end is closing in eventually
Circulating.. the blood that I put into this
Predators I created, in my own influence
the pressure is on to stop...or continue on and lose it
salt to the wound...it's all too soon
When Mr. J hits his stride, he can be dangerous. Here, he takes a bit to warm up to his concept of writing as the ocean, but then it starts to click and he's firing on all cylinders in what was clearly his best verse of the season. What made this so special was how relatable the verse was and how well it connected to the topic. Mr. J never tries to do too much, which makes him one of the most consistent in the league. He gets extra props for being one of two competitors to post a full, non-disqualified verse every single week. I was the other, and here he wiped the floor with me 7-1 in the first title match of the season.


7. PancakeBrah, Week 5 vs. breathless
Quote:
a student of Banksy's themes with a backlog racked
with the pain he'd seen; depressed, his coffee black
painting life on subway cabs to Mogwai tracks.
He dreamed, with the duress of a suppressed insomniac,
of sunlit days filling causeway cracks with vestiges sprayed
with mirth, that his melancholy message'd change,
free to express his form away from these desolate days on Earth.
PancakeBrah had a strange season that featured only three battles to actually feature votes, and in one he shut out Vulgar while in another he lost to King Ra. But his best verse of the season came in a throttling of breathless (who took a lot of blowout losses this season but, to his credit, kept coming back for more). PancakeBrah used a plain gray square as the impetus for a graffiti-based character sketch with a strong finish that almost resembled the type of twist he sometimes goes so hard against. The rhyming and character development were top-notch, and he won in a shutout.


6. NYCSPITZ, Week 10 vs. Certain
Quote:
The Dragon Tears gang came with the senate,
with cyborg cops and death of people's canons and prayers
Galactic Nero playin' fickle fiddle - Magnus beware
A soft chant from the twin brother...years of practice is there
Burned its roots, earth, rites and even blackened its air
Labelled telepathy as something like cerebral savage despair.
NYCSPITZ is like a hybrid of PancakeBrah and Vulgar, which is a fucking vicious combination, but he goes all-in far less often. When he does push himself, he can carry a verse to extraordinary heights. His Week 2 verse against Vulgar would have been in the top 10, too, had it actually dealt with the topic. Here, he combines his deft lyricism, which might be the best in the league, with a truly fleshed-out story set in a unique world. The result was a 6-0 shutout victory.


5. Genocide, Week 6 vs. Lexicon
Quote:
I mean, it started off typical like
Another chick who needs dick in'er life
Wore condoms, cause I take all my niggas advice
You don't wanna catch the drip, fucking bitches are tryfe
Its all pretty logical feed
Couple weeks go by, and we still ain't stopping to eat
The bitch loves cock, she's a freak
Couple times without a hard hat, hope I didnt drop any seeds
Next thing you know, I'm waking up with her ass
On the way out the door, has my lunch in a bag
I'm thinking.. "ya -that's what's up, make'r work for the sex"
A year later, bitch served me a paternity test!!!
Stressed...
Genocide called this "The realest shit I ever wrote," which is about the lamest thing you can say before a verse. I don't care how real something is, but when you make that disclaimer, you're usually trying to say, "Guys, this is my life so don't criticize." Then Genocide dropped a monster. Between the rhymes and the content and the outpour of emotion, this verse felt like 2001 Eminem in text form, albeit with much worse spelling than Marshall Mathers probably would drop. Lexicon no-showed, and Genocide attempted to return to this story line and writing style the following week and got stomped because the verse and emotions felt so forced. Here, they are the realest.


4. ZYG, Week 10 vs. Pinot Grij
Quote:
Repeat and repeat, for the next customer and next customer and so on and so on,
Staff-sellers have a ten minute break, I concentrate to make every moment feel prolonged.
A co-seller stood with me, she said “Hey Gill, how’s it going fellow staffer?
What are your plans today, you gonna do a bit of shopping after?”
“Yeah, I need to buy another DVD and music player.” I told her -
“Oh and I also want to buy some of that new Shhhhh-Soda.”
She replied - “Is Shhhh-Soda the one with that funny animal ad?”
“Yeah,” I said, “It’s the one with the dancing crabs.”
“I love that ad too, it’s so coo” Her face blanked out, an ad was being streamed into her brain,
Then she snapped back and laughed, “I’ve had that Soda before, but I’m gonna buy it again!”
ZYG kills me with his style. There's no one on this site who makes me rethink writing the way he does. Here, he tackled consumerism, a timely choice for Thanksgiving weekend. His portrayal of a disillusioned but simultaneously brainwashed employee in a dystopic world that seems strikingly like 2013 America was the most stunning storytelling of the season. His style isn't for everyone because of its insistent aloofness, but I connected with this verse on a real and deep level. Pinot Grij no-showed.


3. Split Eight, Week 5 vs. Genocide
Quote:
With embarrassing shake, dropped a palm on her thigh.
I'd brought a (finely aged) water bottle of Skyy-
Alexa... paper-rocked harmonica eyes,
Rough radiant slate, with lineal faults of glassy azure-
and we talked 'just' to listen to the laughter of words...
the sun wasn't set, next to yellow-red rays in the pond.
I cut the inappropriate slang with a cough,
despite the enormous ration of shots.
In light of transportation-based costs,
we were just a walk from her home.
Split Eight can write very good things when he connects his thoughts, and he did that in a much-anticipated match with Genocide. Aided by a light-blue color square that perfectly fit with his best writing, Split Eight dropped a beautiful tale of love and defeat. He didn't try to change the world but rather to alter the way we think about it, and in doing so, he dropped the most subtle and perhaps best-written verse of the season.


2. Vulgar, Week 10 title match vs. PancakeBrah
Quote:
In quiet thought, he made headwind on a camel to the sounds of his brethren's chants
Each night he dreamt of the torrid desert sands,
and a swarm of locusts that formed a helping hand
Some honeycombs are made of hexagrams - onlookers admire its odd beauty
There's a difference between staying alert and being an ant in a food cabinet on guard duty
I've seen wraiths of men guzzle freeze-dried karma from an enemy's spine
The "Do It Yourself" ideology seems to breed poignancy through a century's time
but even the leaf hoisting insect might prefer an assembly line
Vulgar spent all season trying out different methods of storytelling, but when he finally got his title shot, he returned to his most comfortable and most dominant form. Here he dissects man's true independence in the mold of Aesop Rock, thick with metaphors while using anecdotes and allegories to come to a conclusion. This verse wins the prize for the densest of the season, loaded with important thoughts conveyed with eloquence and wit. He even cut down on the absurd references to make this verse slightly more digestable. PancakeBrah no-showed.


1. Frank, Week 8 title match vs. Certain
Quote:
My 7 year old niece goes and cracks eggs, beating the yolk into a yellow cream float -
My mother greets folks with kisses on each cheek; directing them to their seats,
Mopes - as the cuisine glows in the clear oven, on 360 degrees –
Soaked, marinating in her grandmothers secret recipe, the Turkey wings roast.
My brother Joe had just gotten out of jail after doing 12 years for robbery -
It looked like my mother had seen a ghost.
What can be said? When Frank goes all-in, he's a monster. Here he painted a gorgeous Thanksgiving scene of a mother cooking a meal while her family streams into the house, telling dozens of stories with grace and speed. And he based the entire verse on one rhyme. When I posted my verse, I felt comfortable with what I had written. When I read Frank's, I knew I would lose. He won 8-0.



PLAYOFF BREAKDOWN by Certain





I'm prepared for some of you to hate me for this.


The Top Tier

No. 6 Frank
How he got here: The obnoxious way. Frank didn't post a full verse until Week 3, taking a no-show win and no-show loss in the first two. He shut out YDK in Week 3 with a good but imperfect verse, then faced a double disqualification with NYCSPITZ for not hitting league minimums when a win would have given him a title shot. Innovator recycled against him in Week 5, then he had the longest battle ever against YDK, in which he pulled a bullshit move by agreeing to a 60-line extension instead of an extension to 60 lines and nearly doubled YDK's length. He beat Mr. J the following week to claim the title, then shut out Certain after he was permitted to post his verse 15 minutes after the extended deadline. The next week, PancakeBrah disqualified him for editing his verse after PancakeBrah had posted and after the deadline. He closed out his 6-4 season by losing on votes for the first time, to Vividlyvague, with a verse that barely touched the topic.
Why he can win it all: Is Frank the favorite? Frank probably thinks Frank is the favorite. I think he is, too. At his best, Frank is a captivating storyteller, and his verses have resonated with voters more than anyone's this season. He wields emotion with grace and poise and tells relatable stories that readers can connect with. And his originality with topics tends to be underestimated. He is a topicalist in the truest sense of the word, never the best lyricist in the room but built to beat better pure writers.
Why he can't win it all: The easy answer here is that Frank tends to shoot himself in the foot, like he did against PancakeBrah. But while I think Frank may have been ducking or testing limits that week, mostly that stuff is an act. We're in the playoffs now. The issues for Frank are inconsistency and sloppiness. He dropped one great verse all season. He has a tendency to stretch out lines and rhymes and write sloppily.
How to beat him: An abstract topic is a help. Frank prefers to stay grounded. But you also want to take any topic and do something rather creative with it. Safe routes won't work against Frank. Polish your verse, and acknowledge he probably will win the battle of emotion but don't simply ignore it.
Chance he wins it all: 19%.

No. 1 Vulgar
How he got here: The normal way, pretty much. Vulgar started the season 2-0 with close wins against Adonis and NYCSPITZ, then signed out for a few weeks. He came back in Week 5 and posted an OK verse against Lexicon, then was blown out by Certain and PancakeBrah in consecutive weeks to fall to 3-2. That apparently motivated Vulgar, as he beat Mr. J and Vividlyvague to reach the final title match, where he was no-showed by PancakeBrah to finish the season with the title and a 6-2 record.
Why he can win it all: Vulgar is the most talented writer in the tournament. He has a command of language and mechanics that allows him to switch his style up and still be very effective. His verse in that no-show match against PancakeBrah was him in top form, so any talk of rust from those consecutive losses should be stopped now. He's the type to come in, handle his business, drop his verse and votes and never get caught up in any hype or bullshit, so he won't no-show or be distracted or worried.
Why he won't win it all: Vulgar at his best can be so dense that readers really have to work to grasp everything he's saying. This league's voters have shown a preference for more straightforward writing. He also has used this league largely as a test for different storytelling structures, and the results have been far from spotless. While he hasn't dropped a bad verse, only in the finale did he drop the type of verse that showcases his full strength.
How to beat him: Ride emotion and lucid storytelling, and finish strong. You won't beat Vulgar at his game, but you can top him with an original and emotionally steeped take on a topic, particularly with a storytelling edge.
Chance he wins it all: 18%.

No. 5 PancakeBrah
How he got here: The easy way, not that he needed it. PancakeBrah lost his opener in Week 2 to King Ra., then signed out for a week and won via a stunning no-show from Gamble (as Shogun Dinero) in Week 4. He finally showed what he can do with a great verse to shut out breathess before drawing a pretty ridiculous series of events. First, NYCSPITZ no-showed. Then he nearly shut out Vulgar in a surprisingly uninspired clash of titans. Then he didn't even have to post a verse in a contender match because breathless pulled a strange form of recycling, taking an old verse and cutting it up to reuse it. Then he disqualified Frank for post-deadline editing to win the title before no-showing to Vulgar in the final week because of commitments.
Why he can win it all: PancakeBrah does a better job combining technique and natural writing ability than anyone. He probably has the best rhymes and schemes in the league, always doing things to push himself in that category that often goes unappreciated. But his verses always carry a lot of emotion and remain clear and thought-out. If you handed every writer in this league a single plot, PancakeBrah would be the favorite to write it best. He grounds his verses in real life, which makes them easier to invest in. And he swears he is all-in for these playoffs.
Why he can't win it all: Does PancakeBrah have the creativity to match wits with the best? His topic approaches often fall into predictable terrain, in part because he seems unwilling to step outside of his comfort zones. Versatility is more important for a league than a tournament, but the wrong topic could do PancakeBrah in against a lesser writer.
How to beat him: It's all in the approach. You absolutely must be more creative than PancakeBrah to beat him, which only King Ra. did all season. Also, avoid writing about pretty white girls or other types of topics that he might. Go big because he focuses on the small picture.
Chance he wins it all: 16%.


A Half-Step Back

No. 7 NYCSPITZ
How he got here: The no-show way. NYCSPITZ opened his season with a no-show win that set the tone for a commonality in his battles. He followed with very close, very good battles aginst Vulgar (a loss) and Buddha (a win), then technically no-showed against Frank. He signed back in but no-showed to PancakeBrah, then rejoined and won via symetrik no-show. But NYCSPITZ earned his spot with consecutive shutout wins against Mr. J and Certain to go 5-3. Still, out of his eight battles, only half featured two full verses.
Why he can win it all: NYCSPITZ is a true lyricist. He sort of runs in the vein of PancakeBrah and Vulgar, but his focus leans more toward lyricism and flow than either. His verses are ridiculously smooth despite a deep vocabulary, something every voter always notes. And he is able to balance a lot of different types of content, from straight topical writing to futuristic storytelling to character sketching.
Why he can't win it all: I think NYCSPITZ will show up for every battle, though that's the obvious knock against him. But even if he does, he faces the issue that this is not an open mic contest. NYCSPITZ can handle topics, but he often doesn't seem very interested in that aspect of writing. The only difference from NYCSPITZ and the three above him is that it's very plausible he shows up with a better verse than his opponent and still loses.
How to beat him: Stick to the topic, be dynamic with it and don't lag on mechanics. You probably won't beat him on that area, but you can't let him dominate the flow aspect or you really stand no chance. A good concept is the key, but it still needs to be executed well.
Chance he wins it all: 11%.

No. 3 Certain
How he got here: The blowout way. Certain was not involved in a single close battle all season. He started with consecutive no-show victories, then got big wins against patrown and Vividlyvague to be the first (and one of only two) to reach 4-0. Then Mr. J smoked him in the first title match, but he bounced back with shutouts against Vulgar and Adonis before getting stoned by Frank in his second title bid. He wrapped up the season with a 6-1 win vs. breathless and an 8-0 loss to NYCSPITZ to finish 7-3.
Why he can win it all: Certain showed he can handle a lot of different styles of topical writing, trying different tactics almost every week, particularly toward the end of the season. His top gear was shown in shutting out Vulgar. He is an exceedingly polished writer with a very thorough grasp on the English language and is the most experienced topical battler left, showing a thorough understanding of how to approach all sorts of topics.
Why he can't win it all: Sometimes those strengths work against him. His losses came with his three most experimental verses. Though he writes about emotion, his verses occasionally feel distant, as though a study of the human condition. Mostly, though, he overthinks his verses and tries things outside of the box that don't work. Part of that is he prefers to push limits and voters rather than writing the best possible verse at times.
How to beat him: Vague topics are a big help, as he rises to the occasion of more difficult ones. Use a very approachable flow because Certain writes himself into corners in that aspect by trying wonky rhyme schemes that often don't translate. And avoid being sloppy, which will stand out against his precise grammar, spelling and punctuation.
Chance he wins it all: 10%.


Dark-Horse Contenders

No. 2 Vividlyvague
How he got here: The anonymous way. Vividlyvague registered to Netcees in order to join this league and had no reputation anywhere else that anyone knows. For weeks and to this day, he is rumored to be an alias, perhaps of oats or Frank, though I don't think he's either. He easily defeated Innovator and YDK in the first two weeks, then went with a very long story to beat Mr. J. Certain shut him out with a title shot on the line the next week, but he won by no-show, then rematched against Mr. J in the title match. He was disqualified for length on that second meeting. A shutout against patrown and close win against Adonis led to a spot in the contender match, where Vulgar beat him. But he closed the season as the only person to beat Frank on votes and took the No. 2 seed at 7-3.
Why he can win it all: Vividlyvague may be the most creative person in this league. He has demonstrated a tremendous knack for original takes on topics and writes with a style I've never quite seen before. His verses all have this frenetic energy to them. They can be challenging at times, but you're glad you took the plunge. He seems like he can write 200 lines on anything, always bursting with more to offer. And when he really hits his stride, his writing is on an elite level.
Why he can't win it all: There is not a sloppier writer in this tournament. I'm not talking about grammar, either. Vividlyvague switches rhyme schemes and voices all the time, often without warning or reason, and some of his risks don't pay off. He has a tendency to struggle with finishing verses, probably largely because he wants to write 200 lines for every verse.
How to beat him: Write something smooth and lucid. Don't try to be more bombastic than him because you can't. Vulgar showed the value of something clean and approachable against Vividlyvague, whose verses never would be described as such.
Chance he wins it all: 7%.

No. 4 Mr. J
How he got here: The consistent way. Mr. J was one of two writers, Certain being the other, to drop a full, non-disqualified verse every single week. He also did not get a no-show victory until Week 10. And every one of his opponents reached the playoffs. Mr. J opened the season by edging Mike Wrecka 9-7 in a win-by-two overtime match. He then beat breathless before losing to a massive Vividlyvague verse. He shut out patrown and then nearly shut out Certain to claim the first title match, then defended it by disqualifying another overly long Vividlyvague verse. Then he spiraled with losses to Frank, Vulgar and NYCSPITZ before Mike Wrecka no-showed their rematch in Week 10 to leave Mr. J 6-4.
Why he can win it all: Mr. J is the most prodigious writer on this site. He seems to post a new verse in the Open Mic forum twice a week, posts in cypher threads regularly and shows up for all his battles. Despite all that writing, he rarely missteps. He consistently has a silky flow, but changes it up on a regular basis. He can handle abstract and concrete takes. He has a unique take on topical battling and kills it on vague topics.
Why he can't win it all: He doesn't do much storytelling. This is not a storytelling league, but stories tend to outperform topicals and the genre of personification verses. The counterpoint to his killing vague and open-ended topics is that he struggles with confining ones. He tends to start slow and sometimes rambles.
How to beat him: Deliver a very lucid verse, particularly a storytelling verse. Don't fuck around with the topic; he won't ignore it even if he's vague about relating to it.
Chance he wins it all: 6%.

No. 8 Mike Wrecka
How he got here: The uphill way. Despite running this league, Mike Wrecka found himself in a 1-3 hole through four weeks with losses to Mr. J (in an extended tiebreaker battle), Just Write and YDK. The one win was a no-show victory against Frank. He edged Adonis in Week 5, then was beat by breathless in a lackluster showing. Then he came tearing back with three dominant victories in a row, against Buddha, Innovator and patrown, before no-showing Mr. J in their season finale rematch to close 5-5.
Why he can win it all: Mike Wrecka won the Writing Challenge League because he is a master at coming up with topical approaches. His method is to stay within himself: He knows his writing style and chooses approaches that will maximize his strengths and minimize his weaknesses. When he has time to devote to a verse, which he probably will make for the playoffs, he shows the savvy of a guy who has been doing this for a long time.
Why he can't win it all: He never knocks your socks off. Mike Wrecka is a consistent, stable writer with great experience and a good grasp of the fundamentals of topical battling, which makes him an ideal candidate to run a league. But even the best verses he's posted since I arrived here have not hit the upper reaches of what the top writers (or even the writers on his own level) can do when inspired. In a tournament, people tend to be inspired.
How to beat him: Don't make mistakes. Don't overthink it or do something crazy that you can't pull off. And put a few flourishes into your verse that will resonate with voters. Mike Wrecka is not going to make mistakes.
Chance he wins it all: 5%.


Gutsy Underdogs

No. 9 Diode
How he got here: The perfect way. Diode was one of two members to finish the season with a perfect record, but the other was 1-0 Dove Dozer. He made a splash in his opener by stunning ZYG, who clearly underestimated his opponent. TYSON then no-showed him, and he edged Just Write in a battle of very conflicting approaches. Fellow Project R.H.Y.M.E. alumnus Adonis no-showed him in Week 9. But Diode earned his unbeaten record in Week 10 by knocking ThisisDAM out of the playoffs despite posting a 16-line verse against a 30-plus line verse. He finished 5-0.
Why he can win it all: Diode is clever. He has a good mind for topical approaches and has the years of writing behind him to know what he can and can't do. He writes cleanly and wastes little space. He's been breaking off rust all season, so he may be ready to move beyond what he's shown us.
Why he can't win it all: Diode is a throwback to simpler times and lower expectations. His rhymes probably are the weakest of anyone to make the tournament, and his verses thus far lack the impact and depth of the top writers.
How to beat him: Match his creativity, and slaughter his mechanics. Again, the second part shouldn't be very difficult for most of the writers in these playoffs. The first will be for most.
Chance he wins it all: 3%.

No. 11 patrown
How he got here: The minimalist way. patrown posted two verses all season longer than 20 lines. He opened with a win against an abbreviated Atheist verse, then drew a no-show win against dead man. Certain beat his longest (and by far best) verse of the season handily in Week 3, and Mr. J shut him out in Week 4. He drew another no-show win against Fig in Week 6, then was shut out by Vividlyvague in Week 7. He was out for a week, then was shut out by Mike Wrecka in Week 9 before edging Adonis for a playoff spot in Week 10 and a 4-4 record.
Why he can win it all: patrown is a much better writer than his performance in this league (with two no-show wins and a sort-of-no-show win) would indicate. He has a good grasp of rhyming and can say a lot in a tight space, and he has developed his aptitude for storytelling. His longest verse of the season was elite-level, the type that could beat anyone on any day.
Why he can't win it all: He writes so short. He often waits until near deadline to write, a trend that will have to change if he wants any chance of beating Frank in his opener much less winning the entire thing. Also, he can be scatter-brained and drop off even in those short verses. And his ability to properly construct a story in a longer format is questionable.
How to beat him: Write a full, fleshed-out verse. It still has to be good, but that often suffices against his short verses.
Chance he wins it all: 2%.

No. 12 YDK
How he got here: The manic-depressive way. YDK came into the league wide-eyed and opened by beating Scripter handily. Then he was shut out by Vividlyvague and Frank in consecutive weeks but dug in and resolved to write better. He edged Mike Wrecka mostly because Mike Wrecka ignored the topic, then wrote a full-fledged story to top Buddha and reach the contender match. His epic match against Frank was dizzying but also his best effort yet, even in an overtime loss. The loss put him on the outs, though, and he wrote consecutive half-assed verses to lose to Innovator and King Ra., then didn't return.
Why he can win it all: That verse against Frank showed what YDK is capable of when he really puts his mind to it. He can tell a story with some emotion and has a very genuine writer's voice. He also handles more saccharine material better than most, and some people love happy verses.
Why he can't win it all: YDK does no one thing at an elite level. That sweet touch can turn cloying at times. His mechanics and diction are not particularly impressive. As a result, he's going to have to go all the way in every week against such stiff competition, which might wear on him seeing as he was up and down all season.
How to beat him: Be creative and possibly dark. YDK tends to focus on small things in his writing, and he struggles when he tries to go beyond that. Think big. Good mechanics also will help.
Chance he wins it all: 1.5%.

No. 10 breathless
How he got here: The blue-collar way. breathless opened his season with losses to Mr. J and Innovator in Weeks 2 and 3. He broke through against symetrik in Week 4 but was shut out by PancakeBrah the following week. His signature win came in Week 6 against Mike Wrecka. Then he drew a no-show win to reach the contender match, where he was caught recycling and disqualified. He was blown out by Certain in Week 9 but bounced back to beat Buddha and make the playoffs in Week 10 at 4-5.
Why he can win it all: breathless will show up and will tackle the topic. He has shown improvement as the season has progressed and has a desire to improve further. He probably will take this writeup more seriously than anyone else and may have a chip on his shoulder because of it. breathless also generally has a very smooth flow that most people like. He's relatively consistent, at least compared to some people in this league, and he usually writes with a lucid style.
Why he can't win it all: He doesn't have the top gear to compete at this level. His wins weren't particularly spectacular, and he still is adjusting to text instead of audio. His takes on topics can be a little flat, though he's developing that aspect of his writing.
How to beat him: Play to your strengths and to the topic. Everyone in this tournament would be a favorite against breathless, but that doesn't mean he can't pull the upset if someone overthinks things or ignores a topic.
Chance he wins it all: 0.5%.



ROUND 1 PREDICTIONS by Certain





This round is dedicated to Shawn Corey Carter, born Dec. 4. All topics are taken from rap tracks recorded by Carter under the alias Jay-Z. He has since dropped the hyphen like I dropped the Serpent. You need predictions for a decent magazine, so I'm writing these at the last minute. They won't be as thorough as others make them because I've written enough about this tournament and league in this magazine.

No. 5 PancakeBrah vs. No. 12 YDK | "You Must Love Me"
PancakeBrah says he's all-in. That's not good for YDK, but don't sleep. PancakeBrah definitely is the more talented writer, but YDK nearly upstaged a 100-line verse from Frank. The topic really fits both writers, but it may play to YDK's strengths more. Still, PancakeBrah is a monster, and he usually doesn't lie about going all-in, and YDK hasn't shown us a good verse since his second loss to Frank. Prediction: PancakeBrah 70-30.

No. 6 Frank vs. No. 11 patrown | "Never Change"
The obvious unknown is what version of patrown will show up. He absolutely can beat Frank, but he needs to come with his balls to the wall like he did against me (though he lost that battle). This topic is just awesome and could be interpretted in so many ways. Frank is a destroyer of worlds on the storytelling tip, though, and this topic lends itself to his style. patrown might be the cleaner, tigher writer. But Frank isn't going to try to beat him with a 20-line verse. Prediction: Frank 60-40.

No. 7 NYCSPITZ vs. No. 10 breathless | "Coming of Age"
You never like picking NYCSPITZ battles because he might no-show or completely ignore the topic. That's being factored in here. But NYCSPITZ has been pretty determined the past two weeks in clobbering Mr. J and myself. I really like this topic for breathless, though. I think he might make this closer than most people will expect even if NYCSPITZ does show and write about the topic. Prediction: NYCSPITZ 58-42.

No. 8 Mike Wrecka vs. No. 9 Diode | "Moment of Clarity"
God, I don't know. I'm going to talk myself into one of these two throughout this explanation. Mike Wrecka hasn't given this league his all as a competitor this season, which is disappointing. But things like that change for the playoffs. Diode has been a big surprise and posted a really great verse last week. But Mike Wrecka is one of the few who can match him in terms of creativity, and he has better mechanics. This is the clear-cut battle of the week. I think Mike Wrecka matches up better against the top tier than Diode, but I think Diode might have the edge here, where he won't be completely blown away in the rhyme category. Prediction: Diode 51-49.



CONCLUSION by Certain


My magazines are good as fuck.


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Last edited by Certain; 12-05-2013 at 05:49 PM.
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Old 12-05-2013, 01:43 AM   #2
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1 train been my main shit since 7 or 8 y/o...
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Old 12-05-2013, 01:52 AM   #3
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ty 4 dope mag bro
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Old 12-05-2013, 03:24 AM   #4
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Since they're not in the playoffs and therefore might not read this magazine and see their accolades otherwise, I'll tag @Split Eight, @ZYG, @Genocide, @Lars, @dead man, @Buddha and @Just Write.
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Old 12-05-2013, 03:37 AM   #5
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i think certain should run the site


dude is a natural perfectionist, reminds me of beyond



props on the mag
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Old 12-05-2013, 04:16 AM   #6
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thank you for the effort ! great read.
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Old 12-05-2013, 06:37 AM   #7
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wow. really, really dope magazine. as someone who enjoys ranking things and ordering things to compare them.... son I am proud. I also liked the brute-honesty of the tier breakdown. But who was Certain's Corner? Talk about diction and/ or punctuation


Let me know if you want help on the next magazine, too.
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Old 12-05-2013, 07:18 AM   #8
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Very in depth and honest. Mags like this ensure activity doesn't fall off. Well done.
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Old 12-05-2013, 07:44 AM   #9
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http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=69SowXBLZdo
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Old 12-05-2013, 09:17 AM   #10
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Bravo!

Best mag of the season
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Old 12-05-2013, 09:48 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryan 12 View Post
i think certain should run the site


dude is a natural perfectionist, reminds me of beyond



props on the mag
should or already does?

my suspicions are starting to rise.
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Old 12-05-2013, 09:49 AM   #12
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Quote:
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Very in depth and honest. Mags like this ensure activity doesn't fall off. Well done.
also this.
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Old 12-05-2013, 09:56 AM   #13
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cool stuff
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Old 12-05-2013, 10:43 AM   #14
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Great read, thanks for your efforts Cert.
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Old 12-05-2013, 10:44 AM   #15
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this magazine makes me wish i had decided to participate in the league more.

truly stellar work. to those involved: your dedication and hard work for the sake of this rag tag circle of shameless egoists does not go unnoticed. bravo.

also pretty sure i wrote more than one verse this season?
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Old 12-05-2013, 11:12 AM   #16
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also pretty sure i wrote more than one verse this season?
Nope, jerk. The game needs you! (Of course, you'll probably beat me in the tournament like 28-1 now.)
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Old 12-05-2013, 11:17 AM   #17
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Quote:
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should or already does?

my suspicions are starting to rise.
namix? No way. I'm a terrible battler. Also, for proof that my compulsive ass doesn't have administrative powers, read some of the forum descriptions. They drive me crazy whenever I do.
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Old 12-05-2013, 11:49 AM   #18
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Great magazine & read, @Certain. Just the way I'd write it. My bad on not coming through. I came down with a very bad migraine, one of the worst ones I've had in a while. There was no way I could even write. Nonetheless, I will post my thoughts in the chat thread later today if all is well. Still shaking it off a little.
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Old 12-05-2013, 12:10 PM   #19
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No worries. Feel better.
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Old 12-05-2013, 04:28 PM   #20
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dope stuff I feel inspired now
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