So As...

Exis · 03-23-2019, 05:01 AM

The King enters the scene,
& the slag by his side?
That would be Netcees as his Queen,
"I heard she's carryin' a child"
So he's stuck with this bitch until death intervenes

Yo y'all have trouble droppin' bars that are sweet
Like you's some vendin' machines,
Even after waitin' a minute & then fuckin' tiltin' the things
You faggots masturbate for a livin',
Your what's not on my level
I only hold one type of rod in my hand nigga
& it's made of rock solid metal
I'll knock your dumb fuckin' head off
& smash up your trainin' bike peddles
Your movin' nowhere in rap son,
You've been the same for like ever
Remainin' stagnant in motion,
Really went from wack to atrocious
When you should of aimed to write better
But what fuckin' ever,
I sever all bitches that are bandin' 2gether
& strugglin' to keep up with the content like my bandwidth is better
Nigga the only cheddar you've made be on a sandwich with lettuce
I can't redirect damage if it never gets to me faggot
Nor can I mentor one's talent if none of y'all fuckin' have it
Cumbersome bastards,
Minutes consumed on your asses are used to fuck you up backwards
I'll leave you tumblin' tragic,
Like your status in rap kids
Which has plummeted mad quick as y'all are far from what's average.

Vulgar · 03-23-2019, 12:28 PM

I can't redirect damage if it never gets to me
^This was a cool idea.

I feel like you would enjoy manga fight scenes. You may dig the One Piece manga.

Debut MC · 03-23-2019, 07:00 PM

Decent stuff. Not bad for a quick flex piece. Punches were somewhat hard hitting.

Agree this was dope...

I can't redirect damage if it never gets to me faggot
Nor can I mentor one's talent if none of y'all fuckin' have it

Flow of the piece was cool as well. Felt some of the aggression. Overall, as I said a decent flex piece. I imagine you have some sharper lines in your arsenal.

Exis · 03-27-2019, 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vulgar

I can't redirect damage if it never gets to me
^This was a cool idea.

I feel like you would enjoy manga fight scenes. You may dig the One Piece manga.

I don't mind One Piece fam, Love Bleach & 'Ol school shit like Ninja Scroll...Thanks for the feed V.

& Debut, 'tis appreciated bro.

UnbornBuddha · 04-08-2019, 04:38 AM

The beginning stanza made me chuckle, it was amusing and a good introductory way to go about it. The flow of this reminds me of some early Jedi mind tricks thing, sort of adaptation of the aggressive flow, but without the biblical laden metaphors. Battle rap almost, but in an old school kind of stylistic flavor. I liked the internals, but I suppose the multisyllabic rhyming could be more advanced schematically, it usually brings more pizzazz to this type of writing.

Thanks for the read.

Exis · 04-11-2019, 04:49 AM

Thanks for the feed fam...

03-23-2019, 05:01 AM	#1
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,938 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	So As... The King enters the scene, & the slag by his side? That would be Netcees as his Queen, "I heard she's carryin' a child" So he's stuck with this bitch until death intervenes Yo y'all have trouble droppin' bars that are sweet Like you's some vendin' machines, Even after waitin' a minute & then fuckin' tiltin' the things You faggots masturbate for a livin', Your what's not on my level I only hold one type of rod in my hand nigga & it's made of rock solid metal I'll knock your dumb fuckin' head off & smash up your trainin' bike peddles Your movin' nowhere in rap son, You've been the same for like ever Remainin' stagnant in motion, Really went from wack to atrocious When you should of aimed to write better But what fuckin' ever, I sever all bitches that are bandin' 2gether & strugglin' to keep up with the content like my bandwidth is better Nigga the only cheddar you've made be on a sandwich with lettuce I can't redirect damage if it never gets to me faggot Nor can I mentor one's talent if none of y'all fuckin' have it Cumbersome bastards, Minutes consumed on your asses are used to fuck you up backwards I'll leave you tumblin' tragic, Like your status in rap kids Which has plummeted mad quick as y'all are far from what's average.

03-23-2019, 12:28 PM	#2
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604317	I can't redirect damage if it never gets to me ^This was a cool idea. I feel like you would enjoy manga fight scenes. You may dig the One Piece manga.

03-23-2019, 07:00 PM	#3
Debut MC It Is I, Debut M.C. Join Date: Mar 2019 Posts: 12 Rep Power: 0	Decent stuff. Not bad for a quick flex piece. Punches were somewhat hard hitting. Agree this was dope... I can't redirect damage if it never gets to me faggot Nor can I mentor one's talent if none of y'all fuckin' have it Flow of the piece was cool as well. Felt some of the aggression. Overall, as I said a decent flex piece. I imagine you have some sharper lines in your arsenal.

04-08-2019, 04:38 AM	#5
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856375	The beginning stanza made me chuckle, it was amusing and a good introductory way to go about it. The flow of this reminds me of some early Jedi mind tricks thing, sort of adaptation of the aggressive flow, but without the biblical laden metaphors. Battle rap almost, but in an old school kind of stylistic flavor. I liked the internals, but I suppose the multisyllabic rhyming could be more advanced schematically, it usually brings more pizzazz to this type of writing. Thanks for the read.

04-11-2019, 04:49 AM	#6
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,938 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Thanks for the feed fam...