Dad tips

Chill Phil · 07-06-2017, 11:43 PM

So, a few of you know I'm practically a step dad to a four year old lil white jawn.

Only lived with them for about 3 months, so my bag of tricks to inspire obedience is limited. Went camping this weekend, and figured out the "Dad voice," is most effective when I'm actually upset. She was throwing a fit and crying/howling in the tent, until I got to the end of my patience and asserted "(kid's name) you're NOT the only one in this tent! And all of us need sleep!" I said this as I was climbing out of the tent because I was so pissed about how ridiculous she was being. But, as soon as I said it...the crying stopped and it stayed quiet.

Tonight, I figured out the "Dad eye." Mom was talking to me and the kid comes in and interrupts with "mommy, mommy, mommy..."
So, my girl is like "when I'm talking to Phillipe it's rude to interrupt." The kid starts to retort "but I just need..." And mom is like "I. Am. Talking. To. Phillipe." Again the kid is like "but..." So I looked over at her with this semi intense "you're about to piss me off," look and I calmly but sternly said to the kid "it can wait." I let the stare linger for about another second, and her mouth closed. I look back at mom and she continues yammering on about sme shit I'm not interested in.

Anyway...the reason for this thread is to possibly get some more tips and tricks for dealing with toddlers.

Final Boss · 07-06-2017, 11:56 PM

Punishment with positive reinforcement.

Chill Phil · 07-07-2017, 12:32 AM

care to elaborate?

Final Boss · 07-07-2017, 01:05 AM

This technique doesn't really have any punishment per say, and is geared towards a preteen - teenager. So maybe Im using the wrong terminology.. okay so.

*assumes the kids name is jake*

Jake! I asked you to clean your room over an hour ago! C'mon man, I don't want to have to tell you again. I know you know how to clean up, you can do it."

Or any variation of that.

You're showing assertion with the "don't make me have to tell you again" but also giving encouragement right afterwards with "I know you know how to clean up, you can do it."

Final Boss · 07-07-2017, 01:12 AM

Also, explain the reasoning behind you telling them "No!" Or "don't touch that/put that down!" When they ask "why" try not to say "because I said so"

Instead, explain the reasoning behind the correction. If it will hurt them/get them in trouble/harm others etc..

They are bound to defy you over again because the defiance comes from a place of ignorance.sharing knowledge of the world at a young age is key.

Chill Phil · 07-07-2017, 01:58 AM

She's too young to reason with, honestly. She's too driven by her impulses and primitive "I want," part of the brain. As soon as she can answer a question without the reason "because I want it," I'll try reasoning with her.

Talked to her til I was blue in the face, and got nowhere. But, then she touched a hot stove and never did it again. I'm currently trying to figure out a way to teach her in a way that appeals to the "fire burn," part of her brain. But when she's older I'm definitely down to reason with her.

She's a difficult child. Sometimes she responds to talking, but it's short lived. There were a couple mornings she was being a shit and mom was trying to talk in her "grumpy voice," to get the kid to do what she was supposed to do to get ready for day care. Kid wasn't responding, so I just went in picked her up in my arms and was like "let's try to make this easy for mommy, ok?" She nodded, and we got her hair and teeth brushed while mom could cool off

Tha Pastor Reach Yeah · 07-07-2017, 06:05 AM

I dunno why, but counting to 3 seemed to work well for my daughters at around that age. Its like, you say; "Go tidy up" "But I don't want to" "Go tidy up" "But its not all my mess" "I've asked you to tidy up" "But that's not fair" "Tidy up!" "But..."

And then you go, "1..." and then suddenly there's a realization on their face like "Ok, I know this, we've done this before! Somethings gonna happen at 3, and I don't know what it is but I do know that I probably won't like it. This is the end-game."

"2..." and then they're like, "Ok I'm running out of time here! Really running out of time here. Gotta make a decision quick because I daren't let it get to 3 - I don't know whats gonna happen, but I can't let it happen..."

And then when you begin to open your mouth to say 3 they just fly straight to do it, because they still haven't fully made up their mind at this point but they're too scared to see what is coming after 3 so they're forced into making their decision once it hits that last possible point, and they know they're out of time so they panic, and ultimately the fear of the certain but unknown action after 3 is the most powerful emotion at that final point.

The key is to allow enough time between each number for them to quickly formulate thoughts about what is about to go down, but not long enough for them to go back and forth between their options, to evaluate them fully, weight them up and remember that actually most punishments aren't really that bad.

You're welcome.

Chill Phil · 07-07-2017, 08:12 AM

I appreciate it. Mom does a count down from 5 but does nothing at the end of it. So the kid doesn't respect when Mom does it...so, I haven't tried it yet. Maybe it'll be different if I do though. Thanks for the tip. Anyone else got some gems?

Aero · 07-07-2017, 09:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chill Phil

So, a few of you know I'm practically a step dad to a four year old lil white jawn.

Only lived with them for about 3 months, so my bag of tricks to inspire obedience is limited. Went camping this weekend, and figured out the "Dad voice," is most effective when I'm actually upset. She was throwing a fit and crying/howling in the tent, until I got to the end of my patience and asserted "(kid's name) you're NOT the only one in this tent! And all of us need sleep!" I said this as I was climbing out of the tent because I was so pissed about how ridiculous she was being. But, as soon as I said it...the crying stopped and it stayed quiet.

Tonight, I figured out the "Dad eye." Mom was talking to me and the kid comes in and interrupts with "mommy, mommy, mommy..."
So, my girl is like "when I'm talking to Phillipe it's rude to interrupt." The kid starts to retort "but I just need..." And mom is like "I. Am. Talking. To. Phillipe." Again the kid is like "but..." So I looked over at her with this semi intense "you're about to piss me off," look and I calmly but sternly said to the kid "it can wait." I let the stare linger for about another second, and her mouth closed. I look back at mom and she continues yammering on about sme shit I'm not interested in.

Anyway...the reason for this thread is to possibly get some more tips and tricks for dealing with toddlers.

You playing step dad to a white kid for room & board? I hate this nigga.

Ghost1 · 07-07-2017, 09:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aero

You playing step dad to a white kid for room & board? I hate this nigga.

LMFAO gone

Diode · 07-07-2017, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aero

You playing step dad to a white kid for room & board? I hate this nigga.

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkk

Geno · 07-07-2017, 10:36 AM

Sometimes you just gotta let them cry it out if its an unreasonable whine or tantrum. Definitely DEFINITELY do not bend and submit by rewarding these actions. THISBIS HOW YOU SPOIL A CHILD. Not good. It does make future times harder once they begin to mature, knowing that you will submit. A child will play on that. It sounds like your handling this the same way i would. So big ups for that bro.

Chill Phil · 07-07-2017, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aero

You playing step dad to a white kid for room & board? I hate this nigga.

Nope. Just in a relationship with her white mother. She comes with the packaged deal.

Chill Phil · 07-07-2017, 06:18 PM

Kid is spoiled frfr. Mom doesn't reinforce her threats with action.

With all the Dad threads I thought I'd get more advice.

Geno · 07-07-2017, 06:24 PM

Its only so long fake dads can pretend

Tha Pastor Reach Yeah · 07-08-2017, 03:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chill Phil

Kid is spoiled frfr. Mom doesn't reinforce her threats with action.

With all the Dad threads I thought I'd get more advice.

My wife is exactly the same. Now they're 6 and 9 they pay no attention to her. I am the voice of authority.

Ghost1 · 07-08-2017, 09:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Genocide

Its only so long fake dads can pretend

Ain't no dadsteppin?

Geno · 07-08-2017, 09:47 AM

Lol. You knowww

ill nik-A · 07-08-2017, 10:48 AM

Dude, that has to come from mom

U don't want that "u're not my dad" response later on

Juss sayin

Chill Phil · 07-08-2017, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ill nik-A

Dude, that has to come from mom

U don't want that "u're not my dad" response later on

Juss sayin

but i'm not her dad. when she's feeling sassy enough to say it, i'm gonna take her to the bathroom so we can look in the mirror, and i can sarcastically be like

"noooo way!!!! i'm not your dad!??!?!?!"

it's a fact, which i don't find offensive. but trust I'm not overstepping my boundaries.

07-06-2017, 11:43 PM	#1
Chill Phil World's Heaviest Ghost Join Date: May 2015 Location: At home Posts: 2,582 Rep Power: 48431847	Dad tips So, a few of you know I'm practically a step dad to a four year old lil white jawn. Only lived with them for about 3 months, so my bag of tricks to inspire obedience is limited. Went camping this weekend, and figured out the "Dad voice," is most effective when I'm actually upset. She was throwing a fit and crying/howling in the tent, until I got to the end of my patience and asserted "(kid's name) you're NOT the only one in this tent! And all of us need sleep!" I said this as I was climbing out of the tent because I was so pissed about how ridiculous she was being. But, as soon as I said it...the crying stopped and it stayed quiet. Tonight, I figured out the "Dad eye." Mom was talking to me and the kid comes in and interrupts with "mommy, mommy, mommy..." So, my girl is like "when I'm talking to Phillipe it's rude to interrupt." The kid starts to retort "but I just need..." And mom is like "I. Am. Talking. To. Phillipe." Again the kid is like "but..." So I looked over at her with this semi intense "you're about to piss me off," look and I calmly but sternly said to the kid "it can wait." I let the stare linger for about another second, and her mouth closed. I look back at mom and she continues yammering on about sme shit I'm not interested in. Anyway...the reason for this thread is to possibly get some more tips and tricks for dealing with toddlers. __________________ Drunk in the club, let a nigga say somethin'... I'll have him fall victim like the nigga base jumpin', Last edited by Chill Phil; 07-06-2017 at 11:45 PM.

07-06-2017, 11:56 PM	#2
Final Boss Till The World Blow Join Date: Dec 2016 Posts: 46 Rep Power: 2709668	Punishment with positive reinforcement. __________________ ✡

07-07-2017, 12:32 AM	#3
Chill Phil World's Heaviest Ghost Join Date: May 2015 Location: At home Posts: 2,582 Rep Power: 48431847	care to elaborate? __________________ Drunk in the club, let a nigga say somethin'... I'll have him fall victim like the nigga base jumpin',

07-07-2017, 01:05 AM	#4
Final Boss Till The World Blow Join Date: Dec 2016 Posts: 46 Rep Power: 2709668	This technique doesn't really have any punishment per say, and is geared towards a preteen - teenager. So maybe Im using the wrong terminology.. okay so. assumes the kids name is jake Jake! I asked you to clean your room over an hour ago! C'mon man, I don't want to have to tell you again. I know you know how to clean up, you can do it." Or any variation of that. You're showing assertion with the "don't make me have to tell you again" but also giving encouragement right afterwards with "I know you know how to clean up, you can do it." __________________ ✡

07-07-2017, 01:12 AM	#5
Final Boss Till The World Blow Join Date: Dec 2016 Posts: 46 Rep Power: 2709668	Also, explain the reasoning behind you telling them "No!" Or "don't touch that/put that down!" When they ask "why" try not to say "because I said so" Instead, explain the reasoning behind the correction. If it will hurt them/get them in trouble/harm others etc.. They are bound to defy you over again because the defiance comes from a place of ignorance.sharing knowledge of the world at a young age is key. __________________ ✡

07-07-2017, 01:58 AM	#6
Chill Phil World's Heaviest Ghost Join Date: May 2015 Location: At home Posts: 2,582 Rep Power: 48431847	She's too young to reason with, honestly. She's too driven by her impulses and primitive "I want," part of the brain. As soon as she can answer a question without the reason "because I want it," I'll try reasoning with her. Talked to her til I was blue in the face, and got nowhere. But, then she touched a hot stove and never did it again. I'm currently trying to figure out a way to teach her in a way that appeals to the "fire burn," part of her brain. But when she's older I'm definitely down to reason with her. She's a difficult child. Sometimes she responds to talking, but it's short lived. There were a couple mornings she was being a shit and mom was trying to talk in her "grumpy voice," to get the kid to do what she was supposed to do to get ready for day care. Kid wasn't responding, so I just went in picked her up in my arms and was like "let's try to make this easy for mommy, ok?" She nodded, and we got her hair and teeth brushed while mom could cool off __________________ Drunk in the club, let a nigga say somethin'... I'll have him fall victim like the nigga base jumpin', Last edited by Chill Phil; 07-07-2017 at 02:01 AM.

07-07-2017, 06:05 AM	#7
Tha Pastor Reach Yeah Allan o dywyllwch Join Date: Jul 2016 Posts: 163 Battle Record: 10-0 Champed - AOWL Season 7 - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 514456	I dunno why, but counting to 3 seemed to work well for my daughters at around that age. Its like, you say; "Go tidy up" "But I don't want to" "Go tidy up" "But its not all my mess" "I've asked you to tidy up" "But that's not fair" "Tidy up!" "But..." And then you go, "1..." and then suddenly there's a realization on their face like "Ok, I know this, we've done this before! Somethings gonna happen at 3, and I don't know what it is but I do know that I probably won't like it. This is the end-game." "2..." and then they're like, "Ok I'm running out of time here! Really running out of time here. Gotta make a decision quick because I daren't let it get to 3 - I don't know whats gonna happen, but I can't let it happen..." And then when you begin to open your mouth to say 3 they just fly straight to do it, because they still haven't fully made up their mind at this point but they're too scared to see what is coming after 3 so they're forced into making their decision once it hits that last possible point, and they know they're out of time so they panic, and ultimately the fear of the certain but unknown action after 3 is the most powerful emotion at that final point. The key is to allow enough time between each number for them to quickly formulate thoughts about what is about to go down, but not long enough for them to go back and forth between their options, to evaluate them fully, weight them up and remember that actually most punishments aren't really that bad. You're welcome. __________________ Tha Pastor Reach Yeah aka Rev. George Whitefield

07-07-2017, 08:12 AM	#8
Chill Phil World's Heaviest Ghost Join Date: May 2015 Location: At home Posts: 2,582 Rep Power: 48431847	I appreciate it. Mom does a count down from 5 but does nothing at the end of it. So the kid doesn't respect when Mom does it...so, I haven't tried it yet. Maybe it'll be different if I do though. Thanks for the tip. Anyone else got some gems? __________________ Drunk in the club, let a nigga say somethin'... I'll have him fall victim like the nigga base jumpin',

07-07-2017, 10:36 AM	#12
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,324 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036758	Sometimes you just gotta let them cry it out if its an unreasonable whine or tantrum. Definitely DEFINITELY do not bend and submit by rewarding these actions. THISBIS HOW YOU SPOIL A CHILD. Not good. It does make future times harder once they begin to mature, knowing that you will submit. A child will play on that. It sounds like your handling this the same way i would. So big ups for that bro. __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

07-07-2017, 06:18 PM	#14
Chill Phil World's Heaviest Ghost Join Date: May 2015 Location: At home Posts: 2,582 Rep Power: 48431847	Kid is spoiled frfr. Mom doesn't reinforce her threats with action. With all the Dad threads I thought I'd get more advice. __________________ Drunk in the club, let a nigga say somethin'... I'll have him fall victim like the nigga base jumpin',

07-07-2017, 06:24 PM	#15
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,324 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036758	Its only so long fake dads can pretend __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

07-08-2017, 09:47 AM	#18
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,324 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036758	Lol. You knowww __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

07-08-2017, 10:48 AM	#19
ill nik-A Super Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 7,407 Battle Record: 70-25 Accomplishments - Hall of Fame Champed - Battle Arena - BA Picture - Picture Battle Tournament - Netcees Battle League (3x) - Netcees Writers League (2x) - Summer Classic VI - Fall Brawl III - Netcees Battle League Season X - Lyric Olympics Rep Power: 77164516	Dude, that has to come from mom U don't want that "u're not my dad" response later on Juss sayin __________________ Grumpy old man.